Author divegrl Posted March 19, 2017 Author Share Posted March 19, 2017 I have finally gained enough self worth to have effective boundaries in my life. The people who were using and controlling me have become irritable, judgmental and short tempered to me. That is their problem, not mine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author divegrl Posted May 6, 2017 Author Share Posted May 6, 2017 A creeping sense of foreboding in these places that are allegedly home to polite society, an undercurrent of depravity If you keep your mouth shut, you'll be surprised what you can learn Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted May 6, 2017 Share Posted May 6, 2017 I believe one of our greatest desires is to be FULLY known and FULLY loved. To have relationships (romantic, friends, family, spiritual), where they see all our downfalls, mess ups, mistakes and brokenness. But still stay and LOVE and ACCEPT us. Take care my friends. NC day 6. l think your right too. l loved her knowing me but gf , she was really cute like that. She'd get all proud when l understood something about her job , same with things about her , she loved it when l knew things. l always thought that was really cool the way she loved that stuff , cute. 1 wk for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author divegrl Posted May 6, 2017 Author Share Posted May 6, 2017 I agree Chilli We're all searching for love and acceptance. We must forgive each other often. Hope you have a beautiful day!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted May 6, 2017 Share Posted May 6, 2017 Thanks dg, you too.. But.like l was just saying in another thread,it's so nice and refreshing and something to be proud of these days to be so deeply and long effected by all this,to still have such passion and in emotion. In this throw away world we live in now of date date date divorce divorce move on move on next next, there's no soul , no depth,no senses anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author divegrl Posted May 7, 2017 Author Share Posted May 7, 2017 Chilli We must flip our perspective and have compassion and understanding for these people. They're searching for love from their partner, but it can only be found within themselves. Broken and hurt people hurt people. There is so much LOVE and JOY if we could just open our eyes to the beauty that surrounds us. You have been hurt deeply. I'm praying for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted May 8, 2017 Share Posted May 8, 2017 xxx, your right , broken hurts people and l'm beginning to think it's in self preservation. And about people searching, and who can blame them huh, when you put it that way. 0 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author divegrl Posted May 8, 2017 Author Share Posted May 8, 2017 xxx, your right , broken hurts people and l'm beginning to think it's in self preservation. And about people searching, and who can blame them huh, when you put it that way. 0 Agreed chilli Link to post Share on other sites
Author divegrl Posted May 8, 2017 Author Share Posted May 8, 2017 FALLING IN LOVE When we fall in love It's crazy Here on LS we try to make sense and reason of it. But we can't use logic to define our emotions and feelings. Love is unexplainable. Love is magical. That's why we fall. Love is a risk. An act of faith. We must surrender. Live with abandon. Wisdom is to let go. Total risk is the condition for being truly alive. Truly in love. It's mad. But in madness lies sanity. Always remember, there are loves we haven't loved, days we haven't lived, and nights we won't forget. Peace my friends. I hope we can all find someone that we can look into their eyes and see forever. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author divegrl Posted June 1, 2017 Author Share Posted June 1, 2017 ^^^^^ Tonight I feel the need to write. My days have been filled with so much joy and love. I see infinite beauty and bliss everywhere. The love that surrounds me is more then I could have ever hoped or dreamed. But there has been a certain fear that has a hold on me. What will I do with this fear? Will I store it in, and create impressions that will stay ignored? Or will I feel it, heal it, and evolve from it? I must create space to feel the fear. Offer up forgiveness and acceptance. When I feel like I'm about to close up, and protect my heart... that is my cue to grow! No more hiding. I take one breath at a time and create a ripple effect in this universe. What I leave behind is my story. What I journey towards is LOVE. ALWAYS LOVE. Peace and Joy my friends!!!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 Amen, sista! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
penelopeanne Posted June 1, 2017 Share Posted June 1, 2017 I have been in relationships my entire adult life.... jumping from one to the next without any grieving or growth period. After my divorce I knew I had to be single for a while to take some time to heal and grow. 2 years. It took 2 long hard, soul searching years. But in that time I grew into a beautiful, loving and joyful person. Living in the present moment. A body that was strong yet flexible. Great mental strength and fortitude. A heart that was filled with gratitude and noticed the small blessings. Last summer I finally uncovered my true self. It was always there, but I had so many disappointments, hurts and fears that blocked my true light. I was finally able to LET GO. Live in the joy, love and peace of the PRESENT. Have TRUST and FAITH that everything is exactly as it should be. 1 month. 1 full month of inexplicable joy. And then I met my ex. My light dimmed. I am now uncovering this joy once more. But there is one roadblock. I must LET GO of him. Let go Trust Accept Surrender Live with RECKLESS ABANDON Peace to you my friends. I am so glad to read this. THIS is where I am stuck. I never had that real soul searching time. I am in my late 30's and have been in long committed relationships since my teens. always involving substance abuse and avoidance. I am an anxious person. my father is an alcoholic. I know that there is a pattern here. I have moved on quite a bit from my recent break up from 3 months ago but now i am sooooooooooo STUCK. the being single part is daunting. it is so hard for me to not have someone at least in the background for me, someone to take care of, check in with, someone to share affection with. how do i put myself first? this is truly a scary and overwhelming time. i feel lost. I would love to talk more about this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author divegrl Posted June 2, 2017 Author Share Posted June 2, 2017 Hi Penelopeanne! I'm so sorry you're hurting. This must be an extremely difficult time for you. Your childhood must have been really hard. Children need to feel loved and secure, and when we're not given that, it causes problems in our adult relationships! How long was your last relationship? May I ask what caused the breakup? I know being single can be daunting! When we have had traumatic experiences in our early childhood it is very hard to put ourselves first. These experiences create a belief in us that it is not acceptable to be who we are, just as we are! It impacts our confidence and self esteem. Do you have friends and family near by? Are there any activities or hobbies your involved in? I am so sorry you feel lost and overwhelmed, but plz know you are not alone. We care about you. I am here to listen and would love to hear more of your story. Big hugs my friend! Link to post Share on other sites
penelopeanne Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 Hi Penelopeanne! I'm so sorry you're hurting. This must be an extremely difficult time for you. Your childhood must have been really hard. Children need to feel loved and secure, and when we're not given that, it causes problems in our adult relationships! How long was your last relationship? May I ask what caused the breakup? I know being single can be daunting! When we have had traumatic experiences in our early childhood it is very hard to put ourselves first. These experiences create a belief in us that it is not acceptable to be who we are, just as we are! It impacts our confidence and self esteem. Do you have friends and family near by? Are there any activities or hobbies your involved in? I am so sorry you feel lost and overwhelmed, but plz know you are not alone. We care about you. I am here to listen and would love to hear more of your story. Big hugs my friend! thank you for writing and reaching out. yes, childhood was hard. i understand it's impact and learning more and more about it. my most recent relationship was a little over 2 years.....he was an avoidant (admittedly so) and i am anxious. we had some good chemistry and had a lot of fun. but it couldn't get to a deeper level. i was uneasy all along because of this. but i hung onto hope, i so badly wanted him to break down his walls. i have learned those 2 attachment styles do not work well. i had a very traumatic year last year with multiple deaths and diagnosed with cancer and he really couldn't be there for me. that was so tough for me. then by the end of the year, he was growing weed (something he was interested in for awhile but became so obsessed)......and i found he was really starting to self medicate. i brought a lot of this up, but at the end, he wouldnt give me any of his time and he ended it via email, and we havent spoken since before that, when we were away on a vaca. the whole thing has been so confusing and crushing, but i am learning A LOT and healing slowly. but all of that grief and the scary experiences i had last year have come at me hard. i feel like my ex was another death, a strange one. i have a great support system and family around. but i am still stuck, swimming in grief. trying to figure out how to be single and not attached. trying to just function, and put myself first and enjoy life a bit. so much to process. i love the way you write and would love to chat more, its helpful. thanks for letting me hijack your thread. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author divegrl Posted June 5, 2017 Author Share Posted June 5, 2017 Hi Penelopeanne! It is my pleasure to hear you out! It is the essence of our life to love one another. It is in the very marrow of our body to have connection! I am so sorry for everything you have been thru in the past year. My deepest sympathies, this must be a very difficult time for you. Hugs my friend. The emotions you are experiencing are completely normal. You've just gone thru a great amount of sorrow, the grieving process is your body's way of healing. There are many paths to healing, to realizing that you are whole and complete. In regards to feeling lost and not being able to function, plz know you're not alone in this. There are MANY people who are desperately craving, searching, seeking, wanting anything to feel that void. But you have all you need, the answers lie within. I would suggest you read "the power of now". This book will teach you about becoming aware of the present moment without any judgements. Living fully in the present, it's the source of joy and love! I would also recommend mindfulness meditation. It will help bring awareness to your thoughts and emotions. There are free videos on YouTube! And plz continue to journal here on LS! Writing down your emotions helps bring them to the surface so they can be released. Most posters on LS, well the ones who stay, are generally introverted and feel things very deeply. Everyone here is extremely caring and supportive. Big hugs my friend. I hope to hear from you soon!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anduina Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 I have been in relationships my entire adult life.... jumping from one to the next without any grieving or growth period. After my divorce I knew I had to be single for a while to take some time to heal and grow. 2 years. It took 2 long hard, soul searching years. But in that time I grew into a beautiful, loving and joyful person. Living in the present moment. A body that was strong yet flexible. Great mental strength and fortitude. A heart that was filled with gratitude and noticed the small blessings. Last summer I finally uncovered my true self. It was always there, but I had so many disappointments, hurts and fears that blocked my true light. I was finally able to LET GO. Live in the joy, love and peace of the PRESENT. Have TRUST and FAITH that everything is exactly as it should be. 1 month. 1 full month of inexplicable joy. And then I met my ex. My light dimmed. I am now uncovering this joy once more. But there is one roadblock. I must LET GO of him. Let go Trust Accept Surrender Live with RECKLESS ABANDON Peace to you my friends.This is beautiful. You are beautiful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author divegrl Posted June 12, 2017 Author Share Posted June 12, 2017 We already have all we desire. Judge not by appearances. Hugs my beautiful friends!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
babysacay Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 I enjoyed reading your posts divegirl! I'm still struggling and just finished Day 2 NC. I was happy by myself before I met my ex but now I've been down and I can't wait to get back to myself. I am also working on living in the present but also struggle with that, as well as being so flexible in relationships to the point of it negatively affecting me (like staying up late to talk since that was the only time my ex would at the end and taking time out of studies to visit him 2 hours away when he was upset I wasn't visiting). I'm determined not to let a relationship negatively impact me like that again and hope to get to where you are some day! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whatdeww18 Posted June 12, 2017 Share Posted June 12, 2017 ^^^^^ Tonight I feel the need to write. My days have been filled with so much joy and love. I see infinite beauty and bliss everywhere. The love that surrounds me is more then I could have ever hoped or dreamed. But there has been a certain fear that has a hold on me. What will I do with this fear? Will I store it in, and create impressions that will stay ignored? Or will I feel it, heal it, and evolve from it? I must create space to feel the fear. Offer up forgiveness and acceptance. When I feel like I'm about to close up, and protect my heart... that is my cue to grow! No more hiding. I take one breath at a time and create a ripple effect in this universe. What I leave behind is my story. What I journey towards is LOVE. ALWAYS LOVE. Peace and Joy my friends!!!! Hi divegrl! Wow you have done so much growing!!! This is fantastic! So proud of you :') Your writings are so poetic and beautiful! I love reading them! Should definitely keep a collection, they're so deep and thoughtful! Definitely resonating with many I love the piece about growing, when you feel like closing and protecting your heart!!! I pray that you continue to grow, continue to create more ripples (because they're growing HUGE), and get closer and closer to true love. Many hugs from your friend, -Whatdeww18 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author divegrl Posted June 15, 2017 Author Share Posted June 15, 2017 Hi!!!! I just have to say that nothing is more beautiful then the ladies on LS. NOTHING! Friends are angels who lift you up when your wings have forgotten how to fly.... and you guys are my angels!!! Sometimes it's hard for me to write on here authentically and transparently, since I now know some of you wonderful people in real life!!! There are so many AMAZING men out there!!! Over the past couple months I've been dating and even falling in love. But when it comes to that moment of being vulnerable.... GAH.... I.just.can't!!!! I know when it's the right man, it will just be natural. We will vibe on the same frequency and complement each other perfectly!!! As another poster reminded me, we must keep the joyful and blissful spirit of a child. Trusting and surrendering to the present. Peace and love to you my friends. Big big hugs!!!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author divegrl Posted July 25, 2017 Author Share Posted July 25, 2017 That one thing that I'm fighting to hold onto; is the one thing I need to LET GO! Wishing everyone love and joy today!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author divegrl Posted August 17, 2017 Author Share Posted August 17, 2017 Welp here I am again. Sometimes I think I should start a new thread for every breakup. But then I think, no..... it's best to keep the story all together. I had a stressful morning. I would be telling you all this..... but it's not appropriate anymore. I walked into an office and everyone was beautiful. I started talking to a woman and said I was struggling. She said, " there is beauty in all things and every one". How easily I forget. There is beauty everywhere, surrounding us. We just must have the eyes to see. Some simple reminders have been happening, that remind me this is the right path. We saw the world/ universe through different lenses. I saw so much beauty in you, in us. I saw past your physical appearance, your labels and titles that you were so proud of. I saw you for your energetic soul, and loving presence. We just see things differently.... and that's ok. I just really want your arms wrapped around me one more time..... but it's not meant to be. I love you always.......... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author divegrl Posted December 2, 2017 Author Share Posted December 2, 2017 Everything is unfolding exactly as it should be. I'm on my knees in gratitude this morning! Love, joy and peace to you my friends!!!!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author divegrl Posted September 29, 2018 Author Share Posted September 29, 2018 Where is that thread? Oh here it is. The last entry on here is before I knew you. 8 days before we met. The entire time we have been as one I have felt no need to journal. But here I am again. Let’s meet under the stars and just be together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author divegrl Posted October 1, 2018 Author Share Posted October 1, 2018 It’s okay to feel everything. Link to post Share on other sites
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