why do men never think!

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by GrantMeSerenity

It's easy to say "you can wallow, or change"...but the whole time you're trying, your partner is still doing the thing that hurts you. If your partner is adding to the problem, I think that should be addressed. I think the person you're with should care about your feelings and try to help you. Not tell you it's 'your problem' and continue to do what they want.

 

I completely agree that men shouldn't look at porn and other women if it bothers their SO, HOWEVER, it's completely up to the woman whether she wants to tollerate that or to walk.

 

For a woman with low self-esteem, she wonders what's wrong with her because he boyfriend won't even compromise instead of seeing that her boyfriend is disrespectful and he's the one unworthy of her instead of the other way around. Instead of leaving, the woman with low self-esteems sticks it out and has her esteem worn away further as her bf continues to push boundaries.

[crazy_grl]

Originally posted by Toni_no12002

people keep saying either wallow or change but trut me its not that easy since ive had low self esteem since i was about 12 or 13.

 

Toni, it really is. It may not seem that easy, but the people who are telling you this have probably done it themselves. SummerRae told you how she did it. And I know I've done it for myself.

 

Of course you can't just snap your fingers and it'll happen, but like the cliche goes, realizing you have a problem is the first step.

 

i went to school with my next door neighbour who was suppost to be my best friend but she treat me like her slave.she would fall out with me for the littlest things and make everyone else fall out with me to.i had acne when i was at school so i become extremley shy because of her and because of what i looked like.things got worse and every little comment i took to heart even if it was a joke.things got better when i left school and went to college as she wasnt there any more but its still with me.and i feel i cant trust anyone as she was supposed to be my best friend and she treat me like that.

 

First, you need to realize that all of this is just an excuse that's holding you back. I know it probably sounds like a viable reason to you and a pretty solid road block to overcome, but I think you'd be hard pressed to find someone who couldn't give you a similar sob story. The thing that sets apart the people with high self-esteem is that they realize they're just using their past as an excuse to continue feeling bad for themselves in the present. I used to use those excuses about what happened in my childhood and what I've been through too, but the truth is that it doesn't matter. Those things are not in the here and now. The only thing stopping you right now is you.

 

I'm sorry if I sound harsh. I'm not trying to be mean, just saying some things I think you probably need to hear.

 

its not that easy to just change i cant just click my fingers and suddenly become this outgoing person because if i could i would have done that by now.to all those people that said to change how can i go about building my self confidence.ive tried loads of things like looking in the mirror and telling myself im not a nobody and stuff but it just doesnt work as the slighest little thing would knock me right back down again.so what can i do?

 

Tell people what you like and what you don't like. And don't be afraid to hear no. And if someone refuses to respect you, respect yourself enough to put them in their place or remove them from your life. Stand up for yourself and make yourself feel good on the inside.

 

Don't even worry about what you look like on the outside right now. You could probably look like a super model and still have low self-esteem. Look at SummerRae's pic. She's very pretty, and I know I'm not too bad myself, but both of us had low self-esteem. It has nothing to do with your looks.

 

Anyway, I hope that helps. You can probably find books with lots of other suggestions.

[Toni_no12002]

thanks dont worry about being too harsh lol .the thing with me is that everytime someone says something nice about me even my boyfriend i think there lying or something.i have got a bit better im a little more outgoing than i used to be.but i keep running through things in my head.its like i want to be unhappy i dont get it!like my boyfriend staring at another woman or porn i cant stop thinking about how he prefers them to me and even if he does why did he look?