The post that I hoped I'd never have to write.

[elaine567]

I don't think norobot's use of the term "emotional breakdown" is meant to be taken as being the same as a nervous/mental breakdown but more like "he lost it". His emotions were all over the place, he lost control and he took it out on the poor employees. In the process he scared his gf and she then felt his behaviour was "egregious", a deal breaker and walked way.

 

Safety is a huge issue for women, being and feeling safe in a relationship is paramount and I think the feeling of safety may be as difficult to regain as trust can be. Once the feeling of absolute safety is lost, I can easily see that that would be a deal-breaker.

[PrettyEmily77]

I'll begrudgingly admit to doing kind of the same as your ex, Sal.

 

Although the breakup itself was civilised and mature (we had a conversation, I said my 'peace', we hugged, he got it, no bad words, some tears, I left, the end), my reasons for the breakup were shaky at best.

 

The R itself was the healthiest I'd had for a while, which was strange to get used to after 1 particularly toxic LTR which I won't expand on for my own peace of mind.

 

Neither of us were perfect but he was kind, considerate, thoughtful and patient with me while ironically, I should have been the patient one (I was his first relationship after a long marriage) - I started to freak at the moving-in together point, after a little over a year together. I had a realisation after a completely trivial but very triggering (for me) argument that I was not totally mentally up to sustaining a long-term relationship, not even with him, and that I still had roadblocks and trust issues I have to deal with that I didn't think could be overcome together as he wanted more than I could offer at that point.

 

I went into the R in good faith and with a lot of feelings for my ex, but I didn't really expect to be as fragile as I actually was - he is a great guy and I won't try and make him out to be an emotional wreck or a dysfunctional anything, but I've also had the benefit of 8 months' worth of hindsight.

 

I don't regret my decision but if that helps at all, although I've moved on relatively easily (probably because I never really invested fully in the R), I have no ill thoughts towards him - in time, I'm sure your ex will feel the same. Her jumping back into a dating site might just have been her defense mechanisms kicking in, as has been mentioned by other posters.

 

I know you must be hurting but I'm not sure she deserves to be viewed too harshly - even though the circumstances were different and the way she left was a little callous, I think I can see her perspective as well as yours.

Edited February 18, 2017 by PrettyEmily77

[SevenCity]

I don't think norobot's use of the term "emotional breakdown" is meant to be taken as being the same as a nervous/mental breakdown but more like "he lost it". His emotions were all over the place, he lost control and he took it out on the poor employees. In the process he scared his gf and she then felt his behaviour was "egregious", a deal breaker and walked way.

 

Safety is a huge issue for women, being and feeling safe in a relationship is paramount and I think the feeling of safety may be as difficult to regain as trust can be. Once the feeling of absolute safety is lost, I can easily see that that would be a deal-breaker.

 

If the expectation of a woman is for her guy to never show any negative emotions ever, she will never feel safe.

 

Everyone has a bad day. How Sal got upset was hardly an indication of violence. Nor was it directed towards her.

[Sweetfish]

I don't think norobot's use of the term "emotional breakdown" is meant to be taken as being the same as a nervous/mental breakdown but more like "he lost it". His emotions were all over the place, he lost control and he took it out on the poor employees. In the process he scared his gf and she then felt his behaviour was "egregious", a deal breaker and walked way.

Safety is a huge issue for women, being and feeling safe in a relationship is paramount and I think the feeling of safety may be as difficult to regain as trust can be. Once the feeling of absolute safety is lost, I can easily see that that would be a deal-breaker.

 

Exactly, why you can't do any thing around a women because the context will be taken way out of its jurisdiction.

 

Getting angry or upset is normal and a healthy emotion. You can be upset and be in control of your emotion... Emotion does not denote happiness and tranquility. The person who fled is the person who had a emotional breakdown or lost control.

 

 

please tell me when this switch occurred in this thread.

[elaine567]

If the expectation of a woman is for her guy to never show any negative emotions ever, she will never feel safe.

 

Everyone has a bad day. How Sal got upset was hardly an indication of violence. Nor was it directed towards her.

 

Ok, but Sal did say she felt scared by the incident, and whilst you or I could say we would have taken it all in our stride, we weren't there, she was.

She obviously saw a side to Sal she didn't like that night, she saw a red flag and she bailed. That after all is what dating is all about, finding people we* are comfortable with, we have fun with and we feel safe with, any others, we need to say "Thanks but no thanks, we are not compatible, have a nice life...

 

* we (gen.)

Edited February 18, 2017 by elaine567

[thefooloftheyear]

I don't think norobot's use of the term "emotional breakdown" is meant to be taken as being the same as a nervous/mental breakdown but more like "he lost it". His emotions were all over the place, he lost control and he took it out on the poor employees. In the process he scared his gf and she then felt his behaviour was "egregious", a deal breaker and walked way.

 

Safety is a huge issue for women, being and feeling safe in a relationship is paramount and I think the feeling of safety may be as difficult to regain as trust can be. Once the feeling of absolute safety is lost, I can easily see that that would be a deal-breaker.

 

C.mon.....really??

 

While Ill agree that safety is an issue for women in strange or uncertain situations, it's not like she didn't know who the guy was...They were a "couple", as such, you would hope by then that point that hurdle was crossed...

 

Life happens....People get pissed off in certain situations....Its not like he went off the rails because he stepped in dog shyt, getting towed is a major hassle, I don't care who's "fault" it is...

 

Who knows? maybe this was the tipping point and there were other things...This is the problem when people post a story..You don't really ever get the whole picture,,,

 

But if I had a partner that felt "unsafe" when I got annoyed(I run my own company...its more often than Id like), Id bail in a minute...In that case Id suspect that the person was too emotionally fragile, and it would create a variety of problems...

 

I like emotionally strong women, that have a lot of resolve and don't wither...

 

TFY

[Sweetfish]

I'll begrudgingly admit to doing kind of the same as your ex, Sal.

 

Although the breakup itself was civilised and mature (we had a conversation, I said my 'peace', we hugged, he got it, no bad words, some tears, I left, the end), my reasons for the breakup were shaky at best.

 

The R itself was the healthiest I'd had for a while, which was strange to get used to after 1 particularly toxic LTR which I won't expand on for my own peace of mind.

 

Neither of us were perfect but he was kind, considerate, thoughtful and patient with me while ironically, I should have been the patient one (I was his first relationship after a long marriage) - I started to freak at the moving-in together point, after a little over a year together. I had a realisation after a completely trivial but very triggering (for me) argument that I was not totally mentally up to sustaining a long-term relationship, not even with him, and that I still had roadblocks and trust issues I have to deal with that I didn't think could be overcome together as he wanted more than I could offer at that point.

 

I went into the R in good faith and with a lot of feelings for my ex, but I didn't really expect to be as fragile as I actually was - he is a great guy and I won't try and make him out to be an emotional wreck or a dysfunctional anything, but I've also had the benefit of 8 months' worth of hindsight.

 

I don't regret my decision but if that helps at all, although I've moved on relatively easily (probably because I never really invested fully in the R), I have no ill thoughts towards him - in time, I'm sure your ex will feel the same. Her jumping back into a dating site might just have been her defense mechanisms kicking in, as has been mentioned by other posters.

 

I know you must be hurting but I'm not sure she deserves to be viewed too harshly - even though the circumstances were different and the way she left was a little callous, I think I can see her perspective as well as yours.

 

Emily your situation is understandable as it was a transition into moving in with the guy. Do I think its screwed up. Yup. The guy had the illusion of going forward with you.. but this situation is different.

[amaysngrace]

Questioning if someone deserved to be spooked is irrelevant since she obviously was. I'm sure she can justify her reasons for calling it quits and those same reasons why she broke it off probably make sense to her.

 

Sometimes things just don't work out. Why are people having a hard time accepting that?

 

Considering the length of this thread and the lack of admission to any personal responsibility by the OP makes me think his ex may well be justified in her decision.

 

A relationship takes two to make and two to break. My advice OP would be to own your part in all of this.

 

Acknowledge and grow. Then you can move on.

 

Good luck!

[PrettyEmily77]

Emily your situation is understandable as it was a transition into moving in with the guy. Do I think its screwed up. Yup. The guy had the illusion of going forward with you.. but this situation is different.

 

Well we both had that illusion, and there was no bad intention on my part, and I suspect it was the same for Sal and his ex.

 

It might not have been anything to do with her sense of safety or to Sal's reaction; maybe she felt the relationship was going a certain way and she freaked out, maybe the trigger was that bad (when you experienced a truly dysfunctional R, the automatic reflexes can take years and a super-humanly patient partner to help you through it), but either way, I personally do believe she did have feelings for Sal (she wouldn't have lasted over a year otherwise) but couldn't quite reconcile her inner demons with her new situation.

[elaine567]

C.mon.....really??

 

But if I had a partner that felt "unsafe" when I got annoyed(I run my own company...its more often than Id like), Id bail in a minute...In that case Id suspect that the person was too emotionally fragile, and it would create a variety of problems...

TFY

 

I think how a person will react all depends on what level of "anger" people are used to seeing in their childhood, their history, their career, and their day to day life, and also how justified they think that "anger" is, and what has been the effect of that "anger" on them.

Yes, some may be "emotionally fragile", but others just have a zero tolerance towards "anger" , especially when they feel that "anger" is unjustified, and the wrong people are being targeted.

 

Some people live lives where anger is frequently shown by all and sundry, even for the most trivial of reasons, others live lives where anger will only be shown in extreme circumstances.

The former then see anger as the "norm", the latter are shocked and startled by overt anger.

If a person has found that the anger in their life is/has been accompanied by dire consequences for them, then they will NOT likely feel very safe in a situation where anger is displayed.

[marky00]

This thread is getting ridiculous.

 

 

The OP comes on for help and guidance and most of you want to play devil's advocate and defend an ex who isn't on LS asking for advise.

 

 

Your defending a ghost.

 

 

So many agendas and thread hijackers.

 

 

Maybe some of you should open your own threads because it's getting to the point I don't even know who the OP is anymore.

[PrettyEmily77]

I think how a person will react all depends on what level of "anger" people are used to seeing in their childhood, their history, their career, and their day to day life, and also how justified they think that "anger" is, and what has been the effect of that "anger" on them.

Yes, some may be "emotionally fragile", but others just have a zero tolerance towards "anger" , especially when they feel that "anger" is unjustified, and the wrong people are being targeted.

 

Some people live lives where anger is frequently shown by all and sundry, even for the most trivial of reasons, others live lives where anger will only be shown in extreme circumstances.

The former then see anger as the "norm", the latter are shocked and startled by overt anger.

If a person has found that the anger in their life is/has been accompanied by dire consequences for them, then they will NOT likely feel very safe in a situation where anger is displayed.

 

I agree with the zero tolerance vs emotionally fragile distinction when it comes to dealing with 'anger' - developing a zero tolerance takes time to fine-tune though, especially after a super toxic relationship, and can sometimes come with a bit of 'trial and error' over-reactions in the early days of a loving relationship.

 

In this context, OP's ex could have kept things bottled up for months (not uncommon) or she could have over-reacted, but given the relationship has been portrayed here as nothing short of perfect, only she has the answer to that one.

[Taramere]

.You need to worry more about why you minimize insulting workers as testiness than what I refer to as a breakdown.

 

I just scanned this post previously as I was in a hurry.

 

Regarding this last bit, I don't need to worry or think too hard about why I minimise the behaviour that Sal described. My work requires me to regularly listen to people's grievances and make an assessment as to whether they have a genuine grievance that could make a stateable case...or whether they're just, to put it bluntly, creating a storm in a teacup.

 

As part of deciding that, I use my experience of what courts and tribunals regard as a genuine grievance about somebody's behaviour versus what they would be likely to see as a person overreacting to a minor incident. It's amazing what people sometimes believe they can justify with reference to their own emotional fragility. How ready they can be to raise an action that could seriously impact on another person's life and wellbeing because they don't feel that person demonstrated sufficient consideration for their emotional fragility.

 

Emotional fragility can, in short, sometimes cross a line to becoming very vexatious and abusive behaviour. Victims can be notoriously bad for failing to recognise their own abusive tendencies....since they're unable to see beyond their own feelings of victimhood.

 

Not saying that Sal's girlfriend's behaviour here is abusive. She's ended the relationship, doesn't want to talk about it....and that is that. Not everybody wants to engage in a post mortem about why a relationship ended, and clearly she didn't. That's something Sal will have to come to terms with, but since he's still in the early stages of a break up he's likely having a bit of difficulty with that.

[Timshel]

Sal, I have to say....the irony that a licensed therapist is unwilling to discuss discourse and provide closure is pretty, pretty ironic.

 

I'm hoping you are doing so well that you can find that amusing.

Best.

[Taramere]

I don't think norobot's use of the term "emotional breakdown" is meant to be taken as being the same as a nervous/mental breakdown but more like "he lost it". His emotions were all over the place, he lost control and he took it out on the poor employees. In the process he scared his gf and she then felt his behaviour was "egregious", a deal breaker and walked way.

 

Which aspect of his post made you think he lost it? I'm just not seeing anything about the behaviour he describes in the opening post that sounds out of control or scary. There's no mention of security being involved or police being called, as you would expect if a customer were losing it on the premises or behaving in a way that you could reasonably expect other people to be scared by.

 

I can't shake off the feeling that people are gauging his behaviour not by what he described it as being but by how his girlfriend responded to it. And I don't think that's fair.

[thefooloftheyear]

This thread is getting ridiculous.

 

 

The OP comes on for help and guidance and most of you want to play devil's advocate and defend an ex who isn't on LS asking for advise.

 

 

Your defending a ghost.

 

 

So many agendas and thread hijackers.

 

 

Maybe some of you should open your own threads because it's getting to the point I don't even know who the OP is anymore.

 

If that's the case, then why bother talking about anything??

 

Of course there are going to be two sides(maybe 3-the real truth)...The way people, hopefully gain insight is by hearing all different angles from various people...How they actually interpret the events as reported by the OP..

 

Will some of it be speculative?? Sure...Could the events as reported by the OP be a bit speculative,?? Sure as well..

 

No one probably has it completely nailed, but you will rarely ever hear the whole story, so that's the best anyone could possibly hope for..

 

Or we can all say she sucks and is mean spirited, and he's a hero ....and gain nothing....

 

TFY

Edited February 18, 2017 by thefooloftheyear

[Taramere]

If that's the case, then why bother talking about anything??

 

Of course there are going to be two sides(maybe 3-the real truth)...The way people, hopefully gain insight is by hearing all different angles from various people...How they actually interpret the events as reported by the OP..

 

Will some of it be speculative?? Sure...Could the events as reported by the OP be a bit speculative,?? Sure as well..

 

Yeah. I think it's a very rare person who can describe their own behaviour (within the context of a dispute or break up) in a completely neutral and objective way. It's human nature to argue "my behaviour was appropriate." or "my behaviour may not have been perfect, but it wasn't that bad."

 

But I would still maintain that if his behaviour had involved the sort of angry, out of control stuff that a lot of posters are speculating it was, then security or the police would have been called. Unless things are very different in the US from the way they are where I live, staff in business premises will tend to react pretty swiftly and decisively to any indication of a customer becoming unruly or out of control.

[amaysngrace]

Yeah. I think it's a very rare person who can describe their own behaviour (within the context of a dispute or break up) in a completely neutral and objective way. It's human nature to argue "my behaviour was appropriate." or "my behaviour may not have been perfect, but it wasn't that bad."

 

But I would still maintain that if his behaviour had involved the sort of angry, out of control stuff that a lot of posters are speculating it was, then security or the police would have been called. Unless things are very different in the US from the way they are where I live, staff in business premises will tend to react pretty swiftly and decisively to any indication of a customer becoming unruly or out of control.

 

Again it's up to her to decide if his behavior crossed her own personal boundary, which it clearly did which is why she broke up with him.

 

I didn't see anybody suggest that he did anything illegal to have police involvement. Believe it or not there are grey areas too.

[Sweetfish]

Well we both had that illusion, and there was no bad intention on my part, and I suspect it was the same for Sal and his ex.

 

It might not have been anything to do with her sense of safety or to Sal's reaction; maybe she felt the relationship was going a certain way and she freaked out, maybe the trigger was that bad (when you experienced a truly dysfunctional R, the automatic reflexes can take years and a super-humanly patient partner to help you through it), but either way, I personally do believe she did have feelings for Sal (she wouldn't have lasted over a year otherwise) but couldn't quite reconcile her inner demons with her new situation.

 

I'm not saying either of you are to blame. But it was your decision to leave based on previous internal issues. If not it is possible you guys would be together right now or maybe not. who knows? Men do not get these same passes and held accountable for most or half of the damage...its rarely her who is to blame.

 

A guy leaving a women and a man leaving a women does not get the same equal treatment. This pedestal of safety is the hallmark of excusable reasons to why a female can leave a relationship with zero backlash.

 

Some of the expression of what happen during the "crime scene" at the tow yard should be a wake-up call to how the perception can be skewed to a emotional break-down and fear for her life scenario because she is a mother with kids. I can imagine if a police report was filed and these words were expressed how easily a jury/judge can misinterpret a situation all based on an emotional trigger. I would say his safety is on the line as well.

 

But because a woman safety is the pinnacle of society... We give leeway to behavior that's unacceptable. We are ever so giving women a growing sense of entitlement instead of equality.

 

The ex is a Therapist. I would suspect she has seen a wide range of emotions in her practice and would have the emotional IQ in combination of her age and practice to handle this situation completely different. This lady is like what what 40's or 50's? She should be fully aware of her inner demons and respectively explain what happen..

 

 

 

Her behavior under these conditions is in no way excusable and very strange and not a normal occurrence.

 

 

My point is someone who is under this state cannot have real healthy relationships. A relationship REQUIRES two people to handle a broad range of emotion and its hard work. This idea of a relationship with absolutely no form of emotions opposite of happiness with no anger or jealously is absolutely absurd. This is the thinking of a 6 year old (black and white thinking) the same thinking that resided in narcissist behaviors.

 

Narcissist seek perfection in them selves at any cost. It is an obsession with how they are perceived and this narcissism is created in childhood..usually by a narcissist parent or two parents who shower affection to their kid.

 

Problem is society knows of the a-hole narcissist and not of the internal (introverted) or shy narcissist who tries to achieve perfection.

 

Ever hear of women who say they don't date nice guys? That they date nice guys and they kinda blow-up or go crazy.

 

That is a NARCISSIST..

 

They manipulate and lie and create a false sense of person with a hidden agenda and don't even realize it because its so natural to them. They become introverted and shy and self critical. They feel entitled because they are "nice" or expect a payback.

 

Same thing...

[Timshel]

If that's the case, then why bother talking about anything??

 

Of course there are going to be two sides(maybe 3-the real truth)...The way people, hopefully gain insight is by hearing all different angles from various people...How they actually interpret the events as reported by the OP..

 

Will some of it be speculative?? Sure...Could the events as reported by the OP be a bit speculative,?? Sure as well..

 

No one probably has it completely nailed, but you will rarely ever hear the whole story, so that's the best anyone could possibly hope for..

 

Or we can all say she sucks and is mean spirited, and he's a hero ....and gain nothing....

 

TFY

 

Even in real face to face interactions, no one 'nails' it...meaning perception is everything and two people having a conversation in the same room will provide report differently in five minutes. Quantify this by written word, forget it. Of course it is worthwhile if the OP is able to glean some insight and satisfaction of ego.

 

'She sucks and he's a hero' is as nonexistent online as it is in reality. Most people in this thread have been very fair.

Based on Sal's report and quite frankly, general human nature, his ex dumping him by text after a year and a half relationship is abnormal.

 

Based on Sal's posting history, even regarding this relationship, there is nothing to indicate that he should be unceremoniously dumped or regarded as a threat to her personal/emotional safety.

 

In any case, it seems that Sal was blindsided. We either believe that he is entirely imperceptive or accept that while he is no angel, his ex withheld information vital to the success of their relationship.

[PrettyEmily77]

I'm not saying either of you are to blame. But it was your decision to leave based on previous internal issues. If not it is possible you guys would be together right now or maybe not. who knows? Men do not get these same passes and held accountable for most or half of the damage...its rarely her who is to blame.

 

A guy leaving a women and a man leaving a women does not get the same equal treatment. This pedestal of safety is the hallmark of excusable reasons to why a female can leave a relationship with zero backlash.

 

Some of the expression of what happen during the "crime scene" at the tow yard should be a wake-up call to how the perception can be skewed to a emotional break-down and fear for her life scenario because she is a mother with kids. I can imagine if a police report was filed and these words were expressed how easily a jury/judge can misinterpret a situation all based on an emotional trigger. I would say his safety is on the line as well.

 

But because a woman safety is the pinnacle of society... We give leeway to behavior that's unacceptable. We are ever so giving women a growing sense of entitlement instead of equality.

 

The ex is a Therapist. I would suspect she has seen a wide range of emotions in her practice and would have the emotional IQ in combination of her age and practice to handle this situation completely different. This lady is like what what 40's or 50's? She should be fully aware of her inner demons and respectively explain what happen..

 

 

 

Her behavior under these conditions is in no way excusable and very strange and not a normal occurrence.

 

 

My point is someone who is under this state cannot have real healthy relationships. A relationship REQUIRES two people to handle a broad range of emotion and its hard work. This idea of a relationship with absolutely no form of emotions opposite of happiness with no anger or jealously is absolutely absurd. This is the thinking of a 6 year old (black and white thinking) the same thinking that resided in narcissist behaviors.

 

Narcissist seek perfection in them selves at any cost. It is an obsession with how they are perceived and this narcissism is created in childhood..usually by a narcissist parent or two parents who shower affection to their kid.

 

Problem is society knows of the a-hole narcissist and not of the internal (introverted) or shy narcissist who tries to achieve perfection.

 

Ever hear of women who say they don't date nice guys? That they date nice guys and they kinda blow-up or go crazy.

 

That is a NARCISSIST..

 

They manipulate and lie and create a false sense of person with a hidden agenda and don't even realize it because its so natural to them. They become introverted and shy and self critical. They feel entitled because they are "nice" or expect a payback.

 

Same thing...

 

I agree that the manner in which she exited the relationship was callous and cold, and totally abnormal but I don't really understand what gender stuff has to do with it? Both men and women leave relationships all the time, and both get equal blame in a breakup. I have no problem whatsoever accepting my part of the blame in the demise of my own relationship, and he was gallant and honest enough to recognise that he may have pushed me a little to far, too soon out of my comfort zone. There was no acrimony, he was classy enough not to blame me for all of it or think that because I'm a woman I'm getting away with blue murder. That's just silly.

 

How do we know that Sal's ex is a narcissist? Was her exit premeditated?

Did I miss something?

[Taramere]

Again it's up to her to decide if his behavior crossed her own personal boundary, which it clearly did which is why she broke up with him.

 

I didn't see anybody suggest that he did anything illegal to have police involvement.

 

Several times on this thread people have described him as having lost control. Having an emotional breakdown in public. That sounds, to me, dramatic enough for staff to call the police or threaten to do so - or, at the very least, for management/security to eject him from the premises.

 

There's not even a hint of staff reacting in that way, which suggests to me that phrases like "out of control" or "emotional breakdown" from posters on this thread are unhelpfully over-reactive.

[JuneL]

Let me elaborate a bit. I meant to say that whether your behavior on that fateful night was off limits was really relative to each person (apparently, it was not, according to the standards of most in this thread). My conjecture is that your ex-girlfriend had probably pigeonholed you into the "gentleman" box; as you mentioned, you pretty much never displayed any anger throughout your relationship. So for you to act with frustration and to be rude to those working a minimum wage, it came as a shock to her. I think that if she were initially drawn to you by, say, your ambition, then she could well have thought nothing of what happened. You kept making this "out of league" comment; so my guess is that being a gentleman was a very important trait of yours in the relationship.

 

I completely agree with most that breaking up with you over text was immature. But she did give you an explanation/excuse for why she broke up with you, just that you didn't think it was a plausible one.

 

 

I also wanted to point out something. You kept bringing up the fact that she is out of your "league". I take it that the league is in terms of her education, career and financial or social status; what about looks? I'm asking because I suspect what drove her to you was your being a nice guy. So for you to lose your temper and display your not-so-nice side could be a real turn off. Also, on that fateful night, I thought she should be the one to get frustrated, as it was you who carelessly parked in the wrong space that led to the towing and walking in the cold.

[elaine567]

Which aspect of his post made you think he lost it? I'm just not seeing anything about the behaviour he describes in the opening post that sounds out of control or scary. There's no mention of security being involved or police being called, as you would expect if a customer were losing it on the premises or behaving in a way that you could reasonably expect other people to be scared by.

 

I can't shake off the feeling that people are gauging his behaviour not by what he described it as being but by how his girlfriend responded to it. And I don't think that's fair.

 

The episode was scary from her point of view and if we are to try and piece together why she would have left a seemingly perfectly happy relationship then the fact Sal said she was scared, has to be taken into consideration.

Also the use of the term egregious by her to describe his behaviour, does not conjure up thoughts of some minor issue.

I am not suggesting the incident was necessarily something everyone here would have turned tail and ran away from, but from her POV as related here by Sal, it was not minor by any means.

 

Egregious :

extremely bad in a way that is very noticeable; outstandingly bad; shocking; dire; severe and serious; desperate; grave; heavy.

[Taramere]

The episode was scary from her point of view and if we are to try and piece together why she would have left a seemingly perfectly happy relationship then the fact Sal said she was scared, has to be taken into consideration.

 

Also the use of the term egregious by her to describe his behaviour, does not conjure up thoughts of some minor issue.

 

No it doesn't. The term egregious conjures up something far more dramatic than Sal has described. It's hard not to conclude that either she overreacting, or Sal came across to other people as being angrier than he realised. That's why I mention the "staff didn't call security/police/management" issue.

 

Even if it wasn't bad enough for police involvement or for security to throw him out, if he was behaving in an egregious way towards staff I think it would be fair to expect management to step in and deal with the situation or ask him to leave.

 

I am not suggesting the incident was necessarily something everyone here would have turned tail and ran away from, but from her POV as related here by Sal, it was not minor by any means.

 

Egregious :

extremely bad in a way that is very noticeable; outstandingly bad; shocking; dire; severe and serious; desperate; grave; heavy.

 

As a therapist, you'd think she'd witness pretty strong emotion from clients from time to time. Maybe even inappropriate commentary or outbursts of anger. Anybody who works with people and their problems faces that, and has to learn strategies for managing it. Has to remain calm in the face of anger, while being alert to non verbal signs that the angry person is escalating towards violence etc.

 

Like Timshel, I'd wonder how this lady copes with the very emotionally demanding profession that she's taken on. A profession, moreoever, where you'd expect more emphasis on exploratory questions ("why did you...?) than on judgement ("you are...your behaviour was...").