Appropriate reaction when being yelled at by superiors

[HungryPanda]

How is one supposed to react when being yelled at? I'm female, and I feel like I'm expected to cry or look visibly disappointed when confronted.

 

Today I came across a superior who was clearly having a bad day and decided to take his anger out on me. It was for something very minor and I knew that wasnt personal; he was in a bad mood and wanted to vent, so it didn't bother me that much.

 

He was standing outside and had left a tiny gap by the door (you need to swipe to enter and he forgot to bring his) which I didn't notice. So as I left the building I let the door naturally swing shut, locking him out of the building. He then blew up in my face saying I should have noticed the gap and the gap was obviously left purposely for a reason and blamed me for locking him out. I just said sorry, swiped the door open for him and was about to go on my way when he stopped me for lecture #2, emphasizing that what I did was very inconsiderate. I apologized once again and left. He gave me this look, a look I've seen many times before: why don't you look more apologetic?

 

As a low level employee, I know the only thing I can do is take it, everyone has bad days, so stuff like this never bother me. I've noticed that other people tend to grovel and then try to overcompensate, which usually ends up making the angry person even more angry. My view is, when you're in a bad mood, nothing I do will make you happy anyways, so why bother? I might as well make myself useful elsewhere.

 

Was it wrong of me not to grovel and beg for forgiveness?

[bluefeather]

Was it wrong of me not to grovel and beg for forgiveness?

 

Not wrong, but yeah, he might have appreciated it.

[GemmaUK]

No, you don't need to grovel and beg.

He could use learning to take responsibility though.

 

He didn't have his pass and decided to basically blame you.

You're not a mind reader and actually building security is paramount.

 

He could simply have got your attention, explained and asked you to let him in.

He also could have asked you as you walked through not to let the door close.

Or, he could have remembered his pass.

 

This is such a ridiculous thing to bawl someone out over.

You didn't do anything wrong OP.

[Got it]

His reaction was inappropriate and ridiculous. You don't need to grovel and the expectation is insane.

 

He wasn't following safety procedure by not having his key fob so being locked out was on him.

 

I would actually make a complaint as you did nothing wrong.

[O'Malley]

He sounds obnoxious and ridiculous, to have a meltdown over a petty issue. There was no need to grovel, I'd have explained calmly that you didn't notice the gap and walked off. Ideally his behavior should be reported to his superior - everyone has bad days, but his actions were unprofessional - but you might not be comfortable taking that route.

[preraph]

That was his fault not yours, so for something like that, I think you tell them "I'm sorry. Didn't you bring your card?" He knows it was him. No need to grovel over something like that. If he acts crappy in the future on account of it and tries to get you in trouble, tell his superior about it.

[RecentChange]

What sort of work place / industry is this?

 

My first thought was that it is never acceptable for a supervisor to be yelling. Highly unprofessional.

 

As for being "expected to cry" - no!! Gees, there should be no crying in the work place.

 

In my experience - the work place is where you are expected to control your emotions. To stay calm under pressure. To face adversity in a rational, not emotional way.

 

So, first I would expect my supervisor to control their temper, and I have never let anyone at work see me cry!

 

Sorry you have to deal with this guy

[Pastypop]

I had a similar situation and decided that I was not going to be bullied by this guy at work who used to do that. I argued back with him after 10 months of bullying and got up and left the meeting because nothing was getting resolved. I made my point that I would not be treated like that. It worked, I no longer got his rude emails, was no longer told I was stupid in meetings and was able to work in peace for a few days. However; the following Monday I was placed on four months of paid leave and eventually fired. He told my bosses that he could not work with me. I do not regret standing up for myself. He was going to get me fired one way or another at some point. Intesting enough however, is that I still work for the company in another division as a contractor after 15 weeks off working for someone else. Sorry, you are going through this. Hopefully you can find another job soon. Make sure and document everything so you have some recoarse.

[mightycpa]

How is one supposed to react when being yelled at? I'm female, and I feel like I'm expected to cry or look visibly disappointed when confronted.

 

Today I came across a superior who was clearly having a bad day and decided to take his anger out on me. It was for something very minor and I knew that wasnt personal; he was in a bad mood and wanted to vent, so it didn't bother me that much.

 

He was standing outside and had left a tiny gap by the door (you need to swipe to enter and he forgot to bring his) which I didn't notice. So as I left the building I let the door naturally swing shut, locking him out of the building. He then blew up in my face saying I should have noticed the gap and the gap was obviously left purposely for a reason and blamed me for locking him out. I just said sorry, swiped the door open for him and was about to go on my way when he stopped me for lecture #2, emphasizing that what I did was very inconsiderate. I apologized once again and left. He gave me this look, a look I've seen many times before: why don't you look more apologetic?

 

As a low level employee, I know the only thing I can do is take it, everyone has bad days, so stuff like this never bother me. I've noticed that other people tend to grovel and then try to overcompensate, which usually ends up making the angry person even more angry. My view is, when you're in a bad mood, nothing I do will make you happy anyways, so why bother? I might as well make myself useful elsewhere.

 

Was it wrong of me not to grovel and beg for forgiveness?

At my company, it would have been wrong not to report him for tailgating and gaining unauthorized entry. I take it that you have badges for a reason, and not because it makes you look cool. Not even a lobby for him to get a temp badge? It must be a big deal to get in that building. Edited February 12, 2017 by mightycpa

[dispatch3d]

Where I work I'd consider telling his boss about this incident and his inappropriate behaviour. If it was a one off I'd let it go. I'd definitely avoid the guy in general, he sounds not very fun.

[HungryPanda]

I'm surprised so many said to report him. I guess its a cultural difference. I'm Chinese and where I'm from nobody ever reports a superior unless its a serious issue (like sexual harassment).

 

The door was the backdoor, but if he wanted to re-enter all he had to do was either call a buddy to open the door for him or walk around to the front door. The swipe cards aren't really there to protect anything inside but more to keep track of who goes in/out and when.

 

I actually hate working there, but the pay is good and I don't have to work overtime. He's not the first jerk I've had to deal with and he won't be the last. There will always be people like him, and lots too. Same jerk different face thats all.