Serenity Posted April 30, 2001 Share Posted April 30, 2001 My boyfriend and I still keep in contact with some of our exes. We believe that a good relationship deserves a good friendship when it's over. Well his most recent ex had him yearning for her 1 and a half after their initial break up and thats when I met him. I was also going through a similar situation. We became the best of friends discussing our heartbreaks etc. For a year we dated other people yet still saw each other and were very open about everything. Last year we fell in love with each other and made it a go of it. Just as any relationship we have our corks and differences but all in all everything is great. His recent ex pops in his life whenever like this past Thanksgiving ( I remained a wonderful host though I was angry)she didn't call just stopped in. He's been trying to become her friend and she for the most part gave him the run around. One day she'll email him and tell him she doesn't want him to write her and the next she'll call him. (facts gathered a year ago). He truly wants to be her friend and I think it's great, but sometimes I feel as if he wants more than that from her, like closure. He never got that from her. Well out of the blue she paged him last night and he called. I was in the room when he spoke to her. The length of their conversation isn't what bothered me but rather the tremor in his tone and the way he said he'll "talk to her soon". The message it sent me was he desperately wanted to talk to her in private and I sensed "missing" in his voice. I'm not concerned whether he'll leave me for her but rather if he's loving me like the way I deserve to be loved. I know he loves me but the depth of his love is what I am questioning. If in fact he is still in love with her and also with me how fair is that for either of us though she's tested his loyalty for her on severl occasions. He's my best friend and I would love to talk to him about this though I'm afraid he'll only tell me what I want to here fear of losing our relationship with out an okay for the one with his ex.( she does also live nearly 6 hours away.) I don't want to alarm him in anyway but on the same token I don't want to be short changed either. I need different views...please help. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 30, 2001 Share Posted April 30, 2001 If this guy is your best friend, then you shouldn't be shy about asking him just what his feelings are for this ex and why he's pressing for a friendship with her. I personally don't like the smell of it. When a relationship is over, some friendship is nice but I don't think a close friendship with an ex is a practical thing when you are in a new relationship. You need to come right down on this thing as soon as possible and see exactly where his head is at. Let him know that if he has a desire to pursue his old love, you'll be happy to get out of the picture immediately. Also let him know that while he's seeing you, you want to be able to feel you're his number one and his love for you is undivided. Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted May 1, 2001 Share Posted May 1, 2001 I would be very firm about this and tell him something along the lines of: "From this day on, I want your past to stay in the past. While you're in this relationship with ME, I expect you to devote yourself to me and leave your exes behind. This isn't about jealousy or insecurity. I'm not jealous. It has to do with respect. And I feel that you're disrespecting me if you stay in touch with ex-girlfriends while you're going out with me." If this relationship means a lot to him, he should be more than willing to cut off contact with his ex. Link to post Share on other sites
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