QuietDan Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 She needs professional help. She has a sexual addiction to online activities. It's awful what she's done to you and your kids. It seems like this addiction took over her life and redefined her. I wonder when this truly started. I also wonder if she was sexually molested, abused, or traumatized sometime in her past? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
QuietDan Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 You might get in trouble doing this. Let her know you have pics of her H if she want graphic proof. Good point. This kind of retaliatory action could be illegal! Link to post Share on other sites
MickeyBill Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Good point. This kind of retaliatory action could be illegal! Revenge porn is illegal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Cut and run. Be grateful to get away from her issues and chaos that's bound to come back to her. And if/since she enjoyed it so much - why should she stop for you? She can continue when you're gone. Get custody of the kids...she can have supervised visitation since she isn't trustworthy...and may be doing this while she's with them. Get going! You need a plan and to take action on your plan. Protect yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
4fin Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Damn that was a tough read. I am fortunate I have not been through anything like that. Oddly there were similarities to the worst thing I ever did go through. After knowing my wife was date raped for 15 years I decided 1 night I needed to know the details. It was a huge mistake. I've been through your 2 hours of sleep a night and used my spare waking hours to find out who he was. I succeeded if you want to call that a success. If there is any advice I can offer it is 1. Get some sleep. If that means a drug like ambien so be it but be careful and make it short term. 2. Get counseling. In April it will have been 2 years. I'm still there. You will benefit. It is difficult. I know the rage you speak of too well. I found my wife's rapist by cross checking her 9th and 10th grade annuals to see which girl was missing due to teen pregnancy and had 4 kids then cross checked through social media. As Recent Change would put it this was when my "wheels were flying off". I got into counseling in time before I did something regrettable. In the process I learned a lot about myself including the fact that I had been in a state of smoldering rage since I was about 10 from what happened during my parents divorce. I know this doesn't have a damn thing to do with your situation but if you get some sleep and some help I think you will be surprised (maybe even pleasantly so) where you end up 2 years from now. Best of luck to you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 I agree this story is tough to read - I feel disgusted and dirty just reading it. A couple things. If your wife sent naked pictures of herself to strangers over the Internet then those pictures are EVERYWHERE! If you can't find them it's because you don't know how to look for them or haven't been lucky (?) enough to locate one. Since you have many of the pix she sent then just try this: Drag and drop an image from the web or your computer into the search box on images.google.com As far as the fu(k video - there is virtually zero chance that this is NOT on lots of porn sites. These are harder to locate but just know it is out there and be glad your face is not visible. As for her - I don't know how she can live with the knowledge that these pix and vids are out there. Lastly, the chances that she didn't hook up with one of these guys is pretty low. It's possible but if I were you I could not accept that she didn't have a fu(k buddy or two. You really need to get to the absolute bottom of this before you even think about reconciliation. Unless you are satisfied you know it all and can see yourself forgiving her at some point then save both of you years of hell and divorce quickly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 My attorney advised me today not to post details on forums like this one. I don't understand how this thread can hurt my case? Last night I ran a bunch of her porn selfies through google reverse image search and I got no results or matches, just similar photos of other women. Had no idea google had that many porn images. I would upload one of her more tame topless selfies on google reverse search, no matches but tons of similar photos of topless women. I tried the more hardcore selfies she took that didn't have her face and had the same outcome, no matching found but a bunch of similar. Link to post Share on other sites
MickeyBill Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 There is another site called tineye.com, but google is pretty good, tineye will have a different search algorithm. I means that the pix are not on the big sites like Craiglist etc. which is a good thing. Lawyers don't want you talking to anyone...IRL or online. In case her lawyer (if she has one) finds it, they would get a good idea what you are thinking. Doctors don't like web stuff either. I think anyone in a position of power, who controls alot of info feels like they are the authority not the rabble of the internet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnneP Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 There is another site called tineye.com, but google is pretty good, tineye will have a different search algorithm. I means that the pix are not on the big sites like Craiglist etc. which is a good thing. Lawyers don't want you talking to anyone...IRL or online. In case her lawyer (if she has one) finds it, they would get a good idea what you are thinking. Doctors don't like web stuff either. I think anyone in a position of power, who controls alot of info feels like they are the authority not the rabble of the internet. Your lawyer is worried that you will reveal your real identity and your wife would find this. I'm sure using a name like Zombiehead and not disclosing anything real about who you are will keep you safe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Do what you gotta do to get through this as easily as possible. I hope you decide to get away from this person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 I was thinking to my self... whats worse.. this or cheating with one person? I mean cheating can be just a slip up... this however can be a problem or as someone said an addiction. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 I was thinking to my self... whats worse.. this or cheating with one person? I mean cheating can be just a slip up... this however can be a problem or as someone said an addiction. A one night stand can possibly be a slip up but cheating with one person IS a choice, having an affair is a continued choice of action. But what his wife has done is just plain wrong and beyond wrong. It's more than an addiction, she's making bad choices and not thinking, she's put herself and her family at risk with those pictures and video's online. She needs professional help, a huge wake up call before she ends up doing something really shady and more illegal than what she's doing now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 My attorney advised me today not to post details on forums like this one. I don't understand how this thread can hurt my case? Lawyers always err on the side of caution. Remember, he works for you. He's not a judge and he's not your boss. Keep posting if you want to. As long as you post anonymously I don't understand why he would object. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 I have seen many others say the same thing... their lawyers have advised them to not talk about the infidelity on forums. You are paying for that advice... and I am sure he knows why. I would do as he says so as to not jeopardize my case in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Indeed, follow the lawyers advise in this case as the law can be very murky. Would apperciate an update in the future when the legal issues are resolved. Link to post Share on other sites
Mumbles Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Last night I ran a bunch of her porn selfies through google reverse image search and I got no results or matches, just similar photos of other women. Had no idea google had that many porn images. I would upload one of her more tame topless selfies on google reverse search, no matches but tons of similar photos of topless women. I tried the more hardcore selfies she took that didn't have her face and had the same outcome, no matching found but a bunch of similar. It could take a while to filter through. Unless one of her 'friends' is selling the photos to a porn site or 'share' site, they won't start to emerge for some months, living primarily in the Deep or Dark web to begin with. Eventually they get scooped up by ne'er do wells and will start to appear in more public places, places that google image will then start to find. The thing is, even if you assume that the recipients of these images are all good at keeping secrets, eventually someones phone gets lost, or hacked, or something, so, eventually, the images will leak. In the company/forces security realm, its accepted that once you lose control of information its lost forever, you can't gain secrecy/control back. Best to just swallow that lump and move on, there is literally nothing you can do about it from here. As with Drifter777 I'd agree that the chances there weren't an FWB or two involved here are pretty slim. Its the lovers that she is going to be wanting to send the pics to - fringe deviants aside. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 Porn sharing sites? Does anyone know the most popular or any for that matter? I have no clue when it comes to internet porn, I keep seeing a site called pornhub in my google searches. Link to post Share on other sites
MickeyBill Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 It could take a while to filter through. Unless one of her 'friends' is selling the photos to a porn site or 'share' site, they won't start to emerge for some months, living primarily in the Deep or Dark web to begin with. Eventually they get scooped up by ne'er do wells and will start to appear in more public places, places that google image will then start to find. I am not sure about the Deep Dark Web...there is an endless flow of porn on the the regular web. Unless Mrs ZH has some extra special sauce goin on the "clients" will just move onto some other "camgirl" when they get bored with her. If it is true that she has not shown her face these guys will lose interest - the hook was the convo between her and then, the flirts, emails and and the requests. Not the actual pix. I know a guy who used to shoot and sell spicy pix to sites but he says there is no $ in that side of the web porn biz anymore. Unless it's someone famous nobody cares and her pics are going to be lost in the millions of others. Doesn't excuse what she did. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 Never mind, there is no way to find them if they are out there. Looking at porn sharing sites is making me sick. I have better things to do. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Zombie, you're right, you do have better things to do. Please try to focus on today and tomorrow, what you want it to be and work exclusively toward that. You can't change yesterday, nor can your wife...she did what she did and that is on her. It may be an illness or addiction or anything else but it is actually water under the bridge and cannot be undone. Ask yourself, can you recover your feelings, love and trust in your marriage to your wife. Is so, what will it take and tell her that this is what you need. If you can't, don't prolong the inevitable, don't torture her or yourself. There is only one thing you can't replace, that is time. Don't wasted time on something your not going to be able to recover. I truly wish you the best whatever you choose. Some have said to D her immediately and a few have said that this is your choice and your choice alone. I agree with the later....this is your life to live and enjoy. Just pursue it with passion and enthusiasm as this will give you the most from the life you have been given. kg 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 If no faces are shown I wouldn't worry any further 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Greg1972 Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Caught my wife taking nude photos of herself with her phone. Asked what she was doing and she said they were for her, then she said they were for me? We dated 3 years and have been married for 12 years and she has never sent me a nude pic or a sexy pic for that matter. One week goes by, I hear her in our bathroom so I peek in and she is again taking nude pics of herself and posing too. I don't say a word for 3 days hoping the pics will be coming to me but nothing came. Last night I confronted her about the 2nd nude photo shoot I witnessed. I told her to give me her phone so I can check it. She has her phone locked and will not let me in it. I told her there needs to be 100% transparency in our marriage. She through a fit about this slamming doors saying everyone is needs privacy. This is all new with her. She never locked her phone, she has also shut down her email on our shared home PC. She is always on her phone and she seems very happy, like she is a teenager or something. Also she is being overly nice to me, telling me I'm her best friend, we are a team, initiating sex all the time. There is something going on. There is a rat in the woodpile. I think she is having an affair. My gut is screaming at me. I'm going to try to find a way to get in her phone and see what she is up too. Do you people think I'm crazy or do you think she is having an affair? You should probably get a lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 You should probably get a lawyer. You should probably read more of the thread before giving advice. My attorney advised me today not to post details on forums like this one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chaparral Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 What you do in all this is strictly up to you. There is no doubt how hurtful this is. However, some posters seem to be making this out to be worse than I would. I think an affair with one or a few guys where there was an emotional/sexual connection would be much harder to deal with. In your wife's case your dealing with a form of porn addiction. Am I mistaken that from her end this is anonymous? I know you tracked some of her online buddies but was her info out there to be tracked? Did she always keep her identity and face hidden? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted February 18, 2017 Share Posted February 18, 2017 (edited) What you do in all this is strictly up to you. There is no doubt how hurtful this is. However, some posters seem to be making this out to be worse than I would. I think an affair with one or a few guys where there was an emotional/sexual connection would be much harder to deal with. In your wife's case your dealing with a form of porn addiction. Am I mistaken that from her end this is anonymous? I know you tracked some of her online buddies but was her info out there to be tracked? Did she always keep her identity and face hidden? The question you need to ask yourself is; how far would've this go on if you hadn't stepped in?. I doubt the wife was telling the OM how much she loved her husband while performing on cam. There are so many layers to this story. My ExW did send pics to OMM. That was just the beginning. Edited February 18, 2017 by BuddyX Grammar Link to post Share on other sites
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