whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 I was thinking to my self... whats worse.. this or cheating with one person? I mean cheating can be just a slip up... this however can be a problem or as someone said an addiction. A one night stand can possibly be a slip up but cheating with one person IS a choice, having an affair is a continued choice of action. But what his wife has done is just plain wrong and beyond wrong. It's more than an addiction, she's making bad choices and not thinking, she's put herself and her family at risk with those pictures and video's online. She needs professional help, a huge wake up call before she ends up doing something really shady and more illegal than what she's doing now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 My attorney advised me today not to post details on forums like this one. I don't understand how this thread can hurt my case? Lawyers always err on the side of caution. Remember, he works for you. He's not a judge and he's not your boss. Keep posting if you want to. As long as you post anonymously I don't understand why he would object. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 I have seen many others say the same thing... their lawyers have advised them to not talk about the infidelity on forums. You are paying for that advice... and I am sure he knows why. I would do as he says so as to not jeopardize my case in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Indeed, follow the lawyers advise in this case as the law can be very murky. Would apperciate an update in the future when the legal issues are resolved. Link to post Share on other sites
Mumbles Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Last night I ran a bunch of her porn selfies through google reverse image search and I got no results or matches, just similar photos of other women. Had no idea google had that many porn images. I would upload one of her more tame topless selfies on google reverse search, no matches but tons of similar photos of topless women. I tried the more hardcore selfies she took that didn't have her face and had the same outcome, no matching found but a bunch of similar. It could take a while to filter through. Unless one of her 'friends' is selling the photos to a porn site or 'share' site, they won't start to emerge for some months, living primarily in the Deep or Dark web to begin with. Eventually they get scooped up by ne'er do wells and will start to appear in more public places, places that google image will then start to find. The thing is, even if you assume that the recipients of these images are all good at keeping secrets, eventually someones phone gets lost, or hacked, or something, so, eventually, the images will leak. In the company/forces security realm, its accepted that once you lose control of information its lost forever, you can't gain secrecy/control back. Best to just swallow that lump and move on, there is literally nothing you can do about it from here. As with Drifter777 I'd agree that the chances there weren't an FWB or two involved here are pretty slim. Its the lovers that she is going to be wanting to send the pics to - fringe deviants aside. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 Porn sharing sites? Does anyone know the most popular or any for that matter? I have no clue when it comes to internet porn, I keep seeing a site called pornhub in my google searches. Link to post Share on other sites
MickeyBill Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 It could take a while to filter through. Unless one of her 'friends' is selling the photos to a porn site or 'share' site, they won't start to emerge for some months, living primarily in the Deep or Dark web to begin with. Eventually they get scooped up by ne'er do wells and will start to appear in more public places, places that google image will then start to find. I am not sure about the Deep Dark Web...there is an endless flow of porn on the the regular web. Unless Mrs ZH has some extra special sauce goin on the "clients" will just move onto some other "camgirl" when they get bored with her. If it is true that she has not shown her face these guys will lose interest - the hook was the convo between her and then, the flirts, emails and and the requests. Not the actual pix. I know a guy who used to shoot and sell spicy pix to sites but he says there is no $ in that side of the web porn biz anymore. Unless it's someone famous nobody cares and her pics are going to be lost in the millions of others. Doesn't excuse what she did. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 Never mind, there is no way to find them if they are out there. Looking at porn sharing sites is making me sick. I have better things to do. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Zombie, you're right, you do have better things to do. Please try to focus on today and tomorrow, what you want it to be and work exclusively toward that. You can't change yesterday, nor can your wife...she did what she did and that is on her. It may be an illness or addiction or anything else but it is actually water under the bridge and cannot be undone. Ask yourself, can you recover your feelings, love and trust in your marriage to your wife. Is so, what will it take and tell her that this is what you need. If you can't, don't prolong the inevitable, don't torture her or yourself. There is only one thing you can't replace, that is time. Don't wasted time on something your not going to be able to recover. I truly wish you the best whatever you choose. Some have said to D her immediately and a few have said that this is your choice and your choice alone. I agree with the later....this is your life to live and enjoy. Just pursue it with passion and enthusiasm as this will give you the most from the life you have been given. kg 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 If no faces are shown I wouldn't worry any further 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Greg1972 Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Caught my wife taking nude photos of herself with her phone. Asked what she was doing and she said they were for her, then she said they were for me? We dated 3 years and have been married for 12 years and she has never sent me a nude pic or a sexy pic for that matter. One week goes by, I hear her in our bathroom so I peek in and she is again taking nude pics of herself and posing too. I don't say a word for 3 days hoping the pics will be coming to me but nothing came. Last night I confronted her about the 2nd nude photo shoot I witnessed. I told her to give me her phone so I can check it. She has her phone locked and will not let me in it. I told her there needs to be 100% transparency in our marriage. She through a fit about this slamming doors saying everyone is needs privacy. This is all new with her. She never locked her phone, she has also shut down her email on our shared home PC. She is always on her phone and she seems very happy, like she is a teenager or something. Also she is being overly nice to me, telling me I'm her best friend, we are a team, initiating sex all the time. There is something going on. There is a rat in the woodpile. I think she is having an affair. My gut is screaming at me. I'm going to try to find a way to get in her phone and see what she is up too. Do you people think I'm crazy or do you think she is having an affair? You should probably get a lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 You should probably get a lawyer. You should probably read more of the thread before giving advice. My attorney advised me today not to post details on forums like this one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chaparral Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 What you do in all this is strictly up to you. There is no doubt how hurtful this is. However, some posters seem to be making this out to be worse than I would. I think an affair with one or a few guys where there was an emotional/sexual connection would be much harder to deal with. In your wife's case your dealing with a form of porn addiction. Am I mistaken that from her end this is anonymous? I know you tracked some of her online buddies but was her info out there to be tracked? Did she always keep her identity and face hidden? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted February 18, 2017 Share Posted February 18, 2017 (edited) What you do in all this is strictly up to you. There is no doubt how hurtful this is. However, some posters seem to be making this out to be worse than I would. I think an affair with one or a few guys where there was an emotional/sexual connection would be much harder to deal with. In your wife's case your dealing with a form of porn addiction. Am I mistaken that from her end this is anonymous? I know you tracked some of her online buddies but was her info out there to be tracked? Did she always keep her identity and face hidden? The question you need to ask yourself is; how far would've this go on if you hadn't stepped in?. I doubt the wife was telling the OM how much she loved her husband while performing on cam. There are so many layers to this story. My ExW did send pics to OMM. That was just the beginning. Edited February 18, 2017 by BuddyX Grammar Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 After going over options with my attorney a divorce will be expensive, feeling trapped. Wife told her parents, I was in the room with her listening. Her dad called me this morning and insisted we work to save the marriage and that he would pick up the tab for MC. He doesn't want his grandchildren to have a broken home. I told him that I wasn't interested in MC right now and that I appreciate the offer but I would never take his money. Also I told him that i understand his concern for our children but it is not his decision to make. Wife is having her 2nd IC session today and she has not had any contact with her affair partners. That's about all, trying to limit details per my attorney. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 After going over options with my attorney a divorce will be expensive, feeling trapped. Wife told her parents, I was in the room with her listening. Her dad called me this morning and insisted we work to save the marriage and that he would pick up the tab for MC. He doesn't want his grandchildren to have a broken home. I told him that I wasn't interested in MC right now and that I appreciate the offer but I would never take his money. Also I told him that i understand his concern for our children but it is not his decision to make. Wife is having her 2nd IC session today and she has not had any contact with her affair partners. That's about all, trying to limit details per my attorney. Easy for him to say isn't it. Translation- I don't want to have to help keep her. In reality it's not his call. Is it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 After going over options with my attorney a divorce will be expensive, feeling trapped. Wife told her parents, I was in the room with her listening. Her dad called me this morning and insisted we work to save the marriage and that he would pick up the tab for MC. He doesn't want his grandchildren to have a broken home. I told him that I wasn't interested in MC right now and that I appreciate the offer but I would never take his money. Also I told him that i understand his concern for our children but it is not his decision to make. Wife is having her 2nd IC session today and she has not had any contact with her affair partners. That's about all, trying to limit details per my attorney. It seems strange that he would use the term "broken home" in reference to divorce, considering what your wife has done your you and your family. Either way, I completely agree with you, that it is not his or anyone else's decision besides your own. Thank you for updating. Link to post Share on other sites
zeeohsixer Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 I am not sure about the Deep Dark Web...there is an endless flow of porn on the the regular web. Unless Mrs ZH has some extra special sauce goin on the "clients" will just move onto some other "camgirl" when they get bored with her. If it is true that she has not shown her face these guys will lose interest - the hook was the convo between her and then, the flirts, emails and and the requests. Not the actual pix. I know a guy who used to shoot and sell spicy pix to sites but he says there is no $ in that side of the web porn biz anymore. Unless it's someone famous nobody cares and her pics are going to be lost in the millions of others. Doesn't excuse what she did. LOL. The deep web is nothing more than websites that are not indexed by search engines like google/yahoo etc Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 other than her IC, is she showing any remorse or just remorse for getting caught? Link to post Share on other sites
bigman1 Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 After going over options with my attorney a divorce will be expensive, feeling trapped.... That's about all, trying to limit details per my attorney. 1. Limit details as lawyer said. Always follow lawyer's advice. 2. EXPENSIVE? Hell, brain surgery is expensive, but you'd pay every dime if it would save your life, wouldn't you? Money can be made again. Nest eggs rebuilt. Do not let money become the "reason" you stay when it is really something else, like maybe you want to give it a chance. No shame in that. Still, be honest with yourself. Leaving is hard and life changing, but it is not life ending. It is not financial ruin. More money can be made. Good luck however you move forward. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 After going over options with my attorney a divorce will be expensive, feeling trapped. I gave my ex everything to get out of our marriage. Best investment I ever made... Mr. Lucky 6 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Don't let money be the reason you stay with a woman who has done such a terrible thing... That's not the wisest course in the long run. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Don't let money be the reason you stay with a woman who has done such a terrible thing... That's not the wisest course in the long run. ^^ yup yup. According to my lawyer I walked away from a quarter million (yes, she would've paid me for the next 5 years). You know what was worth more? A peace of mind. No regrets. I have faith in myself that I can earn it all back. Plus, not having to worry about secret emails, text messages, that's just priceless. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 After going over options with my attorney a divorce will be expensive, feeling trapped. Wife told her parents, I was in the room with her listening. Her dad called me this morning and insisted we work to save the marriage and that he would pick up the tab for MC. He doesn't want his grandchildren to have a broken home. I told him that I wasn't interested in MC right now and that I appreciate the offer but I would never take his money. Also I told him that i understand his concern for our children but it is not his decision to make. Wife is having her 2nd IC session today and she has not had any contact with her affair partners. That's about all, trying to limit details per my attorney. Does he know all the details of what she's done? Filming you two having sex and putting it online? Anyway it's not up to her parents (her dad) to command you to stay married to their daughter. The decision is yours. They have invested interest and are only thinking of their daughter's well being not yours. Just wait it out and see how things go, no need to rush into a divorce but no need to make a choice to fix things either. You need time to think, absorb it all. I do think you should take the offer about your father in law paying for counseling, regardless of the outcome. You need some professional help too so you can digest all this in a healthy way. Please just give it some thought before closing the door on his offer. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 Wife apologies several times a day, she is pleasant and plays happy in front of the kids. When we are alone she is mopey. Before I found out she was acting like a happy and giddy like a wayward wild teenager. Anyway I have emailed with 2 of her affair partners on Gmail. They have emailed her several times, "where r u" and "remember me?" So I replied trying to understand this whole sexting culture. I replied, "very busy sorry" and I asked both of them "tell me baby what is it you love most about me?" They both replied with nearly the same answer. One said "the way you react" and the other said, "the way we interact it's so effortless". What do you guys make of those answers? Link to post Share on other sites
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