Author zombiehead Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 After going over options with my attorney a divorce will be expensive, feeling trapped. Wife told her parents, I was in the room with her listening. Her dad called me this morning and insisted we work to save the marriage and that he would pick up the tab for MC. He doesn't want his grandchildren to have a broken home. I told him that I wasn't interested in MC right now and that I appreciate the offer but I would never take his money. Also I told him that i understand his concern for our children but it is not his decision to make. Wife is having her 2nd IC session today and she has not had any contact with her affair partners. That's about all, trying to limit details per my attorney. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 After going over options with my attorney a divorce will be expensive, feeling trapped. Wife told her parents, I was in the room with her listening. Her dad called me this morning and insisted we work to save the marriage and that he would pick up the tab for MC. He doesn't want his grandchildren to have a broken home. I told him that I wasn't interested in MC right now and that I appreciate the offer but I would never take his money. Also I told him that i understand his concern for our children but it is not his decision to make. Wife is having her 2nd IC session today and she has not had any contact with her affair partners. That's about all, trying to limit details per my attorney. Easy for him to say isn't it. Translation- I don't want to have to help keep her. In reality it's not his call. Is it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 After going over options with my attorney a divorce will be expensive, feeling trapped. Wife told her parents, I was in the room with her listening. Her dad called me this morning and insisted we work to save the marriage and that he would pick up the tab for MC. He doesn't want his grandchildren to have a broken home. I told him that I wasn't interested in MC right now and that I appreciate the offer but I would never take his money. Also I told him that i understand his concern for our children but it is not his decision to make. Wife is having her 2nd IC session today and she has not had any contact with her affair partners. That's about all, trying to limit details per my attorney. It seems strange that he would use the term "broken home" in reference to divorce, considering what your wife has done your you and your family. Either way, I completely agree with you, that it is not his or anyone else's decision besides your own. Thank you for updating. Link to post Share on other sites
zeeohsixer Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 I am not sure about the Deep Dark Web...there is an endless flow of porn on the the regular web. Unless Mrs ZH has some extra special sauce goin on the "clients" will just move onto some other "camgirl" when they get bored with her. If it is true that she has not shown her face these guys will lose interest - the hook was the convo between her and then, the flirts, emails and and the requests. Not the actual pix. I know a guy who used to shoot and sell spicy pix to sites but he says there is no $ in that side of the web porn biz anymore. Unless it's someone famous nobody cares and her pics are going to be lost in the millions of others. Doesn't excuse what she did. LOL. The deep web is nothing more than websites that are not indexed by search engines like google/yahoo etc Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 other than her IC, is she showing any remorse or just remorse for getting caught? Link to post Share on other sites
bigman1 Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 After going over options with my attorney a divorce will be expensive, feeling trapped.... That's about all, trying to limit details per my attorney. 1. Limit details as lawyer said. Always follow lawyer's advice. 2. EXPENSIVE? Hell, brain surgery is expensive, but you'd pay every dime if it would save your life, wouldn't you? Money can be made again. Nest eggs rebuilt. Do not let money become the "reason" you stay when it is really something else, like maybe you want to give it a chance. No shame in that. Still, be honest with yourself. Leaving is hard and life changing, but it is not life ending. It is not financial ruin. More money can be made. Good luck however you move forward. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 After going over options with my attorney a divorce will be expensive, feeling trapped. I gave my ex everything to get out of our marriage. Best investment I ever made... Mr. Lucky 6 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Don't let money be the reason you stay with a woman who has done such a terrible thing... That's not the wisest course in the long run. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Don't let money be the reason you stay with a woman who has done such a terrible thing... That's not the wisest course in the long run. ^^ yup yup. According to my lawyer I walked away from a quarter million (yes, she would've paid me for the next 5 years). You know what was worth more? A peace of mind. No regrets. I have faith in myself that I can earn it all back. Plus, not having to worry about secret emails, text messages, that's just priceless. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 After going over options with my attorney a divorce will be expensive, feeling trapped. Wife told her parents, I was in the room with her listening. Her dad called me this morning and insisted we work to save the marriage and that he would pick up the tab for MC. He doesn't want his grandchildren to have a broken home. I told him that I wasn't interested in MC right now and that I appreciate the offer but I would never take his money. Also I told him that i understand his concern for our children but it is not his decision to make. Wife is having her 2nd IC session today and she has not had any contact with her affair partners. That's about all, trying to limit details per my attorney. Does he know all the details of what she's done? Filming you two having sex and putting it online? Anyway it's not up to her parents (her dad) to command you to stay married to their daughter. The decision is yours. They have invested interest and are only thinking of their daughter's well being not yours. Just wait it out and see how things go, no need to rush into a divorce but no need to make a choice to fix things either. You need time to think, absorb it all. I do think you should take the offer about your father in law paying for counseling, regardless of the outcome. You need some professional help too so you can digest all this in a healthy way. Please just give it some thought before closing the door on his offer. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 Wife apologies several times a day, she is pleasant and plays happy in front of the kids. When we are alone she is mopey. Before I found out she was acting like a happy and giddy like a wayward wild teenager. Anyway I have emailed with 2 of her affair partners on Gmail. They have emailed her several times, "where r u" and "remember me?" So I replied trying to understand this whole sexting culture. I replied, "very busy sorry" and I asked both of them "tell me baby what is it you love most about me?" They both replied with nearly the same answer. One said "the way you react" and the other said, "the way we interact it's so effortless". What do you guys make of those answers? Link to post Share on other sites
WilyWill Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 I honestly wouldn't care how a couple of Internet weirdos reacted. She was obviously leading them on with all kinds of sex-selfies and sex-talk. The issue is with HER behavior, not theirs. Why is she a giddy teenager when Internet weirdos get off on her, and can't seem to fulfill the role of loving wife? Is she ever going to be capable of this? Why was YOUR interest in her not enough to keep her happy? These are questions she needs to answer. Tell your father-in-law to butt out if he sticks his head in again. If he wanted to make sure his daughter ended up in a secure, loving marriage, he should have considered providing an affectionate, nurturing home to her during her youth. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 I have emailed with 2 of her affair partners on Gmail. They have emailed her several times, "where r u" and "remember me?" So I replied trying to understand this whole sexting culture. I replied, "very busy sorry" and I asked both of them "tell me baby what is it you love most about me?" They both replied with nearly the same answer. One said "the way you react" and the other said, "the way we interact it's so effortless". What do you guys make of those answers? Ok, this is starting to go into creepy territory, on your part. Are you going to divorce or not? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
bigman1 Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 You need help. You are really going into a very dark place and no good comes of it. You are on the road to obsession. I don't know if this and other unhealthy thoughts and behavior pre date her foolishness or not, but you went to this bad place rather quickly. GET HELP FOR YOURSELF NOW. To answer your question to which the answer is obvious, I will say this: Some people (not sure if real men or teens or women) liked seeing a naked woman. Some people want to establish a connection with that naked woman. It is like dudes thinking the stripper really likes them or that the hooker has caught feelings for them. The hooker and stripper don't, but those losers want to believe it is true. Get help. Get help. Get help. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 22, 2017 Share Posted February 22, 2017 Wife apologies several times a day, she is pleasant and plays happy in front of the kids. When we are alone she is mopey. Before I found out she was acting like a happy and giddy like a wayward wild teenager. Anyway I have emailed with 2 of her affair partners on Gmail. They have emailed her several times, "where r u" and "remember me?" So I replied trying to understand this whole sexting culture. I replied, "very busy sorry" and I asked both of them "tell me baby what is it you love most about me?" They both replied with nearly the same answer. One said "the way you react" and the other said, "the way we interact it's so effortless". What do you guys make of those answers? Who cares what they answer! They are horny dudes looking for hookups... which happened to be your wife! Now she's sad she doesn't have the thrill anymore - but she doesn't want to forfeit her security blanket (your money). The real question is why haven't you thrown her out with access to no money? It's crazy to me that you are still trying in this farce of a marriage. She's no wife! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Wife apologies several times a day, she is pleasant and plays happy in front of the kids. When we are alone she is mopey. Before I found out she was acting like a happy and giddy like a wayward wild teenager. Anyway I have emailed with 2 of her affair partners on Gmail. They have emailed her several times, "where r u" and "remember me?" So I replied trying to understand this whole sexting culture. I replied, "very busy sorry" and I asked both of them "tell me baby what is it you love most about me?" They both replied with nearly the same answer. One said "the way you react" and the other said, "the way we interact it's so effortless". What do you guys make of those answers? Again ZH, none of this has to do with your recovery and path forward in life. You're just "pain shopping" and punishing yourself further with these interactions, a complete waste of time when there are more important things at hand. You have some decisions to make, turn off Gmail and focus on the basics - - does it make sense to live under the same roof right now? - what legal steps should you be considering? - your wife went off the deep end, is there any marital way back from that? - how can you best shepherd your kids through this? - is it worth putting effort into something that may not work? I'd forget about her AP's and focus on you... Mr. Lucky 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Wife apologies several times a day, she is pleasant and plays happy in front of the kids. When we are alone she is mopey. Before I found out she was acting like a happy and giddy like a wayward wild teenager. Anyway I have emailed with 2 of her affair partners on Gmail. They have emailed her several times, "where r u" and "remember me?" So I replied trying to understand this whole sexting culture. I replied, "very busy sorry" and I asked both of them "tell me baby what is it you love most about me?" They both replied with nearly the same answer. One said "the way you react" and the other said, "the way we interact it's so effortless". What do you guys make of those answers? Dude...that is just messed up. Why are you doing that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 23, 2017 Author Share Posted February 23, 2017 Lost my mind for a bit, closed the Gmail and I went ahead and exposed 2 of her affair partners. I was hunting for more information, possible IRL meetings that is why I emailed her affair partners. Dark place? I was in a dark place the day I saw her taking nude photos. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Doorstopper Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 You really should take your father in law up on counseling. If not MC, then IC for yourself. You need help understanding all of this, what it means, and how to move forward, either with or without her. People here can guide you on your path to recovery or reconciliation but you need more than that. I went through IC for about 6 months after my wife's EA, and I can not begin to tell you how helpful it was. The fact that you are still looking for stuff, and contacting APs seems to point to you not wanting to leave. You have more than enough info the end it and leave. If you do choose reconcilliation, you have something going for you that few of us had: At least at this point your wife seems to have been almost completely honest with little or no trickle truth. But I understand the dilemma. Something didn't happen once. It happened over and over over a long period. This makes it difficult to comprehend the why, hence the need for professional help for your own recovery. I wish you the best! Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Lost my mind for a bit, closed the Gmail and I went ahead and exposed 2 of her affair partners. I was hunting for more information, possible IRL meetings that is why I emailed her affair partners. Dark place? I was in a dark place the day I saw her taking nude photos. Are you avoiding my question? Are you going to divorce or not? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 (edited) Lost your mind for a bit... pain shopping is not healthy or productive. It keeps you stuck in your anger, which means that you don't have to deal with your pain. You have more than enough to ask her to leave. Your hesitation speaks to your confusion right now. It's time to find a good counsellor to help you deal with the situation in a healthy manner and decide what you want for your future. Edited February 23, 2017 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 So what are you going to do... I am a little confused. You probably are too. Are you going to try and reconcile this thing???? Or are you going to divorce her???? Do not let money be the reason that you stay in the marriage. You can make more money. I am not saying you should do either. I will say that it seems the odds of her not having a physical affair in the last year or so seem really slim. I guess that it is possible? This situation is about as close as it gets if she did not. And frankly you really don't have to decide anything right away. But be sure that YOU DON'T DECIDE ANYTHING. If you don't know what you want then take your time, but do not commit to anything. Let me leave you with this. I have spent 26 years of my life, devoted to a woman that never loved me. That is half of my life. I took that long for me to figure that out because I was a fool in love. Don't take that long to understand what is really going on in your marriage. Take the reasonable amount of time necessary to figure it out one way or another, but please figure it out... Good luck ZH... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Lost your mind for a bit... pain shopping is not healthy or productive. It keeps you stuck in your anger, which means that you don't have to deal with your pain. You have more than enough to ask her to leave. Your hesitation speaks to your confusion right now. It's time to find a good counsellor to help you deal with the situation in a healthy manner and decide what you want for your future.Lost your mind for a bit... pain shopping is not healthy or productive. It keeps you stuck in your anger, which means that you don't have to deal with your pain. Whoa, what a concept: pain shopping. And what an interpretation: "... you don't have to deal with your pain" But having done it, I can say it's a true thing. Just didn't know it had a name. I would say that it's definitely obsessive, even addictive, and certainly non-productive, but the answer is not donning a straitjacket to keep from over-researching. It's what Bailey said that it "keeps you stuck in your anger, which means that you don't have to deal with your pain." And THAT is a very few words to say what is imho the least understood or talked about - but essential - stage that a BS must pass through. To get past it, you have to be with your pain for a while at some point without trying to stop it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 (edited) It was Mr Lucky who first used the term, but it is absolutely what zombie is doing... There is nothing to be gained and no purpose to contacting the other men other than to fuel your anger. Which is ok for a while because you need to feel that anger. But, at a certain point, you cause unnecessary pain for yourself and the risk is that you stay stuck, which prevents you from moving on to deal with the hard decisions. Edited February 23, 2017 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 24, 2017 Author Share Posted February 24, 2017 Haven't decided if I want to stay in the marriage or not. I have been looking through the nude pics and sexting conversations several times a day. Looking at the dates and thinking back to where I was at those times and where the twins were. I haven't looked at that stuff today. Closed the gmail account last night and messaged on FB 2 betrayed wives and one called me today for more details. Will not take a dime from her dad, we dont have financial issues. I work 2 jobs so we can save for twin's college and retirement. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts