nude pics red flag??

[zombiehead]

I dont have to look at her sexting crap because it is permanently burned into my brain. I see it all day in my thoughts. This will be my biggest hurdle, to not thinl about it.

[merrmeade]

I dont have to look at her sexting crap because it is permanently burned into my brain. I see it all day in my thoughts. This will be my biggest hurdle, to not thinl about it.

I've often wondered if people who divorce right away have the same difficulty.

[zombiehead]

If I didn't have to see my wife everyday I could heal much quicker. Just looking at her triggers anger, pain, hurt, and disgust.

 

There is a thread on here about a guy still struggling with his wife's affair that happened 25 freaking years ago.

 

I don't want to be that guy, I want this over asap. Divorce is probably the best option for my mental health.

[bluefeather]

Divorce is probably the best option for my mental health.

 

I'm sorry that it may have to go that way, ZH, but definitely agree that it is best. Wishing you lots of healing.

[Cephalopod]

I dont have to look at her sexting crap because it is permanently burned into my brain. I see it all day in my thoughts. This will be my biggest hurdle, to not thinl about it.

 

The best way to get over these is to get rid of the source. Tell her to pack her bags and go find someone who will meet her needs sexually.

 

Stop taking her abuse and you will start to feel better. Your wife is up remorseful and blame-shifting. She's nothing special. Just a run-of-the-mill cheat and liar. Once you step back and see her for what she really is the decisions will become easier.

[Damia]

If I didn't have to see my wife everyday I could heal much quicker. Just looking at her triggers anger, pain, hurt, and disgust.

 

There is a thread on here about a guy still struggling with his wife's affair that happened 25 freaking years ago.

 

I don't want to be that guy, I want this over asap. Divorce is probably the best option for my mental health.

 

Hello Zombiehead.

Has your roll a coaster ride come to a halt yet ? Or are there more twists and turns to negotiate.

Our hearts went out to you and your bewildered confusion.

 

Hoping you have found a clear way forward.

[zombiehead]

My wife has been doing all she can to fix herself and the damage she has done. After repeated requests from her therapist I finally attended a session last week. I was worried that the therapist was going to pressure me to R. That didnt happen, I was like a fly on the wall, did not participate just witnessed the session. My ww was honest with the therapist about her behavior and they mainly discussed what was causing her to become addicted to her online sexting.

 

I took the week off and took a trip with some guy friends. I'm still leaning towards divorce, however she will get over $300k after asset division.

 

When I see her I see the sexting. Not sure if that can be fixed and I dont want that life.

[Jersey born raised]

She has a kink. It can perhaps be eliminated or channeled in such a way that strengthens the marriage. Ask for a another session with her therapist and inquire about this possibility. Oh, I do not think she crossed the line into a PA, yet and might never in the future.

[usa1ah]

If I didn't have to see my wife everyday I could heal much quicker. Just looking at her triggers anger, pain, hurt, and disgust.

 

There is a thread on here about a guy still struggling with his wife's affair that happened 25 freaking years ago.

 

I don't want to be that guy, I want this over asap. Divorce is probably the best option for my mental health.

 

 

 

 

I believe this is true..

[understand50]

If I didn't have to see my wife everyday I could heal much quicker. Just looking at her triggers anger, pain, hurt, and disgust.

 

There is a thread on here about a guy still struggling with his wife's affair that happened 25 freaking years ago.

 

I don't want to be that guy, I want this over asap. Divorce is probably the best option for my mental health.

 

Zombiehead,

 

I think you need to come to the realization, that this will never go away.

 

I am one of those that is "struggling" with infertility for long past. It is not affecting me in any great deal, it is part of the history of our marriage and my life. Divorce will not make it any less so for you. In fact Divorce will bring its own problems and issues. You need to come to terms that what ever you do, you will never forget this. Question is, how is this going to impact everyone around you.

 

Divorce, impacts the family, your kids, in laws, your parents, wife, and yourself. I think it is a easier way to go, then reconciliation. Reconciliation requires much more hard work on both sides. The benefits, are grater then divorce. You will be judged on your actions as will she. Your kids especially when they get older and have kids. What I am trying to impart, is that while divorce may seem the right move here, it does bring with it a whole host of negative problems, and will last the rest of your life. You have kids, and she is their mother, you are going to have to deal with her.

 

Bottom line, soon or later you are going to have to face how to deal with what she did and come to some type of terms with it. I think you the person that you site is one who's wife is not really working on reconciliation, and does not show remorse on her part. This is the key, if your wife is willing and understand what to do, I think you would be better off staying with her. If she does not, and trys to rug sweep, the you should break apart. It all comes down to how you both work things out.

 

Here are some links that may help. Yo may have looked at them already, but if not there is some good stuff here. You may have been told about this book, I included the free PDF link:

 

http://www.lindajmacdonald.com/HOW_T...FINAL_pdf-.pdf

 

Remorse, is a huge thing. It has many different meaning to each of us. Here is a discussion that may help you.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/roma...elates-affairs.

 

Here is my take on what remorse looks like.

 

Here is what I think, Remorse, true remorse, in the context of infidelity, or any action(s) that you have done to grievously wound your spouse, child or other family members, is the ability to look beyond yourself, your well being, and your own interests and feel the pain and hurt caused by your actions, and in so doing, begin to try and make things right to restore trust in an relationship. It is allowing the injured person to select what they need to heal, from you, and for you to supply it to the best of your understanding and ability. At it core, you place their needs above your own, and take on any discomfort, embarrassment, shame, security and loss of secrecy, that is needed to repair your and theirs relationship. You must lastly become an open book, and live mutually transparent with them.

 

Of course, there are limits. I would say, physical harm, or loss of human dignity should not be offered, or accepted, but the one who has trespassed, must be willing to put the other ahead of them in the relationship."

 

You have things you need to do, and this applies to divorce or reconciliation, as in both you will need to deal with you wife, ether former or currant.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/roma...reconciliation

 

So, if you are still with me. Know that this will never go away. No matter what you do you are going to have to come to some sort of way of dealing with it. As I tend to go the reconciliation rout, I think it is better to stay and work things out. Not always, but I see hope in your case. If you divorce, and do not get me wrong, you do have a good reason to, you will have to do the same, but with the added heart break of not having your family and kids.

 

I wish you luck....

[bigman1]

I hope that I don't offend, but I have a controversial thought. It seems your wife was addicted to sex chat with guys for whom there was no hope of meetings and no desire by her. They were overseas and other states. She admits to a porn addiction and was an exhibitionist. Granted, she included a video of your intimate time.

 

I think you have put her on a pedestal and can't deal with the fact that she is not snow white and pure. She's got flaws and some kink and dirty girl to her and is not the angel you thought and your intimate special time is not as magical as you thought. It does not excuse her actions, but it does put them in perspective.

 

Sure, there are guys whose wives infidelity bothers them 25 years later. Your wife did not have anything more than a voyereuristic exhibitionist kink. When the other dude asked real life questions, she stopped talking to him. When he re engaged in the fantasy, so did she. Not to trivialize the betrayal, because it did involve other people and also included your actual sex life on video, but... she was really just engaged in masturbation. Phone sex, or porn viewing sex, but just fantasy masturbation.

 

I think if you put it in that framework, it becomes a different issue. She was not actually sleeping with or planning to sleep with anyone. That may help. Get her off the pedestal, get real about the fact that your marriage was not glorious but was ordinary, and your wife liked to get off on exhibitionism with strangers from across the sea. Not saying it does not matter, but that is vadtly different than sending videos to her real life boyfriend.

[harrybrown]

Didn't his wife make vows to forsake all others?

 

She hid what she was doing and never sent them to him.

 

So she knew it was wrong. she could have used that energy to make her marriage better. She could have used that smart mind not to cheat for so long, and to get her H involved.

 

He is not really sure he can believe any thing that she says, because she lied about her making porn for others, and how can he believe that she stopped without getting it on with some of her lovers?

 

Some of them have posted her on the internet. It is out there.

 

She is addicted to what she is doing. How can he know where the addict stopped? She is not in her right mind.

[zombiehead]

I will be attending my wife's IC session tomorrow and will be asking questions, any suggestions? Can she be cured? Does she have a mental illness? We have been sleeping apart since I found out and I have no interest in sharing a bed with her or sex with her. The kids and our dog give me happiness and joy, she does not. My dog sleeps on the bed with me, and I really enjoy it. Wake up in the middle of the night with painful thoughts and my loyal awesome dog is there for me to pet and comfort me. I would rather spoon with dog than my wife, I think I love my dog more than my wife.

[MickeyBill]

I think I love my dog more than my wife.

 

My dog was there for me when my mother died and 6 months later when my marriage died. They are the best.

[harrybrown]

has she written you a timeline of all her affairs, and all of her cheating for you?

 

How many times has she cheated on you?

 

When did she start loving the OMs and when did she stop loving you?

 

Why does she not have any respect or desire for you?

 

She never sent the images to you even when she knew that you knew about them.

 

So if she was protecting you and not the OMs, she would tell the OMs family about her activities with the OMs.

 

She cares more about them than she does you or your kids.

 

Why should she not just leave and never come back?

[zombiehead]

I dont need a timeline. I collected ovet a year's worth of sexting with multiple men and 100s of porn selfies and materbation videos. A tumeline is not needed in this situation. A regular physical affair, yes I would want a timeline.

[VeveCakes]

My dogs saved my life after my ex bf tried to kill me. I always thought of him in my darkest hours and he kept me alive. Keep the dog close always.

[zombiehead]

The trauma of infidelity is on par with the trauma from a family member passing away. When a loved one dies, there is a funeral and tremendous support from the surviving family members. With infidelity there is no funeral unless you divorce. Trying to R is very difficult. The trauma continues, every time you look at your cheating spouse you feel the trauma, you think about the betrayal, the details, the pain.

[spanz1]

Phone records are not showing anything. Her calls are clean. She is smart so she is probably using a messaging app of some sorts. Also she switched to wifi calling default so those calls and texts are not showing any contact information, just the number of wifi and text calls. If she is send out the pics through a messaging app it will not show on the phone bill.

 

There are ways to see it, but you need to install a snooping program on her phone to do so. If she is storing things in the ICloud, you might be able to see some of the messages there. Just for future reference in such cases.

[bigman1]

I will add that unless she had been diagnosed by a qualified person to have sex addiction or any other issue, then she does not.

 

Bipolar disorder is not like having a touch of arthritis. enjoying being seen naked on video with strangers is not necessarily sex addiction. No matter how you handle this, don't let anyone rush you into accepting any diagnosis. Second opinions always.

 

Believing it is due to some illness or beyond her control helps you to avoid the brutal truth, if that happens to be that she likes role playing sex with strangers. Conversely, if she has a real diagnosis, it helps to be able to figure out how to proceed. There is no requirement to stay married to a sex addict nor is there a requirement to divorce them. In order to move forward intelligently, you do need to understand the issue and put it in its proper perspective.

 

It's a tough situation no matter what. Sorry.

[zombiehead]

In about 2 hours I'll be in that sickening therapy session with my internet porn star wife. Happy f'ing days!!! I'm getting angry, I feel the rage brewing and I'm afraid that I'm going to go ballistic at any minute.

 

She was doing it while on our vacations, telling the men she is horny and wants to sneak off to the bathroom so she can sext and take nude pics and masturbate with them. I found pics she took in the bathroom of our hotel room. My life with her over the last year and a half is so tainted. Vacations, holidays, birthdays, anniversaries all tainted by her sexting.

 

Trying to R seems impossible. How do people do it? Staying with the source of your pain is unhealthy. You must be able to rug sweep and suck it up, but I don't think I'm capable of that.

 

What questions should I ask the therapist today? The last session they discussed her low self esteem and the addiction to the attention she was getting. I felt like throwing up on both of them, it was sickening to witness.

[aliveagain]

In about 2 hours I'll be in that sickening therapy session with my internet porn star wife. Happy f'ing days!!! I'm getting angry, I feel the rage brewing and I'm afraid that I'm going to go ballistic at any minute.

 

She was doing it while on our vacations, telling the men she is horny and wants to sneak off to the bathroom so she can sext and take nude pics and masturbate with them. I found pics she took in the bathroom of our hotel room. My life with her over the last year and a half is so tainted. Vacations, holidays, birthdays, anniversaries all tainted by her sexting.

 

Trying to R seems impossible. How do people do it? Staying with the source of your pain is unhealthy. You must be able to rug sweep and suck it up, but I don't think I'm capable of that.

 

What questions should I ask the therapist today? The last session they discussed her low self esteem and the addiction to the attention she was getting. I felt like throwing up on both of them, it was sickening to witness.

 

Friend, there is no one way way to deal with infidelity, some reconcile some of us don't. It comes down to what is best for you now that you know the truth. Can you feel safe, can being with her cause you more happiness then not being with her? Do you want to be with who she is now? Take a little time to decide but do so with your eyes open.

[BuddyX]

In about 2 hours I'll be in that sickening therapy session with my internet porn star wife. Happy f'ing days!!! I'm getting angry, I feel the rage brewing and I'm afraid that I'm going to go ballistic at any minute.

 

She was doing it while on our vacations, telling the men she is horny and wants to sneak off to the bathroom so she can sext and take nude pics and masturbate with them. I found pics she took in the bathroom of our hotel room. My life with her over the last year and a half is so tainted. Vacations, holidays, birthdays, anniversaries all tainted by her sexting.

 

Trying to R seems impossible. How do people do it? Staying with the source of your pain is unhealthy. You must be able to rug sweep and suck it up, but I don't think I'm capable of that.

 

What questions should I ask the therapist today? The last session they discussed her low self esteem and the addiction to the attention she was getting. I felt like throwing up on both of them, it was sickening to witness.

 

Cruises, vacations, couples getaway were all a sham. My ExW did it all (texts, pics)

 

How did I get over it? I didn't. I realized that she couldn't turn it off (the desire to be wanted). Yes she was sorry. Her actions indicated that she wanted our marriage to work. But every time I saw her gazing, day dreaming, I automatically assumed she was thinking about "him". I could not get over it.

 

You're in a pain of hurt in the next 3-5 years. I wish you well. Take care of yourself.

[drifter777]

In about 2 hours I'll be in that sickening therapy session with my internet porn star wife. Happy f'ing days!!! I'm getting angry, I feel the rage brewing and I'm afraid that I'm going to go ballistic at any minute.

 

She was doing it while on our vacations, telling the men she is horny and wants to sneak off to the bathroom so she can sext and take nude pics and masturbate with them. I found pics she took in the bathroom of our hotel room. My life with her over the last year and a half is so tainted. Vacations, holidays, birthdays, anniversaries all tainted by her sexting.

 

Trying to R seems impossible. How do people do it? Staying with the source of your pain is unhealthy. You must be able to rug sweep and suck it up, but I don't think I'm capable of that.

 

What questions should I ask the therapist today? The last session they discussed her low self esteem and the addiction to the attention she was getting. I felt like throwing up on both of them, it was sickening to witness.

 

With most men it's all about the sex and, frankly, they never get over that part. They do what you suggest: rug sweep & suck it up. They do it because they are used to the life they thought they had. They want to live with their kids full time. Mostly it's because they are trapped by the inertia of their own lives and the crushing fear that change is worse than what they feel right now. They are not necessarily cowards, they just don't know that a satisfying, rewarding life can exist beyond the emotional bars of they have locked themselves into.

 

Most men, if left to solve this problem on their own, choose to stay and suffer. They are too ashamed to seek help of any kind so remain ignorant. Don't be one of these men. Make an informed decision without giving in to your fear of changing your life.

[bubbaganoosh]

In about 2 hours I'll be in that sickening therapy session with my internet porn star wife. Happy f'ing days!!! I'm getting angry, I feel the rage brewing and I'm afraid that I'm going to go ballistic at any minute.

 

She was doing it while on our vacations, telling the men she is horny and wants to sneak off to the bathroom so she can sext and take nude pics and masturbate with them. I found pics she took in the bathroom of our hotel room. My life with her over the last year and a half is so tainted. Vacations, holidays, birthdays, anniversaries all tainted by her sexting.

 

Trying to R seems impossible. How do people do it? Staying with the source of your pain is unhealthy. You must be able to rug sweep and suck it up, but I don't think I'm capable of that.

 

What questions should I ask the therapist today? The last session they discussed her low self esteem and the addiction to the attention she was getting. I felt like throwing up on both of them, it was sickening to witness.

 

I know one thing. When all of you two are in with that therapist's office I wouldn't hold back a thing.

 

I would let her know just what you think about her X rated hobby, her lies, her cheating, her complete lack of disrespect for you and your marriage, her taping without your consent of you and her having sex.

 

The problem with her and the porn issue is not viewing porn but her turn on performing in porn. That's her kicks.

 

Honestly if that was my wife, she wouldn't be in the same house as me and I wouldn't give a tinkers damn where she goes, what she does and whoever she wants to do it with. I wouldn't want to see her, talk to her or have anything to do with you.

 

Her total lack of respect for you along with all the rest of the crap she pulled on you should tell you that the anger you have now will be with you for many a year to come. It's not just one trigger that will set you off. She has enough triggers for a machine gun. If it's me I point to the door and tell her to push on someplace else but not in the home. She lost that privilege.