Author zombiehead Posted June 13, 2017 Author Share Posted June 13, 2017 She has stopped she hasnt opened a new facebook. What I'm trying to figure out is can I be happy staying married to her. Do I want to be with a person that is capable of this behaviour. Do I want to be with a person that betrayed me. Do I want to be with a person that recorded me and sent it to her affair partners, and had phone, text, and video sex with men online. Seriously who does that? Nasty sex chat live video sex phone sex, she couldnt tell them no, she didnt want to disappoint these online men. That is a hard thing to forget and forgive. Im trying and going to give it a go and see if I can shake this. She is trying to change and the kids dont want a broken home so I'm going to try and get past it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 She has stopped she hasnt opened a new facebook. What I'm trying to figure out is can I be happy staying married to her. Do I want to be with a person that is capable of this behaviour. Do I want to be with a person that betrayed me. Do I want to be with a person that recorded me and sent it to her affair partners, and had phone, text, and video sex with men online. Seriously who does that? Nasty sex chat live video sex phone sex, she couldnt tell them no, she didnt want to disappoint these online men. That is a hard thing to forget and forgive. Im trying and going to give it a go and see if I can shake this. She is trying to change and the kids dont want a broken home so I'm going to try and get past it. This is your decision to make, no one can decide this for you. All you can do is tell her your requirements for staying and her actions will tell you the rest. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 You can delete all the photos but the images that are left in your head is something that will haunt you and unfortunately that is something she will not understand truly. Even a normal picture will open up your wounds. She needs to replace those images in your head but it's not easy. The blame will come on you that you are not able to delete them, so you need therapy ! Really ? I wish you luck but she needs to put a genuine smile on your face. The other men make her laugh with delight and you can't even smile ! I fail to understand how can people do that ! Take care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 Hi Zombie, you are on the right track. Just keep at it relentlessly and your old wife will come back and you're gonna live happily ever after. Don't worry, be Happy! Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 My wife is trying hard to change. Lately she is much more engaged with the family. She does things with the twins and I. She goes to practices in the evening, she goes to swimming pool, she goes bike riding, she is with us around the house instead of hiding out in the bedroom. She was crying the other night because she realized she lost nearly 2 years of our kid's lives by withdrawing from the family and seeking alone time to do her sexting. She is beginning to realize what she gave up for sexting. For nearly 2 years she sought out seclusion, alone time, "me time", she would never go to evening practices, games on weekends, birthday parties, any activities with the kids I was the one taking them. The twins and I would try to get her to come but she always had an excuse not to join us. It is so sad that she gave up that precious time with our children to sext with men online. Very sad, I have pity for her. It could be divine intervention how I found out and was able to access her phone. She is beginning to understand the fallout, what she gave up, what she lost. Also the twins started pulling away from her as well. They could tell she wasn't interested in them, she was more interested in her secret sexting fantasy world. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
QuietDan Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 My wife is trying hard to change. Lately she is much more engaged with the family. She does things with the twins and I. She goes to practices in the evening, she goes to swimming pool, she goes bike riding, she is with us around the house instead of hiding out in the bedroom. She was crying the other night because she realized she lost nearly 2 years of our kid's lives by withdrawing from the family and seeking alone time to do her sexting. She is beginning to realize what she gave up for sexting. For nearly 2 years she sought out seclusion, alone time, "me time", she would never go to evening practices, games on weekends, birthday parties, any activities with the kids I was the one taking them. The twins and I would try to get her to come but she always had an excuse not to join us. It is so sad that she gave up that precious time with our children to sext with men online. Very sad, I have pity for her. It could be divine intervention how I found out and was able to access her phone. She is beginning to understand the fallout, what she gave up, what she lost. Also the twins started pulling away from her as well. They could tell she wasn't interested in them, she was more interested in her secret sexting fantasy world. There you go. Now you are starting to see it. Now she is starting to see just a little bit of the price she paid but was too blind to recognize at the time. Someone said something about eventually getting the wife you had before all of this. But think about what this new relationship with this new woman that you both are starting to get to know has to offer. It sounds like this new wife is and has started to acquire some hard earned painful wisdom. You both still have a lot of rough roads ahead. There are a lot of former waywards on this site. Many you have interacted with on here. Often the harshest critics of a wayward is a former wayward. It sounds like your wife is really starting to travel down the road of being a former wayward. Hopefully it will continue and there won't be any major relapses. I still suspect there is a longer history of simular related precursor behavior and activities. It sounds like you found some additional clues that are starting to lead you there as well. Obsessive compulsive disorders don't just show up over night and begin all of a sudden. It usually some thing that needs to be intentionally managed and directed into constructive useful activities and behaviors. It never really goes away. If you stop one form of behavior, something else usually takes it's place. Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 My wife is trying hard to change. Lately she is much more engaged with the family. Sounds good. Baby steps on a long road. Happy father's day! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted June 20, 2017 Author Share Posted June 20, 2017 Having sex last night which I initiated and I noticed she was watching TV. I guess sex with me must br boring to her. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 Having sex last night which I initiated and I noticed she was watching TV. I guess sex with me must br boring to her. That is disheartening to hear. Honestly she needs to try WAY harder. She should be worshiping you. I say this as a cheater. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 That is disheartening to hear. Honestly she needs to try WAY harder. She should be worshiping you. I say this as a cheater. Most don't have it in them...we see that here all the time. Now, I know there is a period where the WS is somewhat in shock and kinda on autopilot as they try to reconcile what they've done with who they believe they are. ZH, how did you react? I've found that it's best to point things out in that moment or else the behavior will be minimized or flat out denied. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
QuietDan Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 Having sex last night which I initiated and I noticed she was watching TV. I guess sex with me must br boring to her. While having sex with my wife, she suddenly blurts out with a bit of shock in her voice... I forgot to put butter on the grocery list...another time, she suddenly remembers she forgot to put the leftovers away... With your wife's exhibitionist fetish, you might consider setting up some lighting to become a backlit shadow silhouetted stranger watching her as she performs. Any Tijuana sex show fantasies you want to see performed? Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted June 20, 2017 Author Share Posted June 20, 2017 Yes I said you are watching TV!? She immediately started to particapte in the sex after I said that. One of the conversations I read between her and an online lover she said sex with me is boring that we only have a few toys. She told me that everything she said to these men were lies and bull****. Well it was apparent last night that sex with me was not has interesting as the movie Victor Frankenstein. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted June 20, 2017 Author Share Posted June 20, 2017 Yes I said you are watching TV!? She immediately started to particapte in the sex after I said that. One of the conversations I read between her and an online lover she said sex with me is boring that we only have a few toys. She told me that everything she said to these men were lies and bull****. Well it was apparent last night that sex with me was not as interesting as the movie Victor Frankenstein. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 ZH - maybe you are going to have to meet her halfway in the sex department. Do you have it in you to take pictures & videos of the two of you getting it on? She can wear a wig & a naughty mask and you can easily shoot around your face so you end up with anonymous, homemade porn. Then post it and let her get the thrill she needs. If you surf the web there are literally millions of couple who do this. I know my wife would have totally been up for this when she was younger and I think I might have gone along with it - assuming it was completely unrecognizable. Something to think about? Regardless I think it is imperative that you do something to knock her sox off and she's pretty much revealed to you one thing that does.....an audience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 Yes I said you are watching TV!? zombiehead, what are you going to do? You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run. Kenny Rogers 4 Link to post Share on other sites
QuietDan Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 Having sex last night which I initiated and I noticed she was watching TV. I guess sex with me must br boring to her. And... That's one of the reasons we don't have a TV in the bedroom... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted June 20, 2017 Author Share Posted June 20, 2017 drifter777, LMAO, I would be up for it if she hadn't already done all this online porn crap with these other men. I didn't know she wanted to do that sort of sex stuff. I think it just kinda of happened, a guy flirted she resisted then she gave in and flirted back and it took off like a rocket from there. If I tried it would trigger and I would feel cheap, it wouldn't feel like something special or unique between us. She might compare my sexting to these men, I have seen a few of the dic pics and jack off videos and I'm not getting beat on size, but I feel like I would get beat on sexting skills. Like I said this one guy would write her a short novel about going away on vacation together and detailing the sex, she would read it and pleasure herself to his words. He was good at it, he was probably cut pasting from some erotic literature book or he was just that good at it, may be he wrote erotic literature. Anyway we had sex often, several times a week while this was going on, so I don't think it was a lack of sex between us that caused this. I think she needed the ego boost, the attention, the validation. If we were having sex daily I believe this still would have happened. When she texts me she has been adding emojis like smiley face blowing kisses, hearts, all that same emoji crap she sent to those guys and I told her not to add those on her texts, they mean nothing to me, she sent that same crap to those men, and she was not sending those to me until now. So I don't want to do the things she wanted to do with those men, not right now, a probably not ever. I'm ok with trying new things, role playing, more toys, having her pleasure herself more, I'm down with spicing it up just no sexting, or video sex. This all could be for not because I don't get the feeling she really enjoys sex with me as much as before, the passion doesn't feel as strong as it did at the beginning. I'm good, I haven't changed, I really enjoy having sex with her and wanted it all the time before this happened. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WilyWill Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 I dunno, zombie. This is disconcerting. She told her online boyfriends that sex with you was boring, then she proved it to you by having more interest in the TV. Then when you ask her about it, she just tells you the words you want to hear, or feigns interest. I don't think it's you. My guess is that there are a million women who would find sex exciting with you. Your wife just seems to need something illicit or forbidden. She should work on her issues, or you should move on. That time she made a video of the two of you and sent it to her boyfriend--was she enjoying it more that time? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted June 20, 2017 Share Posted June 20, 2017 (edited) ZH, I definitely wouldn't take it personally. Think of it this way, after all the kinky sneaking around stuff, of course regular old married sex won't be as exciting for her. It's like someone addicted to narcotics who always has to take more to get the same high, then going back to a lower dose. I believe that is why she had to take more and more risks to get the same "high", all the way up to and including the infamous selfie stick recording. Unfortunately that is what she has done to herself, and now indirectly to you. Hopefully you can find something to spice up that won't trigger bad memories. If she had only broached the subject before all this. I think a lot of women don't want to be seen as horny pigs, so they just don't say anything even when they are craving wild sex, especially anything "fetishy". Edited June 20, 2017 by Zona 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 drifter777, LMAO, I would be up for it if she hadn't already done all this online porn crap with these other men. I didn't know she wanted to do that sort of sex stuff. I think it just kinda of happened, a guy flirted she resisted then she gave in and flirted back and it took off like a rocket from there. If I tried it would trigger and I would feel cheap, it wouldn't feel like something special or unique between us. She might compare my sexting to these men, I have seen a few of the dic pics and jack off videos and I'm not getting beat on size, but I feel like I would get beat on sexting skills. Like I said this one guy would write her a short novel about going away on vacation together and detailing the sex, she would read it and pleasure herself to his words. He was good at it, he was probably cut pasting from some erotic literature book or he was just that good at it, may be he wrote erotic literature. Anyway we had sex often, several times a week while this was going on, so I don't think it was a lack of sex between us that caused this. I think she needed the ego boost, the attention, the validation. If we were having sex daily I believe this still would have happened. When she texts me she has been adding emojis like smiley face blowing kisses, hearts, all that same emoji crap she sent to those guys and I told her not to add those on her texts, they mean nothing to me, she sent that same crap to those men, and she was not sending those to me until now. So I don't want to do the things she wanted to do with those men, not right now, a probably not ever. I'm ok with trying new things, role playing, more toys, having her pleasure herself more, I'm down with spicing it up just no sexting, or video sex. This all could be for not because I don't get the feeling she really enjoys sex with me as much as before, the passion doesn't feel as strong as it did at the beginning. I'm good, I haven't changed, I really enjoy having sex with her and wanted it all the time before this happened. The TV bit is not funny and IS personal. Even in a one person OM affair, the husband cannot ever win the "exciting sex" challenge of sneaking to a hotel with another man. In your case, there was a small army of other men. It doesn't matter if your dick is the size of a Louisville slugger, it ain't going to compare to some ass hole slobbering all over her. That's why her watching TV while you are going at it IS personal because eventually her boredom will cause her to get a fix again. She is behaving right now because the pressure is on. You' lol be living like this a long long time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted June 21, 2017 Author Share Posted June 21, 2017 My wife has candles lite in the bedroom I guess she wants a redo from getting caught watching tv during sex. Hopeful the passion improves too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 Who hasn't watched tv during sex? I like to watch a little Fox News while I'm getting down. Man, that Shawn Hannity. Square jaw on that guy, amirite? Hell, one time I mixed a drink and made an iTunes playlist during a commercial break. Multitasking is super hot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted June 21, 2017 Author Share Posted June 21, 2017 I haven't watched TV during sex. Last night was great, I'm feeling more hopeful that our marriage will survive this crisis. She was passionate, sincerely passionate, I can tell the difference between faking it or not. Also she is focused on the family, interacting with the twins all day, doing more around the house. This is the best I have felt since I found out. I still think about it but the sting when the affair thoughts come is not as strong. There will probably be some more challenging days ahead to deal with but things are getting better. Again thanks for all the input, it really helps to get feedback, I don't want to speak with people I know IRL about this so it is a great to have a place to come and get help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
here222 Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 ZH As I said before I think you have got this, now it is up to you to flat out give her all she and you can handle. It will be good for you both. Very good update. Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted June 21, 2017 Share Posted June 21, 2017 Last night was great, I'm feeling more hopeful that our marriage will survive this crisis. Yeah, yours isn't a garden variety case that we so commonly see because it's likely she never had a PA with anyone, and because she never even had an EA. Now the cyber sex or whatever you want to call it was bad, no sugarcoating that. However, the fact there was no EA or PA makes a huge difference because you don't have to worry about all the NC bullcrap that makes it so difficult to R with a WW. She seems like one of those rare women that can separate sex and attachment. If it were me, I would want to have her see someone who specializes in sex addiction to have her evaluated, because that may be a problem down the road. Better to be proactive about stuff like that, than to leave things unresolved that may fester and scuttle all your hard work at R. She obviously has resolve now to stay on the straight and narrow, but those demons may come back to haunt her years from now when her guard is down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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