TobyBoy Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 So she was doing webcam sessions? Was she getting paid? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Damia Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 If it were me I would send every single one that contacts a message stating that your wife has been exposed. A slightly different set of circumstances ......... but for what it's worth I made my (nowX) husband tell his OW to confess to her husband. I gave them a time limit or I would do it myself. Worked a treat, everyone was then on the same proverbial page and we could all make our own decisions with the same set of facts.......... Give or take a bit of gaslighting and trickle truth!! And I'm sure the confession was torture for her ? All the best zombiehead , take your time, don't rush anything. Think then act, try not to just react. Unfortunately it will still be there tomorrow and the day after that. Decisions made in the heat of a moment can come back to haunt you. You have the time consider all options. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 15, 2017 Author Share Posted February 15, 2017 Cant sleep, it's really starting to hit me. Processing it is intense. Since July 2015 our marriage was a lie. Christmas 2015 and 2016 she was cheating, the twins birthdays, mother's day, father's day all a lie. A dark shadow is over those memories now. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Cant sleep, it's really starting to hit me. Processing it is intense. Since July 2015 our marriage was a lie. Christmas 2015 and 2016 she was cheating, the twins birthdays, mother's day, father's day all a lie. A dark shadow is over those memories now. She needs professional help. She has a sexual addiction to online activities. It's awful what she's done to you and your kids. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 She doesnt know that her APs are emailing her happy Vday. I'm logged into her gmail and I changed the password. One asked where she has been and if she is going to have any "her time" today. It takes Skype a minimum of 30 days to deactivate an account. I'm sure she is getting messages there but if I log in then it goes back active. I'm trying hard not to log in and check. 3 emails today one I matched with a Skype contact the other 2 IDK. The only reason for this type of continued investigation is to collect evidence. You already have enough evidence to end 10 marriages - let it go. At this point, you're just pain shopping. ZH, what is your life going to look like a week from now? Month from now? Year from now? This is what you should be thinking about, planning for and discussing with a lawyer. I'd forget about URL's, usernames and online accounts and start thinking about reclaiming your life and sanity... Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 The fact she filmed you having sex without your knowledge is just plain wrong and if did that to her you'd be out of the house and possibly be served with divorce papers. Throw in all the other stuff she's done, just shows again how messed up she is. This isn't the woman you married. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatsJustHowIRoll Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 The fact she filmed you having sex without your knowledge is just plain wrong and if did that to her you'd be out of the house and possibly be served with divorce papers. Throw in all the other stuff she's done, just shows again how messed up she is. This isn't the woman you married. It's not just wrong - it's illegal. Change the narrative - if a man secretly filmed his wife having sex and then distributed to others without her knowledge? Wow Such a violation. That would end my marriage without a doubt. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Since July 2015 our marriage was a lie. Christmas 2015 and 2016 she was cheating, the twins birthdays, mother's day, father's day all a lie. A dark shadow is over those memories now. Ah, yes, the memories. The word "memory" takes on a whole new meaning. Your questions about the nature of reality, perception and existence will make you a philosopher. You realize that 'his-story'—YOUR history or at least the one you'd taken for granted—is not the story you thought you observed and assigned to memory at all. There was another reality going on that you must now insert into the old memory, thus editing it. To really get it straight, you will have to go back and relive what you can with new eyes. It may haunt you until you set it straight, which, of course, you never can do. The worst will be realizing where she was or what she was really thinking was completely different from the assumptions on which your first set of memories were founded. I'm so sorry. Two years is a long time, but you can console yourself that mine was decades though not all of that was in question. Ultimately this is one edit that won't get perfectly sorted out. I've heard people fall on different parts of the spectrum regarding how important this clarification is. I can't really tell you what helps those on the low end but hope for you, OP, that your need is less than mine was and you can live outside that shadow. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 It's not just wrong - it's illegal. Change the narrative - if a man secretly filmed his wife having sex and then distributed to others without her knowledge? Wow Such a violation. That would end my marriage without a doubt. So true. I wouldn't be worried about telling the other men... She could do what she wanted with them because she would be out the door. I don't know how you could ever forgive such a violation of trust. I don't think that I could. Link to post Share on other sites
AnneP Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Cant sleep, it's really starting to hit me. Processing it is intense. Since July 2015 our marriage was a lie. Christmas 2015 and 2016 she was cheating, the twins birthdays, mother's day, father's day all a lie. A dark shadow is over those memories now. Is she losing sleep? Is she remorseful? How is she acting? I know this has to be hard. My heart goes out to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 The fact she used you to please other men without your knowledge shows you how far she will go for thrills. What assurances do you have she wouldn't secretly film your children if someone asked her? That would be my concern with someone that broken. Someone asked earlier, is she charging these men a fee to watch her? Who knows how many men have seen her, you and the inside of your home? You might be living with an internet celebrity. This is not going to be an easy and quick fix, is she prepared to do what it takes? You need to have her assessed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Expose all of them that you can. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 They were man enough to have phone sex with your wife they can be man enough to face the consequences. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 I want to send the dic pic he sent my wife back to his wife. I could say, "do you recognize this dic? You should it is your husband's and he sent it to my wife just thought you should know!!" You might get in trouble doing this. Let her know you have pics of her H if she want graphic proof. Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 What has been her emotional response to all of this? Is she devastated, relieved, sad, scared, weepy, distant, cold, needy....? Link to post Share on other sites
QuietDan Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 She needs professional help. She has a sexual addiction to online activities. It's awful what she's done to you and your kids. It seems like this addiction took over her life and redefined her. I wonder when this truly started. I also wonder if she was sexually molested, abused, or traumatized sometime in her past? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
QuietDan Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 You might get in trouble doing this. Let her know you have pics of her H if she want graphic proof. Good point. This kind of retaliatory action could be illegal! Link to post Share on other sites
MickeyBill Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Good point. This kind of retaliatory action could be illegal! Revenge porn is illegal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
4fin Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 Damn that was a tough read. I am fortunate I have not been through anything like that. Oddly there were similarities to the worst thing I ever did go through. After knowing my wife was date raped for 15 years I decided 1 night I needed to know the details. It was a huge mistake. I've been through your 2 hours of sleep a night and used my spare waking hours to find out who he was. I succeeded if you want to call that a success. If there is any advice I can offer it is 1. Get some sleep. If that means a drug like ambien so be it but be careful and make it short term. 2. Get counseling. In April it will have been 2 years. I'm still there. You will benefit. It is difficult. I know the rage you speak of too well. I found my wife's rapist by cross checking her 9th and 10th grade annuals to see which girl was missing due to teen pregnancy and had 4 kids then cross checked through social media. As Recent Change would put it this was when my "wheels were flying off". I got into counseling in time before I did something regrettable. In the process I learned a lot about myself including the fact that I had been in a state of smoldering rage since I was about 10 from what happened during my parents divorce. I know this doesn't have a damn thing to do with your situation but if you get some sleep and some help I think you will be surprised (maybe even pleasantly so) where you end up 2 years from now. Best of luck to you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted February 15, 2017 Share Posted February 15, 2017 I agree this story is tough to read - I feel disgusted and dirty just reading it. A couple things. If your wife sent naked pictures of herself to strangers over the Internet then those pictures are EVERYWHERE! If you can't find them it's because you don't know how to look for them or haven't been lucky (?) enough to locate one. Since you have many of the pix she sent then just try this: Drag and drop an image from the web or your computer into the search box on images.google.com As far as the fu(k video - there is virtually zero chance that this is NOT on lots of porn sites. These are harder to locate but just know it is out there and be glad your face is not visible. As for her - I don't know how she can live with the knowledge that these pix and vids are out there. Lastly, the chances that she didn't hook up with one of these guys is pretty low. It's possible but if I were you I could not accept that she didn't have a fu(k buddy or two. You really need to get to the absolute bottom of this before you even think about reconciliation. Unless you are satisfied you know it all and can see yourself forgiving her at some point then save both of you years of hell and divorce quickly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 My attorney advised me today not to post details on forums like this one. I don't understand how this thread can hurt my case? Last night I ran a bunch of her porn selfies through google reverse image search and I got no results or matches, just similar photos of other women. Had no idea google had that many porn images. I would upload one of her more tame topless selfies on google reverse search, no matches but tons of similar photos of topless women. I tried the more hardcore selfies she took that didn't have her face and had the same outcome, no matching found but a bunch of similar. Link to post Share on other sites
MickeyBill Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 There is another site called tineye.com, but google is pretty good, tineye will have a different search algorithm. I means that the pix are not on the big sites like Craiglist etc. which is a good thing. Lawyers don't want you talking to anyone...IRL or online. In case her lawyer (if she has one) finds it, they would get a good idea what you are thinking. Doctors don't like web stuff either. I think anyone in a position of power, who controls alot of info feels like they are the authority not the rabble of the internet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnneP Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 There is another site called tineye.com, but google is pretty good, tineye will have a different search algorithm. I means that the pix are not on the big sites like Craiglist etc. which is a good thing. Lawyers don't want you talking to anyone...IRL or online. In case her lawyer (if she has one) finds it, they would get a good idea what you are thinking. Doctors don't like web stuff either. I think anyone in a position of power, who controls alot of info feels like they are the authority not the rabble of the internet. Your lawyer is worried that you will reveal your real identity and your wife would find this. I'm sure using a name like Zombiehead and not disclosing anything real about who you are will keep you safe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Do what you gotta do to get through this as easily as possible. I hope you decide to get away from this person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 I was thinking to my self... whats worse.. this or cheating with one person? I mean cheating can be just a slip up... this however can be a problem or as someone said an addiction. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts