nude pics red flag??

[zombiehead]

Yeah I'm having trouble with anxiety. This morning I see her on her phone typing and I trigger, my thoughts are she is telling some man that she wants him in her mouth. So I walk over and see that she is commenting on her sister in law's facebook post about her brother putting diaper cream on his face because he thought it was sunscreen. She wants doing anything bad just facebooking with family. The other night I eoke up at 11pm and she was on her phone in bed and I say "what the hell are you doing" I grabbed her phone and she wad innocently booking white water rafting for our upcoming vacation in RMNP.

 

When will I get past this? How can I keep myself from thinking the worst when I see her using her phone?

[Mrs. John Adams]

ZH...get her a phone that she can make phone calls on...yes she needs to have a phone...but she does not need internet or texting ...I told you...my parents have two cell phones...everything is turned off except calling. MY mom wont pay for the other stuff...lol...but regardless. I talk to mom everyday...and she exists just fine without the other stuff. What I am trying to tell you is...as long as she has that phone in her hand...she causes you to remember and to doubt.

 

As a wayward interested in helping you to heal...I would volunteer to get rid of the phone...that would be one of my new boundaries. I would look at you and know having that phone causes you to hurt...and i would stop using it.

 

As a completely unremorseful wayward...she does not care. She dances and prances around in lingerie and makes sure she is beautiful...instead of making sure you are ok.

 

Do you not see this...you keep posting about your triggers and your pain and you want them to go away...but she has to help you...by establishing proper boundaries and showing you sorrow and regret. She clearly isnt.

 

We have all tried to tell you over and over because we hurt for you...and you just wont face the reality that she is not sorry....

 

In order for you to heal...she has to help you...and she is more interested in playing on her phone than she is to show you she is sincere in helping you heal.

 

I dont know how else to say it. I know you love her...and I really think she loves you too....but she does not get it.

 

She ought to be acting so grateful ...she should be trying to be the very best wife she can be...she needs to be very aware of your pain and helping you heal.

 

Life is exciting and fun for her....while you are in agony. YOu are not the one who did this to your family...she did....so why are you the only one trying to fix it?

 

I wish i could take this all away for you...i feel so badly and I wish i could talk to her and tell her the things she is doing wrong. She has so much wonderful life ahead....and if she would just do the right thing....you would love her even more.

[BaileyB]

 

When will I get past this? How can I keep myself from thinking the worst when I see her using her phone?

 

I don't know that you really can. Perhaps, to a certain extent, it will always stay with you...

 

But, I would think that two things may help. Counselling, both individual and marriage counselling, which you haven't really had yet. And, a spouse who is understanding of your feelings and doing what is required to prove to you that she is not engaging in the same behavior.

[Friskyone4u]

ZH...get her a phone that she can make phone calls on...yes she needs to have a phone...but she does not need internet or texting ...I told you...my parents have two cell phones...everything is turned off except calling. MY mom wont pay for the other stuff...lol...but regardless. I talk to mom everyday...and she exists just fine without the other stuff. What I am trying to tell you is...as long as she has that phone in her hand...she causes you to remember and to doubt.

 

As a wayward interested in helping you to heal...I would volunteer to get rid of the phone...that would be one of my new boundaries. I would look at you and know having that phone causes you to hurt...and i would stop using it.

 

As a completely unremorseful wayward...she does not care. She dances and prances around in lingerie and makes sure she is beautiful...instead of making sure you are ok.

 

Do you not see this...you keep posting about your triggers and your pain and you want them to go away...but she has to help you...by establishing proper boundaries and showing you sorrow and regret. She clearly isnt.

 

We have all tried to tell you over and over because we hurt for you...and you just wont face the reality that she is not sorry....

 

In order for you to heal...she has to help you...and she is more interested in playing on her phone than she is to show you she is sincere in helping you heal.

 

I dont know how else to say it. I know you love her...and I really think she loves you too....but she does not get it.

 

She ought to be acting so grateful ...she should be trying to be the very best wife she can be...she needs to be very aware of your pain and helping you heal.

 

Life is exciting and fun for her....while you are in agony. YOu are not the one who did this to your family...she did....so why are you the only one trying to fix it?

 

I wish i could take this all away for you...i feel so badly and I wish i could talk to her and tell her the things she is doing wrong. She has so much wonderful life ahead....and if she would just do the right thing....you would love her even more.

 

My guess is is you took the advice on getting rid of the smartphone she would absolutely refuse and act like a petulant child. So you are facing years of this anxiety because she constantly has the tool of her infidelity in her hand and with all the apps and hidden cheater apps out there you will have to be lucky as hell to catch her again.

And quite frankly, how she can possibly get all dolled up in a sexy negligee while not jumping on your bones and disappear into the bathroom phone in hand tells me she is clueless or you are, one or the other.

 

If you want any chance for peace of mind, in a situation as extreme as what she has done, you need to a few months from now, unannounced, tell her she is taking a polygraph test where the questions to start are as simple as it gets

(1) have you contact any other men on anything electronics since date X

(2) do you have any electronic accounts that Zonbiehead is not aware of

(3) are you Facebook friends with any males that Zombie is not aware of who they are

You alternative is to spend years with your guts churning every time she sits there texting away. And if she resists a polygraph, you have a pretty good indication what the result will be.

 

When a drug addict is released from prison, they take urine tests to see if there is a relapse. Your wife's addiction is no different and relying on her words from something this intense is not a freckle for sanity for Zombiehead.

[BaileyB]

My guess is is you took the advice on getting rid of the smartphone she would absolutely refuse and act like a petulant child. So you are facing years of this anxiety because she constantly has the tool of her infidelity in her hand.

 

Absolutely. The only thing you can do is trust her, but that brings a lifetime of anxiety.

[zombiehead]

I can get the phone from her, she is will give it up. Yes she will not want to and will mildly protest saying you can see everything I do, I'm not doing that anymore ect ect. Then she will mope around like a grounded teenager that can't go out with her friends.

 

She will be with the kids all summer, taking them here and there and I would feel more comfortable if she had a smartphone with her instead of the old flip phone we have. The battery doesn't stay charged very long and she doesn't have access to the internet, which I feel like she needs for both safety and convenience when she is out running around town with the kids during the day.

 

If I did what she did I would be apologizing on a daily basis, and random times, I would just come up give her a hug and say how deeply sorry I am for hurting you. She doesn't do that, I think she is void of empathy. However she will cry sometimes during sad parts in movies, so I know she can feel emotions and sympathy.

 

Today we are going to a small get together with the couple that introduced us. They moved out of state years ago and moved back and invited us over. They went through infidelity, the husband had an affair with a co-worker his wife kicked him out and she went and had a one night stand. Obviously they got back together. I knew them before my wife, they were my clients and then my wife moved here and started working with my client's wife. She told my wife, "hey, I know this great guy you should meet" and they introduced us. I wonder if they ask what's new if I should say we are dealing with infidelity?

 

I don't know what to do about this phone issue, it does seem like she just doesn't understand how it triggers me. I know that she is not doing it anymore but when I see her on the phone it is like I go insane and start imagining all the sexting I read on her phone.

 

Also she should being more proactive it seems in helping me heal for this, and she just doesn't. I know I would be proactive and helping my spouse heal if I betrayed them, which is something I would never do in the first place.

[Friskyone4u]

I can get the phone from her, she is will give it up. Yes she will not want to and will mildly protest saying you can see everything I do, I'm not doing that anymore ect ect. Then she will mope around like a grounded teenager that can't go out with her friends.

 

She will be with the kids all summer, taking them here and there and I would feel more comfortable if she had a smartphone with her instead of the old flip phone we have. The battery doesn't stay charged very long and she doesn't have access to the internet, which I feel like she needs for both safety and convenience when she is out running around town with the kids during the day.

 

If I did what she did I would be apologizing on a daily basis, and random times, I would just come up give her a hug and say how deeply sorry I am for hurting you. She doesn't do that, I think she is void of empathy. However she will cry sometimes during sad parts in movies, so I know she can feel emotions and sympathy.

 

Today we are going to a small get together with the couple that introduced us. They moved out of state years ago and moved back and invited us over. They went through infidelity, the husband had an affair with a co-worker his wife kicked him out and she went and had a one night stand. Obviously they got back together. I knew them before my wife, they were my clients and then my wife moved here and started working with my client's wife. She told my wife, "hey, I know this great guy you should meet" and they introduced us. I wonder if they ask what's new if I should say we are dealing with infidelity?

 

I don't know what to do about this phone issue, it does seem like she just doesn't understand how it triggers me. I know that she is not doing it anymore but when I see her on the phone it is like I go insane and start imagining all the sexting I read on her phone.

 

Also she should being more proactive it seems in helping me heal for this, and she just doesn't. I know I would be proactive and helping my spouse heal if I betrayed them, which is something I would never do in the first place.

 

Zombie

What you are saying you would be doing is what she should be doing .what I think you are underestimating is that your wife is an addict by her own admission. A drunk can stay sober for a time but if they have a drink put in front of them they are more likely to relapse. Your wife does not get it at all because she is not slobbering all over you asking what she can do to make you feeel safe.

She wants to rugsweep and go back to like nothing happened while she is glued to her destroy Zombiehead tool 24/7.

You might tell her you don't want to see her parading around the house in porn star attire with her phone glued to her hand.

I would not say anything to your friends. They both cheated short term and neither of them was addicted to putting on masturbation shows on the internet .While infidelity , andifferent animal than what you are dealing with .

I'm

Going to say it again . Given her either lack of empathy or selfishness you need to pull out all the stops to insure your sanity .All it takes is a few clicks and she is back in business. If her behavior was different it would be different

[Betrayed&Stayed]

I don't know what to do about this phone issue, it does seem like she just doesn't understand how it triggers me. I know that she is not doing it anymore but when I see her on the phone it is like I go insane and start imagining all the sexting I read on her phone.

 

Also she should being more proactive it seems in helping me heal for this, and she just doesn't. I know I would be proactive and helping my spouse heal if I betrayed them, which is something I would never do in the first place.

 

Does she not grasp the gravity of the situation? Either she is being cruel or obtuse. One is just as bad as the other. Either way, I would file for divorce.

 

Have her remove apps like Facebook. Turn off her data plan. You do have options.

[Mrs. John Adams]

funny...we all seem to agree that she feels no impathy...or regret...or sorrow for what she has done.....which is exactly what the betrayed spouse needs to see in order to feel somewhat safe in the realtionship

 

ZH...that is why you are triggering...she has done absolutley nothing to make you feel safe.

 

Now...do you tell her what she needs to do to help you? or do you continue to wallow in the abyss of pain...while she pretends everything is hunky dory fine.?

 

You can choose to live just like you are...which will not get better unless you address it...or

 

YOu can discuss with her what she needs to do and is not doing to help you feel safe again.

 

Look...It took me a long time to figure out remorse...but it took me two seconds to figure out transparency and boundaries. It seems like she is clueless...and for the life of me...I cannot figure out why

 

I mean...she went to her parents and partied without you...and used that damn phone over and over posting pictures. Does she not have a freaking brain?

 

She got by with it...you never required anything different. and as long as you allow her poor behavior...she will make no changes.

 

She does not need internet on her phone to remain SAFE with her children. Good grief....i raised two kids and did not have a cell phone or internet.

 

She needs a phone for an emergency...I buy that...I get that. But why does she need a phone to be on social media. If you have a computer....she can check her facebook there with you seeing exactly what she is doing.

 

It's your call ZH...but you keep asking the same questions over and over and everyone gives you the same answers....

 

Are you not listening because you dont like the answers? because i am telling you...you are never going to get better until she changes her attitude....and she is not going to change her attitude until you make her.

[deadsoul]

Phones that can just text and call are super cheap. Buy one.

 

I agree with what everyone else is saying here, so I won't repeat it, but as a WW, if I was asked to give up my phone, I'd go buy a basic one myself to give my H what he needs. She needs to be working harder at this than she is.

 

and deep down, you know that.... and it could be why you are triggering so badly.

 

But you should see a doctor about the anxiety. There are things that can be prescribed that truly can help... my H has been doing edible weed and it is helping him a lot. I'm not happy about that, but I have no say in what he does to cope.

[BaileyB]

Phones that can just text and call are super cheap. Buy one.

 

But you should see a doctor about the anxiety. There are things that can be prescribed that truly can help...

 

Or counselling. I would personally try that before meds.

 

We tend to forget that we all managed to get through the day and raise kids before smart phones. A flip phone for emergency use would be very appropriate, given the situation. Although, as we have said, I don't think that your wife would agree...

[HereNorThere]

Today we are going to a small get together with the couple that introduced us. They moved out of state years ago and moved back and invited us over. They went through infidelity, the husband had an affair with a co-worker his wife kicked him out and she went and had a one night stand. Obviously they got back together. I knew them before my wife, they were my clients and then my wife moved here and started working with my client's wife. She told my wife, "hey, I know this great guy you should meet" and they introduced us. I wonder if they ask what's new if I should say we are dealing with infidelity?

 

Oh, so you're going to have a meet up with another couple? One couple has a cheating husband, the other, an attention staved, immature, cheating wife. Totally great idea, Zombiehead. Geez, what could go wrong? Totally legit!

 

ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Since you've used the heroin/addiction metaphor recently, let me rephrase this. "I'm checking my wife out of opiate rehab to meet up with another couple. I wonder if we should tell them about my wife's addiction since the guy in the other couple is a heroin dealer. "

Edited June 4, 2017 by HereNorThere

[BluesPower]

I can get the phone from her, she is will give it up. Yes she will not want to and will mildly protest saying you can see everything I do, I'm not doing that anymore ect ect. Then she will mope around like a grounded teenager that can't go out with her friends.

 

She will be with the kids all summer, taking them here and there and I would feel more comfortable if she had a smartphone with her instead of the old flip phone we have. The battery doesn't stay charged very long and she doesn't have access to the internet, which I feel like she needs for both safety and convenience when she is out running around town with the kids during the day.

 

If I did what she did I would be apologizing on a daily basis, and random times, I would just come up give her a hug and say how deeply sorry I am for hurting you. She doesn't do that, I think she is void of empathy. However she will cry sometimes during sad parts in movies, so I know she can feel emotions and sympathy.

 

Today we are going to a small get together with the couple that introduced us. They moved out of state years ago and moved back and invited us over. They went through infidelity, the husband had an affair with a co-worker his wife kicked him out and she went and had a one night stand. Obviously they got back together. I knew them before my wife, they were my clients and then my wife moved here and started working with my client's wife. She told my wife, "hey, I know this great guy you should meet" and they introduced us. I wonder if they ask what's new if I should say we are dealing with infidelity?

 

I don't know what to do about this phone issue, it does seem like she just doesn't understand how it triggers me. I know that she is not doing it anymore but when I see her on the phone it is like I go insane and start imagining all the sexting I read on her phone.

 

Also she should being more proactive it seems in helping me heal for this, and she just doesn't. I know I would be proactive and helping my spouse heal if I betrayed them, which is something I would never do in the first place.

 

ZH, brother, are you freaking kidding me with this?

 

The point is, and what we have all been telling you for however long this thread has been going on...IS THAT SHE DOES NOT CARE WHAT YOU THINK. NOT AT ALL, NOT EVEN A LITTLE, NOT EVEN A SPECK, ZILCH, ZERO, NOTA...

 

She has been let off scot free. She has had no consequences at all. You were just a little pissed off that she was sexting multiple men and sending then videos of you two having sex.

 

Man how long, if you continue acting this way, do you think it will be before she actually starts sleeping around for real. A month, a year, two tops?

 

I know you are rattled and you are choosing to R. OK. Great.

 

If you do not get control of this situation, man you are in for a world of hurt. Wait until she starts really sleeping around, you think you are hurting now?

 

You cannot even begin to understand how much real live physical infidelity hurts.

 

Please, please listen an maybe reread the things that everyone has told you. I am actually begging you over the internet to please wake up...

[Zona]

I agree with the poster who mentioned checking out cognitive therapy. My brother is a shrink who did a good job explaining it to me.

 

Basically cognitive therapy is based on the premise that emotions follow thoughts. As an example, if you were walking down a dark alley and someone was approaching you and you thought you could be in danger, your emotions would turn to fear, and your body would react accordingly.

 

In the same way, when you think about what has happened to you, your body will have an anxiety/panic response. You need to learn to short circuit that cycle.

 

Cognitive therapy is about changing your thought processes to avoid damaging and uncomfortable physical and mental states. The main thing to remind yourself when your mind is going into a dark place, is that you will be ok, your kids will be ok, and your life will be happy again. If you allow yourself to think that if you can't save your marriage, your life, and the future for your children, will be bleak and hopeless, it will mess you up big time.

 

There is more to it than what can be said in a few paragraphs, but I think that learning to control your thoughts is way better than loading up on anti-depressants that are a total band-aid, and have potentially bad side effects.

[oldlion]

Have you sat her down and really told her, face to face, eye to eye what goes through your mind when you see her texting on her phone? Have you really told her that you don't feel she has a grasp of what you are feeling and having to deal with everyday? That she isn't helping you heal the way you were expecting? One thing I know for sure, one person can not read another person's mind. I read a post once from a lady that was unhappy with her and her husband's sex life. He didn't do the things she wanted him to do during sex. She was ask had she told her husband about things she liked during sex. Her answer was "No, because he is suppose to know what I want. Men are suppose to know what pleases their wife." She either expected her husband to be a mind reader or she thought men were born with the instinct of how to please their woman. So, have you told her exactly how you feel and what you expect from her? Or do you expect her to just know? Some people just don't have a clue. They may know what the problem is but not what it takes to fix it. They have to be given the clue. The thing about , "If I have to tell them what I want/need then it's no good because I had to tell them what to do. They won't concerned enough to think about it themselves." To me that is just Bu**s**t. Some people are so hardheaded and clueless you may even have to tell them more than once. I have lived a fairly long and eventful life and I have met many people like this all over the world. If you want/need something then you have to make it known what it is you want/need. You practice this everyday. You go to buy something to eat do you expect the person serving you to already know what you want? Unless your wife has the ability to read your mind then it's time to tell her what you feel, what you need, and what she needs to do to help you. I wish you well.

[Friskyone4u]

Have you sat her down and really told her, face to face, eye to eye what goes through your mind when you see her texting on her phone? Have you really told her that you don't feel she has a grasp of what you are feeling and having to deal with everyday? That she isn't helping you heal the way you were expecting? One thing I know for sure, one person can not read another person's mind. I read a post once from a lady that was unhappy with her and her husband's sex life. He didn't do the things she wanted him to do during sex. She was ask had she told her husband about things she liked during sex. Her answer was "No, because he is suppose to know what I want. Men are suppose to know what pleases their wife." She either expected her husband to be a mind reader or she thought men were born with the instinct of how to please their woman. So, have you told her exactly how you feel and what you expect from her? Or do you expect her to just know? Some people just don't have a clue. They may know what the problem is but not what it takes to fix it. They have to be given the clue. The thing about , "If I have to tell them what I want/need then it's no good because I had to tell them what to do. They won't concerned enough to think about it themselves." To me that is just Bu**s**t. Some people are so hardheaded and clueless you may even have to tell them more than once. I have lived a fairly long and eventful life and I have met many people like this all over the world. If you want/need something then you have to make it known what it is you want/need. You practice this everyday. You go to buy something to eat do you expect the person serving you to already know what you want? Unless your wife has the ability to read your mind then it's time to tell her what you feel, what you need, and what she needs to do to help you. I wish you well.

 

This makes sense. But really, after all of the conversations so far, if she cannot even fathom how walking around in a negligee, not attempting to initiate sex with Zombie, with her smart phone in her hand, then disappearing into the bathroom with phone, is not a major trigger then does anyone really think this self described addict is going to long term resist snapping her vagina and sending it to someone???

 

If she cannot understand that she is beyond clueless and it is hopeless.

[niji]

She will be with the kids all summer, taking them here and there and I would feel more comfortable if she had a smartphone with her instead of the old flip phone we have. The battery doesn't stay charged very long and she doesn't have access to the internet, which I feel like she needs for both safety and convenience when she is out running around town with the kids during the day.

 

I'm sorry ZH, as much as I feel for you, you're just making excuses for her. Millions of children have grown up safely with their mothers having no phone, then just a landline. Having a flip phone is more than enough to keep her and the kids "safe". And puh-liz, those bricks stay charged much longer than a smartphone (like a month), are you kidding me?? Instead of needing Internet on the go, she can plan the day in advance. Yes, it's mildly less convenient, but hardlly enough for you to have to think about "safety and convenience". If she'd like to map things on the go, that's what a GPS is for.

 

For the record, I never advocate controlling phones - we're not children anymore where the "If you don't listen, I take your toys away" will work. If one wants to cheat, they will, with or without electronic devices. What I am concerned about, however, is your sanity and triggers when you see her with a phone in her hand. And how can you not, after what she's done. My first reaction to your post was, "Why the firetruck does she still have that damn phone??" As a woman, I can safely tell you that if I were in your situation, that phone will be the first thing that gets tossed in the trash, after it's been dropped from the top of the Empire Building down.

 

Do everyone (but especially yourself) a favor, take away the smartphone. You can still call and text with the good ole Nokia. This is the least you deserve.

Edited June 5, 2017 by niji

[zombiehead]

Last night was a disaster. I thought it was going to be a more normal get together with our old friends. It was more of a wild pool party for adults that still act like young partiers. Lots of booze lots of people I didnt know jello shots marijuana smoking and their were kids present. The pot smoking was going on away from the kids but still thats not cool. A boy around 7yrs old was chasing my son trying to tickle him then my son tripped and this kid was on top of my son and started screaming stop so I went over at that boy was "tickling" groping my son one hand and fingers pressed in my sons crack on top of his short and his other hand around the front. It wasnt under my son's shorts it was in top but still it was like he was being sexual assualted. SomI packed up everything to get the hell out of there but my wife wanted to stay and drink. I told her what happened and that our son wants to go home but she still tried to stay. She was drunk and on the way home she threw up in the car. So I get home get my traumatized son to bed then I carry my wife in and put her to bed then I go and clean up the margarita vomit out of the car.

 

This morning before I left for work I took her phone and left her the flip phone.

[mercy]

Last night was a disaster.

 

Someone on this thread called it I just don't remember who.

 

 

This morning before I left for work I took her phone and left her the flip phone.

 

I'm sorry but that is just to funny! Please post her reaction.

 

 

 

 

 

So, you've had enough,huh? Things are going to greatly change at your house.

 

What do guys say, way to step up to the plate? Yeah that's what you did.

 

The phone, just priceless. When a man has enough he's had enough.

[zombiehead]

The kid that groped my son was using "tickling" as cover to do his groping. I thought it was strange that my son was fleeing from this kid so aggressively. This kid was on my son like white on rice. So my son feel down and the kid was on top of him and my son was screaming and knew by his voice something was wrong. I went right over and witnessed the groping. I separated them told the kid to go away and I took my son outside to our car to talk to him. My son was upset crying and I told him I saw what that boy was doing to you and it is not your fault. I told him the next time someone is grabbing at your privates just fight back, attack them and get away. Punch him in the face, choke them whatever it takes. Don't just try to keep their hands off you do something to them to get them to stop like hitting, choking, kicking whatever it takes.

 

I don't know if that is good advice telling my son to fight, but I don't know really what else to tell him to do. Also I don't know if I should talk to him about what happened again. I called the house and he seems fine, he is playing games, playing with his dog, and seems happy like nothing happened, so I guess I'll let it go.

 

Anyway I can't believe my wife didn't want to leave immediately after what I told her happened to our son. She wanted to stay and keeping drinking with these fools and their mixed up wild children. I literally had to drag her out of there.

 

I grabbed her phone on the way out the door this morning and left her the old flip phone with the bad battery. She hasn't asked me why I took it and said anything. The twins told me she has been in bed mostly today. I'm sure she has a big hangover. I only had a couple of beers. The party started off normal, nice spread of food, just a few people, kids swimming, but more people started arriving as the evening went on, people bringing coolers full of jello shots, (which my wife was doing) marijuana smoking on the opposite side of the house from the kids. Then my son was groped right in front of my eyes then he and I were ready to get the hell out of there and come home.

[Zona]

Sounds like you needs to get some different friends

[Mrs. John Adams]

ZH....i am really sorry all of this happened.

 

She displayed the exact same kind of behavior she has shown you all along. She went to vidit her parents and went drinking with friends...and posted pictures instead of sending them directly to you. Extremely childish and selfish behavior.

 

Why then are you surprised when you go to a party that she drinks and behaves in the same selfish irresponsible manner?

 

She was there with her children...why didnt she run to her sons rescue? Becaseu it would have taken time away form her partying. Do you not see what a completely selfish thing that was? If I had been at a "family pool party" I would have been watching my children. I would not have been drinking and doing jello shots. If my husband came to tell me that another child abused my child...I would have gone to check on my baby to make sure they were ok...and we would have immediately gone home.

 

Have you been with this prima dona so long that ypu have no concept anymore how a wife and mother is supposed to act?

 

Have you fooled yourself into thinking her behavior is normal? Becaseu it is not normal. My job as a mom is to provide a safe and loving environment for my children. She has endangered her children by sexting and sinding photos to other men. They could have found her location and come to your home and hurt your children.

 

I know you are so torn and you love her. But ZH...she is not a good mom nor is she a good wife. She may be arm candy...and if what you need is a pretty wife instead of a loving caring partner. Stay with her.

 

But I would be damned... to watch my slobbering vomiting spouse ever be responsible for my kids again.

 

This is about your kids ZH....she is too self absorbed to truly care about anyone but herself.

[BaileyB]

Sadly, she demonstrated poor judgment, once again.

 

Her own selfish desire to stay and party was more important than the safety and well being of your children.

 

You are right to be very angry this morning.

[niji]

I'm sorry for what you went through last night. It seems that you and your wife have very different maturity levels.

 

When I was growing up, my dad would often get drunk with his friends, and both my brother and I grew up abhoring alcohol as we saw what a complete idiot he became when he was drinking (other than his drinking - only when his friends are around - he was a really good dad). That being said, I think it would have affected us a lot more if it was my mom who was getting drunk and leaving us to fend for ourselves. The mother just has that much effects on children - they pick up on the "social norm" pretty fast and notice that in general, it's mothers who take care of kids on a day to day basis more, and if mothers - like your wife - aren't tending to their kids, but exhibit immature, childish behavior, I think it would have very damaging effects on the children in the long term (I would argue more so than fathers).

 

I think you should seriously reconsider your children's welfare before attempting to reconcile with your wife.

[Stuck2532]

Oh man, so sorry this happened to you. You said yourself she was a wild child. I hope this showed you first-hand what really happens when she loses control. How can she not hold it together when her kid is in danger? I know I sober up quicker than hell when it hits the fan.

 

I hope things get better. Trying R is admirable, but remember the main reason you decided to R...the twins. I hope things get better soon.