nude pics red flag??

[BaileyB]

Two things, were very bad for your children last night.

 

First, your son had the experience of being touched inappropriately and without his consent by another child. That's really terrible.

 

Second, your children watched their mother drink the point that she was sick. That's also terrible. What are they learning, and what do they think about their mother, after that experience.

 

And you, were single parenting again... Your twins, and your other wild, rebellious, teenage child. I'm so sorry.

[Steen719]

ZH....i am really sorry all of this happened.

 

She displayed the exact same kind of behavior she has shown you all along. She went to vidit her parents and went drinking with friends...and posted pictures instead of sending them directly to you. Extremely childish and selfish behavior.

 

Why then are you surprised when you go to a party that she drinks and behaves in the same selfish irresponsible manner?

 

She was there with her children...why didnt she run to her sons rescue? Becaseu it would have taken time away form her partying. Do you not see what a completely selfish thing that was? If I had been at a "family pool party" I would have been watching my children. I would not have been drinking and doing jello shots. If my husband came to tell me that another child abused my child...I would have gone to check on my baby to make sure they were ok...and we would have immediately gone home.

 

Have you been with this prima dona so long that ypu have no concept anymore how a wife and mother is supposed to act?

 

Have you fooled yourself into thinking her behavior is normal? Becaseu it is not normal. My job as a mom is to provide a safe and loving environment for my children. She has endangered her children by sexting and sinding photos to other men. They could have found her location and come to your home and hurt your children.

 

I know you are so torn and you love her. But ZH...she is not a good mom nor is she a good wife. She may be arm candy...and if what you need is a pretty wife instead of a loving caring partner. Stay with her.

 

But I would be damned... to watch my slobbering vomiting spouse ever be responsible for my kids again.

 

This is about your kids ZH....she is too self absorbed to truly care about anyone but herself.

 

I agree with this wholeheartedly. The only change I might make is that I would have detoured to the child's mother and father and told them what their child did. Drunk or not, they need to know. (Or maybe tell them later if need be) Your poor son.

 

I think you did fine telling him to protect himself. This is assault. I would calmly take your son aside and talk with him again about what happened to him, reiterating that it is not his fault and he did the right thing by screaming. Reassure him that you are there to keep him safe and will always be there to help him through whatever he comes up against. See how he responds to judge whether you need to go further. Makes you wonder what has happened to the other kid, doesn't it? Sheesh.

 

Mrs. Adams has this right, Zombie. She is not being a good mom and she surely is not a good wife. I wouldn't trust her with the kids. My brother had to go to court to get his kids from his wife, their mother, who was more interested in partying than parenting. Painful, very, but each one of those kids has thanked him as adults for being there for him. True story, Zombie. The love and respect they have for their dad is evident.

[Cephalopod]

How long are you going to stand there and allow this crap to continue?

[GunslingerRoland]

Are you sure the 7 year old really knew what they were doing? I mean that is pretty young to be implying that the child was molesting your son. Not saying it was right, but I feel like you might be letting your own trauma see things that aren't there.

 

I didn't realize that your children are so young... I thought they were teenagers the way you were talking at other points in this post. I think you need to be doing a better job of shielding them from what is happening.

 

Anyway I don't know if anyone has said it, but it sounds like you have PTSD. Like those vets that come home and hear a car backfire and go all nuts because they think they are under artillery fire. You see your wife making a facebook post and you are overwhelmed with thoughts of her sexting.... you need to get counselling for this. It really doesn't have much to do with her affair at this point. It's about your reaction.

 

But as for your wife, like other's have said. She doesn't seem to have a lot of remorse. She doesn't think it's nearly as big of a deal as you do. This is clearly an area where your morals are very far apart on. I'm not saying you should let up on your morals on this. But if you are going to forgive her, part of that will be realizing that she will NEVER see it as as big of a sin as you do. If you can't live with that, you can't reconcile with her.

[BluesPower]

ZH....i am really sorry all of this happened.

 

She displayed the exact same kind of behavior she has shown you all along. She went to vidit her parents and went drinking with friends...and posted pictures instead of sending them directly to you. Extremely childish and selfish behavior.

 

Why then are you surprised when you go to a party that she drinks and behaves in the same selfish irresponsible manner?

 

She was there with her children...why didnt she run to her sons rescue? Becaseu it would have taken time away form her partying. Do you not see what a completely selfish thing that was? If I had been at a "family pool party" I would have been watching my children. I would not have been drinking and doing jello shots. If my husband came to tell me that another child abused my child...I would have gone to check on my baby to make sure they were ok...and we would have immediately gone home.

 

Have you been with this prima dona so long that ypu have no concept anymore how a wife and mother is supposed to act?

 

Have you fooled yourself into thinking her behavior is normal? Becaseu it is not normal. My job as a mom is to provide a safe and loving environment for my children. She has endangered her children by sexting and sinding photos to other men. They could have found her location and come to your home and hurt your children.

 

I know you are so torn and you love her. But ZH...she is not a good mom nor is she a good wife. She may be arm candy...and if what you need is a pretty wife instead of a loving caring partner. Stay with her.

 

But I would be damned... to watch my slobbering vomiting spouse ever be responsible for my kids again.

 

This is about your kids ZH....she is too self absorbed to truly care about anyone but herself.

 

Amen sister, amen...Listen to this woman!!!

 

I just figured out what is going on with you, I am surprised that I did not realize it sooner, I should have.

 

Your wife's infidelity was when she kind of lost it and was irresponsible.

 

NO ---- This is when for a second you gained a little clarity about how messed up and selfish she really is.

 

You have been dealing with this type of crap from the very beginning of your relationship.

 

The reason that you seem weak and appear stupid in dealing with her is that you have NO NORMAL BASELINE WITH WHICH TO JUDGE.

 

You have been dealing with this type of selfish immature behavior for your entire relationship.

 

You have no idea what normal is. Can you see that?

 

Now that the goal posts have been moved again, you think everything is ok if she is just not screwing everyone in town. You have lived through the internet infidelity.

 

So now your "NORMAL" is moved up to the new marker.

 

She gets out of hand at a party and she is just happy to get wasted with the rest of the childish adults, and could care less if your son was molested or not. As long as she is having fun, well screw everyone else.

 

I will bet you dollars to donuts that you don't so much as get a thank you BJ for taking care of the kids and holding her hair while she puked.

 

Can any one explain this better?

 

If your normal is insane, you have a hard time understanding what normal or insane really is...

[HereNorThere]

It sucks but this what you signed up for. It's odd to me that you act surprised when she's shown you time and time again who she is. And this isn't anything new, she's always been this way. The only difference is now you're mature enough to realize it.

 

Whether you like it or not, your marriage is toast. The parent/child dynamic that she's forced upon you won't stand the test of time. Dude, she RESENTS you. Either you get fed up and leave (doubtful) or she takes off with one of her facebook orbiters. I'm sure she has a few lined up right now just waiting for her to sneak out the window after pops goes to sleep. You only know the tip of the iceberg with that stuff. You've seen how she acts when you're around, god knows how bad it is when you aren't. I imagine there's a whole world of IRL OM's out there.

 

She's not going to change and honestly, for as much as everyone says that she needs consequences, they fail to factor in the fact that you can't really punish an adult. She's going to be who she is and you're going to let her. I don't really think there's much you could do to help your situation besides lowering your expectations.

 

Oh, and a flip phone battery is like 5 bucks on eBay. Will you please kill that rationalization/justification? It's just ridiculous, dude. It kinda makes me you think we're dumb or something. Even a new flip phone is practically free. Not that taking her phone away is going to help anything. My parents thought they could do that stuff to me and I always found a way. Just like your wife.

[zombiehead]

No the 7 year old had one hand pushing his fingers in my son's ass crack and the other had was on his front side. If he was just tickling him then it would have been armpits neck ect. I was shocked at what I saw, and afterwards I did question myself did I really see that? Yes I did the 7 year old has his fingers rammed in my son's ass crack on top of shorts wiggling his fingers and the other hand was underneath my son at his private location. I didn't see if the other hand was touching my son's front privates because my son was laying on his stomach on the ground and the boy was on his knees next to him, but the hand was under my son where his privates are so I'm sure that is what he was doing. Also my son wouldn't have been having a meltdown freakout screaming with it was just tickling play. Yes after I talked my son and thought about it again and questioned myself, "did that really just happen?" Yes it did, it is what it is, I saw it, I saw the hands it happened.

 

Anyway, the kid's parents are extremely wheels off, they are the ones that brought the jello shots in the cooler. I bet the parents are drunk all the time and their poor children are being neglected and possibly abused. I have never met those people before, they were employees of my friend, he is in the restaurant business.

 

I have to work late to finish up a project proposal. I'm going to try and have a calm matter of fact conversation with my wife tonight. We need to be on the same page. She always tells me that we are a "team". Well then it is time for her to join the team.

[HereNorThere]

She always tells me that we are a "team". Well then it is time for her to join the team.

 

 

The only "team" in this relationship is the locker room full of guys she cheated on you with.

[zombiehead]

Her sexting and nude pics live skype sex phone sex runs through my mind daily. This could be impossible to forgive and forget. My gut feeling is it did go to the last level a PA, however I have no proof. I keep telling myself that there is no way she will start up again because the she knows the marriage will end and she doesnt want that. I wish I could say she wouldnt do it again because she loves me but I dont think that is her motivation to stop, it is more that she doesnt want a divorce.

 

Her way to minimize her betrayal is to say that it was just online bull**** and she didnt mean any of it. I just dont buy that, that excuse or attempt to minimize her sexting is the bull****. There is truth in her sexting, she absolutely meant it.

[GoldenR]

This is brutal. You and your wife are in a marriage of one, with you being the one for both of you. She's your wife, kind of....but you are her father. It's time for her to fish or cut bait. She needs to know this. She's either all in or it's time for ZH to do what's best for ZH and his son and gtf away from her.

 

Pool parties suck....Excuse me while I trigger.

[Friskyone4u]

Can this get any worse????

 

You're lucky you were there and did not leave her. If she was that drunk porno girl would surely have gotten busy.

 

I have no clue what anyone can say any more here. You have yourself signed up for a life of misery.

[Mrs. John Adams]

This is brutal. You and your wife are in a marriage of one, with you being the one for both of you. She's your wife, kind of....but you are her father. It's time for her to fish or cut bait. She needs to know this. She's either all in or it's time for ZH to do what's best for ZH and his son and gtf away from her.

 

Pool parties suck....Excuse me while I trigger.

 

Hugs my friend... I was hoping you skipped this one

[Friskyone4u]

Her sexting and nude pics live skype sex phone sex runs through my mind daily. This could be impossible to forgive and forget. My gut feeling is it did go to the last level a PA, however I have no proof. I keep telling myself that there is no way she will start up again because the she knows the marriage will end and she doesnt want that. I wish I could say she wouldnt do it again because she loves me but I dont think that is her motivation to stop, it is more that she doesnt want a divorce.

 

Her way to minimize her betrayal is to say that it was just online bull**** and she didnt mean any of it. I just dont buy that, that excuse or attempt to minimize her sexting is the bull****. There is truth in her sexting, she absolutely meant it.

 

If her sexting and nude photos run through your mind daily and you gut tells you there is more, why on earth don't you get the answer, and a polygraph will tell you that in less than an hour with the answer to to first two questions you will ask.

Seems like you are s fellow who is sick and refuses to go to the doctor.

 

You deserve way better than this. What is it going to take ??? You're trying a one man reconciliation to some horrible crap, and she refuses to leave party girl mode. And if after all you have already discovered you still have no idea really how much further her betrayal went. How do you recover from that????

[Mrs. John Adams]

zh...

 

Did you ever meet a kid in school that was fun loving and the life of the party and everybody loved them...and years later was the same fun loving life of the party who everybody now hated?

 

Why? Because something inside them never grew up. Thatbehavior that endeared everyone to them when you were kids has now become a detriment. They are irresponsible...selfish individuals that mentally never moved on.

 

You have grown up...you have two beautiful babies...a good job... and a wife that never grew up.

 

Can you fix her? Boy I don't know. Therapy, medication,strict boundaries,?

 

The problem is... in her addiction for attention..she has already crossed your line and caused irreparable damage to your relationship. And none of us knows if she truly understands the severity of what she has done to you.

 

She is just being who she is... the fun loving kid who never grew up... the life of the party ... the center of attention... the pretty girl that everyone admired...

But it isn't funny and it isn't cute anymore.

 

Now in her own quest for attention... she is hurting others .. setting poor examples for her children.. making bad choices.. and is destroying the one good thing she has.. you

 

You were drawn to her like everyone else ... the problem now is.. it isn't cute anymore.

 

So I ask you...how much longer will you make excuses for her ... and cover for her... and coddle her... and protect her...

 

Because eventually you are going to hit the brick wall...

 

You know deep in your heart I am right.

 

She is never going to change... because she doesn't have to. She has learned a behaviorable pattern that rewards her for bad behavior instead of suffering the consequences for it. Everyone has let her get by with it instead of requiring her to be accountable.

 

She pouts... she cries... she gets mad... she has temper tantrums... like a two year old instead of a responsible adult.

 

Meanwhile she uses her sexy beautiful body to entice and to beguile and get her way. It's her way of being in control.

 

She has learned how to manipulate and she does a great job on you.

 

You see her as the beautiful young girl you dated... the trouble is... she has not matured and moved forward. Mentally she is stuck.

 

I figure in a couple of years the twins will mentally pass her up.

 

We all have thresholds of what we can tolerate. You would think the sexting thing would have crossed your line... the torment she has caused you.

 

But I am telling you.. her behavior at the pool party... her getting drunk with her children nearby... her not hearing her babies cries for help when he was being bullied... her not immediately wanting to take him home to a safe place... says a whole lot to those of us watching this train wreck from the sidelines.

 

There is no way... that I would leave my kids in this woman's care again. Even yesterday... she was hungover so she stayed in bed. The kids told you in the phone. They clearly see her behavior and if you don't think they are absorbing all of this crap like a sponge... you are sadly mistaken.

 

I wonder...how many guys was she sexting in the bathroom while your kids were watching cartoons in the living room?

 

You don't like the picture that just popped in your head, do you?

 

That's exactly what you are dealing with. A narcissistic immature selfish woman... who wants to party more than she wants to be your wife and a mother to those babies.

 

I dont have an answer for what you need to do. But if she were my daughter I would try to get her some serious help. And if she were my wife... I would do the same. I can't tell you in good faith you should divorce her... but I can tell you.. get help... and no forum is going to fix this for you. I am talking serious help here.

[Zona]

OK, just kind of an obvious observation here. She clearly has issues with self-control, be it with the sexting she did, or with alcohol, and seemingly just about everything else.

 

Has she agreed to psychological counselling to try to deal with these serious issues that haunt her? It would obviously be better if she didn't drink, but how much is she willing to do, or give up, to save the marriage and how sustainable would it be over time?

 

If you think about it, she's been pretty good overall except for getting drunk at the dreaded pool party. When she is sober she has self-control issues and a lack of normal inhibitions. Alcohol obvious makes it even worse.

[Mrs. John Adams]

OK, just kind of an obvious observation here. She clearly has issues with self-control, be it with the sexting she did, or with alcohol, and seemingly just about everything else.

 

Has she agreed to psychological counselling to try to deal with these serious issues that haunt her? It would obviously be better if she didn't drink, but how much is she willing to do, or give up, to save the marriage and how sustainable would it be over time?

 

If you think about it, she's been pretty good overall except for getting drunk at the dreaded pool party. When she is sober she has self-control issues and a lack of normal inhibitions. Alcohol obvious makes it even worse.

 

please tell me how she has been pretty good.

 

If he confronts her about ANYTHING she pouts and pitches a fit like a child.

 

She is not the least bit aware nor does she care about his feelings. She is constantly on her phone..which is a huge trigger for him.

 

She goes to visit her parents...and goes drinnking with friends posting pictures on facebook instead of sending them to her husband..which was an issue for him

 

She goes to a pool party and gets smashed in front of her children...her son is molested and she wants to stay and party.

 

Now stop me when you get the picture.

 

go back and read the 55 pages here...look at how this woman has single handedly destroyed this man...who still wants to protect her.

 

She has not sent naked pictures of herself recently...but then...he is monitoring her phone. What would she do if she thought she could get by with it?

 

I dont see that she has put forth any effort at all to help him heal...or to make him feel safe...

 

If you have read where she is doing that..please spell it out for me.

 

I am seeing a man so torn that he is having mind movies he cannot get beyond.

 

I am not saying throw this woman in the trash....I am saying she desperately needs help...and it is going to require years of professional therapy to reach her...IF and thats a big IF...she can ever be reached.

[Zona]

Yeah, it is a bad situation no doubt. I'm not saying everything is peachy, but he does want to reconcile, so no point piling on about divorce at this point.

 

On the bright side, she didn't complain one bit about the crappy flip phone he gave her. She has done just about everything he has asked her to do, STD testing, counselling,etc.

 

At this point I think he could push it even further because he is near the breaking point anyway. I think a lie detector would be reasonable to see if she is telling the truth about not having a PA. If she did have a PA and lied about it, then I would join the chorus of those saying divorce in inevitable.

[Cephalopod]

Marriage should not be this hard. Raising kids and dealing with all of life's every day drudgery is hard enough on a relationship. It becomes pretty much impossible when you have an escapist partner who only wants to avoid all these things and stay submerged in the warm slime of sex fantasy.

 

Zombiehead's wife doesn't want to be married. She likes the "idea" of being a wife and mom, but in reality such a life does not suit her. She is not fit for that life. She's a party girl....a dope-smoking, panty-dropping party girl who likes to flash for the boys and act like a drunken college freshman. She shirks her responsibilities at every turn, neglects her children, cheats on her husband and only looks for the next way to escape a life she cannot handle.

 

Zombiehead is alone. He lost his marriage years ago. He is living a fantasy himself, fooling himself every day into believing that the marriage and family life he has is "good enough" and that he can sojourn on until the kids get to be eighteen. Except what he really has is a sunk-cost fallacy and a withering vine of a life.

[Cephalopod]

Yeah, it is a bad situation no doubt. I'm not saying everything is peachy, but he does want to reconcile, so no point piling on about divorce at this point.

 

On the bright side, she didn't complain one bit about the crappy flip phone he gave her. She has done just about everything he has asked her to do, STD testing, counselling,etc.

 

At this point I think he could push it even further because he is near the breaking point anyway. I think a lie detector would be reasonable to see if she is telling the truth about not having a PA. If she did have a PA and lied about it, then I would join the chorus of those saying divorce in inevitable.

 

She is only doing the bare minimum to keep him off her back and to keep him from leaving her. None of this was done proactively by her. He had to ask or demand she do these things. If she was really interested in change, she would have been the one leading the charge.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Folks, I am beginning to get the feeling that either ZH is a sucker for punishment or he is playing all the folk on here for fools. I just cannot understand how a man, any man can take so much of bad behaviour for so long and still keep his head above water. As the saying goes" Even the worm turns" and refers to someone who is weak and is in an abusive situation with someone who holds some kind of power over them. In such a situation a time comes when even they revolt. For anyone else in ZH's position the worm would have turned many times over but not our man. ZH consistently and conveniently avoids responding to questions and statements which run counter to the narrative he is putting out here. He has 'Bashed on regardless' inspite of the toughest questions posed to him or the most obvious solutions to his problem which have been offered to him.

 

I am coming to the conclusion that this whole episode is a fabrication of his creative mind and he is just leading on the good folk here to enjoy their frustration and angst at the situation he has painted. Just when his story seems to be running out of steam he paints a new scenario and gets the good folk on here all riled up on his behalf. He chooses which questions to answer and ignores the ones which would force a proactive response from him. As an example, his repetition of the fact that the alternative to his wife's smart phone is an old flip phone with a battery that lasts just 20 minutes. He has been given ample suggestions on how to rectify that situation but has chosen to consistently ignore them.

 

I guess one can only offer a man so much advice. Whether he takes it or not is his choice.

Edited June 6, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
off topic ~T

[QuietDan]

Last night was a disaster. I thought it was going to be a more normal get together with our old friends. It was more of a wild pool party for adults that still act like young partiers. Lots of booze lots of people I didnt know jello shots marijuana smoking and their were kids present. The pot smoking was going on away from the kids but still thats not cool. A boy around 7yrs old was chasing my son trying to tickle him then my son tripped and this kid was on top of my son and started screaming stop so I went over at that boy was "tickling" groping my son one hand and fingers pressed in my sons crack on top of his short and his other hand around the front. It wasnt under my son's shorts it was in top but still it was like he was being sexual assualted. SomI packed up everything to get the hell out of there but my wife wanted to stay and drink. I told her what happened and that our son wants to go home but she still tried to stay. She was drunk and on the way home she threw up in the car. So I get home get my traumatized son to bed then I carry my wife in and put her to bed then I go and clean up the margarita vomit out of the car.

 

This morning before I left for work I took her phone and left her the flip phone.

Once you decided to dedicate yourself to reconciliation, until your wife eventually starts to figure things out and understand the consequences of her actions and the impact they are having on you, ....

It really was mostly a matter of when, and not if, regarding the phone.

[QuietDan]

I still wonder about her original drinking buddy and her husband that you mentioned about near the start of this thread. With the alcohol/drinking issues, boundary issues, sex issues, self control issues, somewhat , acting like an out of control teenager, it is not difficult to be concerned that drunken sex talk in a private setting or out of control party could have easily transitioned into drunken activities.

[Cephalopod]

I still wonder about her original drinking buddy and her husband that you mentioned about near the start of this thread. With the alcohol/drinking issues, boundary issues, sex issues, self control issues, somewhat , acting like an out of control teenager, it is not difficult to be concerned that drunken sex talk in a private setting or out of control party could have easily transitioned into drunken activities.

 

There is no way this woman has not cheated physically with someone during this marriage. Her personality and behavior, and continuing on with the behavior despite all that has happened, screams swinger party girl.

[BaileyB]

There is no way this woman has not cheated physically with someone during this marriage. Her personality and behavior, and continuing on with the behavior despite all that has happened, screams swinger party girl.

 

Even if she hasn't physically cheated, she filmed herself having sex with her husband - without his knowledge or consent - and broadcast it on the Internet for another man's pleasure. How to ever get past that violation of trust, I have no idea.

[Friskyone4u]

Yeah, it is a bad situation no doubt. I'm not saying everything is peachy, but he does want to reconcile, so no point piling on about divorce at this point.

 

On the bright side, she didn't complain one bit about the crappy flip phone he gave her. She has done just about everything he has asked her to do, STD testing, counselling,etc.

 

At this point I think he could push it even further because he is near the breaking point anyway. I think a lie detector would be reasonable to see if she is telling the truth about not having a PA. If she did have a PA and lied about it, then I would join the chorus of those saying divorce in inevitable.

 

Man, what are you thinking. Leave out the divorce or not divorce, the fact that she accepted a flip phone somehow offsets the immense crap that Mrs. Adams just listed for you.

 

And in her favor is she wants to reconcile. No crap. So do 95% of women who get caught cheating.