nude pics red flag??

[Friskyone4u]

Yeah, it is a bad situation no doubt. I'm not saying everything is peachy, but he does want to reconcile, so no point piling on about divorce at this point.

 

On the bright side, she didn't complain one bit about the crappy flip phone he gave her. She has done just about everything he has asked her to do, STD testing, counselling,etc.

 

At this point I think he could push it even further because he is near the breaking point anyway. I think a lie detector would be reasonable to see if she is telling the truth about not having a PA. If she did have a PA and lied about it, then I would join the chorus of those saying divorce in inevitable.

 

Man, what are you thinking. Leave out the divorce or not divorce, the fact that she accepted a flip phone somehow offsets the immense crap that Mrs. Adams just listed for you.

 

And in her favor is she wants to reconcile. No crap. So do 95% of women who get caught cheating.

[zombiehead]

Our neighbors are good, she would not have had a threesome with them. The husband doesn't drink and goes to church every Sunday and brings his personal bible. He is very involved with the church and so is his wife. However his wife is more wild, she was a party girl growing up like my wife. She drinks and likes to hangout and gossip with the girls on their back patio, we have been neighbors for 13 years. She told the neighbor lady about her messaging with one man in particular. I told her husband that I was disappointed that she didn't tell my wife to stop it and that she didn't come and tell me. When they get together now it is a trigger. I told the neighbor lady this as well. "When I see you and my wife talking, I think about her having drinks on your patio and my wife telling you about her "messaging" friend and you laughing it up about it, being entertained by the news of my wife's betrayal and asking for more details about the affair. No concern whatsoever for the pain that would cause me if I knew what was going on."

 

She said that is not true she told my wife that internet affairs don't work out and gave her examples of people she knew that split up to be with someone they met online and it didn't work out. blah blah blah

 

Some days I wish I never got married. I was young and already owned a home, it was only 1800sqft but it was perfect for a single guy. I bought it really cheap, it was a foreclosed property owned by HUD and it was only 2 years old. The original owner purchased it with a FHA mortgage and defaulted, when that happens since the mortgage was insured through the federal government (FHA), HUD takes the property and places on the market for sale.

 

It was a great little house, it was a 2 story, well I guess a 2 story the only room upstairs was the master bedroom and master bathroom. The ceiling in the living room went all the way up to the height of the ceiling in the master bedroom and the staircase was open overlooking down into the living room which had a fireplace and the brick from the fireplace went all the way up. It was an awesome bachelor pad with the master being all secluded upstairs. When we sold it I only had $28k left on the mortgage. We rolled all the equity into our new house. The lot (yard) was large, nearly 1/2 acre, I poured and extra driveway so I could park my boat securely in my backyard.

 

Anyway, I fell in love and got married, now I'm in a big mess. I'm very grateful for our kids, they are my joy. My wife and I have had some great times together, I hate that it may all be falling apart now. It is so hard to let go, I don't understand it, I don't understand the motivations for sexting and betrayal, if I could understand it then maybe it could be easier to forgive.

[aliveagain]

In her convo she told these guys she would never leave me, that I was a great husband, very handsome, amazing in bed. She told them that she was only looking for some "spice" nothing more.

 

This was 50 pages ago when you discovered that she had men all over the world sexting with her and that some of her body parts were getting more views then the Eiffel Tower. You still don't know if she has been physical with any of them. Her only consequence so far is you downgraded her cell phone to a flip phone, must be really killing her. What kind of mother fights you to stay at a party after hearing you caught another boy sexually abusing your son? I would probably be banned from this site if I told you my honest opinion.

 

You may not have notices but I haven't been posting on your thread much these days. Why post if your words are wasted, like talking to a brick wall. You have been given tons of excellent advice yet here you are after all this time cleaning up your wife's puke in your family car as you trigger while trying to decide if your son was indeed traumatised. It concerns me greatly to think about what it might actually take to get you to the point that you act. Just my opinion but I think the Courts may see your wife's recklessness and your inability to act differently then you might expect, they are all about protecting the children. She will only act in the way you allow her to act and this sh*t show is over when you say it is.

[Zona]

Man, what are you thinking. Leave out the divorce or not divorce, the fact that she accepted a flip phone somehow offsets the immense crap that Mrs. Adams just listed for you.

 

And in her favor is she wants to reconcile. No crap. So do 95% of women who get caught cheating.

 

I still see a way out of this mess for him that is based on reconciliation rather than divorce, but it is a narrow difficult road, and both of them would have to be totally committed. He is willing, but she is a question mark at this point. He needs push to see how committed she really is, but I think he needs to do this in a way recommended by an experienced MC.

 

Time will tell.

[GoldenR]

On the bright side, she didn't complain one bit about the crappy flip phone he gave her.

 

 

Because she was hungover...

[mikeylo]

Duh! The only thing that OP has done is replace the phone ?

 

Obviously I haven't read the entire thread but that's the conclusion I've read.

 

I mean really ?

[Mrs. John Adams]

I still see a way out of this mess for him that is based on reconciliation rather than divorce, but it is a narrow difficult road, and both of them would have to be totally committed. He is willing, but she is a question mark at this point. He needs push to see how committed she really is, but I think he needs to do this in a way recommended by an experienced MC.

 

Time will tell.

 

Zona... I have 33 of reconciliation under my belt. This ain't my first rodeo ...

 

I know how hard it is to be successful.. I know how much work is required by BOTH partners. I know that a good solid reconciliation is not possible without both people giving 100%.

 

You can co exist.. you can live together... you can even be friends.

 

But to restore a relationship that has been devastated by infidelity is hard worK.

 

This man has suffered extreme trauma at the hands of this woman.. she has lied, she has cheated, she defiled his own sex with her by taping it and showing it to other people. This one act alone ... if there was nothing else... is enough for him to kick ass out.

 

But he loves her and he wants to keep his family in tact.

 

He wants desperately for her to just make one move ... just one thing that shows she values him as much as he does her. He needs one sign from her that she understands what she has done.. one little thing that tells him she is sorry for the pain she has caused him.

 

Instead... she continues in the same selfish behavior. He wants one sign of hope and she has yet to give it to him.

 

I am for reconciliation I want this man to get what he is looking for. In most stories... as time goes by the wayward at least begins to make some kind of progress toward the realization of what they have done. She still has no clue.

 

Until she realizes what she has done.. he will forever be plagued with doubt that every time she picks up that phone she is repeating her offense. He can't will it away.. he cannot undo it... he can not change her. She has to do that for herself.

 

Is this hopeless? Yes without some true professional intervention this situation is hopeless.

[GoldenR]

Hugs my friend... I was hoping you skipped this one

 

:-) Ironic, isn't it?

 

And thanks, Mrs JA, but it's all good....they are very, VERY few and even farther between, and they last < a minute.

[Zona]

Zona... I have 33 of reconciliation under my belt. This ain't my first rodeo ...

 

I know how hard it is to be successful.. I know how much work is required by BOTH partners. I know that a good solid reconciliation is not possible without both people giving 100%.

 

Yes I agree with everything you said in this post.

 

Divorce would be rough too. She is the type that would get a boyfriend at the snap of a finger, and then he would know for sure that she is sleeping with somebody else, and that would be hard to take since he still loves her.

 

She sounds very similar to the woman I dated for years when I was much younger. It was very hard to disentangle myself from her, but in the end it was so totally worth it. Good thing I never married her!! A marriage with children is much more difficult to walk away from.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Yes I agree with everything you said in this post.

 

Divorce would be rough too. She is the type that would get a boyfriend at the snap of a finger, and then he would know for sure that she is sleeping with somebody else, and that would be hard to take since he still loves her.

 

She sounds very similar to the woman I dated for years when I was much younger. It was very hard to disentangle myself from her, but in the end it was so totally worth it. Good thing I never married her!! A marriage with children is much more difficult to walk away from.

 

I have no doubt she would move on without him.. and he knows that ... which is one reason he won't turn loose.

 

But there is a fine line between love and hate... if she crosses his line enough he will wind up hating her.

 

You read it in stories here everyday.

 

Zh needs to get his wife professional help... he too needs therapy... and it would not be a bad idea to get the twins some therapy while they are all going through this.

 

The story of this marriage is not going to get any better until she gets professional help.

 

But it has kept loveshack busy now for a long time. The twists and turns have been really captivating.

 

I don't know if anyone else has benefited from the story and the outpouring from loveshack posters to help.

 

I think I am about spent. I think zh is too... he's running out of steam and an audience. You can only tell him the same thing over and over so many times and then it becomes apparent that it isn't really helping.

 

Alive again.. I am with you buddy.

 

Goldenr... I am glad your triggers are getting better. I was concerned when this part of the story appeared.

[mikeylo]

Yes I agree with everything you said in this post.

 

Divorce would be rough too. She is the type that would get a boyfriend at the snap of a finger, and then he would know for sure that she is sleeping with somebody else, and that would be hard to take since he still loves her.

 

She sounds very similar to the woman I dated for years when I was much younger. It was very hard to disentangle myself from her, but in the end it was so totally worth it. Good thing I never married her!! A marriage with children is much more difficult to walk away from.

 

Divorce is easier than reconciliation in a case like this, IMO.

 

I personally would be happy if another guy snapped a woman who was like this. I would even think if I was in the right frame of mind to not see where I landed myself and why the hell did I ever love her ?

 

I would happily divorce .Not my problem anymore. I'll move on and find a decent woman for myself.

[zombiehead]

I already have the best most expensive divorce "family law" attorney in our county under retainer. I locked him down shortly after dday.

 

The housing market is red hot here, demand is sky high, it is a great time to sell but a horrible time to buy. This housing bubble will pop soon and many are going to be underwater wuth their mortgages. This fact contributed to my decision to try and fix our broken marriage. I could rent, but rent prices are inflated as well and renting is throwing your money away, there is no financial benefit paying rent.

Edited June 6, 2017 by zombiehead

[OneLov]

I already have the best most expensive divorce "family law" attorney in our county under retainer. I locked him down shortly after dday.

 

The housing market is red hot here, demand is sky high, it is a great time to sell but a horrible time to buy. This housing bubble will pop soon and many are going to be underwater wuth their mortgages. This fact contributed to my decision to try and fix our broken marriage. I could rent, but rent prices are inflated as well and renting is throwing your money away, there is no financial benefit paying rent.

 

Dude, you don't have to be ashamed about wanting to reconcile with a person who, at least objectively, is not a good candidate nor deserves the gift. Love isn't logical and often ridiculously unfair. True justice will never be served.

 

I think what most are trying to tell you is do not set yourself up for failure by actively enabling triggering situations. You need professional help to avoid suppression that will lead to depression. Basically, you need to help yourself move on from this if she is unwilling or unable to help you. She is who she is. If you want to continue with a person like her, then you need to accept that you will need to clean up the mess she left.

[mikeylo]

I already have the best most expensive divorce "family law" attorney in our county under retainer. I locked him down shortly after dday.

 

The housing market is red hot here, demand is sky high, it is a great time to sell but a horrible time to buy. This housing bubble will pop soon and many are going to be underwater wuth their mortgages. This fact contributed to my decision to try and fix our broken marriage. I could rent, but rent prices are inflated as well and renting is throwing your money away, there is no financial benefit paying rent.

 

At one point you will have to weigh -- your mental health vs money.

 

Good Luck

[understand50]

I already have the best most expensive divorce "family law" attorney in our county under retainer. I locked him down shortly after dday.

 

The housing market is red hot here, demand is sky high, it is a great time to sell but a horrible time to buy. This housing bubble will pop soon and many are going to be underwater wuth their mortgages. This fact contributed to my decision to try and fix our broken marriage. I could rent, but rent prices are inflated as well and renting is throwing your money away, there is no financial benefit paying rent.

 

 

You seem all over the place. From outrage she did this (nude pictures), to all love and reconciliation. I think you need to decide what you want and then take action, be it divorce, or reconciliation. I also, wonder why you place your children is a lifestyle that is so damaging. Why did you not leave, with or with out your wife, when the party went "bad"? You say you can not stand her, to going to I can live and love her again, to I have a divorce attorney on

retainer. That mean you shelled out cash to have them at hand. None of this make sense. What are you trying to accomplish?

 

I wish you luck.....

[Cephalopod]

Even if she hasn't physically cheated, she filmed herself having sex with her husband - without his knowledge or consent - and broadcast it on the Internet for another man's pleasure. How to ever get past that violation of trust, I have no idea.

 

That is just it. How does anyone get past that? Which is why we keep asking him why....

[S2B]

She's shown evidence that she just isn't a decent wife/mother.

 

Cut her off now instead of wasting 20 more years for her to grow a conscience.

 

You can't force her to be decent - but you can make sure she impacts your kids as little as possible. You don't need her setting an example for them -and that living with no conscience is ok - it's NOT ok...and it's time you show them it's not ok by doing something about changing your situation.

[Cephalopod]

I had a friend when I was a kid who had a mom like this. Poor guy. He was a nice, smart kid and his mom just ruined him. She was just a nasty woman: a hard drinking, hard partying. Her husband couldn't stomach her anymore and took off when my friend was about 12.

 

Well, my friend went from being a good kid to a drug addicted dropout by the end of high school. After school he sort of fell off the map and I lost track of him. I heard rumors he had fallen into some really bad company and had even spent some time in prison.

 

Then about five years ago he contacted me and we renewed our friendship. He's doing well now, but it took year and years of intense therapy and treatment to fix most of the damage his mom did to him, but he will never really be 100%.

 

If I were Zombiehead I would desperately want to save my children from such a fate.

Edited June 6, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T

[Betrayed&Stayed]

... renting is throwing your money away, there is no financial benefit paying rent.

 

Have you calculated the closing costs of buying and selling a house? Whatever financial gain you make in the market value is lost in the closing costs, unless you hold on to that house for decades.

 

I moved recently and the associated costs for the selling/buying the two properties cost me $40k. That's a lot of rent money! 90% of your new mortgage payments will be interest and taxes, not equity.

 

Don't let renting be a major factor in your decision process. The upside of renting is the flexibility. You can sign a 12-month lease and move out in a year without any additional financial costs.

[BaileyB]

You seem all over the place. From outrage she did this (nude pictures), to all love and reconciliation.

 

You say you can not stand her, to going to I can live and love her again, to I have a divorce attorney on retainer.

 

This can probably best be described as looping. It's quite common for people to do this when they have experienced a trauma and they are trying to process the experience/situation.

 

In this case, ZH is looping between "there has been a terrible betrayal, I am so angry, I need to understand why she did this" and "I want to keep my family together, how do I forgive her, maybe if I buy her a new bike and go camping, or recreate our first date..."

 

It is to be expected when trying to deal with a situation and decide what to do in the future. The challenge becomes when someone becomes stuck - looping again and again because that is a painful and frustrating place to be. It is part of the reason why I would suggest to ZH that he get some counselling, for himself.

Edited June 6, 2017 by BaileyB

[Zona]

I had a friend when I was a kid who had a mom like this. Poor guy. He was a nice, smart kid and his mom just ruined him. She was just a nasty woman: a hard drinking, hard partying.

 

ZH has only mentioned in the past that she mostly drinks with the neighbor lady, and doesn't get overly wasted. If there is a pattern of heavy drinking and partying he hasn't mentioned it.

 

Let's not turn this woman into a monster based on speculation.

[Mrs. John Adams]

ZH has only mentioned in the past that she mostly drinks with the neighbor lady, and doesn't get overly wasted. If there is a pattern of heavy drinking and partying he hasn't mentioned it.

 

Let's not turn this woman into a monster based on speculation.

 

we dont need to turn her into a monster...but we do need to look at facts.....the facts speak for themselves.

 

Zona...this story is completely different than your own. You are very new here....and have very little experience or knowledge about infidelity since you have determined in your own story that your wife is innocent and everything is wonderful.

 

This man is suffering immense pain caused by a woman who videotaped him screwing her and sent it out to other men. She took pictures of herself masterbating and sent these pictures to many many men. She did all of this behind her husbands back. He FOUND out she did this...accidently....she did not confess...she has not shown sorrow...she has not shown regret....she has not put down her phone....she has not asked him how she can help him heal....she has continued to show selfish narcissitic behavior.

 

I admire that you want to defend her...and that you want everyone to play fair. But SHE has not treated her husband fairly.

 

She does not need you to remind the rest of us that she is not a monster. No she isnt...she is a very sick individual who needs professional help.

[zombiehead]

Back in Feb 2016 we went out to celebrate her friend turning 40 and she got drunk and threw up on the twins in the car. The twins were at the babysitter's house and we picked them up around 1am wife was drunk nearly passed out in 2nd row of seats and on the way home she threw up on the kids.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Back in Feb 2016 we went out to celebrate her friend turning 40 and she got drunk and threw up on the twins in the car. The twins were at the babysitter's house and we picked them up around 1am wife was drunk nearly passed out in 2nd row of seats and on the way home she threw up on the kids.

 

Why would you just tell us this? Are you making a case for or against this woman?

 

You want us to take a vote?

What does this have to do with cheating?

[donbar]

He's painting a picture of her general behavior. I get it...