nude pics red flag??

[Doorstopper]

ZH, Has your wife always has these drinking control issues, or did they start around the same time as the affair?

 

MY wife never drank much (has probably been wasted 10 times in her life) and never had a drink in 15 years, until she started her EA. Along with the affair, she started drinking occasionally (a drink or 2, a couple of times a month), however on 2 occasions she got wasted, once to the point of passing out on the floor on the fourth of July.

 

The drinking became sort of a stress relief from her affair. Her body/mind did not handle the affair well. It also caused some GI issues resulting in an endoscopy, and several CAT scans.

[HereNorThere]

Yes, I know when my Mr. Poofkins went to heaven, I totally had the urge to voyeuristically film my partner and I having sex so I could distribute it on the Internet for the world to see. I guess I was just so overwhelmed with grief that I needed to take pictures of my junk and post them online for 18 months until I was caught.

 

I'm with ya, ZH. Losing a pet is so hard.

 

RIP Mr. Poofkins. I know you're up there with Jesus, Ronald Reagan and Elvis eating from your never ending bowl of Fancy Feast. Until we meet again, old chap.

[drifter777]

I was up late last night doing online reading about infidelity. One article discussed how a traumatic event like the loss of a family member could trigger an affair. We did have something similar happen a couple of months before she started sexting. We lost 3 pets in early 2015.

I can assure you that you can find articles on the Internet that support or attack every facet of everything. Medications, education, civil rights, infidelity...etc. I think it's a good idea to do this kind of research, just don't pick one or two articles that validate what you already are convinced of. Look at all sides, trust your own life experience, and approach everything you a healthy skepticism.

 

That said, you are going to do everything you can to reconcile so I'd recommend you stop reading random articles in hopes you find more data to support your decision. There are solid, well-reviewed books on infidelity by authors who are highly educated, experienced, and well thought of in the field. Read those. Find Ted talks on the subject. In other words, do everything you can to validate that the author of the book or article has the credentials that make his/her guidance worth considering. Good luck.

[GoldenR]

This thread.....smh

 

Newbs that show up and look for the thread with the most replies are gonna read this one thru and be like, "Wut?".

 

ZH - after 60+ pages, I still have no clue what you're looking for here, and that's why I've hardly posted. Do you know what it is that your hoping to get out of this thread? There's no wrong answer....It's ok if this place is just your sounding board.

[Friskyone4u]

Oh Mercy...I agree

 

He has built a case...we all know she is a cheater...we all know she cant handle her liquor.

 

Now what?

 

He has 55 pages of advice....he keeps building a case. Now what?

 

What are you going to do now ZH? Are you going to continue to complain....or are you going to take her to get help? Or are you going to divorce her?

 

We are all convinced. ...well except Zona....that she has a problem. What are you going to do about her problem?

 

And Zombie, by the way, you can't fix her problem without her busting her ass also. So far, thats what you are singlehandidly trying to do.

 

And my money is still betting that she has met up and banged some of these men. With her frequency someone close to where you live had to get a "performance"

[aliveagain]

My God man, prepare yourself for when she looses a close friend or a parent, wish you both the best.

[Zona]

I tell my wife what happened and she doesn’t want to leave, she asks our son if he will swim some more and he tells her he wants to go. So was still reluctant it took about 15 minutes to get her out the door. Maybe if she saw what I saw she would have been more motivated to leave

 

Geez, every married man alive has been in this boat. I pretty well have to pretend to be United Airlines and drag my wife out by the ankles in situations like that.

[Try]

No the 7 year old had one hand pushing his fingers in my son's ass crack and the other had was on his front side. If he was just tickling him then it would have been armpits neck ect.

Anyway, the kid's parents are extremely wheels off, they are the ones that brought the jello shots in the cooler. I bet the parents are drunk all the time and their poor children are being neglected and possibly abused.

I think that you are right that the boy was abused at home and is acting it out.

[GoldenR]

Geez, every married man alive has been in this boat. I pretty well have to pretend to be United Airlines and drag my wife out by the ankles in situations like that.

 

Nope.....my wife would be leading the charge to get the f outta there.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Nope.....my wife would be leading the charge to get the f outta there.

 

This^^^^^ exactly

[Zona]

Nope.....my wife would be leading the charge to get the f outta there.

 

Lucky you

 

When my wife is socializing at a larger gathering, it's like she is in a trance. The kids could be playing with loaded guns and she probably wouldn't notice. Just one of her quirks.

[Mr Blunt]

Zombiehead

 

Are you documenting all these poor parenting actions that you are telling us about your wife?

 

Then only thing that you can save is your relationship with your children and fro you to make sure that you get most of the custody of your children. You have told us stories that prove that your wife cares more about her vises than her children or you so why have you not taken actions that will salvage what you have left?

 

Your wife does not love you like you need and you seem like you have masochist tendencies. I can sympathize with you that you have been hurt but my sympathies will not get you a cup of coffee. You are either going to get a stronger backbone and take actions that will benefit you and your children or you will continue to talk, talk, talk, until greater damage is done to the whole family.

 

You have been a Zombie long enough, now is the time for you to take actions to protect your children and yourself.

[BaileyB]

You are really grasping at straws to try and explain or excuse her behavior.

 

I've lost pets and it's a very sad experience. I also watched my mother suffer in a way that nobody should suffer before passing away, just six months after her cancer diagnosis. Grief can be devastating. But, grief does not excuse your wife's behavior.

 

Have you talked with her about her drinking and her behavior at the party? What was her response?

 

And what are you going to do - continue to complain about your wife, continue to deny the problems and search for any possible reason that would explain or excuse her behavior, get some help - for yourself or your wife, or divorce her. You are making yourself crazy right now, and it's all your own doing.

Edited June 7, 2017 by BaileyB

[Crazelnut]

Her pets died (sorry, I assume they did; couldn't be bothered to read the whole mess of a post - cat condos, strays, wth???). <sarcasm> Of course, that is exactly what made your wife masturbate for other men. My cat is in poor health. Could you send me the guys' phone numbers so I'll know where to send my pics and videos? </sarcasm>

 

Are you kidding me? You are so weak. Why can't you just find the strength to protect your poor children from this lousy excuse for a mother?

[BaileyB]

Just one last comment and then I'm done...

 

I really respect your desire to keep your family together. But, if that is your decision, at least do the work that you need to do to heal from this trauma and make your relationship a healthy marriage. Get yourself to individual counselling (I know you tried and it didn't go well - find a new counsellor!) and get yourself and your wife to marriage counselling.

 

To out your head in the sand and hope that things go back to the way the were, or the way you wish that they would be, is not going to well work for you.

[Steen719]

I was up late last night doing online reading about infidelity. One article discussed how a traumatic event like the loss of a family member could trigger an affair. We did have something similar happen a couple of months before she started sexting. We lost 3 pets in early 2015. First was our dog, and that was her first dog she has ever had. Before we were married I was living in my house and she had her apartment. On weekends she would stay with me. One Sunday morning we were leaving the house and this puppy came running up to us. She was in bad shape, full of fleas and ticks. I asked around the neighborhood if anyone lost a puppy and called the animal shelter to let them know I found a puppy if someone calls about it. No calls so Monday I took the puppy to the vet and got her all cleaned up and shots, she also had intestinal parasites. We kept the puppy, she was the best dog I ever had, so smart, playful, just a great dog. Then one night, again before we were married we were sitting out on my back patio watching it lightly rain and we heard a kitten crying way off in back of my yard somewhere. So we get up and go look and find a tiny little orange tabby in a puddle of water next to the fence post. We take in the kitten, ask around the neighborhood and nobody claimed her so we kept her. About a year later, still not married, I was living in my house she was living in her apartment the wedding date was several months away and we found another kitten in our yard. We pulled up in the driveway and this small grey animal raced into our bushes. I asked her, “did you see that kitten”, she said “yeah but that was a rat”. Anyway we get out and I find the kitten in the bushes, a boy and we kept him. So we get married and my wife gets pregnant so we decided to sell the house and get a bigger one that is a one story so the babies don’t fall down the stairs.

When the twins were born we already had 3 pets, one dog and two cats. The twins loved the pets and the pets loved the twins. Our dog was gentle with the twins and the cats pretty much stayed and away and just looked at them.

In 2014 our dog started to get cancer, we took her to the vet and they said there is not much you can do unless you want to pay thousands of dollars for surgery and chemo and that probably will not help her anyway. So we decided to just let the cancer run its course and keep her comfortable. Our dog remained happy and playful despite the tumors growing on her body. Finally in early 2015 the tumors were shutting down our dog’s internal organs and it was time to put her to sleep. My wife and I held her together in the vet’s office with tears running down our faces while the vet put her to sleep. The twins were also devastated. It was like my wife and I lost our 1st child when our dog passed away. 2 months go by and it did seem normal not having a dog in the house. We looked online and found a rescue puppy that was so cute and same breed so we adopted her. It was tough in the beginning housebreaking her but all is good now, she is a great sweet, smart playful dog and the twins love her.

About one month after we get the new puppy we noticed that we haven’t seen the orange tabby around. So we call for her and don’t see her in the house. The orange tabby likes to sneak out the backdoor and has gotten out before so I went searching the neighborhood for her. I couldn’t find her so I look around the house and again and look around our bed and she was there, she had passed away. The orange tabby was my wife’s favorite, my wife would whistle and the orange tabby would come running to her. When my wife would be getting ready in the bathroom the orange tabby was right by her side, on the vanity drinking water from the sink. My wife took the loss really hard. The next morning I took the orange tabby to the vet so the cremation service would come and collect her and bring her remains back. So now we have the remains of our dog and cat on the fireplace. The next month or big boy cat stopped eating and couldn’t jump on the bed so I took him to the vet and they told me that his heart was giving out and they recommend putting him to sleep. So I call my wife and have her come to the vet’s office and we hold him together like we did with our dog, crying and petting him while the vet puts him to sleep. I guess you could say we lost our first 3 children in a short time span. Then about 2 months later the sexting started.

 

Five weeks ago I thought it was time to get some more cats. My wife and the twins love cats. I found a lady that ran a kitten adoption service out of her house for the humane society. I made an appointment in the evening to come view some kittens. After work I picked up the family and didn’t tell them where we were going. I pull up to this lady’s house and my wife and kids were asking what are we doing here, whose house is this, I said it is a surprise. So we go in and she has tons of kittens running around and I told them to pick 2. They were so happy, the wife and twins picked out two boys, and another really cute orange tabby and a Turkish van because his spots were similar to our dog’s spots.

We had to wait another 2 weeks because they were too small to bring home yet . Its been 3 weeks now with the kittens, our dog is really gentle with them. The kittens rampage around the house, they are best buddies, the twins love them and so does my wife.

I bought one of those really tall cat condos scratching post things online and it was delivered the day of the pool party. The twins and I put it together and the kittens helped. The kittens were climbing on it while the twins and I were building it, it was a great time. My wife watched and laughed, a really nice family experience. Then later that afternoon we left for the pool party. You guys all know how that went. After my son was groped and we went outside to talk and get away from the mayhem he said, “I want to go home, I want to go home and play with my kittens” while he is wiping his tears from his face. So I go in and round up our stuff, I tell our daughter it is time to go and come out of the pool and change her clothes. I tell my wife what happened and she doesn’t want to leave, she asks our son if he will swim some more and he tells her he wants to go. So was still reluctant it took about 15 minutes to get her out the door. Maybe if she saw what I saw she would have been more motivated to leave

 

 

Dear God ZH. I lost 3 dogs in one year. 13 year old Corgi, 12 year old Golden retriever and a 6 year old Corgi. I never thought to do anything like your wife did. My brother died when I was spending every day and night at the hospital with my (then) husband, the Drs. saying he was near death himself. My (then) H had a liver transplant, we lost everything, my son was in college, my god, I have so MUCH MORE I have been through and I NEVER ONCE thought to do what your wife did. Stop making excuses for her. If you want to stay and decide to forgive her, just DO IT. Realize what you have and go forward. Quit making an excuse for her behavior. For God's sake, your son was assaulted and your wife did not want to leave a party. Think about that - just that one thing for a while and try to justify that ONE behavior. If you can do that, you better talk to a counselor about all of this to get yourself straight, because of all of the things I have read about her, I just do not see one single way to make that OK. Not. one. single. way.

[HereNorThere]

Her pets died (sorry, I assume they did; couldn't be bothered to read the whole mess of a post - cat condos, strays, wth???). <sarcasm> Of course, that is exactly what made your wife masturbate for other men. My cat is in poor health. Could you send me the guys' phone numbers so I'll know where to send my pics and videos? </sarcasm>

 

 

Well, maybe you are onto something. It could have started innocently enough with a simple post "Sad girl wants to show pictures of her kitty." Maybe she got some wrong responses. It happened to Fozzie. -> Imgur: The most awesome images on the Internet

[Just a Guy]

Hi Folks, I still think the way I did as explained in my last post. However, if everything that the OP is telling us here is the Gospel truth then it is clear that he is NOT going to divorce his wife or remove her from his life. He is eventually going to suck it up and reconcile with her regardless of all advice he may receive to the contrary. I guess he wants a few posters on here to pat him on the back and tell him what a valiant , knight in shining armour he is for standing by his wife through all her transgressions and that he is doing the right thing. No one has said so so far and that is why he is going on posting and dragging out this sad saga, so I guess a few of us should put him out of his misery, give him that pat on the back and send him on his way. He needs closure on this and we folk are holding him back from it. Guess I'll go first. ZH, I think you are on the right path. Just stick with it and you will come out good on the other side. You are a real man for sticking up for you wife so keep it up. Warm wishes.

[reboot]

I don't think so Just a Guy... maybe he's dreaming up his next chapter to this...

 

I think you may be on to something....

[GoldenR]

I now expect a Bible length post regarding his wife's dreams and how they assisted in pushing her to do what she did.

[Zona]

His wife obviously has psychological issues. Until she is checked out by a psychiatrist or psychologist, he will never know exactly what is going on in her head. Maybe it is treatable, maybe it isn't. Maybe it's treatable, but she won't do what is necessary to overcome it.

[understand50]

Bottom liner there is no excuse for what she did. Only path forward, is ZH deciding if he can trust her enough to stay together, and then both doing the hard work of reconciling or divorcing. I think this story has run its course, and they will need to find the new plot line of their life.

 

I wish them luck.....

[Crazelnut]

Yeah, I think it's time to let this thread die. Either ZH is making this stuff up, or he's one seriously deluded guy. Either way, continuing to post is pointless.

[merrmeade]

Well, I sure can't go casting any stones here. When I write the details of my H's affair(s) and our R, it makes me sound crazy or weak/dependent. The fact is, you can never give the whole scene or situation to a bunch of new penpals, no matter how experienced and insightful they are. And even if everyone is right, it's his life and he's decided.

 

I mean I agree this does not sound like an adult we're talking about but we're all enabling in some way or another. The bottom line is who do we know for sure is really and truly happy and, even then, you don't get the full story in what's written here. There are happy people who write extremely depressing explanations of their lives and vice versa - unhappy people who don't see their own rose-colored glasses.

 

Of course, it sounds like he's making excuses for her. Anything he'd say would sound like that if he's decided to R and all we know about her is the most awful background imaginable. But the other thing is that one reason we come here is to dump and rant, so LS readers see only the worst about a situation, preciesely because that's what the poster needed - to explode and paint her in the worst possible light.

 

Just saying.

[Ladybird78]

Since you never received said photos. They were meant for someone else. What kind of phone does she have?

 

I can tell you how to see files, video current text message it only takes a few minutes doesn't matter if the phone is locked. The only problem is you have to get a hold of her phone. To see any deleted text messages you will have to root (android) or jail break (iphone) the phone.