lolablue17 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 You got here some good advices about how to confront her. But wait a minute... think for a minute what do you want to achieve with this confrontation? It seems to me that you have absolutely no idea. You just desire to experience the thrill of throwing the facts towards her ears, proving her she was lying, and looking at her face while doing that. The only reason you are going to confront today is because you can not resist it, because you has very little strength to gain logic and patience. This is wrong, man. You are going to throw away part of your upper hand. Why? What do you want??!! So before you ask for ideas how to confront her, you should be asking for ideas about "what you do you want". Here's some...: For example maybe you want the WHOLE truth! advice - your chance of getting it is small, because she will not admit anything. Only the things she will think you already know. She's lied to you before, she is a liar. So, if you want the truth, confronting her today will damage your chances to get it. The only way you will get the truth (at least about her relationships with the 8 guys, because she will never tell you about her past affairs), is if she knows for a fact that she lost you, and the only way to have a chance to CHANGE your mind is to admit the worst. And the only way to convince her that you're not bluffing is to show her some actions. Set a meeting with a lawyer. Before the second meeting, tell her almost nothing, just that you're going to your second meeting with a divorce lawyer who is writing the divorce papers. Why - Because you know everything about her continues multiple cheating. DO NOT SAY ANOTHER WORD ABOUT THIS. Now it's her job to beg, cry, until she understand that she must bring some honesty to the table to stop the train of divorce, who is running full speed. I don't imagine any scenario in which confronting her today will serve your interests. So think - You know she's cheating. Now, what's your call? Confronting her today will only give her control of the situation, instead of full keeping control in your hands. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Tell her you are thinking of sexting with 8 women to spice up your life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Oberfeldwebel Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 The reveal is the easy part, it is the aftermath that will be hard. I recommend having one vary hard to refute document to give to her as proof. I suggest that you tell her that you have had suspicions and that you know that she have proof that she is having online affairs. What to do from here depends on you. If you want to try to salvage the relationship, I would give her a chance to come clean, but don't think she will until you hand her your proof. If you don't want to save the relationship, just let her know it is over and will be taking legal action soon. If you choose to salvage the relationship you will need some things to change. a. No more secrets, this means immediate passwords to all media and devices. b. Cancel all online accounts to skype and tango. c. No further contact with any of these losers. d. Counseling will be essential. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Or let her catch you like you caught her. Then say I was going to send it to you, you know to spice things up. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 I'm up wife and twins are out shopping for a birthday present they are going to a party this afternoon. I have not confronted her yet. Getting ready for work, I work 2 jobs, have appointments all afternoon. Spent 5 hours in her phone last night collecting the evidence and emailing and texting it to my phone then covered my tracks. Skype was full of sexting, pics, and short videos. There were 8 men in the Skype account. I didn't have time to look through Tango. Also I took screen shots of her apps so I'll go back through that and see if there are any other messaging apps that she could be using. Also I emailed all her nude pics, those are upsetting. In her convo she told these guys she would never leave me, that I was a great husband, very handsome, amazing in bed. She told them that she was only looking for some "spice" nothing more. There was so much in Skype that I was burning time by reading it while collecting, so I stopped reading and focused more on collecting. I have to go now. Thanks for all your help, I feel like I made much progress and a resolution is near. So the bolded part is the part that is confusing to me. She tells them that she will never leave you and just wants to spice up her life. If your amazing in bed why does she need other men? Why does she need a live guy to fornicate, why doesn't she just go on the internet and checkout all the free porn sites and look at all the strange penis's she wants while she does her thing? Is it to have power over all these men or is she looking to meet them and do it live. Maybe she already has and in order for reconciliation you need the truth, perhaps you do need to make a polygraph test a requirement of reconciliation. Link to post Share on other sites
AnneP Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Tell her you are thinking of sexting with 8 women to spice up your life. "Hey, honey... do you mind taking some videos and pictures of me while I pose naked on the bed? I suddenly feel the urge to sext complete strangers! 8 to be exact." 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Doorstopper Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 So the bolded part is the part that is confusing to me. She tells them that she will never leave you and just wants to spice up her life. If your amazing in bed why does she need other men? Why does she need a live guy to fornicate, why doesn't she just go on the internet and checkout all the free porn sites and look at all the strange penis's she wants while she does her thing? Is it to have power over all these men or is she looking to meet them and do it live. Maybe she already has and in order for reconciliation you need the truth, perhaps you do need to make a polygraph test a requirement of reconciliation. Maybe you should give her a big dildo for Valentines day and tell her you want her to send pictures to you, to spice things up, LOL With all his going on, you have to wonder if there have been any "hook ups" with these or any other guys. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Get your self tested man. You have no clue how far the rabbit hole goes. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Get your self tested man. You have no clue how far the rabbit hole goes. Amen. zombiehead, do you remember the parable of 7 blind men trying to describe an elephant? Right now, you don't know if you have ahold of a leg, ear or tail or trunk. Continue investigating, with 8 different data streams the truth isn't very far away... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 have her write you a timeline of all her affairs. Ask if the kids are yours, have her get tested for stds. have her pay for the DNA tests, because you do not believe her. have her expose the 8 men or how many to show she is protecting her children from all of her porn on the internet. how many did she have sex with, either online or in person? Have her pay for enrolling in affair recovery.com. tell her to go live with the other men and get out of your house. She can leave. You will not have her boyfriends coming over to the house. How many have been in your house? Did she ever use protection? Have her sign a post nup that the kids stay with you and she leaves. She will tell everyone all about her sh*t. her family, your family and all of the OM's and where are all of her pictures over the internet? ask her how that will look in the D? Good luck to you and the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
jiffysound Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 (edited) This one is easy. Find as much dirt as you can on the cheater, talk with an attorney and file for divorce. But before you file for divorce, quit your job, and wait a few weeks, months, so she can't get too much alimony. Also see if you can find the naked pics, and possibly video and post email it to all her family members just to see what shes been up to Edited February 11, 2017 by jiffysound Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 This one is easy. Find as much dirt as you can on the cheater, talk with an attorney and file for divorce. But before you file for divorce, quit your job, and wait a few weeks, months, so she can't get too much alimony. Also see if you can find the naked pics, and possibly video and post email it to all her family members just to see what shes been up to Make sure you check your local revenge porn laws before taking this advice. In my state, this advice would get you some serious jail time. In fact, just don't do that. You know you have to divorce so just do it. One time, maybe even one affair, is a mistake. This isn't a mistake, this is who she is. You either accept it or not, the tiger does not change his stripes. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 12, 2017 Author Share Posted February 12, 2017 Took the family out to our favorite restaurant. My wife and I have been going there since we met. After the twins are down I'm going to confront her. I'm going to be calm and I will find out everything. I'm not going to tell her if I want to stay or go. After she tells all then I'll decide if I want to stay or split up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MickeyBill Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Hang in there Z, try to keep calm and let her talk. You have a lot of info and the moral high ground. She will be stunned. She will panic. She will probably lie and/or shock you with the truth. Stay strong. You can decide tonite or not. Link to post Share on other sites
QuietDan Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 "Take a Letter Maria" Do you know that song? You Tube listen to it. Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Whatever you do, don't reveal your methods or they'll dry up. Stay calm and let her know that you know everything and call out the lies. She's been playing God for a while now so she's naturally going to think she's in control. Don't lose it, man. Cold, calculated, and unapologetic is the ticket. She's going to try and maniupulate you with tears and excuses, don't let her. Btw, I work information security and Monday I'm advising my clients of your fingerprint method. I've seen everything, including reconstruction of the fingerprint using clay and a high resolution photo but your method is so genius. I'll never travel to a hostile country with my fingerprints in my phone again, lol. You're awesome. Sorry you got caught up with a dirty bird. It happens to nearly everyone at some point. Be grateful for the truth and a chance to do better. If I've learned anything from loveshack, it's that good partners do exist. Never settle. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Don't tell her all you know up front. You'll probably only get lies and denial. IMO I'd say after the denial. Tell me about Dan, Joe and Moe. Cheaters lie a lot. You'll see it in spades tonight. Tears, etc will be from getting caught nothing more. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Do not leave your home or your bedroom. You didn't do this. Make sure she gets the consequences. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 I hope you're okay and stay level headed tonight OP. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Hi Zombie, I guess you are at a watershed moment in your life. Everything is going to change hereafter. Please be very careful in the way you handle this. You have been given a lot of advice from the good folk here. Some of it is sterling and some just average and some may be less so. It is for you to pick and choose what you think suits your purpose best. My advice to you would be to be ice cold logical. Let no emotions enter your discussions with your wife when you confront her from your side. Emulate an interrogator who questions people in police custody. Also be very clear as to your objectives. If you have not clearly thought about what is going to be a deal breaker for you then now is the time to do so before you confront your wife. Do not, in any case, shift goal posts once you have decided on your deal breaker. I wish you the best for when you face your wife. You will need all your emotional resources and emotional control when you do so. Say a prayer to the Almighty to help you through this ordeal because it is an ordeal the like of which you have never faced before. Warm wishes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 "Hey, honey... do you mind taking some videos and pictures of me while I pose naked on the bed? I suddenly feel the urge to sext complete strangers! 8 to be exact." Wow Anne, I'm shocked! Do you really advocate what you are suggesting here? Most unlady like I would think. Guess you just got carried away. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenR Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Wow Anne, I'm shocked! Do you really advocate what you are suggesting here? Most unlady like I would think. Guess you just got carried away. Best wishes. I can't tell if you're being funny or not....but I think you're serious. If not, my apologies. Anne was jokingly saying what he should tell his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
gia37 Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Emotional affair means having deep feeling (being in love) with your AP, physical affair means the obvious.. I hope your wife has engaged in neither of them. I have the impression she has had an cyber-affairs, she seems to seek outside validation and attention. Just wanted to point that out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zombiehead Posted February 12, 2017 Author Share Posted February 12, 2017 It was a long stressful emotional night. She unlocked her phone and showed me everything. There is no evidence that she met anyone in person. I told her I'm not sure if I want to stay together and work through this or divorce. She told me that she was bored and is addicted to porn. She wants to get help for her addiction and stay together. That is where we are today. Thanks for helping me bring this to a head. I'm going to take it one day at a time and see if I can get past this or not. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Did you put the recorder in her car? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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