limerentgirl11 Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Hello, I've exhausted my friends advice-giving patience and would like the general consensus of the internet on my specific situation. I dated a guy I met online for 7 or so months, on and off. I was emotionally unstable and quickly falling victim to limerence. It ended one day as I picked a fight, which ended in a teary confession that I loved him. He told me a few days later that he didn't think he could love me and we broke up. Fine, I accepted this, even though it broke my heart. We've been NC for 6 months. Of course I've been battling the limerence and feel a whole lot better than I did a few months ago. It's still an ongoing battle though, and I can't say I don't have any lingering affections for him. Recently, in a moment of weakness, I reached out to him. He says he would like to hang out but just as friends. This is fine with me because I'm also just looking to build a friendship with him, as I know I am not in any position or rush to be in a relationship. However, if I'm completely honest, I do still want to explore my connection with him, and see if what I felt was real or just limerence. I feel very unsure though, about my intentions. I don't want to date him or be with him at this time in my life but I do feel I want to establish a foundation and friendship that maybe one day could be something more. Is it wrong, or perhaps just unwise for me to go down this road? I also struggle with feeling foolish as he dumped me after a love confession and I doubt he would have messaged me again lest I hadn't done it first. Half of me feels there is a real connection here worth having, but the other half can't be sure it's not the lingering limerence taking me down a dangerous road. I just feel foolish that I keep putting myself out there for a guy who rejected my love, and would like any reassurance or advice regarding my situation. Has anyone managed to remain friends with their limerent object? How seriously should I take into consideration the fact that he (most likely) wouldn't have contacted me first? Should I continue on with my NC until I am sure of my feelings, but possibly miss the opportunity to become friends (I'm moving away in a few months)? Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 (edited) The fact that you're posting this means you're not ready to see him. You say you don't want to miss the opportunity for friendship, but you're admitting you still have feelings for him. You're trying to be friends with a hidden agenda. He has told you he could never love you and he just wants to see you as a friend, and you want to be friends with him? Realise you're not missing an opportunity because you cannot be friends with him right now anyway. You say you would like to be friends with the possibility of more; has he not made it clear he's not interested? You might feel there is a 'real connection', but it takes two to tango I'm afraid. You should definitely stay NC in my opinion, the whole friendship would be built on you wanting more and him not which will just make you feel worse. Edited February 10, 2017 by Jimmyjackson 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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