Dumpee clouds have lifted :)

[whatdeww18]

Loveshack,

 

My words are that it gets better. It, really, truly does. I've had the worst break up, ever. It was my first love that lasted almost 3 years. I pleaded and tried to reason why we shouldn't break up 2 times over the span of a month after the break up. After the last talk, I received closure from myself thanks to many on here. Simply, I just understood my ex didn't want to be with me. It hurt. It literally felt like a truck ran into my body, and I felt like blood was just leaving my body. I cried every day for about 2 weeks, kept thinking that No Contact will make my ex miss me. I vomited once because I imagined my ex with someone else. The reasons for the break up were all over the place so I can't say that it was some huge mistake that I had made (love you but not in love with you, felt trapped, attraction to other people, wants to be single, the list goes on...). However, I have truly learned boundaries, giving space, and being the best me that I can be in the 3 months after the break up. I'm happy with my life and now I know whoever it is to be my partner will only add to my happiness. It's a very empowering feeling. And I learned of better ways to communicate with my future partner. I did read A LOT of books, I'm a bit of a nerd hahaha.

 

I still miss my ex and I still think about him here and there. It's nothing like before where I literally thought about him from my dreams to the moment I woke up, to the moment I went back to sleep. Now, it's subtle reminders where I can just smile and thank him for the great memories. I didn't really pick up exercising, or buy a whole new wardrobe. Essentially, I thought out the break up from every angle I could think of. The answer, it's not all my fault. We both could have done more to fix the relationship, but in the end, he wanted out and I will let him go.

 

To be honest, in the beginning, all I could think about was how everything was all my fault and how I would do anything to reconcile. I thought my love for him could overlook all the mean things he had done. Now, that I've done the work on myself, I know my self-worth. I'm worth someone who will be loyal to me, stay with me, and work through life's problems with me. It's not that I think my ex is a terrible person. He definitely could have done more but he wanted to get out of the relationship. Let the ex learn about life on their own, and if he comes back, I will be the judge of whether he learned, matured, and ultimately grew from this.

 

However, that's a whole other issue about reconciliations that I haven't really thought too deeply about or what it would take for us to be back together. I truly just stopped wanting to talk to him, hearing things about him, and blocked him on Facebook. Initially, I admit, it was out of anger. However, as time passed it was more of like I really do need this time without him to learn more about myself, love, and growing as an individual. If I think that, I'm sure he needs this too. It's not some cliche thing where this is because it's all I can do. No, I could easily call him and he would probably pick up. We could text as friends. Not what I want. I want this time to be about me, and how I can continue to grow. It's been about 2.5 months since anything has been said from either side, and it feels AMAZING! I would be lying if I said I wouldn't get satisfaction in him coming back and saying he made a mistake now. For me, I think that means I'm not totally over the hurt of the break up, but I'm getting there slowly! I really do love my ex but it's different than when the break up occurred. It's more of like I have a very special place for him, it's hard to describe. Not indifference, don't think it'll get there, nor is it hate.

 

At this point in time, I feel like I got my life back, and I can genuinely smile. It's not a fake smile that I used to put on the first month after the break up. I felt like life was moving and I decided I was going to keep moving with it. So, what did I do? I thought why not set up a dating profile? Nothing serious, just talk to some people and get some confidence back, you know? Haha, as superficial as it was, it was really nice to wake up to multiple messages from people asking to hook up/grab dinner/etc... I don't like to rebound so I declined any and all hook ups and went on a couple dates. I really only went into these dates with the intention of seeing what I like, and at the very least, making some new friends.

 

Guess what? One day, I matched with someone on Tinder and I just got back from a date with him. It was so much fun! I'm not going into this where I think this new guy is perfect and everything I've been looking for! No no no, it's more like he makes me feel really good, and is helping me laugh in a time where I could get as many jokes/sarcasm/laughs as I can get. It's kind of funny, but right after our greet, I told him if he's looking for a hook up/fwb thing, we can call it a day. He just laughed, said glad we got that out of the way, and said let's start as friends. Well, he asked me to a second date a couple hours ago! As you can tell, things kind of clicked.

 

It's not a reconciliation, which for many fresh dumpees, is kind of a disappointment. I was once in your shoes. I know. I was like "can you stop screwing around and posting about non-reconciliation posts? It's not helping me." I guess I truly dug into my past relationship, went into the darkest realms of it, which was really painful as I felt SO guilty about everything, but I tackled it. I learned from it all. And now? I am happy being me, by myself, and doing more of me. However, guess the waves of life are letting me, at the very least, connect with a new friend.

 

Who knows? Maybe in another few months he and I will be official? Maybe not. Maybe my ex will come back. All I can say is, I will be happy and am happy. A lot of the advice on here is very helpful and true, but it can be so hard to follow because the pain of the break up is just that much. For me, it just helped to nit pick the advice that helped me, favorite it, come back to it daily, until I didn't need it anymore. BUT BY NO MEANS SHOULD YOU BREAK NO CONTACT! Read the beginning of my post, I literally felt there was a hole in the middle of my chest after the initial break up because I wasn't strong enough to just accept it. It hurt more than the initial break up. Save yourself the pain and your dignity. You already did what you could at the break up, doing more to say, "well I did what I could and will have no regrets," does not cut it. You will because I just wish I had left it. There's no winning besides just not talking to your ex for the time being and you know the clouds have lifted. (I suggest at least 2 months No Contact after the break up).

 

So, my lovely fellow Loveshackers, I truly wish you all so much happiness and a truly healthy recovery. I KNOW the pain, I was right there with you with my box of tissues watching whatever sad break up movie I could find. Don't let it overcome you, you overcome this and discover your self-worth and ultimately, your BEAUTIFUL self <---- I truly believe this in each reader that comes by. You have the strength to learn to be the best and most beautiful you that your future partner will be LUCKY to have by his/her side.

 

Sincerely and lovingly,

-WhatDEWWWWW

 

(I'll still be on here lurking and posting! I have to give my thanks and contributions back to this site)!

 

P.S. Loveshack can be seen as a negative crowd. It may be perceived as negative but, I can attest, you do see the same patterns in just about every other new post, and it's hard to try to be compassionate in every post. So, like I said before, when advice is given, it can sound negative and cold but it's truly to just help you move on and sometimes the truth hurts all that much more. Furthermore, it would be great to always be able to give "nice" advice, but at times it can sound like false hope. False hope won't truly help in the end as a second chance may never come. These posters sympathize with you and understand your pain, they want you to feel better (can be a little hard to see when someone calls you out on something but just take a step back and take it with a grain of salt). May the clouds lift and happiness flow in)!

Edited February 11, 2017 by whatdeww18

[Blue1988]

" Let the ex learn about life on their own,"

I like this one! Same here, i was dumped just right after Christmas without any sign at all that it would happen. Things were going well between us, even planned to go to Singapore this summer. Then all of a sudden, she dumped me saying that she has found a man to marry. The worst pain i have ever had. I begged, i cried, did crazy stuff. Whoa!!! crazy me. I initiated NC. Blocked her in all. Now, after almost 2 months, i'm doing well and not wanting her back. I see her flaws now. And yeah, you're right! Let them learn what life is all about. Let them learn the meaning of the word "commitment." I am not mad at her anymore but never in my life that i'm gonna let her be a part of my life anymore. Never!!! I was too damned good to her. We were happy but GIGS broke it all. Thanks for your post. I can relate to that. One good thing i see now is, i'm over with all the pain. The dumper? Oh, she must be prepared because pain and sufferings are just coming her way. Karma has always been true!

[Sweetfish]

I really hope you stay and keep giving advice as its very valuable and uplifting.

[divegrl]

A million likes! Thank you so much for posting! I was going to comment on another post before I saw this one..... how much I love your responses! You bring so much JOY to this community, a treasure! Continue in the process of healing and growing and keep us updated! All of your words are encouraging and positive!

 

Take care my friend!

[whatdeww18]

" Let the ex learn about life on their own,"

I like this one! Same here, i was dumped just right after Christmas without any sign at all that it would happen. Things were going well between us, even planned to go to Singapore this summer. Then all of a sudden, she dumped me saying that she has found a man to marry. The worst pain i have ever had. I begged, i cried, did crazy stuff. Whoa!!! crazy me. I initiated NC. Blocked her in all. Now, after almost 2 months, i'm doing well and not wanting her back. I see her flaws now. And yeah, you're right! Let them learn what life is all about. Let them learn the meaning of the word "commitment." I am not mad at her anymore but never in my life that i'm gonna let her be a part of my life anymore. Never!!! I was too damned good to her. We were happy but GIGS broke it all. Thanks for your post. I can relate to that. One good thing i see now is, i'm over with all the pain. The dumper? Oh, she must be prepared because pain and sufferings are just coming her way. Karma has always been true!

 

Exactly, it's very different now than when everything first happened! It's crazy to look back and see how much has changed in the past couple months for us, right? I'm very happy to hear you are doing much better now and continue to just do you! It's very hard to accept a break up.

 

You can do this and continue to stay in No Contact! Hahaha that's right, you're too good for anyone that wants to bail without discussing things. You're a great person, just continue to take this time to really grow and learn more about yourself every day!

 

Would also just like to make sure you aren't using anger to motivate yourself to move on/let go. I only say this because you say you won't take her back and all that. I found myself thinking that not too long ago and thought I was actually moving on. Then, I saw a picture of my ex one day and all the blood drained from my face. The next day, I realized I was just using the pain and anger from the break up to block my ex out of my mind. I used the pain to basically push him away and convince myself that even if he came back, things wouldn't be the same. Not good. I think people can get stuck in this mindset really easily which is why, I believe, some posters are still not over their ex many months to a year after the break up. It's such a simple task, to let go, yet so hard to actually do.

 

Again, if you realize her flaws are too great, you're both actually not compatible, fair game. Just beware of pushing away your ex with the pain. It'll come back full force at some point later. Just really glad to hear you're doing much, much better. Continue to look into yourself, find you, and enjoy being you

 

I really hope you stay and keep giving advice as its very valuable and uplifting.

 

Ah, Sweetfish! I think you know how evident my respect is for you. Your posts are so insightful and I can say, I can thank you for AT LEAST 50% of my healing. I came here for help, received so much from you and so many others, I just hope that I can do the same to even one person . Really, thank you!

 

 

A million likes! Thank you so much for posting! I was going to comment on another post before I saw this one..... how much I love your responses! You bring so much JOY to this community, a treasure! Continue in the process of healing and growing and keep us updated! All of your words are encouraging and positive!

 

Take care my friend!

 

Divegrl! Thank you so much ! I hope you know how kind and compassionate you are. I look at your words and feel guilty when I don't sound as nice hahaha. Let's continue to keep up the positive vibes and always, always, always wishing you the best and much happiness! Aww you always have such kind words, I can't help but smile. So, I ran across some blogs and things as I was reading. One post actually reminded me of you and just thought I'd like you to know you remind me of a lotus flower! It's said that it's the only flower that grows in mud, yet is considered one of the most beautiful flowers haha. I know you're having a tough time with this break up and staying in no contact. I really believe you will see how this metaphor links to you in some time. Through all this pain, suffering, learning, and growing, you're going to be just that much more amazing. It's all cheesy but what can I say? Haha many hugs divegrl!

Edited February 11, 2017 by whatdeww18

[divegrl]

Thank you! You can't have rainbows without the rain! Hahaha! You have a gift of encouragement. Keep inspiring yourself and others!!!!!!!

[Sweetfish]

Let the ex learn about life on their own, and if he comes back, I will be the judge of whether he learned, matured, and ultimately grew from this.

 

I think this is the NUMBER ONE failure in a reconcile is not letting the ex learn from their mistakes and not letting them back in until your good and ready. however, if they do come back its very rare the Dumpee is going to go back... I think the time the dumper realized the screwed up... someone or something else is in the picture.

 

It's been about 2.5 months since anything has been said from either side, and it feels AMAZING! I would be lying if I said I wouldn't get satisfaction in him coming back and saying he made a mistake now. For me, I think that means I'm not totally over the hurt of the break up, but I'm getting there slowly! I really do love my ex but it's different than when the break up occurred. It's more of like I have a very special place for him, it's hard to describe. Not indifference, don't think it'll get there, nor is it hate.

 

Most likely, you will hear from him... somewhere and sometime in the future and it will be totally unexpected. Just watch..

 

At this point in time, I feel like I got my life back, and I can genuinely smile. It's not a fake smile that I used to put on the first month after the break up. I felt like life was moving and I decided I was going to keep moving with it. So, what did I do? I thought why not set up a dating profile? Nothing serious, just talk to some people and get some confidence back, you know? Haha, as superficial as it was, it was really nice to wake up to multiple messages from people asking to hook up/grab dinner/etc... I don't like to rebound so I declined any and all hook ups and went on a couple dates. I really only went into these dates with the intention of seeing what I like, and at the very least, making some new friends.

 

This pretty much means your ex doesn't have a chance... I think specially with introverted people (I assuming you are) Once we process the move... we are checked out and to go back he will have to move a mountain.

 

It's not a reconciliation, which for many fresh dumpees, is kind of a disappointment. I was once in your shoes. I know. I was like "can you stop screwing around and posting about non-reconciliation posts? It's not helping me.

 

LMAO... too funny. Its funny how the brain can really screw with your mind and thoughts. Specially..when you feel you have had control of your emotions most your life..

 

BUT BY NO MEANS SHOULD YOU BREAK NO CONTACT!

 

repeated for clarity

 

Loveshack can be seen as a negative crowd. It may be perceived as negative but, I can attest, you do see the same patterns in just about every other new post, and it's hard to try to be compassionate in every post. So, like I said before, when advice is given, it can sound negative and cold but it's truly to just help you move on and sometimes the truth hurts all that much more.

 

Amend to that

 

 

Such a good post had to read it again

[whatdeww18]

I think this is the NUMBER ONE failure in a reconcile is not letting the ex learn from their mistakes and not letting them back in until your good and ready. however, if they do come back its very rare the Dumpee is going to go back... I think the time the dumper realized the screwed up... someone or something else is in the picture.

 

I will take this as a rule! I don't really understand reconciliations that much... But, I agree, had he succumbed to my requests for a second chance, I don't think it would be a good relationship at all. I would be trying to appease him in every way to hope he doesn't leave and the foundation for the relationship would have been really shaky. Now, it's more of like you can stay and work on this relationship or go, not going to hold you back from either. I've only really heard of the dumpee rejecting the dumper, only saw it happen once to a friend of mine but then again I shy away from relationship drama haha.

 

Most likely, you will hear from him... somewhere and sometime in the future and it will be totally unexpected. Just watch..

 

I think had you said this a month ago, I would have been so excited to think I may hear from him again... Now, I really don't know how I feel about hearing back from him. It's not like it will set back my healing or anything. I'll touch upon it with your next statement.

 

This pretty much means your ex doesn't have a chance... I think specially with introverted people (I assuming you are) Once we process the move... we are checked out and to go back he will have to move a mountain.

 

Sweetfish, you never fail to surprise me with your knowledge about relationships/break ups. Haha yea I'm more of an introvert than extrovert, I would say. It's weird because that first couple months, there was nothing I wouldn't do for a reconciliation. After some healing (which isn't fully done but getting closer), I just don't know. I don't really want to go back to thinking about the break up or dealing with the headache of how things can be fixed, re-establishing trust, etc. It's just too much work that I'd prefer to put elsewhere haha. Don't know how you know my feelings so well but I would say your last statement is spot on.

 

LMAO... too funny. Its funny how the brain can really screw with your mind and thoughts. Specially..when you feel you have had control of your emotions most your life..

 

This was SO true though. I would literally scour through Loveshack just looking for reconciliation stories. BUT I think the best part about reading all of them were just understanding that you use No Contact to grow from the mistakes you made in the relationship and learning to be a better lover. I guess the only thing, which you pointed out above, is that the dumpee can heal to the point of moving on, beyond the point of reconciliation.

 

repeated for clarity

 

And all readers should repeat it to themselves daily, if they struggle. I also think a part of no contact is that you should avoid thinking about how your ex is thinking. It really doesn't matter and the only thing anyone will really do is suffer and drive themselves insane. It's why it's all about you, in No Contact.

 

 

Amend to that

 

Right? I read some posts and am astonished with how bitter the poster sounds. Probably some random thought in the day, and I'm like it makes perfect sense though. Sadly, most readers don't follow advice, which is perfectly understandable. It's hard and emotions play a many tricks on the brain.

 

Such a good post had to read it again

 

Thank you Sweetfish! You know I always think your posts are so much more insightful and helpful. I'm just curious, how do you know SO MUCH about relationships/break ups? You don't have to answer if it's personal or something. But, I kid you not, I have epiphanies each time I read a long post of yours haha.

Edited February 25, 2017 by whatdeww18

[Cookiesandough]

This is very encouraging and good to hear for anyone dealing with heartache. That it does get better. Ty for sharing.

Edited February 26, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[jamili]

Good post whatdew! Im happy you plan to stay active around here so you can continue to share your advice and experiences with others

[whatdeww18]

This is very encouraging and good to hear for anyone dealing with heartache. That it does get better. Ty for sharing.

 

Hi Cookiesandough! Aww I'm glad if it helps in any way I kept up with your thread and I know you're confused and hurt but if you can learn from it all, I think you'll be a winner. You've been a trooper and so happy with how you've been learning

 

Good post whatdew! Im happy you plan to stay active around here so you can continue to share your advice and experiences with others

 

Ah another favorite poster! Thank you for reading it and replying! I think I will be staying here for a while It's a nice to way to kill some time and it's always good to learn! Hope you're doing well, my friend!

[SevenCity]

So, what did I do? I thought why not set up a dating profile? Nothing serious, just talk to some people and get some confidence back, you know? Haha, as superficial as it was, it was really nice to wake up to multiple messages from people asking to hook up/grab dinner/etc... I don't like to rebound so I declined any and all hook ups and went on a couple dates. I really only went into these dates with the intention of seeing what I like, and at the very least, making some new friends.

 

 

Whatdeww - I'm very glad you are moving on especially after a short period of time. I've bolded the above to illustrate two points I want to make:

 

• Getting back out and dating is the #1 thing anyone can do to get over an ex. Often times (and you realize this over time) it's not the person you miss so much but the way they made you FEEL (special, loved, important, etc.). Once you can find someone else who gives you that feeling (or even the thought of entertaining that you CAN feel that way again) the pain subsides tremendously. I felt that 3 times since I was dumped but it was fleeting as they all did not measure up after a little while. I feel your post was mostly prompted by meeting someone you like and with whom you can possibly see a future.
  
• -and-
  
• This is why breakups are often easier for women than they are for men. Men rarely wake up to multiple messages from women - and they rarely are offing to take the guy out and buy him dinner. OLD for a guy is a different animal (look at my thread on it). The options that women have allow them to move on much quicker than guys. I believe this is also why women initiate most of the breakups / divorces. Knowing that you can replace someone (or at least the feelings they gave you) makes it easier to break up.
  

I mention this not to take away from you, but to caution that a breakup for a woman is often different than a breakup for a man. Men going on OLD will likely feel worse when 99% of their messages are not returned. As a guy you need a thick skin to deal with that type of rejection after a breakup.

 

 

But best of luck to you - it sounds like you are doing better!

[PLT]

Great thread and posts.

 

What SevenCity says about OLD is so true! You think it'll help but if you haven't processed the break up properly and are feeling a bit vulnerable it's the last place we men should go. I would activate my profile, and send out a bunch of well thought out messages that weren't just "hi". The following day, sometimes 2 days later, I'd log in, see zero messages back, feel like crap, tell myself she was right and no one else could want me, and start to go down that rabbit hole again. I'd deactivate my account, leave it a few weeks, rinse and repeat.

 

In another 6 months I may try again. The dumpee clouds have begun to lift, but it's still overcast.

[whatdeww18]

Whatdeww - I'm very glad you are moving on especially after a short period of time. I've bolded the above to illustrate two points I want to make:

 

• Getting back out and dating is the #1 thing anyone can do to get over an ex. Often times (and you realize this over time) it's not the person you miss so much but the way they made you FEEL (special, loved, important, etc.). Once you can find someone else who gives you that feeling (or even the thought of entertaining that you CAN feel that way again) the pain subsides tremendously. I felt that 3 times since I was dumped but it was fleeting as they all did not measure up after a little while. I feel your post was mostly prompted by meeting someone you like and with whom you can possibly see a future.
  
• -and-
  
• This is why breakups are often easier for women than they are for men. Men rarely wake up to multiple messages from women - and they rarely are offing to take the guy out and buy him dinner. OLD for a guy is a different animal (look at my thread on it). The options that women have allow them to move on much quicker than guys. I believe this is also why women initiate most of the breakups / divorces. Knowing that you can replace someone (or at least the feelings they gave you) makes it easier to break up.
  

I mention this not to take away from you, but to caution that a breakup for a woman is often different than a breakup for a man. Men going on OLD will likely feel worse when 99% of their messages are not returned. As a guy you need a thick skin to deal with that type of rejection after a breakup.

 

 

But best of luck to you - it sounds like you are doing better!

 

Hi SevenCity,

Thanks for taking your time to read and comment! You make some VERY interesting points.

 

I agree, starting to date is definitely a big helper in getting over an ex. And I would have to agree that we, as dumpees, miss the good feelings from a relationship and being loved. Who doesn't right? Hahaha. However, like you said, sometimes we get that high for a little and then the person doesn't match up. I think this is the worst, and dating can be counter-productive.

 

I started this post as I truly thought about the break up SO much that my head hurt and I just couldn't even bring myself to cry anymore about it. I did try dating, but it only made me feel worse as I only compared dates to my ex. So, I got off. I had to really dig through the relationship, get over my insecurities that led to its demise, be happier on my own for a couple months, etc. Then, before I knew it, I had thoughts like, "why did I do what I did? That was so stupid... I'm ashamed with my actions from being blinded by the break up." Then, it got to a place where I saw where some things that my ex could have improved on which led me to see that the break up had two parties at fault, not one.

 

Dating and finding some nice guys were, as Sweetfish said, the nail in the coffin. It only happened after I got to a place where I had exhausted just about every aspect of my old relationship and could give these guys a decent chance. Albeit, it's not 100%, which is why I am not going into these things very seriously or hooking up. To conclude, I think dating is like the final thing to do after getting yourself in a better place which is what everyone on here says haha. But, I guess I'm just writing how I got there? (Took a lot of aspirins, and Kleenex's... Those headaches were horrendous after thinking about the break up so much and crying for so long).

 

For the second part, I'm so sorry! I didn't realize the differences in OLD that I didn't even think to include a part of that. I'm really glad you said something, so I hope the guys on here can go see your thread about that! Now that you mention it, I do have to say it is different for the genders. Hmm, maybe we do think like that subconsciously? If so, good riddance to any of your ex's or women who think you can be replaced. Not worth your time. Of course, there will always be a thought of "this is such a headache and there will probably be another guy that I could get with that won't be this troublesome." Little do these women know, there will be a different problem than the one she just left (unless, it's the obvious ones like abuse/cheating, etc...). I would like to touch more upon this OLD issue with PLT's post!

 

Thank you again SevenCity! I'm actually really glad that you could post and give your insight . I've had the pleasure of a LOT of my favorite posters reply to my post. You all are kind, insightful, knowledgeable and can only add to what my intentions were: to help dumpees heal and know it gets better because we've been there.

 

I'm definitely doing a lot better and moving on!

 

Great thread and posts.

 

What SevenCity says about OLD is so true! You think it'll help but if you haven't processed the break up properly and are feeling a bit vulnerable it's the last place we men should go. I would activate my profile, and send out a bunch of well thought out messages that weren't just "hi". The following day, sometimes 2 days later, I'd log in, see zero messages back, feel like crap, tell myself she was right and no one else could want me, and start to go down that rabbit hole again. I'd deactivate my account, leave it a few weeks, rinse and repeat.

 

In another 6 months I may try again. The dumpee clouds have begun to lift, but it's still overcast.

 

Hi PLT! Thank you for reading and your insight!

 

Now that you both mention it, I do see how OLD can be disastrous for men after a break up. Okay, ouch, I can feel the pain of writing a well-thought-out message to only get silence back. However, in no way should you think that no one else could want you. I think many parts of it are in fault with OLD, itself.

 

You got it, it is essential to get yourself in a good place be on OLD. I do think it's unfair how you have to build "tough skin" to be there. I also think this speaks volumes to OLD and how the majority use it to hook up, as well as it being VERY superficial. I mean, yes there are couples that have been married from meeting on there, but practically speaking, think about it. You look at a profile, look at pictures, and decide to communicate based upon this. Men and women have no idea how this interaction could have panned out if it were to happen in person. Also, think about how texts can be misunderstood. "Is it a booty call? Would it look clingy if I respond in less than an hour? Should I push? Pull? Oh, there's this hot guy I'll talk to and I'll reply to the other guy if things don't work out." I mean we're touching upon inherent problems with OLD and this only compounds when you add a dumped guy (or girl but guys have much more to deal with).

 

Again, I think OLD can be used to meet very interesting people, especially when it's hard to meet new people. However, it is SO superficial and the validation is as well.

 

Hope you've been treating yourself well PLT, you know you're special!

Edited March 7, 2017 by whatdeww18

[PLT]

I'm doing well thanks Whatdeww. I hope you are too

 

Like you say, dating I think is the final step of accepting a break up. Successful dating anyway. For women it may be different but I think for men, or perhaps just for me, dating to try and speed up the healing process is a bad move. Of course it feels nice if you get compliments and so on, but if you are not over your ex relationship, you are just covering up the issues.

 

I was on OLD around 7 years ago, its where I met my ex. Back then I really didn't care if I had no responses. It just didn't bother me at all. I had enough other things going on in my life that dating was not a priority. That's the headspace we need to be in for OLD. I'm getting there but it's a long process and there are no short cuts. The main focus for me right now is to carry on my study and find some paid work!