Ash_cad Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 (edited) So quick run down * 4 year togther * good times bad times nothing crazy * we did both make lots of mistakes no cheating * broke up may 2016 I didn't take it well didn't go complete NC Around august we started talking back .. got back togther October but I was still over seas ( no wasn't LDR we moved togther over seas and she came with me but she went home and never came back due to the break up ) * met in Vegas for 5 days in November and just didn't feel right after the break up we both were emotional and we fell out of love * broke up mid November .. there was no pleading or anything from both sides We messaged for a bit till December .. she blocked me after that because most of our chats is being angry at each other .. we exchanged few of emails some are good some are angry * complete NC as of December 23rd and blocked each other * I have moved on not feeling any pain nor I want to get back togther but I feel i will not come to complete terms with it if I don't send her a final email So I'm here to get some advice if I should send her this This isn't another emotional nor angry email .. it's coming to terms I have been soul searching for the last couple of months I won't deny that this break up knocked me off my feet completely and put whole in my heart and brain . I can't deny that I loved you. I will not feel weak to say or hide how this took a toll on me because it did and I'm glad the pain is over and I'm healed. I will point any fingers I will not make any excuses what's done it's done and today is all about closing this chapter. Yes your things was me trying to hold any thing or keep something that reminds me of you or have an open channel .. totally wrong I admit .. so you shall get your things witch by the way they are in (city) I will not bring up what's wrong and what we did . I truly want to thank you for great 3 years .. the good and the bad I still will hold this relashionship close to my heart and I will surely miss those days .. today I'm a new man I'm a new person and part of that transformation is put this chapter behind. Hope you will find happiness or you already did. If I ever did anything wrong on those past 3 years most of it was because I truly loved you but didn't know to express it or didn't know how to deal with my raw emotions .. panicked and many things but one sure thing is I loved and opened up to you like I never did before and felt just felt I'm alive. I appreciate anything .. you don't have to respond this was just me putting the anger aside so I can move on peacefully. Take care of yourself .. and if you ever need a friend or a shoulder I'll be there for you like I always was when I can. Goodbye -------------- Mind you I have travled did all the soul searching and finally I'm at peace with it and already kind of talking to few petntioal serious relashionship .. I went on countless dates all were great woman .. I'm already on a trip for V day in Paris with a date and most likey something that can actually be serious So I think I'm completely over her just want to be over the guilt .. mind you she did me wrong .. she bad mouthed me after the break up , she lied to me during the reconsaltion about sleeping with someone .. she did it to protect my feelings maybe but I wouldn't know .. all I know I won't be interested to have her back and she went NC on me and blocked me everywhere but I know she still read if I email her .. last email I sent a month ago about hearing how she bad mouthed me and how she should apologize but never heard from her .. everyone procese break up differently maybe she wanted to say that to feel better about it .. but I know I forgave her for my own peace Let me know if you think I should send the email or not Thanks Edited February 11, 2017 by Ash_cad Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 (edited) Write it for yourself but never send it. She's blocked you for a reason. Closure is for you not her. No more contact. You're wasting your time. Block her on everything. Only then can you get over this and move on which looking at your post you haven't yet. Edited February 11, 2017 by Marc878 Link to post Share on other sites
p87 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Hey i'm actually on the same boat too, but my ex actually refused to speak to me and has block me. I was actually looking for closure, but she just keep telling me different excuses to not hurt me. I'm still asking myself today on what I did wrong and thinking about the "what ifs". I texted her today a similar letter, knowing that she might not ever see it. I begged her to come back, and that's why she's blocking me. However, sometimes people who got dump like me just needed closure and forgiveness for our mistakes, even if those mistakes weren't the sole cause of the breakup. I totally understand your feeling. Stay strong, we are here together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ash_cad Posted February 11, 2017 Author Share Posted February 11, 2017 Write it for yourself but never send it. She's blocked you for a reason. Closure is for you not her. No more contact. You're wasting your time. Block her on everything. Only then can you get over this and move on which looking at your post you haven't yet. The crazy part.. I have my closure! I'm not looking for one I feel completely I'm over her .. but I still feel it's really going to help me saying my last words and leave a good impression .. weird feeling Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Ending on an abrupt note may hurt, but it's the most beneficial scenario here. Silence is a virtue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 I'm all for NC, but I happen to think that you sending that email will be good for you and your peace of mind. I personally don't see anything wrong with sending that as long as you GENUINELY DO NOT expect or desire a response back and truly are completely over her. I think ending your last relationship "properly" with good vibes will help you move on to healthy new relationships. Just a note...you may want to fix a typo ("I will *not* point any fingers"). Link to post Share on other sites
Bromeo Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 If I may, although my situation is different, if you need to send an email to get your closure, do it. Everyone arrives at that place differently. I am more like op. After months of games, confusion, and pain, I went nc for a month. Ex emailed, and try to kick up the games again. This time it only lasted a week before I called, calmly delineated what had bottled up for months, and said never contact me again. Although different, it felt amazing. If you need your closure in such a manner, do it. And like you, I expect no response. Whether she feels validated in my dumping, feels shamed by my call, or doesn't care, I can promise I don't care a wit at this point. Best part is, my mate at work bet 100 bucks I'd get a crying phone call. I think not. Lol Point is, take your closure however you need it. It isn't for the stupid ex, it's for you. .02c 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whatdeww18 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 The crazy part.. I have my closure! I'm not looking for one I feel completely I'm over her .. but I still feel it's really going to help me saying my last words and leave a good impression .. weird feeling I'm on the other side of the fence of the most recent posters, I don't think sending this will do much. I would like to ask you, are you completely over her? What would it help by saying last words and leaving a good impression? You say you have closure, so it's not that. I believe if you were truly over her, it wouldn't matter whether you left a good impression or not. I personally think you have done a lot after the break up, you're at a place where it's like you're 90% moved on. You still have a somewhat small soft spot left for your ex in your heart, and it's understandable. A 4 year relationship can leave that mark. I just want to ask what you think it will help you accomplish? Like Bromeo, if you realize you have an ex who just plays games and you need to get out of there, send it. Gain that control and use the pain to kill the small soft spot you have left in your heart for your ex. That, will be saving yourself. Wishing you all the best and happiness -WhatDEWWWWW Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ash_cad Posted February 12, 2017 Author Share Posted February 12, 2017 I'm on the other side of the fence of the most recent posters, I don't think sending this will do much. I would like to ask you, are you completely over her? What would it help by saying last words and leaving a good impression? You say you have closure, so it's not that. I believe if you were truly over her, it wouldn't matter whether you left a good impression or not. I personally think you have done a lot after the break up, you're at a place where it's like you're 90% moved on. You still have a somewhat small soft spot left for your ex in your heart, and it's understandable. A 4 year relationship can leave that mark. I just want to ask what you think it will help you accomplish? Like Bromeo, if you realize you have an ex who just plays games and you need to get out of there, send it. Gain that control and use the pain to kill the small soft spot you have left in your heart for your ex. That, will be saving yourself. Wishing you all the best and happiness -WhatDEWWWWW You guys are right I'm like 90% over .. and true still have soft spots for her That's why I'm going to sit on that email till after valantine day .. she used to play games of getting jealous sending random texts .. but she completely stopped .. as if I was her new year resolution lol Haven't heard from her .. no smoking signals no nothing ..and yes it's true I'm NC however I have 4 cellphones, 2 land lines, 3 emails and tons of contact outlets ( I'm a businessman and I travel a lot not a drug dealer ?) so yeah she can get hold of me if she wants .. last break up she use to call my in house maid to check and spy on me who I'm bringing home lol. Anyway none of that this time makes me believe she jumped in a new ship already and she is seeing someone . Anyway I'll sleep on it for few days and see how I'll feel about it Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 In the span of this very thread you've gone from claiming you're totally over her to being "90 percent" over her. Do not send the email. First off, it's pretty trite and lacking of any real substance. Secondly, if she's blocked you, there's no reason for you to email her a "this is goodbye" sort of message. She's already said goodbye in her own way by freezing you out. "Goodbye" messages are rarely for selfless reasons. They can seem like a good idea in the moment, but they usually aren't. You two have already gone your separate ways. Whether you realize it or not, sending her an email like this is subconsciously hoping she gives you a response. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ash_cad Posted February 12, 2017 Author Share Posted February 12, 2017 In the span of this very thread you've gone from claiming you're totally over her to being "90 percent" over her. Do not send the email. First off, it's pretty trite and lacking of any real substance. Secondly, if she's blocked you, there's no reason for you to email her a "this is goodbye" sort of message. She's already said goodbye in her own way by freezing you out. "Goodbye" messages are rarely for selfless reasons. They can seem like a good idea in the moment, but they usually aren't. You two have already gone your separate ways. Whether you realize it or not, sending her an email like this is subconsciously hoping she gives you a response. Well you sort of right .. but moving on and being over someone is 2 different things .. moved on as an I don't care if she response nor I care about getting back to her .. I'm not sure if she is hurt, miss me or what state of mind she is I sure do care about a person was in my life at some point and maybe this email will ease the pain for her and clear my guilt a little .. getting blocked by someone is actually a sign that's this person is not over you because I didn't bombard her with mesgs I didn't start any conversations or herrased her at all. Most likely she is using NC on me to heal. And maybe this email would help a bit .. however as I said I'm not going to send it for now I'll just sit on it and revisit the idea in a week or so .. thank you for your input Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 getting blocked by someone is actually a sign that's this person is not over you because I didn't bombard her with mesgs I didn't start any conversations or herrased her at all. Most likely she is using NC on me to heal. I don't want to sound too blunt, but that is not necessarily true. Sometimes you block someone because you're tired and you don't want to hear from them again. I broke up with someone in early October and she kept messaging me, telling me how we should be together, etc, etc, etc. I finally blocked her two weeks ago. That doesn't mean I'm not over her. I think you're subconsciously expecting a reaction from her and making hopeful assumptions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ash_cad Posted February 12, 2017 Author Share Posted February 12, 2017 I don't want to sound too blunt, but that is not necessarily true. Sometimes you block someone because you're tired and you don't want to hear from them again. I broke up with someone in early October and she kept messaging me, telling me how we should be together, etc, etc, etc. I finally blocked her two weeks ago. That doesn't mean I'm not over her. I think you're subconsciously expecting a reaction from her and making hopeful assumptions. Maybe you should read my post again ..I haven't asked to get back with her I didn't beg ..in fact she sent messages she started conversations that I ignored most of it, she even sent every page of a book called milk and honey she was reading after the break up .. so I'm another words the difference between me and your ex that you blocked is I didn't ask nor messaged or herassed her . But thank you for the input .. hope I made my point Lg Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Maybe you should read my post again ..I haven't asked to get back with her I didn't beg ..in fact she sent messages she started conversations that I ignored most of it, she even sent every page of a book called milk and honey she was reading after the break up .. so I'm another words the difference between me and your ex that you blocked is I didn't ask nor messaged or herassed her . But thank you for the input .. hope I made my point Lg I'm not saying you harassed her. I just gave you a personal example of someone who has blocked an ex for entirely different reasons. If you have truly moved on, you haven't suffered as you say in your original post and you're happy not to reach out, all I can think of is self-deceit if you feel the urge to send one final e-mail. What's the point? Perhaps you care more than you want to admit to yourself. That's what I see here at least. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Well you sort of right .. but moving on and being over someone is 2 different things .. I know they're two separate things. I didn't say anything about moving on. I referenced your own words. In your original post you said: So I think I'm completely over her Then in another post, you said: You guys are right I'm like 90% over .. and true still have soft spots for her Mind you, there's nothing wrong with this. You are not obligated to feel absolutely nothing. But you're still obviously emotionally invested in this woman, whether or not you care to admit it. As such, sending a message like you want to, especially when she's proactively cut you out, is not a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Nowty V Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 Don't send it. Do you think she really gives a rats a$$? Why would you send something that exposes a potentially moribund mind set? It's over, move on, don't look back, quit thinking about her. Link to post Share on other sites
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