laketta24 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 I have been married to my husband for 9 years, however for the past 5 years, I've been having an affair with one of my co-workers. She is a woman and when we met each other, there was a connection I couldn't explain that went beyond gender with us because neither of us were attracted to the same sex before. Throughout the 5 years, we've grown very close and gotten intimate. She has been with her boyfriend for over 20 years and they have kids together and I'm married. We both say we love one another and have said we can't leave each other because we are happier together and don't want to lose that however we also don't want to leave our other commitments to our significant others. I need some advice of what to do because I can't live this way loving her but knowing we can't be together. Please help me! Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenR Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 You need to quit you job and go NC immediately. If you won't do that, then you've made your choice and you should be prepared for your H to find out on his own, bc he will. And at that point,the choice will be out of your hands and it will be your H making the decision for you. If your H were to leave you, you'd be all alone,bc OW isn't leaving her kids and H for you. Think about that 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Cheating is cheating regardless of gender....in my opinion. But there will be some who think it is not as serious since your AP is not a man. The same rules apply in this relationship as any other. If you want to be with her permanently...than divorce your husband and be with her. If you want your husband...then tell him what you have done...and give him the opportunity to choose what he wants to do. He may help you out the door....or he may say he wants the marriage. Regardless....you have a long bumpy road ahead of you. Go to a lawyer....and find put all of your rights....be prepared for divorce. Good luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 Leave the one I love?? Crazy me, I thought you were talking about your husband. As often happens here, not the case. When you describe your marriage only as "commitments to our significant others", it seems pretty cold-blooded all around. Why not be honest with your husband, let him let him be free to find someone who loves him and pursue a life not based on lies and deception? Is it because that takes courage and integrity, two things completely missing from your life now ??? Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted February 18, 2017 Share Posted February 18, 2017 (edited) Hi Laketta, you posted on the 11th and after the few responses on your thread you have fallen silent. Apparently the tone and trend of the responses did not quite gel with you. Your silence makes me wonder if you are at all serious about resolving your dilemma or whether you just want to let sleeping dogs lie. The fact is that those dogs will wake up sometime and then their bite will be worse than their bark. You have not mentioned anything about your husband except to say you have been married to him for 9 years. Nine years is a long time but you have not mentioned whether you have children. If you do not then was it a mutual choice or was it decided on unilaterally by one of you? You have not mentioned a word as to whether you love your husband or not and whether your marriage has been good, average or bad. Unless you give these details there is very little to base any kind of advice to you except the kind that has already been given to you. In view of what you have mentioned about your affair and your partner, the fact is that you cannot really speaking carry on a legitimate heterosexual relationship with your husband and a lesbian one with your AP. You have to choose one or the other and make your plans accordingly. The fact is that if your AP was a singleton then the choice would be pretty straight forward. However she is in a twenty year relationship with kids and probably is quite happy with her partner. I doubt she would be very willing to sacrifice what she has for something as ephemeral as an affair with another woman which, after her break up with her partner may not gel into a very stable and satisfying relationship. You, therefore, are treading a very thin line here. If you ditch your husband you will be left with nothing much in hand. However, if you continue with your affair it is bound to be discovered either by your husband or by your AP's partner. When that happens the whole thing will blow up in your face and you will be left high and dry, divorced from your husband and deserted by the love of your life. Time to give a very serious thought to your situation. Warm wishes. Edited February 18, 2017 by Just a Guy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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