Anyone currently in an open marriage?

[Gilded_Valkur]

I have some questions regarding open marriage but I'd prefer the advice to be from someone who has actually experienced and open marriage.

[understand50]

I am not in a open marriage, but here is a link that may help

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/582713-i-m-having-trouble-our-open-marriage

 

and this one

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/612927-open-marriage-triggered-spiral-divorce

 

Of course, I am picking the "Bad" ones. Others here can tell you of a positive side, but for myself, I do not see it.

 

I wish you luck....

[road]

So you are saying one's opinion is not valid because:

One can learn nothing from seeing the tragedy of a train wreck, they

have to be on the train that cuts a school bus in half at the RR

crossing then derails and all the cars pile up on each other to

realize that a train wreck is bad.

 

 

Sorry but I have seen to many marriages turn into "trains wrecks"

because the married couple decided to open their marriage. Whether

swinging together or alone or threesomes.

[darkmoon]

they are a minefield, unless you have some reliable hook (anything) that gets your spouse home when you use it, just drop the idea, was in an open relationship but always confident that he liked me a lot

Edited February 13, 2017 by darkmoon

[Lady2163]

I haven't been in an open marriage, but I did some swinging years ago, so had many friends who were married and swinging. Some of them were strictly swappers, find a couple they were both attracted to and have sex with each other's spouses. This was sometimes in the same room or same bed, almost always in the same house.

 

I've known some Poly bdsm folks as well. Those don't usually end well. I know one right now who is divorcing his submissive wife to be with sub #2. I knew another Don who walked away from sub 1 to be with sub 2. Sub 1 had three children and had moved 1000 miles to be with him. They were together for,four years. He married sub 2 within four months...

 

I haven't really known anyone who has the "anything goes" open marriage. Traveling on business and hit it off with a stranger at a conference? Connect with someone at work and have a roll in the hay a few times a month? With or without telling spouse? I knew one couple who each traveled a few times a year for work and as long as they were out of town and it wouldn't get back to colleagues, they had an open pass. They did have to keep it out of town and tell the other spouse what they had done. The husband gave fake names and contact numbers to the women he met and never took them to his hotel room.

[road]

I haven't really known anyone who has the "anything goes" open marriage. Traveling on business and hit it off with a stranger at a conference? Connect with someone at work and have a roll in the hay a few times a month? With or without telling spouse? I knew one couple who each traveled a few times a year for work and as long as they were out of town and it wouldn't get back to colleagues, they had an open pass. They did have to keep it out of town and tell the other spouse what they had done. The husband gave fake names and contact numbers to the women he met and never took them to his hotel room.

 

 

And how does he know his wife did not?

[central]

We've had an open relationship/marriage for over 16 years. We've also tried swinging for about 8 years, and were in two different poly relationships for about 5 years. All went well, and we've had fun with all of it - no significant problems. We have a very strong relationship, a lot of trust, and communicate very well - particularly when it comes to this, to anticipate and avoid any issues.

 

I think swinging together is the safest way to acclimate and get started, and see if this can really work for you, or identify areas that could be problems.

 

You can ask here or contact me with specific questions.

[rushed]

We've had an open relationship/marriage for over 16 years. We've also tried swinging for about 8 years, and were in two different poly relationships for about 5 years. All went well, and we've had fun with all of it - no significant problems. We have a very strong relationship, a lot of trust, and communicate very well - particularly when it comes to this, to anticipate and avoid any issues.

 

I think swinging together is the safest way to acclimate and get started, and see if this can really work for you, or identify areas that could be problems.

 

You can ask here or contact me with specific questions.

 

I have a few questions if you don't mind. How long had you guys been together before you opened the relationship? Also, what was your relationship like beforehand and how/why did you decide to open it?

[CaliforniaGirl]

I have longed for one and continue to, but A. my husband refuses and B. I'm sorry, but just like others here are saying, I don't know if I've ever heard of this working out well. There always seems to be some devastating ending at the end of each story you hear about open marriage.

[central]

I have a few questions if you don't mind. How long had you guys been together before you opened the relationship? Also, what was your relationship like beforehand and how/why did you decide to open it?

 

We'd been dating non-exclusively for about 5 months - she was newly back into the dating scene after a long, bad marriage, and needed some experience to feel confident in making a good decision. I was dating others while waiting for her to reach that point, and we had reached the point of deciding to be exclusive. Actually, we were both certain we were right for each other, but she wanted time to trust her judgment, after that disastrous first marriage. Obviously, her judgment was fine, as we're still together and still madly in love 17 years later.

 

We had both met others we liked just before this, and we already both knew that we though polyamorous relationships were appealing. So, we each spoke about having an exclusive POLY relationship. So we both spoke to our other recent partner that we particularly liked. They were open to the idea, so we all met together to discuss it openly, set some basic ground rules for fairness and safety, and went from there. That poly relationship lasted several years! Our secondary partners eventually met other people and moved on, but we are still very close friends with them both, and visit with them when we're back in the area.

 

After that, we had a break of a couple of years, then my wife suggested I might want to find some other partners for myself. I looked into swinging, found a delightful lady almost immediately, had a great time, and suggested my wife join me for future adventures, so we then played together with other couples for about 8 years. Occasionally we'd play separately - the open part of the arrangement. I met a lovely young lady and developed a 5 year FWB situation where we'd meet for sex or socially every couple of weeks. She recently met a great guy and moved into an exclusive relationship.

 

So, we now just occasionally see others we met during the swinging years, and are open to meeting others. It's not a frequent thing anymore, though.

[rushed]

Thanks for sharing, Central! It sounds like you two have great communication skills and a wonderful understanding of each other.

 

Did jealousy ever come into play or any hurt feelings?

[central]

Well, jealousy never entered the picture early on when we had the poly relationship. I did experience some jealousy when we first started swinging - it is almost always far easier for a woman to attract attention than a man, after all - but since we were doing this together and playing with another couple, it quickly became a non-issue for me. Besides, jealousy can be overcome when you realize that it's a fear response to possibly losing what you have, and if your relationship is strong like ours, there's truly no threat to worry about. Experience has proven that out.