Strung along?

[Jinx100]

My ex left me a little over 2 months ago. We were together for over a year, living together.

We're both in our low 30s

 

She left me and within one week began rebounding with a long time friend. I didn't know about this, although I had my suspicions. We would talk occasionally and then her hot and cold behavior and her admitting sleeping with this guy pushed me to begin No contact.

 

After 3 days, she began calling and texting. Even stalking me outside my work, saying she was going to come inside if I don't talk to her. After a week I got a voicemail from her singing "baby come back" The next night I spent 3 hours on the phone with her.

 

She admitted to everything with this guy, he stays the night often, and it was going on while we were talking. She began crying. Telling me how she doesn't want him. She loves me. She's sorry and thinks about me every night when she rolls over. She can't sleep.

 

Now, I knew I was going to hear something about this guy, but not how soon after our split and how long it's been going on. It pissed me off, but I knew I'd have to get over it if I wanted reconciliation.

 

She knows she has to cut complete contact with him. It's going to hurt him. He is part of her circle of friends. She is going to lose all of them. Next month she planned a baby shower at her house for his sister (she's been friends with) and her family. She says she wants to get out of it but doesn't know how. She has a big heart and doesn't want to hurt or lose her friends over this but her heart is with me.

 

When I asked if she was going to continue sleeping with him, she said she doesn't plan too but I don't get to tell her what to do. Also, she kind of left the impression that she wants me to wait in limbo while she gets rid of all this. I never got a solid, I'll break it off and get back together response.

 

Does it sound like I'm being strung along? She's gone through so much trouble to admit her wrong doing and get my attention so I don't think so. I don't know what to do. My plan is to give her a week. If it's still going on, I'll cut contact. Bad plan?

[Marc878]

So she wants to reconcile on her terms after dumping you for another guy.

 

Are you that hard up? Really?

 

You really need to read back over your post man

 

What are you thinking?

 

IMO no contact immediately and never look back

[loveiswar101]

Gotta say your title says it all apart from YES..you are.

 

Until she cuts complete contact with the other guy I would not be contacting the woman.

 

It's the old cake and eat scenario.

 

It does seem she has done a fair bit but has to do hell of a lot more in my eyes. Don't put a time frame on it, give her the "once youve sorted all your **** out, we can talk", until then walk and move on.

 

If she really does want to be with you she will sort it all, if not you answer your own question.

 

Don't be a doormat...as Marc878 says, read your post again...but from our point of veiw not yours...your get the picture.

 

Good luck bro.

[lolablue17]

If you decide that you want to give her another chance, you should help her getting out of this situation + testing how serious she is by setting an immediate ultimatum:

 

"Honey, if you want me to ever talk to you again you should break up with this guy until tonight 21:00, and then cut all contact with him. I'll wait until 9 P.M, if you don't call me and say you're officially done with him until then, never call me again, you lost me forever".

[Bromeo]

If you decide that you want to give her another chance, you should help her getting out of this situation + testing how serious she is by setting an immediate ultimatum:

 

"Honey, if you want me to ever talk to you again you should break up with this guy until tonight 21:00, and then cut all contact with him. I'll wait until 9 P.M, if you don't call me and say you're officially done with him until then, never call me again, you lost me forever".

 

This right here. My ex played games for months after leaving me without a word. After I finally went NC, she emailed me after a month, and tried to kick up the games again. I delineated my grievances in a voicemail, and told her never to contact me again.

 

I was given the exact same advice if she reaches out again, which every one of my friends says will happen. "Show up at my house at a reasonable hour today so we can talk. If you do not, you will be placed on the block list permanently."

 

OP, if this occurs, you must be strong enough to carry it out. I was not previously, however now I am. Mine has been blocked on FB for weeks now.

 

Its funny, when the advice is similar from unrelated parties, you can bet it is correct.

 

By cutting through the bs, you force the game-playing partner to make a decision, which clearly they do not want to do. Mine couldn't even tell me we were broke up, when I asked her repeatedly to just communicate that she had a new interest, didn't want me, etc.

 

It seems to be a trend with the insecure types.

 

To wit, clear communication defeats confusion and hurt feelings.

 

.02c

[Been]

Don't go back. She is going to do it again.The only reason why she wants you back is because you stuck by your guns.

I'll let you in on a little secret. By taking her back you have basically told her hey if you decide to roll out on me and sleep with someone else I AM cool with that-i will take you back.

Its not going good with the other man or she couldn't take you ignoring her. Those are the only 2 reasons she's coming back.