Thinking to reach out to ex after

[mssgq7]

Hello forum friends.

 

It has been 4 and a half months or 5 months in total since I've spoken to my ex. Let me just summarize as quickly as possible. We dated for only 4 months but we had a strong connection. The reason things went sour was IMO because of my behavior in our last month together. I was needy, over pursued, and treating this women like a celebrity coupled with the law of attraction and my constant thoughts I'd lose her. In a way I shifted from the masculine guy she met who stood up for himself to a feminine emotional insecure boyfriend. Once this behavior turned her off she decided to walk away without contacting me (ghosting) by failing to meet to talk with me. I never reached out and neither did she. I never heard from her after though she liked one of my instagram posts and directly sent me a request to donate to Aleppo in which I did.

 

Since this time I have quit taking antidepressants which she ridiculed me for. I have gotten in the best physical shape of my life. Changed my behaviors and read many books on co-dependency and becoming a dominant alpha male, as well as books on pursuing your purpose and overall self-improvement.

 

I have gotten promotions at work, and overall my self esteem and confidence is back to a very healthy place, where I'd say I'm very confident. I'm not necessarily cocky but definitely an unwavering confidence. I have taken self-improvement seriously and implemented lots of changes. The biggest ridding myself of people pleasing, over pursuing, and needy behavior.

 

I have dated many women, one who was Miss Illinois, but the connection wasn't there so I kept searching. I meet women with ease out and online. Now it has been about 5-6 weeks successfully dating a new girl who I am very happy with.

 

All along I do think about the ex now and then. Recently I had a dream about my ex and for whatever reason it has spawned up the desire to reach out saying something along these lines...

 

Hey, I was wondering if you'd like to grab a drink together and catch up. I have no expectations at all other than to enjoy each others company. Let me know your thoughts and when you are available in the next week or two.

 

What are your guys thoughts on this? Obviously a relationship like this has no closure since she ghosted so I'm sure this plays into it. Either way I think throwing this out whether she agrees or not maybe give me some peace. I could be wrong. What are your thoughts?

Edited February 11, 2017 by mssgq7

[jamili]

Wait until she contacts you. Especially if you are aiming to undo any codependent, needy, clingy, doormat beta male status. No mattee how much you have changed, grown, or achieved... if you reach out to her it probably wont look like anything but weakness. Stay NC, That's my opinion. If you keep NC my bet is she will eventually reach out to you, whether it be months later, years, decades, etc.

 

Btw are you just speculating that these behaviors were what did you in? How do you know for sure? Sounds like she just disappeared without even an explanation. Also, ghosting someone like that is the most cowardly way to break up with someone. I think she might just be a crappy human being, and you are blaming yourself too much. I dont care how beta you were acting in the relationship, it was still a relationship and no one should treat you like you are sub-human, i dont care how needy you think you were. This shows total disrespect, and if you were truly changed into an "alpha male", you would never even dream of taking this woman back after this.

 

Edit: just read your original thread. Jesus man... do not break nc. First off, after reading that, you will most definitely push her further away if you break nc. Also, you said some stuff that really makes her seem horrendous! She treated you like crap, and dont for a SECOND rationalize that you somehow deserved any of that because you were "too nice to her". You blamed yourself for "messing up" and asking for more communication after she was disrespecting the hell out of you, making plans without you, and talking to you like you were garbage. Honestly, you should have dumped her. I dont think you should ever take this one back unless she is on your doorstep begging and twitching in a pool of her own tears and vomit, pleading for your forgiveness. DO NOT break NC.

Edited February 11, 2017 by jamili

[mssgq7]

Done! Thank you so much man. This was so insightful. You took your time to carefully read. And you def understand the situation. A lot of people said it def wasn't my fault and my sisters who are much older, said she is a horrible person. 2 weeks of needy behavior shouldn't mean you get treated inhumanly. I am glad I never reached out. I have never had weak behavior in any of my previous relationships and most we are still friends-cordial. This was exactly what I needed. Super excited to see my new girl in a few hours . Thank you, thank you, and thank you!

 

Side note: I wasn't and wouldn't take her back EVER. If anything I know she is only capable of being a hook up buddy. And I have someone I currently have that with and more. I think my intentions were somehow to get some closure through meeting maybe hook up but I know nothing will come from that after reading your response. You nailed it on the head. Moving forward. NC and removing her from my thoughts. Have a great night! Case closed, I'd close this thread if I could.