The EX vs. the New Guy - dazed and confused!

[klandes]

I'm going through a really complicated issue right now. I've posted before about the problems i was going through with my BF of 2 yrs. Well, he decided he needed some "space" and apparently forgot to let me know and instead decided to ignore my continuous calls and messages for an entire month. Yes, who does that? After 2 weeks of crying and dweling over it, i decided i needed to move on. I bumped into a guy i met last summer, and we totally hit it off from the get-go. He took me out to lunch, and we ended up sleeping together. During that week we went out to this bar, and to my surprise my ex was there, wasted.. he grabbed my arm and pulled me away from my date, interrogating me as to what was goin on, who was this guy, telling me how much he loves me and how sorry he is for being so indifferent but he needed the time to think and concentrate at work. He kept saying how much he's still in love with me and wants to work things out. - This to me is all BS, he's acting this way out of pure jealousy and rage. I was cold, but at the same time i told him i loved him but it was not the right time nor the place to talk about it, and i left the bar with my date. He's been callling me all week and i've never heard him begging over the phone and almost crying over it, i guess feeling the guilt that he might be losing me.

It's been 2 weeks since i met this new guy and i really like him but just so confused as to what i'm feeling right now. I saw my ex again yesterday, and to my own weakness we ended up making love, and i just made everything worse.

However, they both know what's going on, except that my ex does not know that i've slept with this guy but i did tell him i made out with him... i just can't bring myself to be completely honest, it's obviously important since he can't stop asking me if i did it or not, i know he will go down into a depression, or do something crazy to himself or to this other guy, i know cause he's said so himself. I've only been seeing this new guy for 2 weeks almost but feel a strong connection, and we haven't spoken about being serious or exclusive yet, so i don't know what to mention to him really.

 

I asked my ex for some space, the same that he took to himself...he will not accept, since he believes i will take the time to fool around with this new guy. He might be right, but not entirely. I'm not trying to be vindictive but i feel like i really need it right now, i like this new guy and i feel he's interested as well, since he's doing all the calling and now wants me to meet his mom (?!)... it's too soon but he's been there during some harsh times while my ex was "missing in action". I believe i'm still in love with my ex but he's hurt me, and right now i need the time to think, what should i do or say?? i mean should i just tell my ex that i did sleep with this new guy while we were on a break, or is it not worth the pain and the torture? Should i just leave it like that and take my own time, even if he doesn't accept it and lose him forever?

It pretty much comes down to 'the one that knows me best' vs. 'the one that could be a possibility'. it's all an enigma but i have to make a choice and i really need the help.

[fundamental]

Well, your ex is going to bug you about the new guy forever..."Did you sleep with him?" So, if you decide to go back to your ex, he is going to ask you about it 24/7 and probably won't be satisfied with any answer you give him. If you say no, he won't believe you. If you say yes, he will allow it to bother him. I don't think I could ignore a girlfriend for a month and then expect her to take me back. I also wouldn't take someone back after they have ignored me for a month. He is playing a game with you and is acting out of jealousy. He may be still in love with you, but I believe that once he has you again, he will do the same thing. I don't think it hurts to give the new guy a chance. I say your ex needs a time out in the corner.

[d'Arthez]

Is this the same ex who was caught on a casual encounters list?

 

I am sorry, but your ex does not look like a prize at all, by the behavior you described in your original post in this thread alone - the thing is you will need some time to realize that. Time you must afford yourself - and that means at least staying away from your ex, keep conversations short and actual (no dwelling on memories).

 

Whatever you would say to your ex, he won't believe you or worse he will guilt trip you. Are you willing to put up with that? Especially considering his behavior in the past months - he showed how "wonderful, thoughtful and caring" he has been to you in the past months.

 

I know you are confused, but from the look of things you could never be happy with your ex. You may become happy with your new guy.

You can't expect to juggle 2 guys around at the current moment, and expect that everything will turn out as you desire. Especially if the new guy gets the idea, that you are not in the slightest over your ex. No one would like to be in the position of the new guy right now.

[upsetnhurt]

klandes,

 

I think you have an easy decision to make here......your ex sounds like a loser and you admit yourself that he is only now trying to win you back because he sees that you have moved on a bit. A person that cares for you does not go on for a month ignoring your calls and messages. One that cares is at least honest to say that he is not interested anymore. If you do get back with him I foresee a breakup and your depression quite soon afterwards as he will do so once he gets you back in the fold and is comforted that you are there for him anytime he needs you without him having to invest any of himself. By the way, what is being in love to you? Do you think that your ex is still in love with you? He has shown his love by ignoring you for a month? I think you deserve better.........

 

Now in terms of the new guy I plead with you not to get involved any further with him. You have already said that you are still in love with your ex and this is what's called a rebound relationship......one where he will invest a ton of himself into you only to get heartbroken because you still can't walk away from the ex completely. You will never be able to give yourself fully to him while you have these issues to deal with. If there is such a good connection between you two, be honest with him and wait before getting involved. I know it is hard yet to not do so is just going to be a waste of eachothers time and emotions.

[Spectre]

you tell one you love him, but you sleep with another guy, and then you sleep with your ex, so, you go from guy to guy, sleeping with the opposite guy? do you have beer flavored nipples? why do these guys want you?