Ilovelifeforwhatcome Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 The last 2 guys I attempted to date pulled out after I got emotionally invested. They def used the lines, it's me not you, you deserve better etc. I can say though that they were not sexually driven. Both of them started talking about having a serious relationship, otherwise I wouldn't have gone for it. W/the 1st guy I should have seen the red flag of him not being over his ex, but the 2nd guy (immature for sure) no signs whatsoever. The last one really stung because I was told that I am an amazing person, that he loves me, yet he doesn't want me. Are there early signs before someone becomes distant that they have intimacy issues? I am not afraid of intimacy and was very open in my 1st serious relationship, granted it didn't work out, but shows me that I am ready for a mature, intimate relationship. Could this be due to age? The last 2 guys were 5/6 years younger then me. My 1st love was a year older and he was not a great guy, but the relationship was different and more mature. Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 (edited) Could be maturity, could be age, could be random triggers from unresolved ex stuff, could be them, could be the relationship dynamic, etc. As someone with some residual trust issues that sometimes creep up without a warning, all I can say is that unless they verbally admit to having intimacy issues straight away (in which case, bolt!), sometimes there are no signs. Just be grateful not to have invested too much of your time with the wrong guys. ETA - just read your posting history - is he the guy you met online? In which case, intimacy issues might not apply there. Edited February 12, 2017 by PrettyEmily77 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ilovelifeforwhatcome Posted February 12, 2017 Author Share Posted February 12, 2017 Could be maturity, could be age, could be random triggers from unresolved ex stuff, could be them, could be the relationship dynamic, etc. As someone with some residual trust issues that sometimes creep up without a warning, all I can say is that unless they verbally admit to having intimacy issues straight away (in which case, bolt!), sometimes there are no signs. Just be grateful not to have invested too much of your time with the wrong guys. ETA - just read your posting history - is he the guy you met online? In which case, intimacy issues might not apply there. I did meet the 1st and 2nd guy online. The 2nd guy admitted that these issues had happened before in his relationships, that the connection slipped away and he had hoped this time it would be different. I'm not happy he didn't tell me before, I would have not continued or would have approached a lot more slow. Link to post Share on other sites
Nowty V Posted February 12, 2017 Share Posted February 12, 2017 You don't indicate your age. There is a good book, Attached by Amir Levine M.D. and Rachel S.F. Heller M.A. It describes the 3 attachment styles Humans have based on their Childhood Experience of their Primary care giver. Don't know about the 1st guy but the second sounds like he has an Avoidant Attachment Style. You will meet a lot of those. Those with a Secure Attachment style stay attached and don't wind up in the dating pool. Those with an Anxious Attachment style can stay attached with the right partner. Avoidants will chuck it all in at the drop of a hat therefore are the regular population of singles 25+ The book is a worthwhile read and may help you understand your own attachment style and to find, and keep, love. Link to post Share on other sites
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