bluefeather Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 You seem to have done some homework to be able to recognize mistakes and use terms like "NC." So pretty good for first time, I say. First thing I would say is to fully let go of the person you messed up with. This is very hard for most people to do, but if you tried to fix it and she didn't want to accept it, it is usually best to move on and learn from whatever mistakes you and her might have made. For example: next time, try not to act as needy, and also, try not to get into a relationship with someone who would poke fun at you to other people after a breakup - that is very spiteful and not cool. Second is to take everything you read here and elsewhere with a grain of salt, including my words too. Not everyone can give you the best advice, and even if you listened to really, really good advice, sometimes you still might end up not being able to learn it until you go and get your heart broken. Hopefully you won't have to do that very many times. Just remember, love is supposed to be fun. If you can keep that in mind (and in heart), you should be able to heal and get back into the game for the next contestant. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author destyn Posted February 16, 2017 Author Share Posted February 16, 2017 You seem to have done some homework to be able to recognize mistakes and use terms like "NC." So pretty good for first time, I say. First thing I would say is to fully let go of the person you messed up with. This is very hard for most people to do, but if you tried to fix it and she didn't want to accept it, it is usually best to move on and learn from whatever mistakes you and her might have made. For example: next time, try not to act as needy, and also, try not to get into a relationship with someone who would poke fun at you to other people after a breakup - that is very spiteful and not cool. Second is to take everything you read here and elsewhere with a grain of salt, including my words too. Not everyone can give you the best advice, and even if you listened to really, really good advice, sometimes you still might end up not being able to learn it until you go and get your heart broken. Hopefully you won't have to do that very many times. Just remember, love is supposed to be fun. If you can keep that in mind (and in heart), you should be able to heal and get back into the game for the next contestant. Thank for these great advices "WHAT IF" someday she texts me when I'm full healed ? Do I reply or not ? Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 When you're fully healed you should be in a another HEALTHY relationship with a good woman who cares and values you. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 (edited) Thank for these great advices "WHAT IF" someday she texts me when I'm full healed ? Do I reply or not ? Np. If she texts you right now, (haven't blocked her, hmm?), you will probably turn into mush and show her how immature and hurt you are. It is best not to have communication at this point. Look up the word "breadcrumbs" around this forum for more information about that sort of thing. When you are fully healed (which could take a year or longer, depending on different factors), you won't give a damn either way what to do to her attempt at reaching out. When you're totally healed, you will be over this person and have moved on with life. It's not a mind-set of "I'm better than her." It's a mind-set of "I'm a better person than I used to be, and am quite content with my life right now." By that time, you might even be with someone else, in which case, you really wouldn't want to ruin your new relationship by communicating with a girl from the past. Edited February 16, 2017 by bluefeather Link to post Share on other sites
jamili Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Thank for these great advices "WHAT IF" someday she texts me when I'm full healed ? Do I reply or not ? It really depends man. If its a breadcrumb i.e. a meaningless text that's not about reconciliation, then answer if you want to be "just friends" forever and ease her guilt. Ignore it if you would still entertain getting back together at that point in time. It depends on what you want at that time. Fully healed doesnt necessarily mean you wouldnt give the relationship another shot. In fact, if you both arent fully healed than giving it another shot is worthless and will be temporary. Play that by ear, its a decision you cant make until it comes. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Thank for these great advices "WHAT IF" someday she texts me when I'm full healed ? Do I reply or not ? When you are healed, and over the emotions that come after a break up, then you will be thinking more with your head. I believe that decisions made right after a break up are purely made with the heart. Your logic tries to fight you, but the heart is in control. When the heart is in so much control you make bad decisions. When the heart and brain are on the same page, you make wise decisions. That comes in time. You don't need to worry right now what you would do then. If/when that time ever comes, you will know what to do. If you get a text from her 6 months down the road and have to come here to get advice, you probably aren't ready. If you ever hear again in time, it's usually not that big a deal and you reply or you don't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author destyn Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 Thanks alot you guys are the best 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author destyn Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 Good luck to you. [uPDATE] Yesterday she posted 2 deep status at around 1a.m and I saw it incidentally, I didn't stalk her on social media , it's just randomly popup. Here's what she posted : + 1st : "I regretted making a decision long time ago .At that time, I chose to leave a person who love me ,care about me alot. Because I thought that love was small ,was nothing to be respected. But now I realized I was wrong, that one's still the most-understanding about me ,the one only saw my face that he could know what I was thinking, the one made me get out of the sadness quickestly. Now the love for him is gone ,so the caring. However , I'm still looking for someone exactly same as him ,which made me miss many guys around me." + 2nd : "I think what can't be solved should be left aside, even the love. This loop again,so this feeling...Even it hasn't started yet,I could foresee the end. Let everything flows naturally ." I know it's my fault that I still care about what she posted (yeah I know I broke the rule of NC) but I didn't read into it too much ,just post it here to ask whether you guys could see "the light at the end of the tunnel" for me Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 [uPDATE] Yesterday she posted 2 deep status at around 1a.m and I saw it incidentally, I didn't stalk her on social media , it's just randomly popup. Here's what she posted : + 1st : "I regretted making a decision long time ago .At that time, I chose to leave a person who love me ,care about me alot. Because I thought that love was small ,was nothing to be respected. But now I realized I was wrong, that one's still the most-understanding about me ,the one only saw my face that he could know what I was thinking, the one made me get out of the sadness quickestly. Now the love for him is gone ,so the caring. However , I'm still looking for someone exactly same as him ,which made me miss many guys around me." + 2nd : "I think what can't be solved should be left aside, even the love. This loop again,so this feeling...Even it hasn't started yet,I could foresee the end. Let everything flows naturally ." I know it's my fault that I still care about what she posted (yeah I know I broke the rule of NC) but I didn't read into it too much ,just post it here to ask whether you guys could see "the light at the end of the tunnel" for me :/ I don't think you're fully understanding what I wrote, so maybe someone else can better assist you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author destyn Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 :/ I don't think you're fully understanding what I wrote, so maybe someone else can better assist you. Yeah I know you're giving the best advices for me ,but I'm still very young ,so isn't it better if I would take the healing state slowly I haven't truly get over her Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 [uPDATE] Yesterday she posted 2 deep status at around 1a.m and I saw it incidentally, I didn't stalk her on social media , it's just randomly popup. Here's what she posted : + 1st : "I regretted making a decision long time ago .At that time, I chose to leave a person who love me ,care about me alot. Because I thought that love was small ,was nothing to be respected. But now I realized I was wrong, that one's still the most-understanding about me ,the one only saw my face that he could know what I was thinking, the one made me get out of the sadness quickestly. Now the love for him is gone ,so the caring. However , I'm still looking for someone exactly same as him ,which made me miss many guys around me." + 2nd : "I think what can't be solved should be left aside, even the love. This loop again,so this feeling...Even it hasn't started yet,I could foresee the end. Let everything flows naturally ." I know it's my fault that I still care about what she posted (yeah I know I broke the rule of NC) but I didn't read into it too much ,just post it here to ask whether you guys could see "the light at the end of the tunnel" for me NO CONTACT... thats your light at the end of the tunnel. Stop reading what your ex is writing... posting on facebook is the cry for attention.. the cry of the wounded wolf. Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyRainbows Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Well everything is possible but the real question deep inside you should be whether it is worth it or not. Going NC, is the right decision. Confession your love to her? not so good BUT! If you went NC afterwards, it will be a bigger hit to her ego because a man who can love and still go NC and keep on with his life is a real tough-ass guy. Try to freshen your life a bit, buy new clothes, invest some extra time in your hobbies, heck get your teeth whitened but a new ring, a crazy ass necklace, go to a club with friends, smile your ass off, Post some photos and just keep enjoying your life to its limits. This will either yield the possibility of her wanted to try again or you will find another good, worthy woman on the way. Just remember avoid being desperate as it will kill any attraction. Really bro, breathe to your balls, imagine you are never going to get back and feel okay with that as they are always better possibilities and one should never settle. Also, if in a month of time you will still feel love towards her after completely avoiding, not following her posts and so on, then Just call her for a coffee in a public place let her know that you are alright with the relationship coming to an end and that it was for the best but that you Don't want to lose a good friendship over some bad relationship. In that moment you become stronger, deeper, better. Also come with a nice stylish clothes, clean shoes, nice new haircut and a bad-ass watch or something, hands should be also clean and fingers trimmed. Really, all these dating situations, is just a game. Just enjoy the play. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 [uPDATE] Yesterday she posted 2 deep status at around 1a.m and I saw it incidentally, I didn't stalk her on social media , it's just randomly popup. Here's what she posted : + 1st : "I regretted making a decision long time ago .At that time, I chose to leave a person who love me ,care about me alot. Because I thought that love was small ,was nothing to be respected. But now I realized I was wrong, that one's still the most-understanding about me ,the one only saw my face that he could know what I was thinking, the one made me get out of the sadness quickestly. Now the love for him is gone ,so the caring. However , I'm still looking for someone exactly same as him ,which made me miss many guys around me." + 2nd : "I think what can't be solved should be left aside, even the love. This loop again,so this feeling...Even it hasn't started yet,I could foresee the end. Let everything flows naturally ." I know it's my fault that I still care about what she posted (yeah I know I broke the rule of NC) but I didn't read into it too much ,just post it here to ask whether you guys could see "the light at the end of the tunnel" for me She may not have been talking about you. Do everything you can to not see what she is writing for doing. It sets you back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author destyn Posted February 22, 2017 Author Share Posted February 22, 2017 She may not have been talking about you. Do everything you can to not see what she is writing for doing. It sets you back. OK after a while of thinking , I can surely say that she's not writing that for me , and I actually don't feel anything about it What a relief ! I think NC's slowly working on me since I would become confused about those statuses if I was the "old-me" Now I'm still a bit wonder (about me ,not her) what exactly I'm going to do in the future (of course I knew these "go to gym,be active , social activities..." advices as I'm doing these). I'm saying about my love-life so anything (some chit-chat is fine,too) comes across your mind now please share with me ,if you don't mind thank you guys Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 23, 2017 Share Posted February 23, 2017 Now I'm still a bit wonder (about me ,not her) what exactly I'm going to do in the future (of course I knew these "go to gym,be active , social activities..." advices as I'm doing these). I'm saying about my love-life so anything (some chit-chat is fine,too) comes across your mind now please share with me ,if you don't mind thank you guys You go out and meet new girls. After all, you do have that beautiful Libra smile, don't you? Approach women and enjoy yourself. Don't stay home. Link to post Share on other sites
Author destyn Posted February 23, 2017 Author Share Posted February 23, 2017 :/ I don't think you're fully understanding what I wrote, so maybe someone else can better assist you. And for bluefeather ,whether u're still here or not , I apologize for not having listenned to ur advices that was totally my faults Link to post Share on other sites
Author destyn Posted March 9, 2017 Author Share Posted March 9, 2017 So it's 5 weeks NC now and I have achieved nothing :< still miss her like crazy EACH HOUR even I did the best things for me : go to the gym,hang out with friends, do hobbies...but can't get through it Why do the dumpee have to go through all of this while the dumper is having fun out there ? I still ask myself day by day whether she'll send a text for me in the future Link to post Share on other sites
jamili Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 I still ask myself day by day whether she'll send a text for me in the future Count yourself lucky. I got so many texts from my ex i had to eventually tell her to stop. You dont want breadcrumbs, trust me. And dont feel bad 5 weeks is nothing, you are in the veryyyyyyyy beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 So it's 5 weeks NC now and I have achieved nothing :< still miss her like crazy EACH HOUR even I did the best things for me : go to the gym,hang out with friends, do hobbies...but can't get through it Why do the dumpee have to go through all of this while the dumper is having fun out there ? I still ask myself day by day whether she'll send a text for me in the future It's going to take longer than 5 weeks so get ready but then one day you will realize that you went an entire day without her on your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author destyn Posted March 10, 2017 Author Share Posted March 10, 2017 before I made the mistake , I already had 1 month of NC so it's totally over 2 months and I still can't get her out of my mind for any second need some help now Link to post Share on other sites
Author destyn Posted April 11, 2017 Author Share Posted April 11, 2017 OK so after 5 months having gone through hell , I finally come to the normal stage which made me feel a lot better, so I would say : "NC WORKED" Just one final tricky thing : How to deal with mutual friends ? We share same circle of friends and I can't left 10-20 friends at once, right? And I can't avoid them too (due to some work) . So anyone have passed this situation ,please give me some advices . I would appreciate it and thank you Link to post Share on other sites
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