Taking a break until we meet

[Whispful]

My LDR met 3-4 years ago and got together in October, he lives in the US and I live in Europe. We've never met but have plans to do so in June. Our relationship started wonderful, we had good communication even before we started dating. We call on Skype every day from when I come home from class until I have to leave for class again. We used to go to bed together and wake up together but for the last few months we've been very disconnected. I come home from class and he comes home from work and he takes a nap, when he wakes up I go to bed, and when I wake up he's asleep again. I understood that things at his job had picked up during the holidays and he needed his rest but after that things just never changed. We had a long talk about the situation and the state of our relationship, that wasn't a relationship anymore. We talked about breaking up, but neither of us want to lose contact, which is something that would come with a break up as I have no interest in suffering with my feelings and not being able to move on properly. We talked about a compromise where things would stay the same as they are now, as it wasn't much of a relationship anymore, and just take a break from trying to fix things until we meet. I had no idea the long distance was so hard on him until now. We both are in a pretty ****ty situation and are planning to become roommates, despite what happens and as long as things are fine, as it would get both of us out of the mess we're in.

 

I have been in a LDR before, and am fine with the distance as long as I know the other person still wants the same thing. When we were talking he told me that the level of which he cared for me and loved me has dropped severely and he doesn't know how it happened or when it happened, but he's still set on meeting me. From there on we would evaluate the situation then.

But I also graduate in June and this is the last year I'm studying because my mom wants me to move out. So I would have to get a job to be able to support myself and save up to continue my studies. We talked about me going to college in the US to study to be a teacher, as that is my dream job and that we move in together so he can help support me through that time. This will also help him move out because his situation does not allow him to do so by himself.

But during the time I am working we won't be able to meet and I'm afraid that even if things go well when we the meet, the same problems will just come back.

I am worried that I am going to put myself through a lot of pain for something that we won't be able to fix. Does anyone have experience with a situation like this?

[ExpatInItaly]

I think he's being realistic. It's not a great idea to declare yourselves to be in a relationship when you have never met in person; it creates a false sense of attachment and builds up too many expectations that can be very hard to uphold. His fading interest is understandable. Being in an online relationship isn't all that stimulating compared to real life. I understand he cares about you but it isn't very healthy or fun to keep tethered to a computer when a job and social life are calling.

 

If you have already booked a trip to meet, I suppose you could proceed with that and see how it goes. Just don't get too ahead of yourselves; it sounds like you both put the cart before the horse with all these future plans. Again, it's not wise to build a future around a person you've spent no time with in person. See how you get along when you're face-to-face and interacting with each other.

 

I certainly wouldn't plan on moving in with him even if things do pick back up. Talking to someone for a couple of years just isn't the same as being around them every day, and I think it would put far too much pressure on the situation to go from never having met (or spending very little time together in person) to living together. If you did decide to pursue your studies in the US, I would instead move into your own place and date him for a while. Find out if you actually like living abroad, and see if you're really compatible with him in person before taking a huge step like living together.

[ashoksharma]

It was not quite Easy for both to take break before meating because it create false sense of attachment and build up too many expectations that can be very hard to uphold.

 

Talking to Someone for a Couple of year just isn't same as being around them every day. if you both are love together then try to meet with each other as soon as possible not make huge gap in a relationship

[justwhoiam]

he told me that the level of which he cared for me and loved me has dropped severely

This is the core issue.

 

I am worried that I am going to put myself through a lot of pain for something that we won't be able to fix.

Rightly so.

 

Get a different roomate if you don't want to end up living together out of convenience.