Is it wrong to flirt with someone who's in a relationship?

[Lvkv23]

We both know he has a girlfriend, he knows I'm interested, and he acts like he's attracted to me as well. He flirts with me silently before and even after he told me of his status. I see him on a weekly basis, and after learning about his status, I haven't looked at him the same. I have actually been avoiding him, but whenever he sees me, he'll still make excuses to come near me. We used to check each other out all the time, but now I feel as if it's a crime if I even look at him. When I see him now, I can tell he wants to look at me too, but he just looks at me when he thinks I can't see him.

 

When I see him, I want to talk to him and get to know him casually, but my motive behind this is bad. It's because I'm still hoping he'll break up with his GF and be with me, or at least think of me first when he breaks up with her for other reasons.

 

Normally when I find out someone is not single, I lose interest right away, but for this one, I haven't. It doesn't help that he still gives me attention as well.

[d0nnivain]

What you describe is problematic. You are doing more then flirting. Your are advocating that he see you as a GF material & do something about it. Whether you are hoping he'll cheat or break up with his current GF, you are still making it clear that you want the position.

 

 

Making one compliment or a flirty comment is fine. For example we were at the home of some friends. I notice that the guy had lost weight & looked good. I told him so. There were no ulterior motives. I wasn't trying to get his shirt off or lure him into bed. I'm not leaving my husband for him & I don't want to date him.

 

 

Do you see the difference?

[PegNosePete]

So if he were to leave his GF for you, what does that say about him?

 

It tells you that he is perfectly happy to flirt with other women and cheat.

 

With that quality, do you really think he is good BF material?

[jiffysound]

Simple logic dictates that if he will cheat with you on her, he will cheat on you with the next conquest. A no-go.

[kendahke]

We both know he has a girlfriend, he knows I'm interested, and he acts like he's attracted to me as well. He flirts with me silently before and even after he told me of his status. I see him on a weekly basis, and after learning about his status, I haven't looked at him the same. I have actually been avoiding him, but whenever he sees me, he'll still make excuses to come near me. We used to check each other out all the time, but now I feel as if it's a crime if I even look at him. When I see him now, I can tell he wants to look at me too, but he just looks at me when he thinks I can't see him.

 

When I see him, I want to talk to him and get to know him casually, but my motive behind this is bad. It's because I'm still hoping he'll break up with his GF and be with me, or at least think of me first when he breaks up with her for other reasons.

 

Normally when I find out someone is not single, I lose interest right away, but for this one, I haven't. It doesn't help that he still gives me attention as well.

 

If you were his girlfriend and some side chick wrote this, what would you want us to tell her?

[Miss Peach]

OP In your situation I think you're asking for trouble.

[stillafool]

What is it about "he has a girlfriend" that you don't understand?

[smackie9]

Don't get caught up in the empowerment of getting attention from a taken guy. It's all going to your head...you are not special to him, he is just being a pig for his own gratification.

[mightycpa]

We both know he has a girlfriend, he knows I'm interested, and he acts like he's attracted to me as well. He flirts with me silently before and even after he told me of his status. I see him on a weekly basis, and after learning about his status, I haven't looked at him the same. I have actually been avoiding him, but whenever he sees me, he'll still make excuses to come near me. We used to check each other out all the time, but now I feel as if it's a crime if I even look at him. When I see him now, I can tell he wants to look at me too, but he just looks at me when he thinks I can't see him.

 

When I see him, I want to talk to him and get to know him casually, but my motive behind this is bad. It's because I'm still hoping he'll break up with his GF and be with me, or at least think of me first when he breaks up with her for other reasons.

 

Normally when I find out someone is not single, I lose interest right away, but for this one, I haven't. It doesn't help that he still gives me attention as well.

I am in complete disagreement with everybody up above.

 

You like him. Check.

He likes you. Check.

You're single. Check.

He's got a girlfriend. X!

 

Ok, so we've defined the problem. What do we do about it? Pretend that 1,2 and 3 aren't true?

 

No. The simple truth of the matter is that boyfriends (and husbands, for that matter) are not ever "stolen" or "taken". They give themselves away. If he loves her, he'll keep a respectful arms-length away from you. If he loved her, he wouldn't be sneaking stares at you.

 

So if he's inclined to give himself away to you, then you need to dictate terms. Do you want him to cheat, or do you want something a little less tawdry? All you have to do is say something like "You know, I really like you, but the fact that you have a girlfriend is a dealbreaker for me. I'd totally go out with you, but you're going to have to break up with her first. What's your thoughts on that?"

 

You tell him that, and you'll get some clarity real fast about exactly how much he likes you.

 

And what about the girlfriend? The other simple truth is that they come and go every day. Doesn't she deserve someone who is devoted to her too?

[preraph]

Desirable people are usually seeing someone. They're not blind, so you can get to know them a little without flirting with them while they're attached and then if they are interested if they break up, they know where you are. But anyone with any ethics is going to lose respect for someone who is coming on to them while they know they're in a relationship. Because that says more about YOU than it does him. Will some guys go for no-strings sex while in a relationship? Oh, yes they will. But you are wanting him to leave her for you, but now he knows you don't have very good morals because him being in a relationship didn't deter you, so if he does anything with you, it will just be sex, unless he's a real fickle dog, in which case, be careful what you wish for.