confused and hurt by what husband has done, need advice

[SUN-n-Moon5221]

I am sooooo broken up about what my husband has done and also sooo confused by his responses to this affair...........Heres the story................................................

My husband has worked as a conductor on the railroad for 2 yrs; and if you are not familiar of how the railroaders work let me explain: He is on call 24/7 and when he leaves he is usually gone for about 35 hours sometimes a lil less sometimes a lil more! When he goes out to work he gets on the train and travels about 4 1 /2 hours from our home!!! It usually takes the train 12 hours to get there and when he arrives he is then taken by cab to a Holiday Inn where he has to "REST" and he has to be there at least 8 hours but it can be up to 20 hours give or take!

Now here is our history: We have been together for 8 years "living together" and have been a part of one anothers lives for 13. We are engaged and actually we are considered "Common Law" in our state! But anyway we have just not gotten married not because of him but me for many different reasons and none have anything to do with the way I feel for him! Basically it usually ends up having to do with money or me choosing how to get married. We both have sons from prior relationships and then we have a 6 yr old daughter. We have always had a wonderful relationship so I thought up until this January when he started to have this AFFAIR with a GIRL who is 10 yrs younger than him and I.

So here's how it goes: He started this as I said in January at the hotel where he has to stay for work. She works in the bar in the hotel. Now please understand that he is not a bar person and either am I. But he met her in this bar the day that he went there just to watch the Super Bowl. I found out about this in March '05 from our cell bills! I confronted him and he didn't deny it he just fell to his knees and cried!!!!! When I asked him HOW and WHY would he do this he had no answers.......he begged and pleaded that he LOVED ME AND HIS FEELING HAVE NOT CHANGED IN ANY WAY FOR ME AND THAT HE WANTED TO KEEP HIS FAMILY!!!! So I was very hurt and bewildered by all of this but I love him with all my heart he really is a good man!! See we live at my mothers home due to her living alone and us trying to save$$$ to buy a home! So that has not helped us in our sexual relationship at all!!!!! We have lived here for a year and a half. So anyway no one knew about this other than my best friend and a cousin who is like my sister. He told me he had to feelings for this girl at all...it was just a mistake!!! And he would never talk to her again.

Now I will take you to just a week and a half ago when I checked our cell bill and noticed he had 398 texts in 1 month~ I confronted him as my whole life just was shattering in front of me~~~ And he did not deny it again and again cried and said he just doesnt know why he did it again.... But again he tells me he has no feelings for this young girl that it is all sexual!!!! And that he doesnt want to lose his family. I have kicked him out....but I am devastated that this is happening and now everyone in the family knows!!! And it has hurt alot of people!!! No one would ever expect this from him because he is such a Good Man.. He has gone to counseling and we are going to go together next week and he says this time he knows it is over with her and it will NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN BECAUSE HE IS NOW CURRENTLY RESIDING IN A HOTEL ROOM AND IT HAS AFFECTED SOOOOO MUCH!!! Not that the first time didn't hurt me but I didn't make him leave and nobody knew anything~~~ I love him sooo very much and I so much want to believe what he is saying but how can I? He tells me that because of living at my moms that it has affected our sex life which we both agree on because basically we have not had a sex life for the past yr and half.

' So what to do? And How do I deal with him having to stay in this hotel where she works because that is where he has to stay for work?

CONFUSED IN PITTSBURGH

[SUN-n-Moon5221]

I am new to this site and I posted a new thread I believe lastnight and I am not sure am understanding this whole website; I'm not to computer literate. But if someone can feel me in on this and how it works I would greatly appreciate it!

Confused in Pittsburgh!!

 

Thank you much

[Toni_no12002]

not to put you on a downer but if he cheated on you you should not forgive him if he really trully cared for you he wouldnt have done in the first place.and doing it twice is unforgiveable!

 

what dont you understand about the website maybe i could help

[jacquelyn]

I agree with toni. Doing it once is bad enough and you let him slide but twice? If you want to believe his words, he'd have to go to great extends to show you how truly sorry and how much he'll be a man of his word. Even then, you'd still have to do a whole lot of consideration.

 

cheaters are just like liars. once they know they can get away with it with so and so amount of effort.. they'll do it again and again.

[Thy Love Poetry]

I believe that if he says he loves you and his family he means it. if he is with this girl for sex then there is a better way to make YOUR sex life better. I think you both just need a vacation AWAY from HOME. It would be nice to go to yoga classes as a couple and build that sexual tension you once had. Also, writing to each other little love notes but still keeping in mind that you love each other and you want this to work. If he says he loves you as much as he does he should put some effort into the ideas i have given you. If he has shown no interest then you need to leave him.