guest Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 hey, I asked a girl out about a month ago. She had a crush on me about a year and a half ago. I really never got the courage to ask her out then, and so she went out with another guy. She broke up with him a few months ago and so I finally asked her out. Well a few hours before the date she asked if she could bring some friends b/c they were in town. I didn't want to be mean and I told her it was ok with me. So we meet up and it turns out the two friends who "were in town" that she brought was her exboyfriend and one of her best friends, who I knew. We just went to see a movie. She sat between her friend and (ex)boyfriend. I was kinda happy when it was over b/c it wasn't the most comfortable situation to be in. So I asked her out again about a week later. she said yes again, well when I went to meet her she turned out to be a no show. Later that night she told me that she was really sorry that she didn't show up, she never gave me a reason. and I was a little ticked off so I really didn't care about the reason. After saying sorry about 5 times she told me that the next night she was going to see a movie and wanted to know if I wanted to come. I told her that I'd have to see if I was doing anything then. She said she hoped I'd come with "them". I decided to go and showed up. I saw her and started walking towards her, she walked right past me with another guy. So I turned around and met up with them. It turned out she invited about 4 friends to come too. She also invited her (ex)boyfriend again. The entire night no one really talked to me, including her. It was worse than the first time I met up with her. Should I just forget about her? I mean if she didn't like me why would she agree twice to go see a movie with me. But then why would she bring her friends and be a no show? Link to post Share on other sites
thrillseeker Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 I think i know what's up. When she had a crush on you a while back I think she concluded that you didnt like her since you never asked her out. This was not the case obviously from your perspeective, but how is she supposed to know what you what;s going on in her head. Men and women both know they can get their feelings hurt when it comes to a member of the opposite sex, and that's why we allow a certain window of oppurtunity before we shut a person out in order to protect ourselves. Does this make sense? Men and women are like this when our ego's get involved. I think her feelings got hurt when you never asked her out. So time went by, she was aked out by another guy, then broke up with him after a while and now you asked her out. If I were her, I would be thinking: "what's this guy's deal? I liked him soo much a year ago, and he didnt like me then. So he might like me, or he has ulterior motives. I think I should mess with him a bit and give him a dose of his own medicine for dissing me like that so long ago." Ok, so dont be too hard on yourself, she probably is attracted to you, but her ego was bruised and she wanted to get back at you in a way. Yeah, its immature, but if you were in her shoes, you'd do the same. I would ask for you to look inward and find out WHY you didnt have the courage to ask her out when she was into you k? THIS IS VERY VERY important if you are to prevent this from happening again. Its better to live with no regrets, and I'm sure right about now you're having regrets about not asking her out sooner right? As for her playing this game with you of bringing her friends on a date with you, even her ex, then also ignoring you, you need to ask yourself, could this girl get over the fact that you didnt make a play for her earlier or do you think she will constantly harbour some resentment and distrust of you... I think you have two reasonable options: 1. walk away so you dont get hurt. 2. you sit down with her and talk to her. Tell her WHY you didnt have the courage to ask her out earlier. You wont believe how much a good dose of communication serves to breakdown barriers. If she says well she really isnt interested anymore, then that's fine. You found out what you wanted to find out, and can rest easy since you will have no regrets. You ate the bullet like a man. If she was lying in telling you she wasnt interested, she's the one beint untrue to herslef, adn will have regrets down the road. take care, and let me know what you end up doing. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetserendipity Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Sorry but how many more acts of rudeness on her part are you willing to endure? Let's see - she's brought her ex to your first date. She stands you up for the second date but doesn't even give you a genuine reason why she did this. On the 3rd date, the ex is there again, she pretty much ignores you as do the rest of them. Read the writing on the wall, she's so not worth it. You wouldn't treat someone this way, right? So why would you accept it from someone else? If you don't tell her to get lost and then have no further contact with her, you're going to look like the world's biggest desperate fool. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetserendipity Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 Originally posted by thrillseeker The truth is she is being immature for doing that. However, I would ask for you to look inward and find out WHY you didnt have the courage to ask her out when she was into you k? THIS IS VERY VERY important if you are to prevent this from happening again What bearing does him previously not having the courage to ask her out have on the fact that she's treat him like s***? It has no bearing at all. The past is the past. He already admitted back then that he didn't have the courage to ask her out - so maybe he was shy, maybe he felt she was out of his league, maybe his self-esteem wasn't so high back then, who knows.....but it's irrelevant now, he's moved past that obviously because this time he DID ask her out - and this is currently where things stand. If she liked him so much back then she could have just as easily asked HIM out - why must it always be the guy who has to make the first move and risk rejection? This is the 21st century, not the 1800s. Link to post Share on other sites
thrillseeker Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 She DOESNT know that he didnt have the courage to ask her out. She felt dissed by him. She came to the conclusion he DIDNT like her. SHE felt REJECTED. Yes, the past IS the past, but I dont think the girl is moving past it and that's why she is doing what shes doing. Its her defense mechanism. Yes, she is treating him like s***. Its disrespectful, its mean. Yes, it is totally wrong what she is doing. BUT an important thing needs to be considered in order to understand the situation: she felt dissed, felt hurt. Now he asks her out. She def wants to mess with him as a form of revenge because she is operating from a flawed paradigm. Let me ask you... Do you think she would be acting this way if she knew that he was too shy to ask her out a year back, and thats why he never did? HELL NO. She wouldnt have felt hurt at all. Men deal with rejection EVERYDAY. I know I do. Doesnt phase me much. Alot of women though have a lot of their feelings riding on a potential rejection and develop hangups as a result. VERY VERY FEW girls are ever gonna be asking a guy out who they can see themselves getting emotionally involved with. Its a simple fact of life. So he has an option: 1. walk away, 2. communicate with her hard and blunt. Whatever he does, he must establish that her behaviour is unacceptable. Originally posted by sweetserendipity What bearing does him previously not having the courage to ask her out have on the fact that she's treat him like s***? It has no bearing at all. The past is the past. He already admitted back then that he didn't have the courage to ask her out - so maybe he was shy, maybe he felt she was out of his league, maybe his self-esteem wasn't so high back then, who knows.....but it's irrelevant now, he's moved past that obviously because this time he DID ask her out - and this is currently where things stand. If she liked him so much back then she could have just as easily asked HIM out - why must it always be the guy who has to make the first move and risk rejection? This is the 21st century, not the 1800s. Link to post Share on other sites
agnf666 Posted July 23, 2005 Share Posted July 23, 2005 I think I would give up on her because she is obviously not ready to see other people. She still has her ex tagging along with her. That is a situation I would not want to be in. so, my advice to you is get far away from this girl. She invited you to hang out yet agian with her exboyfriend and she ditched you on a date. Those are signs that should tell you to let her go. I would before you get to the point that you are going to be hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
blue16 Posted July 24, 2005 Share Posted July 24, 2005 Just ignore her. Don't waste anymore time with her till she starts being respectful. If she realizes that you can stand up for yourself, and she misses you a little bit...she MIGHT treat you with some respect. The only thing you can do is let her chase you, because right now you are her toy she is playing around with. I wouldn't do all that "I was really shy about asking you out please give me another chance!" etc because it might come across as desperate. That may be the kind of thing you bring up casually after you two have been on a couple dates, but not at this moment yet. Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted July 25, 2005 Share Posted July 25, 2005 thanks for the advice guys. I'll just try and forget about her. I see where your comming from thrillseeker, but like blue16 said saying "I was really shy about asking you out please give me another chance!" might come across as desperate. thanks again for your advice guys. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 Didnt you have the exact same post under a different heading? Anyways ditch her. Shes an attention whore. She will suck the life out of you and not in a good way. Link to post Share on other sites
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted July 30, 2005 Share Posted July 30, 2005 originally posted bythrillseeker If I were her, I would be thinking: "what's this guy's deal? I liked him soo much a year ago, and he didnt like me then. So he might like me, or he has ulterior motives. I think I should mess with him a bit and give him a dose of his own medicine for dissing me like that so long ago." i agree.. the girl probably felt very hurt by that becasue now you come around and want to be with her when you didnt even want her when she wanted you now you come along like its that easy.. she wanted to make you feel almost how she felt.. u say youre crazy about her dont you think thats what she felt for you??.. Link to post Share on other sites
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