Keeping boundaries with a girl at work

[dispatch3d]

As a bit of background I have a really good job right now, very rewarding, pays well, in a location I like, etc. etc. I don't want to jeopardize that for a girl.

 

However, I have become good friends with a female coworker (I'm male). We get along pretty good and started sending jokes/being casual in talking by email. This lead to a lot of emails. She also vented to me about things 3 times via email, I made a somewhat similar email to her about pressure I feel about work (just that I'm under stress to perform). I would have preferred these conversations occurred over text rather than the corporate email, since it is possible someone else could go over my email. Nothing overly personal got disclosed to her though.

 

Anyhow last week she asked for my number, I gave it to her. When she gave me the phone number she said use it for anything, to get a hold of me, when I'm working and not around my computer, etc. etc. I am hoping these emails get switched to text messages. This girl has a boyfriend, they get in fights, I don't know that much about him though. I'm not trying to get too involved in her life to be honest. Anyhow I texted her hey this is me, she replied have a good weekend, then the next day (this was on the weekend, I was working) I sent her a text just saying I finished the work I was doing with her. No reply.

 

She also gives me a lot of compliments, says nice shirt about once/week and I'm very casually dressed at work, offers to do some pretty big favours, offered to come in on a weekend and help me finish some of my work, we help each other with what we're working on, etc. Pretty chummy? Honestly if she wasn't with her bf i'd think she's interested, but since she is I assume she's just being nice to me.

 

How do I proceed with the no text back on my first message? I figured I'd give it a couple weeks or text her if I need to talk to her. I want to transition things to text remember, no more jokes/etc. messages by email.

[Telemachus]

You're way too invested in this woman other than as a work colleague. Go back to the beginning of your posting, and keep it strictly professional going forward.

 

Workplace romances do not end well, and essentially all of them do end. This attachment is mostly one-sided (you seem infatuated and are searching to see the same in her), and that's even worse. As long as you work for the same employer, do not e-mail her other than for work reasons, and do not text her at all using your personal mobile phones.

 

There is nothing wrong with admiring another's appearance or manner. Especially in the workplace, it's not admiring that gets us into trouble, but desiring. Enjoy your admiration for her, but keep a lid firmly on your desire, and think about work.

 

Keep your romantic interests entirely outside the workplace. Your interest in her might seem to some a bit stalker-ish already. Imagine if this posting landed on your boss's desk or the head of HR's desk. Change your course, and it'll never be an issue.

[dispatch3d]

Well I definitely haven't done anything to overstep my bounds so far, and there's no plans to do that. I'll just not use her number, the more I think about it the more ok I am with that. If she texts me thats one thing, but I feel no need to reach out. One of the reasons I didn't bother asking for the number is I figured after this project I'm working on I'll barely talk to her anyways, and I wouldn't use it for anything (ie asking for a date, hanging out with her, progressing things in any way).

 

I doubt she thought much of not bothering to answer the first text, but it for sure has hamstringed me texting her. Whatever I care less every day.

 

And yeah I posted this in this section of the forum because my intentions aren't to develop anything. I really do wanna keep my distance at this point.