First time posting, how long is too long [UPDATE: How to stop wanting daily contact]

[waiting_game]

I'm sorry. I can definitely relate. Literally the exact same thing happened just 3 days ago. All I got was "sorry" as well. I wanted to talk about it. I accepted it, but disagreed with her reasons and just wanted to at least discuss it a little more. She then told me to accept it and leave her alone. So I did. I don't know if it's someone else, or she just felt differently, or whatever else, but quite honestly it doesn't really matter at this point. She ended it, and that's that. The only way she will think of you is if you completely disappear. That's no guarantee she will ever talk to you again, but at least you'll be doing it for yourself.

 

I don't think she will talk again in all honesty now. If I'd given her space at start maybe we would but I didn't and now I think I left it too late to go NC. She's already planning her nights out and getting excited by it all. I'm still at the stage of waking up at 3am and struggling to even get out of bed to go to work

[la74219]

I don't think she will talk again in all honesty now. If I'd given her space at start maybe we would but I didn't and now I think I left it too late to go NC. She's already planning her nights out and getting excited by it all. I'm still at the stage of waking up at 3am and struggling to even get out of bed to go to work

 

I did the same thing, and didn't give her the space she asked for. But don't beat yourself up over it. It happens to the best of us. Also it's never too late to go no contact. Again it's no guarantee she will speak to you, but absence really makes the heart grow fonder so you never know. That part really doesn't matter though. No contact is to help yourself. Whether she contacts you ever again is on her, but that part is out of our control. I know it's easier said than done to just move on though.

Edited February 14, 2017 by la74219

[springy]

I don't think she will talk again in all honesty now. If I'd given her space at start maybe we would but I didn't and now I think I left it too late to go NC. She's already planning her nights out and getting excited by it all. I'm still at the stage of waking up at 3am and struggling to even get out of bed to go to work

 

You should not beat yourself up over this. The outcome would likely have been the same. The whole "I need space" thing is the soft ease-out of the relationship. Her mind was already made up.

[waiting_game]

Messaged my ex (hate calling her that) after everything suddenly ended. Been in 3 relationships and never been in love till her so for me this was the one. Annoyingly I broke silence because we haven't spoken for 3 days. It's her birthday Friday so I sent a text just saying I hope you have a nice birthday, then I went on to say how sorry I was for the things I did wrong to push the argument so far and how I respect that she may never want it fixed and if she wants to ever see me again and we haven't moved on to contact me. She replied 'I don't know what you want me to say to that text'.

 

Now I don't know whether to reply something along lines of how I just wanted her to know I was sorry and I'll always love her if she ever changes her mind or.. just not reply at all? Feels like a reply just keeps showing her I'm not moving on and feel like I'm making an idiot out of myself telling her she can contact me like she doesn't already know that fact. Reply or ignore?

[goldway90]

'I don't know what you want me to say to that text'. meaning you're being needy and annoying.

 

I know it hurts but you gotta let go and stop contacting her.

[waiting_game]

We broke up nearly 3 weeks ago now and I still cannot move on. Everyday is the same, I wake up and feel not just awful but suicidal, instantly going over the shock and wondering where it all went wrong. I exhaust myself thinking then later in the evening fall asleep. I have 2 or 3 hours sleep I dream about her every night and then I wake and it's torture again. I've had break ups before and never found them too hard but this 1 is killing me. I don't eat, don't sleep and cannot for the life of me stop thinking about her. To make things worse she's not spoken to me once to say it's hard for her and I think judging by her mums recent facebook post that she's moved on already. People say keep busy but whatever I do just reminds me of her. I exercise and it's too hard I go for a walk and i think about her. I want her back so badly it's driving me mad

[goldway90]

If you're suicidal please get help or call suicide hotlines here :

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/475952-suicide-hotlines

[kztar]

I know what you're going through. You're not alone but it will pass.

 

Yourlife is a precious gift. Take care of it

[Crystal1111]

Please talk to someone where goldway90 has provided. There is no shame in that.

 

A few years back I had the worst heartbreak of my life. (Not most recent ex and not the reason I'm here)

 

Long story short, he made me the other woman (unbeknownst to me)

The pain was excruciating and unbearable. I felt like I was torn limb from limb. I had so much anxiety, I got on medication. (Have since stopped, don't need it anymore )

 

I couldn't eat properly for weeks, couldn't sleep, couldn't function really. I swear I was going to drop dead at any moment because of the pain. I saw no end in sight. Looking back on that time, I wonder how I got through it. Worst heartbreak EVER!

 

But I got through it and here I am. Yes, I got my heart broken again but this time I KNOW I'll get through it.

 

Believe me, I've been in the trenches of absolute hell, just like you.

 

There is ALWAYS someone reading your story that feels exactly like you do and there is always someone here to talk to, day or night.

 

Please hang in there. I truly believe in miracles even in these modern times. There is ALWAYS something wonderful waiting for us around the corner. It's just hard to see that with such deep wounds and that dark cloud following us. We all understand.

 

I'm so much stronger now because of that. I'm a warrior and a survivor and you are too.

 

Please hang in there. You just need a little more time. I know, time seems to freeze when we're in the throes of heartbreak but as slow as it seems, you're actually healing right at this very moment.

 

We're here for you ((hugs))

[waiting_game]

It's just so hard to do daily things and I don't know why. My other breakups ended with me moving on within days. This one just gets worse. It was ended through an argument and not a slow thing so the shock is excruciating.

 

Also there's thing like she said at the end she won't ever hate me and love me forever yet now her mum is putting statuses on fb about 'why do woman put up with boyfriends who are bad to them' always seems like a dig at me. All her family and friends have deleted me bar her mum so I don't even know why they hate me. I litterally made the breakup so easy for her. I let her go to her mums and I sorted the house, kept sending her nice messages that she was the 1 etc etc and don't understand why now It looks like I'm being bad mouthed

[jamili]

My other breakups ended with me moving on within days.

 

Days? That's pretty abnormal tbh. Either you didn't have much of a real connection, or you just get over people freakishly fast somehow.

 

But 3 weeks is nothing for most people. I had a very long relationship once, in which I was the dumper, and it took me almost 1 year to get over it and completely move on. This current situation I was the dumpee and its been over 4 months and only recently have I got out of the "depressed" stage of losing someone I loved.

 

You should try dating again and see what happens. If you want her back, she won't come back until you have moved on anyways. The quicker you move on, the quicker she might come back. Keep NC in the meantime.

[Tusks_n_Raider]

It's just so hard to do daily things and I don't know why. My other breakups ended with me moving on within days. This one just gets worse. It was ended through an argument and not a slow thing so the shock is excruciating.

 

Also there's thing like she said at the end she won't ever hate me and love me forever yet now her mum is putting statuses on fb about 'why do woman put up with boyfriends who are bad to them' always seems like a dig at me. All her family and friends have deleted me bar her mum so I don't even know why they hate me. I litterally made the breakup so easy for her. I let her go to her mums and I sorted the house, kept sending her nice messages that she was the 1 etc etc and don't understand why now It looks like I'm being bad mouthed

 

I've been through almost the exact same thing as you in last 3 weeks as well so I empathize with you greatly.

 

Listen to me though. It's not worth wanting to self harm yourself. I promise you this pain will lessen at some point. Until just THIS week I was very much where you were. Not being able to sleep or eat. I lost 20lbs in 3 weeks from not being able to eat.

 

But I strongly advise you read the Non-Contact (NC) guide on here and apply it. Seeing what her Mom or anyone in contact with her says is just going to make you feel worse. You have to break all ties like she doesn't even exist. It's HARD. I know but you have to just go cold turkey and try to do other things to occupy your mind. Don't do ANYTHING to find out info about her or what she is doing because it will just keep you from moving on.

 

Lastly listen to other people's advice on here. There are tons of great people here with wonderful knowledge and advice on how to move on. Go read some other people's stories and that will help you too to know that you are not alone and that a LOT of us have been blindsided by unexpected heartwrentching breakups.

 

But your life is precious. Find a way to know that about yourself and that someone else WILL come along at some point.

[Crystal1111]

It's just so hard to do daily things and I don't know why. My other breakups ended with me moving on within days. This one just gets worse. It was ended through an argument and not a slow thing so the shock is excruciating.

 

Also there's thing like she said at the end she won't ever hate me and love me forever yet now her mum is putting statuses on fb about 'why do woman put up with boyfriends who are bad to them' always seems like a dig at me. All her family and friends have deleted me bar her mum so I don't even know why they hate me. I litterally made the breakup so easy for her. I let her go to her mums and I sorted the house, kept sending her nice messages that she was the 1 etc etc and don't understand why now It looks like I'm being bad mouthed

 

They don't hate you. I blocked and deleted my ex but not because I hate him. I did it so I could move on.

 

Her mom's fb posts may just be something she thinks will make her daughter feel better. Parents are like that. They don't ever want to see their children suffer whether they were right or wrong.

 

When someone I care about is in a breakup (no matter what the circumstances) my first instinct is to make them feel better. I think that's all she's doing. Only my opinion.

 

Have you thought about NC? I mean as far as blocking and deleting so that you have no idea what's going on in her life? Also, so she can't know what's going on in yours?

 

I know it's so hard right now. I'm so sorry for your pain.

 

It will get easier, I promise!

[waiting_game]

I'm going NC as of today but I don't know whether to delete her off WhatsApp or block her. Sounds stupid but 1 side of me doesn't want to block her incase she wants to ever text me but another part of me know blocking gives her the feeling of 'what's he doing'

[LitTunnel]

We broke up nearly 3 weeks ago now and I still cannot move on. Everyday is the same, I wake up and feel not just awful but suicidal, instantly going over the shock and wondering where it all went wrong. I exhaust myself thinking then later in the evening fall asleep. I have 2 or 3 hours sleep I dream about her every night and then I wake and it's torture again. I've had break ups before and never found them too hard but this 1 is killing me. I don't eat, don't sleep and cannot for the life of me stop thinking about her. To make things worse she's not spoken to me once to say it's hard for her and I think judging by her mums recent facebook post that she's moved on already. People say keep busy but whatever I do just reminds me of her. I exercise and it's too hard I go for a walk and i think about her. I want her back so badly it's driving me mad

 

What you're feeling pretty much sums up how I've been feeling for the last 8-9 months. Not to say you're going to feel this way for this length of time, could be more or less, but the point is, my friend, you are certainly, CERTAINLY not alone.

 

It's the constant thoughts of deep, deep regrets, confusion, jealousy, envy, anger, betrayal, injustice, rage, hopelessness, weakness, worthlessness, loneliness, yearning looping endlessly through our thoughts is what's bonding us to our exes and it's incredibly powerful and scary to be stuck in this state. It means we're not balanced obviously and we're forced to work on ourselves.

 

I personally haven't been through this ever in my life and I'm in my 40s. This is all uncharted waters for me so I have no clue how this is all going to end but judging by those who have and gotten through it i can only assume I will too and so will YOU.

 

Keep your head up as best as you can my brother. Remember, you're not alone. We are all pretty much in it together. Just keep coming back here for support whenever you need. Good luck!

Edited February 18, 2017 by LitTunnel

[kztar]

Bothhhhhhh.

[waiting_game]

What you're feeling pretty much sums up how I've been feeling for the last 8-9 months. Not to say you're going to feel this way for this length of time, could be more or less, but the point is, my friend, you are certainly, CERTAINLY not alone.

 

It's the constant thoughts of deep, deep regrets, confusion, jealousy, envy, anger, betrayal, injustice, rage, hopelessness, weakness, worthlessness, loneliness, yearning looping endlessly through our thoughts is what's bonding us to our exes and it's incredibly powerful and scary to be stuck in this state. It means we're not balanced obviously and we're forced to work on ourselves.

 

I personally haven't been through this ever in my life and I'm in my 40s. This is all uncharted waters for me so I have no clue how this is all going to end but judging by those who have and gotten through it i can only assume I will too and so will YOU.

 

Keep your head up as best as you can my brother. Remember, you're not alone. We are all pretty much in it together. Just keep coming back here for support whenever you need. Good luck!

 

I hope things bet better for you also thankyou for the kind words. I'm not sure if it's my age that affects me the most now. As I say before her I was over relationships relatively quickly but now I finally found the girl of my dreams. Perfect for me in every way and to talk kids and it then end is torture. Feel now like that's my last chance for a family and proper life with someone as I'm 33 now and no kids.

[Tusks_n_Raider]

I hope things bet better for you also thankyou for the kind words. I'm not sure if it's my age that affects me the most now. As I say before her I was over relationships relatively quickly but now I finally found the girl of my dreams. Perfect for me in every way and to talk kids and it then end is torture. Feel now like that's my last chance for a family and proper life with someone as I'm 33 now and no kids.

 

I understand this feeling too. I'm 38 man about to turn 39 in a few months. The woman I was seeing for 18 months is 36 about to turn 37. She was promising me the whole ball of wax too.....marriage, kids,....everything. I promise I understand how crushed you are over all of this.

 

One thing I can tell you that might make you feel a little better is that it's NOT too late for you. When my best guy friend was 31 he had his heart crushed too. Shattered. He had been living with his GF for over 5 years and she left him.

 

Just a few months later he reconnected with a girl that he had only been friends with previously. They always had sparks but the timing wasn't ever right. Within a year they got engaged and married.

 

He's now 35, been married to that girl for 3 years, and they having a beautiful little 2 year old girl together now. They are both my best friends now and are my own personal example of how and why not to give up.

 

You'll find someone new. I promise. Just let yourself heal first.

[Crystal1111]

I'm going NC as of today but I don't know whether to delete her off WhatsApp or block her. Sounds stupid but 1 side of me doesn't want to block her incase she wants to ever text me but another part of me know blocking gives her the feeling of 'what's he doing'

 

I personally would delete and block everything. It's just easier for me to know nothing about his life right now and he knows nothing about mine.

 

If someone truly wants our attention, they will move mountains to get it.

 

Also, not to get all spiritual on you but I believe (only my opinion ) that if the universe, God, Buddha, whatever you want to call it, wants us to be with someone, then that's what will happen. If you're meant to be together you will be in the end.

 

NC kinda made it easier on me in the way of letting go. I was kinda like, 'ok universe, it's in your hands and I'm staying out of it until further notice '

It's actually a relief.

 

Hope this helps a little. ((Hugs))

[Lostandconfused12]

I was in your same shoes. For the first month I really thought I was going to die and be depressed for life. Seriously. Nightmares, couldn't eat. Begging and pleading. I was in love with this man for 7 years and I wondered what I did wrong. It is now two months later and I have never been happier with myself. You do not need anyone. You will learn this I promise you. I still miss him everyday. And I'll admit I harass him from time to time lol. But I'm not upset anymore. I do cry but I accepted that they will not change. I promise you - find your worth and everything else will follow. I promise !!!!

[Lostandconfused12]

I'm going NC as of today but I don't know whether to delete her off WhatsApp or block her. Sounds stupid but 1 side of me doesn't want to block her incase she wants to ever text me but another part of me know blocking gives her the feeling of 'what's he doing'

 

As long as you can control yourself to not talk to her then yes you don't need to block her! It's empowering when you go a day without talking. You'll find power in making yourself less needy. Don't count on them texting you. It doesn't matter you're free! Enjoy life. Who cares what she thinks. Do it for you. I did NC to try to win my ex back, and in reality NC made me realize I'm better off without them! You will get there we have all been through this same pain. Trust me. Your brain is a powerful thing. Control it. Your pain is simply withdrawl

[waiting_game]

Well we hadn't spoke for a while but our cat (that I now own) is ill and needed a vet. I had to break NC to ask her about insurance as it's in her name. Gutted but had no choice. We met today and she seemed upset (even though she's not asked me once how I'm doing) I asked if she was OK. She went on to tell me she's struggling with her problems I won't go into details. I felt awful seeing her upset but I'm fed up of being there for her when she doesn't want me so I said when we had got outside 'I don't want any contact as of now as I'll change insurance to my name and we need to cut all ties as in truth I'm struggling too and want to move on, I would of always been there for you as I always have when you've had these ongoing problems but it's time I realised it isn't my place anymore' safe to say she went mad at me, told me to get out of the car and go away. I said 'I said I was struggling & you didn't ask so why should i feel guilty for not helping you when you ended it and I said I'd do anything and you still said no' she said 'I'm not struggling with the breakup just get lost' so I shut the door and said don't contact me. Felt horrible doing it but felt like it was finally time to stop being the friend and stand up for myself. I just about begged her when we first broke up and I feel like talking might of persuaded her how good I was or have I done the right thing not being there for her?

[LitTunnel]

Well we hadn't spoke for a while but our cat (that I now own) is ill and needed a vet. I had to break NC to ask her about insurance as it's in her name. Gutted but had no choice. We met today and she seemed upset (even though she's not asked me once how I'm doing) I asked if she was OK. She went on to tell me she's struggling with her problems I won't go into details. I felt awful seeing her upset but I'm fed up of being there for her when she doesn't want me so I said when we had got outside 'I don't want any contact as of now as I'll change insurance to my name and we need to cut all ties as in truth I'm struggling too and want to move on, I would of always been there for you as I always have when you've had these ongoing problems but it's time I realised it isn't my place anymore' safe to say she went mad at me, told me to get out of the car and go away. I said 'I said I was struggling & you didn't ask so why should i feel guilty for not helping you when you ended it and I said I'd do anything and you still said no' she said 'I'm not struggling with the breakup just get lost' so I shut the door and said don't contact me. Felt horrible doing it but felt like it was finally time to stop being the friend and stand up for myself. I just about begged her when we first broke up and I feel like talking might of persuaded her how good I was or have I done the right thing not being there for her?

 

The truth of the matter is no amount of words would've changed her mind. Your ex is so far beyond reasoning that it's best left completely alone. I'm not going to say she's completely out of your life because anything can happen but definitely begin your full NC asap. Let her head cool off man, only way is through time. Could takes days, weeks, months years or never. Until then be good to yourself. Search within. Work on yourself and in due time the pain will subside. You're going to face a really, really tough time in your life so it's important that you not condemn yourself. Allow your feelings to express themselves. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to rage and punch something, lime a pillow or mattress then do it. Just don't break NC ever. The next person to contact should be her. Good luck and we are here for you whenever you need to vent.

[waiting_game]

The truth of the matter is no amount of words would've changed her mind. Your ex is so far beyond reasoning that it's best left completely alone. I'm not going to say she's completely out of your life because anything can happen but definitely begin your full NC asap. Let her head cool off man, only way is through time. Could takes days, weeks, months years or never. Until then be good to yourself. Search within. Work on yourself and in due time the pain will subside. You're going to face a really, really tough time in your life so it's important that you not condemn yourself. Allow your feelings to express themselves. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to rage and punch something, lime a pillow or mattress then do it. Just don't break NC ever. The next person to contact should be her. Good luck and we are here for you whenever you need to vent.

 

So given that situation I'm right to say I need to cut ties? I just hate the guilt of not being there for her even when she's left me.

[waiting_game]

I've had 3 relationships and the previous 2 I seemed to feel okay relatively quickly but this one was everything and I mean everything I've always wanted, beautiful, smart, nice' caring everything and she gave me so much. She left me 4 weeks ago and we kept contact for the pets. 4 days ago I decided to give her the cat and said I needed to do it for my own sanity and at least then I knew if she contacted me it was for me and nothing else. She contacted me daily before and everytime we spoke it was so nice... it's now been 4 days since I gave her the cat and she's not text me once. It may sound stupid but I even miss the cat and wish I'd not given him away now. I miss everything, waking up with someone, the closeness, the confidence of being in a nice relationship, the comfortable side, the feeling that my life is going somewhere. I miss it all that it makes me feel sick. I'm 33 now. I had a future & talks of children, now I've got nothing. Everyone says keep busy and focus of you... I've joined the gym and been everyday but soon as I get in the car again I feel lonely and sick. I've cried everyday. It just doesn't seem to be getting any better.