First time posting, how long is too long [UPDATE: How to stop wanting daily contact]

[Mackem23]

Don't contact her it will hurt more let her come back then when she does promise her whatever you spilt up for will change my ex just contacted me today after I never texted for two weeks then as I replied she admitted that been so hard for her. When we split we think we are only ones hurting but i promise you this she will still think of you on night time and morning just give her room

[Telemachus]

She left you. Put her and the relationship in your past. My ex-wife left almost 30 years ago. She moved on, and then I had to also. Now, you must also.

 

Your feelings are your feelings, and you can't control them any more than you can control your thoughts. However, you do control which feelings and thoughts guide your actions. It will hurt as much as it hurts, but you don't have to let that pain hold you back from doing the things you need to do. Life goes on.

 

"Love is eternal, for as long as it lasts." (Gabriel Garcia Marquez quoting a Brazilian songwriter)

[waiting_game]

My trouble was I expected her to miss me and text. She didn't and the shock has just torn my heart out. Cannot believe how someone can say all the things she said and want children to then dump me a week later and never look back. Not once has she regretted it. NC has now been 5 days.

[Mackem23]

My ex ended up texting me saying she loves me bla bla bla and she's going to leave her new bf I have a 6 month old with her. So we where both planning on stuff her new bf must of been out cause she text from 8 at night till 4 in morning then next day she was with her new bf on night and just ignored me she text this morning saying she loves me a told her to fxxk off and I don't want contact he is welcome to her now am going to hit gym hard go on sunbeds and might book holiday for the summer

[waiting_game]

I'll keep in short, we never really argued and lived together, she then decided she needed to get rid of the house for financial reasons (We rented) and said can we go back to dating in separate houses. Obviously it caused stress and we broke up. I didn't want to leave her but she dumped me and said she needs space to be alone. She then contacted me every other day for something either questions about the cat or how the house was coming along etc till I eventually said enough was enough and now the house is fully gone she needs to stop contacting me if she isn't interested... roll forward 2 weeks and she contacts me to see how I am. We've now been talking via text and phone for the last 4 days straight just casual but she always asks about my plans. For example I went to the cinema so she asks who I went with and things like that. I know she checks my social media because she has commented on some photos which she would otherwise not see.

 

Now my question is, today it kind of blew up a bit, I'm obviously waiting for her to ask me out as I'm not doing it when she ended it I'm trying to keep it casual in chat but she doesn't ever ask so today I cheekily said 'you clearly miss me an awful lot so why aren't you asking me out' with a wink face kind of tongue in cheek and she replied how she doesn't want the pressure that talking will lead somewhere and this doesn't mean we will definitely get back togrther. It's hard to not feel confused when I was heartbroken by her leaving me. I'm not sure if she's stringing me on so i should cut her off completely or genuinely interested in us going out sometime and I can't ask her or she says it feels pressured. Any advice as 1 second I feel fine then another part of me tells me to stop contacting her. I never initiate contact but i also don't want to get used after being dumped once already.

Edited March 12, 2017 by waiting_game

[Sweetfish]

Now my question is, today it kind of blew up a bit, I'm obviously waiting for her to ask me out as I'm not doing it when she ended it I'm trying to keep it casual in chat but she doesn't ever ask so today I cheekily said 'you clearly miss me an awful lot so why aren't you asking me out' with a wink face kind of tongue in cheek and she replied how she doesn't want the pressure that talking will lead somewhere and this doesn't mean we will definitely get back together. It's hard to not feel confused when I was heartbroken by her leaving me. I'm not sure if she's stringing me on so i should cut her off completely or genuinely interested in us going out sometime and I can't ask her or she says it feels pressured. Any advice as 1 second I feel fine then another part of me tells me to stop contacting her. I never initiate contact but i also don't want to get used after being dumped once already.

 

 

This dialogue happens quite often... You have been put on QUE or you have been downgraded to an orbiter. Do not get caught up in this game of conflict as you may not be the only orbiter in her solar system. You should be exercising full NO CONTACT

[Marc878]

You are your worst problem. You allow yourself to be strung along.

 

Why? Are you that hard up?

[waiting_game]

I need advise on how to stop myself being annoyed when me and ex don't contact. Basically we ended a 3 year relationship 2 months ago. We have kept in regular contact until last week when I clearly stipulated that I didn't want anymore contact until she misses me as i felt a bit strung along. I've focused on myself, gym, etc now a week later she's text me out the blue. We exchanged probably 100 texts yesterday and it was nice catching up. It ended with HER suggesting I go to my local town with friends for a few drinks as she will be out and it would be nice to bump into each other... I said I may do and left it at that. Now today we haven't spoken at all. I know that may be normal while the attraction grows again but I miss the daily talks we used to have and the closeness. I know we are in different places but how can I stop wanting to message her when she hasn't messaged me? Makes me feel needy and I've never been that way with anyone in any other relationship which makes this even more annoying. I wish I could turn my phone off but it's my work phone also. Does her not texting me mean she's changed her mind again or am I being strung along or is that normal.

[waiting_game]

My ex has contacted me after weeks of NO contact saying she hopes I'm out at the weekend as would like to bump into me. She's admitted her head has been all over the place and admitted she's never deleted anything of ours and cries daily. That was last nigbt, today she hasn't text me at all and I can't bring myself to text her first. Whats going on? Is it normal to suddenly want to meet but then go a day not talking?

[springy]

If you will commit to maintaining full NC that feeling will subside in time. staying in contact means you're choosing to stay in self imposed limbo.

 

Block her number or just stop responding.

[la74219]

Ha, welcome to the club. I fell for it..when I decided to meet, she got sick. Smh good luck with whatever you decide.

[breadbin]

that club has a lot of members here. i'm one too! after countless times of getting my hope up and dashed i told my ex that we shouldn't contact anymore and next day she wants to go out on a date again. i said ok, day before the date she made up some drama about me trying to get back with another ex - who i haven't seen or spoken to in 5 years! dunno what to tell you. a lot of people on here will tell you to walk away and you know they are probably right but it is a hard decision. love can do funny things to a man.

[la74219]

that club has a lot of members here. i'm one too! after countless times of getting my hope up and dashed i told my ex that we shouldn't contact anymore and next day she wants to go out on a date again. i said ok, day before the date she made up some drama about me trying to get back with another ex - who i haven't seen or spoken to in 5 years! dunno what to tell you. a lot of people on here will tell you to walk away and you know they are probably right but it is a hard decision. love can do funny things to a man.

 

Agreed. The further you pull away, the more they come around. It's a double edged sword.

[BryanSmiley]

You’ve handled it okay all in all. It’s difficult to resist the urge to seek closure and end on a slightly better note, follow up ‘breakdown talks’ and olive branches. I did this and experienced mixed results, both on easing things for my mind, and the situation of having to work together.

 

As time passes and I reflect, I see more and more credence to no contact in ‘most’ situations. She’s come back into your orbit as they say a few times now, or you guys have through necessity. She does seem very self involved and reliant on the fact you’ll like to be around her on a social evenings, and wanting her.

 

Well what when you don’t do as she expects? I would back off, she hasn’t made serious strides to reconcile. She wants the contact but when it gets too much she pulls away again it seems. It’s got to be 90% her effort to steer it a positive way to reconciliation and she still seems too self involved, or removed from doing that. If pushed it’ll be on shaky grounds and you live walking on egg shells for the next ‘I need space’ breakdown. Believe me I know.

 

As for contact, played that game, I haven’t blocked on whatsapp’ but deleted all traces of her number. She could contact me but I don’t believe she will. The tricky one is Facebooks messenger, you can block them (as otherwise you keep seeing them in the online list) but there’s always the temptation to unblock and contact. Really you need them to block you and only unblock if they want to reconcile – but of course achieving/asking for that is weak.

 

In time you’ll feel better for keeping your cool. Never take a step further than she does if there is healthy contact.

Edited March 21, 2017 by BryanSmiley

[waiting_game]

This is what annoys me. We spoke the day before last talking openly and she even admitted not deleting her whatsapp chat that we've shared from day 1 because she can't do it. But then everytime i ask her out or the chat gets serious she says 'your head seems clear I've still not had chance to clear mine fully and I can't start a relationship when my head is such a mess' I say take whatever time you need. She says thanks then says she hopes to see me out Friday.... that was 2 days ago. She hasn't spoken to me since and I feel like looking back on the chats it's always on about what she is doing, the moment I turn the conversation into what I'm doing she either ignores it or 1 word answers me then goes back onto her life.

[Apple1977]

Join the club mate I've been waiting 5 weeks each week got worse no I have nothing no coffee meet up no conversation no contact its like it never was ? odd aint the word

[waiting_game]

It just doesn't make sense to ask for time to clear your head and then ask if I'm out friday. What a fun game

[DontBreakEven]

 

NC kinda made it easier on me in the way of letting go. I was kinda like, 'ok universe, it's in your hands and I'm staying out of it until further notice '

It's actually a relief.

 

 

I love this. I have pretty much journaled that exact line

[Mia_star]

Ugh I feel you. Discussed marriage, kids, were beginning to look at places to buy together. Sometimes there are deep underlying problems though which don't get discussed and then it's too late - as was the case with me as he ended it with me and is adamant that he won't try again even though we've discussed what the problems were.

 

Oh and we also had a cat together.