Dealing with the fact that you are going to be dumped in two days.

[WorstGirlfriendEver]

I have been dating my boyfriend for over 3 years. We started dating sophomore year of high school and I am now a college freshman. I am going to college about 3 hours away from home and up until this semester it was good. For the most part we kept in contact and were happy. For the past couple months however, it has not been so great. We have both really tried to keep in contact, but between my education and his job, it hasn't worked out well. There is also the fact that he does not trust who I hang out with. I chose to live in a specific part of a dorm building for people in the same majors as me. We all are great friends, and I have met a lot of great guys along the way. I have never felt truly anything for another man since I started dating my boyfriend, but I have liked this guy down the hall for about a month or two and it is not going away.

 

Two nights ago I messed up. A group of my friends went to his dorm and they played on the x box in the living room. The guy and myself have chemistry class together, so we went to his room to do our homework. After we finished we stayed in his room and talked for over 2 hours. It ended with us laying in bed together and him just holding me. That lasted for about 10 seconds before I said I couldn't do this and that I had to leave.

 

A little later we went to the community room and talked about where we stood. He apologized for what happened and swore he didn't want to be with me. He said he's been really lonely for a while and he didn't know what came over him. I told him that I did have feelings for him, but I did not want to leave my boyfriend. We decided that there was not much else to say, so I grabbed my homework from his room and left.

 

My boyfriend got a few days off work and is coming here to stay with me at college in two days. I am going to tell him when he gets here and I know he will leave me. He has every right to and I will let him go because I know he deserves better. I know I have messed up a wonderful relationship with my soulmate and I am not going to make him stay with me. I don't really have a question, I just needed someone to listen to what I had to say before it actually happens. Thank you for reading.

Edited February 14, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added paragraphs ~6

[sandylee1]

If you don't plan on pursuing a relationship with the other guy, why are you telling your BF?

 

Is it because things aren't working out anyway with you guys? I Do you feel like you want to be single and do what you like?

 

And if your BF decides to forgive you, and not end it, how will you feel?

 

Because I kinda sense that you just want the relationship over and want him to end it.

 

What's stopping you from ending it before he comes over?

[SevenCity]

If you don't plan on pursuing a relationship with the other guy, why are you telling your BF?

 

Is it because things aren't working out anyway with you guys? I Do you feel like you want to be single and do what you like?

 

And if your BF decides to forgive you, and not end it, how will you feel?

 

Because I kinda sense that you just want the relationship over and want him to end it.

 

What's stopping you from ending it before he comes over?

 

So she should lie to him and act like nothing happened?

 

Op - If you were lying bed with another dude, your boyfriend wasn't your soulmate.

[WorstGirlfriendEver]

I know my boyfriend and he has never even thought about another woman these past 3 years. I've never kept anything from him and I don't want to start now, even if it means the end of our relationship. I'd love to be with him the rest of our lives, but he deserves someone that can go away for a few months and not start liking other guys. I know people say it is normal to have feelings for other people when you are in a relationship, but I thought I was strong enough not to act on it. I was wrong and I don't know if I will be able to stop myself in the future. I would absolutely love for him to stay with me, but he deserves someone much better than me.

[Space Ritual]

I know my boyfriend and he has never even thought about another woman these past 3 years. I've never kept anything from him and I don't want to start now, even if it means the end of our relationship. I'd love to be with him the rest of our lives, but he deserves someone that can go away for a few months and not start liking other guys. I know people say it is normal to have feelings for other people when you are in a relationship, but I thought I was strong enough not to act on it. I was wrong and I don't know if I will be able to stop myself in the future. I would absolutely love for him to stay with me, but he deserves someone much better than me.

 

Well at least he will thank you for your honesty.

 

Stranger things may happen, and in fact he may forgive you.

 

But at least being honest with him is a step in the right direction

[d0nnivain]

Odds are your high school BF is not your soulmate.

 

 

However, between the distance & your desire for new experiences as well as the different paths you & your BF are on, change was inevitable. Most people's HS romances don't last.

 

 

If there is anyway you can go home to your BF rather than make him drive to you before you break the bad news that would be kinder to him. You don't want him driving home from your school when he's upset.

[smackie9]

I would just breakup with him....and don't let him drive all the way there....talk about rubbing salt into the wounds.

[KBob]

Well at least he will thank you for your honesty.

 

Stranger things may happen, and in fact he may forgive you.

 

But at least being honest with him is a step in the right direction

 

Agreed. The way you explained it to us sounded genuine and from the heart. If you really feel bad about what you've done and are sincere about not letting it happen again, then that'll come through in your explanation and you will try to convince him that you won't let this happen again. And you will have your work cut out for you as far as being convincing of that; he has trust issues with you and your friends (perhaps justifiably so) and this will exacerbate those issues. Ultimately it will be his decision whether or not he wants to continue the relationship, but in my opinion honesty will influence his decision in a positive way.

Edited February 14, 2017 by KBob
Spelling error

[PegNosePete]

don't let him drive all the way there....talk about rubbing salt into the wounds.

Exactly. Having him drive 3 hours to be with you, only to drop a bombshell on him and then he has to drive 3 hours home. What's the point in that? Just tell him now so he can choose to either visit you to work things out, or cancel his travel plans and save himself 6 hours drive.

 

The way you explained it to us sounded genuine and from the heart.

Really? Maybe I've just read too many similar posts on here, but the way she explained it to me, sounds just like every other relationship that "just fizzled out" but oh by the way there just happens to be another guy I am interested in.

 

More often than not, the cause and the effect are told to us in reverse chronological order.

Edited February 14, 2017 by PegNosePete

[todreaminblue]

I know my boyfriend and he has never even thought about another woman these past 3 years. I've never kept anything from him and I don't want to start now, even if it means the end of our relationship. I'd love to be with him the rest of our lives, but he deserves someone that can go away for a few months and not start liking other guys. I know people say it is normal to have feelings for other people when you are in a relationship, but I thought I was strong enough not to act on it. I was wrong and I don't know if I will be able to stop myself in the future. I would absolutely love for him to stay with me, but he deserves someone much better than me.

 

 

i understand your honesty i woudl eb the same way but....you are not giving yourself credit where credit is due one you are an honest person and could not even consider lying to your bf two ....you stopped it ten seconds in...if you think that you go through life not being attracted to others while in a relationship you are mistaken it happens more than you think with totally faithful people who would never consider cheating......the difference i sthat...cheating is not something they would do.....faithful people have one really strong common trait...honesty.......you possess that honesty.....and the desire not to cheat......if there were any way to save a relationship it is to possess this trait..of complete transparency and honesty.....dont be defeated.......not yet.......have hope until the words are said.....you can work through this....if he feels th erelationship is worth saving and he really loves you...it is possible you could move on from this incident.....and become stronger together...good luck...deb

[KBob]

Really? Maybe I've just read too many similar posts on here, but the way she explained it to me, sounds just like every other relationship that "just fizzled out" but oh by the way there just happens to be another guy I am interested in.

 

From the ones I've seen on here this one looks the most genuine so far. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. You could be right, and given your post count you've seen more of these than I have, so you're looking at it with more experienced eyes. Either way, it can be difficult to discern whether or someone is being genuine or not via written words.

[AlmostFamous]

Spending that much time alone is one ting,laying in bed and being held goes way beyond forgiveness. You also told that guy you had feelings for him. No wonder you feel you are going to be dumped. Probably best to call your bf and tell him what happened and let the chips fall where they may. You can at least save him from driving the distance only to drive home mad at you for what you did. Hope it all works out for you.

[fireflywy]

I know my boyfriend and he has never even thought about another woman these past 3 years. I've never kept anything from him and I don't want to start now, even if it means the end of our relationship. I'd love to be with him the rest of our lives, but he deserves someone that can go away for a few months and not start liking other guys. I know people say it is normal to have feelings for other people when you are in a relationship, but I thought I was strong enough not to act on it. I was wrong and I don't know if I will be able to stop myself in the future. I would absolutely love for him to stay with me, but he deserves someone much better than me.

 

By your own admission you're right. He does. Let him go.

[Darren Steez]

I told him that I did have feelings for him, but I did not want to leave my boyfriend.

 

 

So you tell him and you break up and you run to the dude you have feelings for. Great plan.

 

Look if your boyfriend was your soulmate you wouldn't have laid down with dude on his bed and let him hold you, that's an act of intimacy and comfortability, then on top of that you tell him you like him.

[Mrin]

Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.

 

Seriously OP - you're conflicted and kinda messed up emotionally. Guess what? That's normal at your age. You don't have to sell us or yourself this big drama about not being worthy of your boyfriend because you *gasp* laid on a bed with a guy you have the hots for. This is all story.

 

So you laid on a bed with a guy you have the hots for. You were tempted. Then you overcame it. You're what? 19? Hormones churning, newfound freedom. These things happen and frankly your reaction was the best that anyone can hope for. So what are you going to do about it? Rather than engage in all of this dramatic hand wringing and indirectly getting your boyfriend to break up with you, you are avoiding the key question - what do you want? Do you want to stay with your BF that lives 3 hours away and miss out on all the yummy fun of college? Or do you want to end it and explore things fully at college? Really it is that simple.

 

You've got "good girl-itis" bad. Just own your feelings and your decision.

Edited February 15, 2017 by Mrin

[smackie9]

Op has left the thread,,,,,I repeat the OP has left the thread.

[aileD]

I have been dating my boyfriend for over 3 years. We started dating sophomore year of high school and I am now a college freshman. I am going to college about 3 hours away from home and up until this semester it was good. For the most part we kept in contact and were happy. For the past couple months however, it has not been so great. We have both really tried to keep in contact, but between my education and his job, it hasn't worked out well. There is also the fact that he does not trust who I hang out with. I chose to live in a specific part of a dorm building for people in the same majors as me. We all are great friends, and I have met a lot of great guys along the way. I have never felt truly anything for another man since I started dating my boyfriend, but I have liked this guy down the hall for about a month or two and it is not going away.

 

Two nights ago I messed up. A group of my friends went to his dorm and they played on the x box in the living room. The guy and myself have chemistry class together, so we went to his room to do our homework. After we finished we stayed in his room and talked for over 2 hours. It ended with us laying in bed together and him just holding me. That lasted for about 10 seconds before I said I couldn't do this and that I had to leave.

 

A little later we went to the community room and talked about where we stood. He apologized for what happened and swore he didn't want to be with me. He said he's been really lonely for a while and he didn't know what came over him. I told him that I did have feelings for him, but I did not want to leave my boyfriend. We decided that there was not much else to say, so I grabbed my homework from his room and left.

 

My boyfriend got a few days off work and is coming here to stay with me at college in two days. I am going to tell him when he gets here and I know he will leave me. He has every right to and I will let him go because I know he deserves better. I know I have messed up a wonderful relationship with my soulmate and I am not going to make him stay with me. I don't really have a question, I just needed someone to listen to what I had to say before it actually happens. Thank you for reading.

 

If he's going to leave you over something like this, and your honesty about it then he is most certainly NOT your soulmate and you SHOULD let him go and be happy you did.

[Robert]

If the threadstarter wishes to have the thread reopened, please use the "Alert Us" button.

 

Thanks,

~6