I'm worried sick about my ex and I

[SnugglePuggle94]

Long story short: Ex and I broke up in October due to some issues he was having. Fast forward to now: Said ex sent me an email asking for me back and saying he was still in love with me. (Note for reference, he's 24, I'm 22).

 

I still love him, I just can't take him back right now. It's not the right timing and my parents still hold a grudge against him. Anyway, a deal breaker was that he said he lost his virginity to a girl he was seeing during the split. We are Christians, both of us, and when we were together we were planning to wait til marriage. Then when we split he lets all his morals and values fly out the window for a girl he doesn't even love.

 

Even though I feel a bit betrayed, ever since then emotions I had buried are flying to the surface. My love for him is still flowing, and I think I can get over the fact that he had done that if we get our second chance down the road, but a major concern I have, is that he might get someone pregnant until then.

 

In my response to his email I gave him some advice- to wait to have sex again until marriage if he wanted to fall back on God. But I didn't tell him that I'm worried about that he might knock someone up or get an STD. Because when he's horny, like almost all men are, their lust can control their minds and not make them think clearly, which probably led to him having sex with that girl.

 

And I just don't think I can be with him if he has a child with another person. Because I've always wanted to be the mother of his first born, and still want to if it can be possible in the future one day.

 

I'm having a hard time dealing with this and my emotions for him that have came out. He said he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he set back my healing by revealing his feelings for me, but I have to say that he did. And on top of this I'm starting my period this weekend so everything is heightened.

 

UGH! How do I deal with this? If I tell him my real feelings he might push me away. He almost didn't want to be friends because he said it hurts too much but I convinced him to stay.

 

Please help!

[d0nnivain]

He's never going to get his virginity back. Given how important your faith is to you & how disappointed you are by his choice, you have no option but to tell him why you can't take him back -- because of the choices he made which indicate to you that you two no longer share the same values. While some here may criticize your decision to wait & give you a variety of arguments in favor of pre-marital sex, nobody will dispute the idea that you can't build a future with someone who does not share your fundamental view on life & how to live it.

 

 

Speak to your pastor for additional guidance but follow your own conscious.

[kztar]

He's never going to get his virginity back. Given how important your faith is to you & how disappointed you are by his choice, you have no option but to tell him why you can't take him back -- because of the choices he made which indicate to you that you two no longer share the same values. While some here may criticize your decision to wait & give you a variety of arguments in favor of pre-marital sex, nobody will dispute the idea that you can't build a future with someone who does not share your fundamental view on life & how to live it.

 

 

Speak to your pastor for additional guidance but follow your own conscious.

 

Couldn't have said it any better. You are still very young. You still have lots of time to find someone who is fundamentally compatible.

 

When I was your age I thought, LOVE CONQUERS ALL. As long as you live the person. And recently I learned that the truth is "love is not enough". To sustain a long term relationship requires so much more than love.

 

Good luck!

[Sweetfish]

In my response to his email I gave him some advice- to wait to have sex again until marriage if he wanted to fall back on God. But I didn't tell him that I'm worried about that he might knock someone up or get an STD. Because when he's horny, like almost all men are, their lust can control their minds and not make them think clearly, which probably led to him having sex with that girl.

 

Do not use the excuse that lust controls men/womens minds.. people are accountable for their actions.

 

It almost sounds like your giving your boyfriend a hallpass. Did he cheat and who broke up with who?

 

You have to believe in your core values... but do those core values allow a person to be forgivable for sins? Does not your religion give ways to be forgiven?

 

Maybe your answer is there, but as noted above... there are many more suitors out there for you.

[Justyaaveraggurl]

Thanks for sharing your experience with us. It sounds like you care deeply for your ex and that your moral values are important to you. I tend to think that in our life there is no such thing as coincidences and since you shared that you are Christian I will share with you my Christian take on this. Maybe as painful as this experience may be, it was Gods way of showing you the person your ex really is especially in regard to his moral priorities. I had a similar experience. I was once in a relationship where his Christianity only lasted as long as our relationship lasted. When the relationship ended so did his Christianity. I think one of the other posters was right in saying his choice to give up abstinence should not be blamed on male lust. As Christians who are walking with Christ, God's power in us is far greater than our lust and our sin. But the key is whether we are sincerely walking with Him in our heart. At this point I would suggest encouraging him to consider his personal relationship with the Lord and why it was so easy for him to fall away. God knows your heart and your desire for a relationship that honors Him. He will honor that even if it means protecting you from unforeseen obstacles and people whom He knows, far greater than we do, who will only be a stumbling block keeping us from our desire to honor Him. Jude 1:24 To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy--

Edited February 18, 2017 by Justyaaveraggurl
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