I'm just so lost without my wife. Almost can't take it anymore.

[Larrysr516]

So, my wife and I have been married for 2 years, together 8 total. One day, everything was great and I called to check up on her to see how her day was and she told me over the phone she needs a break from us. We have 2 absolutely great kids together. Now this was a month ago and she promised we would get back together, she's just stressed out. Then all of a sudden, she's hanging out with her girlfriends till about 4-5am on the weekends, not paying much attention to our kids, and she no longer cooks, cleans, washes the kids up or anything. I do it all when I get home from work. She doesn't work

Well, last weekend, I waited for her to come home which was 445am. I sat her down and told her we needed to talk. She told me she can't deal with me being "controlling" anymore. She also said she scarred with catching me talking to other women 4 YEARS AGO. Also, Mind you, it wasnt flirtatious talk, just casual texting. This is the same woman that whenever she wanted to go shopping or do things I never batted an eye. I miss the person she once was. Now, I try to talk to her and get responses like "don't f**king talk to me today" and idk what to do anymore. She told me on valentines day shes leaving with the kids this weekend. I miss her SO much and I honestly feel like dying at some moments but I know my kids need me.

[Art_Critic]

I know you are going to say no but there is so another guy in the picture.. you just don't know about him.

 

If this was all about you being controlling then she wouldn't let the kids suffer...

 

Time to start checking up on her

[BluesPower]

Dude, Do you not see what is going on? Really?

 

She is either having an affair or she has decided to start sleeping around in general.

 

You are just starting to post about this now?

 

What are the other weird behaviors that she is exhibiting? Have you thought about it as an overall pattern.

 

Have you ever looked at her phone or computer history?

 

You have to realize what is going on here...

[d0nnivain]

At a minimum you need marriage counseling although if there is another guy in the picture all the counseling in the world won't fix that.

 

 

The time to bring up what you were doing 4 years ago, was 2 years ago before you got married.

[S2B]

She may be doing drugs too. Normal people don't stay up until 4 or 5 am. Partiers do.

 

Start checking.

 

 

She's not the woman you THOUGHT she was.

 

Either way, handing her too much of YOUR power isn't healthy.

[ShatteredLady]

Have you EVER been unfaithful to her?

[elaine567]

She also said she's scarred with catching me talking to other women 4 YEARS AGO.

 

Cheating takes its toll.

Some people never really forget or forgive.

The trust can be gone and it can be impossible to get it back.

[Mr. Lucky]

S She also said she scarred with catching me talking to other women 4 YEARS AGO. Also, Mind you, it wasnt flirtatious talk, just casual texting.

 

Payback is tough. Just as you minimized and deflected the reality of what you were doing then, so is she taking the same liberties with the truth now.

 

There's a strategy - call The 180 - for situations like yours. It's pinned at the top of this very forum:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/365269-things-every-wayward-spouse-needs-know

 

Your homework? Read and come back and discuss...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Larrysr516]

I've never been unfaithful to her. She was my queen and I love her.

[elaine567]

I've never been unfaithful to her. She was my queen and I love her.

You said she caught you talking to other women.

Why were you doing that?

[Larrysr516]

Dude, Do you not see what is going on? Really?

 

She is either having an affair or she has decided to start sleeping around in general...

Yes, she confessed to me today that there is another guy in the picture. So I told her I can't sleep in the same bed with her no longer. That she has to leave. I plan over this weekend getting her phone, car, credit card off my name. I have so much love for her and when I keep trying to talk to her, all I get is "yeah, sure" or "whatever". She keeps claiming that she wants to just be free and she's sure we will get back together. I told her the minute you leave don't look back.

[mikeylo]

When you start chatting up other women , you damage a lot in your relationship. There is ALWAYS an intention when you do that. Otherwise why indulge in other women? Can't you talk to other guys ?

 

If you have ' female friends ', they are a constant reminder of your past behavior with other women.

 

If you have so much desire to talk , then talk to decent men. Duh

[elaine567]

Yes, she confessed to me today that there is another guy in the picture. So I told her I can't sleep in the same bed with her no longer. That she has to leave. I plan over this weekend getting her phone, car, credit card off my name. I have so much love for her and when I keep trying to talk to her, all I get is "yeah, sure" or "whatever". She keeps claiming that she wants to just be free and she's sure we will get back together. I told

her the minute you leave don't look back.

 

Well, your priority now is your kids' well being and safety.

If she wants to be "free", do you think she will leave the kids with you?

[Larrysr516]

Well, your priority now is your kids' well being and safety.

If she wants to be "free", do you think she will leave the kids with you?

 

Honestly, I've been pleading with her to let me have the kids. She has NO money, soon no car insurance and phone. She keeps telling me "why do you want to ruin my life" and I keep telling her it's nothing against her, it's for the sake of the kids. She's choosing her family over a guy that has a bogus job, no kids, and maybe 50 lbs lighter then me.

[elaine567]

Honestly, I've been pleading with her to let me have the kids. She has NO money, soon no car insurance and phone. She keeps telling me "why do you want to ruin my life" and I keep telling her it's nothing against her, it's for the sake of the kids. She's choosing her family over a guy that has a bogus job, no kids, and maybe 50 lbs lighter then me.

 

Yes, I agree you have to fight for your kids here. Can you enlist the grandparents to your side?

[Larrysr516]

When you start chatting up other women , you damage a lot in your relationship. There is ALWAYS an intention when you do that. Otherwise why indulge in other women? Can't you talk to other guys ?

 

If you have ' female friends ', they are a constant reminder of your past behavior with other women.

 

If you have so much desire to talk , then talk to decent men. Duh

See, but these women (2in particular) are married, I'm totally cool with their husbands and I've been

Friends with them since high school. Nothing and I repeat nothing has happened between us ever

[Larrysr516]

Yes, I agree you have to fight for your kids here. Can you enlist the grandparents to your side?

 

Only my father as my mother left me years ago and her mother won't say she's on my side but she says she's extremely disappointed in her actions

[Marc878]

I've never been unfaithful to her. She was my queen and I love her.

 

You are in love with the fantasy you have of her. Unless you wake up to reality this is where you'll stay.

 

Mr nice guys get walked on. Better wake up

[Larrysr516]

You are in love with the fantasy you have of her. Unless you wake up to reality this is where you'll stay.

 

Mr nice guys get walked on. Better wake up

 

I know this. Before my wife I was in a 4 year faithful relationship. My ex was banging my best friend for a year of that. Now my ex and my (soon to be) ex wife are best friends. I just hate life right now.

[mikeylo]

See, but these women (2in particular) are married, I'm totally cool with their husbands and I've been

Friends with them since high school. Nothing and I repeat nothing has happened between us ever

 

You can say that till you are blue in the face BUT to most married ( committed)people, its not acceptable. It's an unwritten rule, per say.

[central]

You can say that till you are blue in the face BUT to most married ( committed)people, its not acceptable. It's an unwritten rule, per say.

 

Some people think this way. Many do not. IMO, it's no longer an unwritten rule - it's something a couple needs to discuss if they have an issue with it.

 

 

Anyway, there is no validity to the issue in this case, as OP's wife is only using this as a very lame excuse to justify cheating, when there is NO justification whatsoever.

[Calmandfocused]

Larry, hold it right there

 

I know your heartbroken, devastated and in a dither at the moment but just take a deep breath and think through this properly.

 

Emotions aside, think practically for your children's sake. For whatever reason she has decided to abandon their needs completely. She's neglecting them-period. Make 100% sure that you agree an access plan to them before she leaves the house. They need you! To feed, bathe and look after them if nothing else.

 

Your partner is demonstrating very selfish behaviour. To the detriment of your children.

 

Next, pick your self esteem off the floor and recognise that you don't deserve to be treated this way. Assert boundaries with her and acknowledge your worth. You sound like a nice person.

[LancasterAmos1966]

I just hate life right now.

 

 

Larry, I'm very sorry you are going through this.

 

Losing your Beloved Bride (or groom) can be one of the worst things to happen to a human. You are feeling low right now, but please know that this is temporary. I thought I could not live without my wife of 20+ years who walked out on me and my 6 kids!! But life is way better now that she is gone. My new opinion is that if a spouse or family member wants to leave -- shake their hand, and let them go in love!!

 

Many of us on here faced the same loss. Life was rough for awhile, but we made it through --- and you will too.

 

Some things helped me: Like thanking my wife for sharing 20 years with me. Instead of saying she destroyed my life and ruined me -- no way -- I thanked her, bawled my eyes out for a long time, and then began to rebuild.

 

A book also helped me. If you can't buy a used copy from Amazon, at least read the comments. Google the book "Uncoupling: Turning Points In Intimate Relationships" by Diane Vaughn.

 

The book won't help get your wife back, but it should help you understand that your wife MUST separate from you. Don't take it personal. It has nothing to do with your weight, your looks, etc. She just wants out, and instead of trying to force her to stay, the best thing you can do is to let her go in love. Don't break her stuff, don't curse at her, etc. Just begin to move on without feeling obligated to her any longer.

 

You might need to get a lawyer to help sort through the legal stuff like child custody, property, etc. Nothing wrong with protecting your legal interests, but please try to keep from hating her guts --- it will just keep you from moving on into a new chapter of life.

 

Again, I'm sorry you are facing this, and I wish you well in your journey.

[Larrysr516]

Larry, hold it right there

 

I know your heartbroken, devastated and in a dither at the moment but just take a deep breath and think through this properly.

 

Emotions aside, think practically for your children's sake. For whatever reason she has decided to abandon their needs completely. She's neglecting them-period. Make 100% sure that you agree an access plan to them before she leaves the house. They need you! To feed, bathe and look after them if nothing else.

 

Your partner is demonstrating very selfish behaviour. To the detriment of your children.

 

Next, pick your self esteem off the floor and recognise that you don't deserve to be treated this way. Assert boundaries with her and acknowledge your worth. You sound like a nice person.

 

Thank you very much. I've been a wreck the last few weeks. But lately while I'm sitting at home, I take a look around and see the sink piled with dishes, all the rooms a mess and im like she needs to go now.I'm constantly doing it. I'm a union construction worker in NYC. That being said I work anywhere from 10-14 hr days. I'm exhausted when I get home. And lately, I just feel like starting a whole new life with my kids away from everybody. As for her, she went clothes shopping today and it got declined because I cancelled the card. She called me screaming how I made her look like a fool. I told her "you see that pretty little thing on your ear that your using to yell at me right now? Yeah, that'll be gone too." She's so focused on herself and it makes me so sick to think everything she has, I bought her and she doesn't appreciate 1 God damn minute of it. I haven't eaten in weeks. Last night I found myself sobbing to my 12 pack. It's so ****ty.

[Calmandfocused]

You work very hard by the sounds of it.

 

Good for standing your ground and not letting her take advantage of you. I've personally never heard of an ex funding their ex's shopping expedition. Cheeky! Cake eating at best.

 

Suggest she get herself a job.

 

As for you, please look after yourself. If you don't eat your health will suffer and you need to be strong for your kids. Just try and eat a little at least. Punishing yourself isn't going to help your situation.

 

Let me tell you. You will be happy in the future and will look back on this and be thankful it happened.