Boss Snapped at Me in Front of Colleagues

[rubia73]

I'm female, my boss is female. I know she likes me and we generally have a good relationship. We are having our reviews soon, and we are getting raises. My salary is going to change. I am having a surgery in 2 weeks, and my insurance will be paying my salary for a week (60% of my salary) while I recover. I will be taking personal time for the 2nd week I need to recover.

 

Anyway, I already submitted my claim for the insurance. I asked my boss today "When will we have our reviews?" (As its already way past the 1st of the year) and she SNAPPED at me. saying "STOP ASKING, I'M NOT TRYING TO DELAY IT ON PURPOSE, PAYROLL HAS TO DO IT, I PROMISE" (i had asked twice, once prior to submitting my insurance claim for short term disability, and once just now, as she got off the phone with the President of the company, and also told one of my coworkers he'd have his review done before he leaves for vacation)

 

She yelled this in front of everyone, and I said "whoa" out loud, it honestly just slipped out as I'm not used to being reprimanded in front of other coworkers. She then told me "I can give you review now but you won't know about the money right now. I'm sure you don't care about my opinions as much as the money" ...wtf???

 

UGH. I'm just frustrated and need to know how to handle this. Then she said a few minutes later, "It will be done before your surgery. Is that what you're worried about?" And i said "yes" quietly.

 

Do I act normal the rest of the day and not let this bother me? Or should I approach her and apologize for asking a second time in a week span. Truly, I'm not sorry for asking because I NEED to know this information sooner rather than later, to adjust the insurance claim.

[angel.eyes]

She knows the review is late. You know the review is late. All your co-workers know their reviews are late.

 

Unfortunately, by asking her in front of everyone, it may have come across as a passive-aggressive critique that she's not doing her job. So she snapped back at you defensively.

 

I understand your concern. You had every right to ask and to know. But next time it might be better to stop by her office and ask her privately, explaining why you are anxious to know right now.

 

I'm a big proponent of you praise in public and critique in private. Neither of you critiqued in private in this situation.

 

It is what it is! We're all human. Both of you could have handled the issue more thoughtfully. Live. Learn. Move on. Carry on as if the incident never happened.

[Got it]

Eh, I would leave it alone. If it is really eating at you you can address but I would give it a day or so.

 

That is something I could see myself doing and while it is not the right way for your manager to have handled it, she snapped and life moves on.

 

You need to fill out your insurance claim for what you are at now. If it needs adjusting later than HR can help you with that.

[mightycpa]

I'm female, my boss is female.

It's telling, isn't it, how this is a relevant fact in your mind? But I digress..

Anyway, I already submitted my claim for the insurance. I asked my boss today "When will we have our reviews?" (As its already way past the 1st of the year) and she SNAPPED at me. saying "STOP ASKING, I'M NOT TRYING TO DELAY IT ON PURPOSE, PAYROLL HAS TO DO IT, I PROMISE" (i had asked twice, once prior to submitting my insurance claim for short term disability, and once just now, as she got off the phone with the President of the company)

What was the answer the first time? And when was that?

 

I'm confused by this:

and also told one of my coworkers he'd have his review done before he leaves for vacation

You told a coworker that or she did?

 

Without knowing more, it sounds like she was under some pressure to do something else, and you were an unwelcome distraction. I don't know what you might say about it until I know what the answer was the first time, and when you asked it. I can't tell if you were pestering or not.

[rubia73]

It's telling, isn't it, how this is a relevant fact in your mind? But I digress..What was the answer the first time? And when was that?

 

I'm confused by this:

You told a coworker that or she did?

 

Without knowing more, it sounds like she was under some pressure to do something else, and you were an unwelcome distraction. I don't know what you might say about it until I know what the answer was the first time, and when you asked it. I can't tell if you were pestering or not.

 

 

 

To clarify, I had seen some other people posting about their bosses and said whether or not they're female or male- I didn't know why they did this, so I did the same thing. Don't read too much into that..

 

And my boss told my other coworker that she would give him his review prior to him leaving for vacation, next week. The first time I asked my boss, she said the president was on vacation and she needed to sign off on the reviews. He has been back for a week, and she got finished a lengthy conversation with him today on the phone. (he is located in another city) That is when I asked. I guess I assumed they were discussing the reviews.

[rubia73]

LOL update: now she bought burritos for my 2 other coworkers and didn't ask me if I wanted one. the pettiness is real.

[mightycpa]

To clarify, I had seen some other people posting about their bosses and said whether or not they're female or male- I didn't know why they did this, so I did the same thing. Don't read too much into that..

 

And my boss told my other coworker that she would give him his review prior to him leaving for vacation, next week. The first time I asked my boss, she said the president was on vacation and she needed to sign off on the reviews.

What kind of answer is that? At first, I thought the President was female also, and that she needed to sign off too. But in the very next sentence, you say

He has been back for a week, and she got finished a lengthy conversation with him today on the phone. (he is located in another city) That is when I asked. I guess I assumed they were discussing the reviews.

which means that president does not need to sign off. So what does the president being on vacation have to do with anything? I guess what I'm asking is how long ago did you ask?

 

And also, if you thought a) she was discussing reviews with the president, AND b) you also knew that another co-worker was going to get his next week, then yeah, your timing was horrible. If you thought those two things, I'd think that you'd at least have given her a chance to get off the phone and complete the reviews, maybe a day or two. Or maybe you'd have asked the question differently, like

 

Hi, I just wanted to remind you I'm going on medical leave in a couple of weeks, and I don't mean to pressure you, but I'd like to get my salary review paperwork wrapped up before I go. Any chance we can do that in the next couple of days?

[rubia73]

What kind of answer is that? At first, I thought the President was female also, and that she needed to sign off too. But in the very next sentence, you say which means that president does not need to sign off. So what does the president being on vacation have to do with anything? I guess what I'm asking is how long ago did you ask?

 

And also, if you thought a) she was discussing reviews with the president, AND b) you also knew that another co-worker was going to get his next week, then yeah, your timing was horrible. If you thought those two things, I'd think that you'd at least have given her a chance to get off the phone and complete the reviews, maybe a day or two. Or maybe you'd have asked the question differently, like

 

Hi, I just wanted to remind you I'm going on medical leave in a couple of weeks, and I don't mean to pressure you, but I'd like to get my salary review paperwork wrapped up before I go. Any chance we can do that in the next couple of days?

 

First off I am Not sure why you sound so hostile. The president is male, if I had a type-o I apologize for confusing you. My boss told another coworker his review would be completed before next week. Today is Wednesday, that is two more days. Maybe I could have asked at later time, but being that I'm unfamiliar with how the review process works, I thought the president was giving his verbal approval of these reviews to my boss on the phone, giving a "go ahead" to tell us our raises. My work environment is very small and casual, we have conversations outloud between the 6 of us all the time. By asking her when our reviews would be given, I did not expect her to yell at me.

 

this exchange has already happened and I can't take it back, but I appreciate your advice on how to phrase the question if this scenario arises again.

Edited February 15, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote formatting ~6

[dispatch3d]

I'll cave slightly and say that you probably didn't ask the question at the right time, but I mean that's pretty obvious after the fact when she loses her cool with you.

 

That said, she shouldn't be losing her cool. I would just leave it alone, and do the paperwork on your insurance claim with your current salary. If it has to be adjusted later fine - even if you end up getting slightly less money at this point I'd say thats OK too just to avoid the awkwardness of asking again.

 

The sandwich is just weird to me. I don't understand the thinking behind her doing that.

[HangnTN]

As a former boss, with 12 people reporting directly to me, and a department of 150, I've encountered people who pester, who think their problems are the only problems I have to deal with, and who question my judgement in front of associates.

 

You'd better be a hell of a worker to get away with all three. I wouldn't buy you a burrito, but I would likely give you the sack.

 

You need to apologize and make nice for the foreseeable future and especially if you're going to be away on leave. Trouble makers get moved.

[angel.eyes]

Maybe I could have asked at later time, but being that I'm unfamiliar with how the review process works, I thought the president was giving his verbal approval of these reviews to my boss on the phone, giving a "go ahead" to tell us our raises.

 

I'm sure your review isn't top of mind for the company president! It's a bit of an assumption to think any conversation she has with him must be about you and your review.

 

She may have her timeline for getting things done, but if payroll, HR, her boss or the company president have more pressing things to attend to and/or ask of her, her requests and needs will take a back seat to those. You repeatedly asking her the same question really isn't helping your cause! Most people are super helpful, eager worker bees trying to make their bosses lives easier just before performance reviews and raises get discussed. It's pretty...umm, nearsighted...to raise your issue publicly like you did just prior to this type of discussion, but ultimately your choice to shoot yourself in the foot.

 

LOL update: now she bought burritos for my 2 other coworkers and didn't ask me if I wanted one. the pettiness is real.

 

As for the burrito, sorry but you're coming across as incredibly self-involved and self-centered the more examples you provide! The company president calling must be about you and what you need...? Her buying a couple of other people a burrito must be about you...? Come on! I usually take one or two people out to lunch, not everyone who works for me! Who I take is either based on something I know I'll be asking for in the near future or pretty random. And rest assured that if I'm going to deep-six a direct report due to poor "cultural fit" because they are more of a self-centered nuisance and hindrance to me and the business as a whole than a help, I don't resort to pettiness like not buying the person a burrito. I go overboard to make sure I seem fair in my dealings with the individual and focus instead on their performance deficiencies over time, their ability to work with others, and documenting those issues. (...Your performance review isn't finalized yet is it?)

 

Again, pretend like the incident never happened, hope it blows over,...and try to stop shooting yourself in the foot.

Edited February 16, 2017 by angel.eyes

[bluefeather]

If I was there and overheard that, I would have been soo tempted to ask her the same question... sorry you got yelled at. S*it happens though. People loose their cool. I'd just role with it and let it go. Hopefully she'll get over it later.

[angel.eyes]

Notice that none of her more politically savvy colleagues did that! They left her to hang herself on her own rope.

[The_Dork_Lard]

Usually in moments like that, I'd be inclined to look her in the eye, pause for a couple of seconds, and say in the most calm tone of voice "right... I was only asking a question because it's very important to me" and I'd probably add "sorry" onto the end of it, and leave it at that. It makes you look totally reasonable and completely in control (in comparison with her). You'd likely receive an apology later on, or at least a quick follow up from her.

 

In a situation like that, they've lost control of their emotions which is quite unprofessional. So you immediately seize the opportunity to expose that by being really calm and mature. It works a treat in any confrontation, because 99% of the time people mirror other people in confrontations. If you consistently appear calm and controlled, they'll appear absurd if they don't attempt to mirror that by calming down themselves.

 

Plus it would have probably guilt tripped her lol.

[angel.eyes]

Sorry, but trying to show up your boss as somehow not up to their job is generally career suicide. What you are suggesting is just more of the same of what she already did--not behavior that leads to any type of job longevity unless it's an entry-level job with minimal career potential anyway (Wal-Mart, McDonald's, waitressing, bartending, etc.)

[rubia73]

Sorry, but trying to show up your boss as somehow not up to their job is generally career suicide. What you are suggesting is just more of the same of what she already did--not behavior that leads to any type of job longevity unless it's an entry-level job with minimal career potential anyway (Wal-Mart, McDonald's, waitressing, bartending, etc.)

 

Haha I wasn't showing my boss up or trying to critique her, I was genuinely asking her when the reviews (not just mine, they company does them all at the same time) were going to be given. I should have phrased it like "will the review be done before I take my break for surgery because I have some paperwork to be filled out in a timely manner"

 

People make mistakes in timing and phrasing. I am sure as sh*t not going to be fired over asking a question and having my boss snap at me. And the rest of the day was fine, we both got over it. And my boss never shuts her door and hardly ever talks with the president of the company so I knew it was about reviews, and it was. (She started giving the reviews at around 5:00 today)

[rubia73]

I'm sure your review isn't top of mind for the company president! It's a bit of an assumption to think any conversation she has with him must be about you and your review.

 

She may have her timeline for getting things done, but if payroll, HR, her boss or the company president have more pressing things to attend to and/or ask of her, her requests and needs will take a back seat to those. You repeatedly asking her the same question really isn't helping your cause! Most people are super helpful, eager worker bees trying to make their bosses lives easier just before performance reviews and raises get discussed. It's pretty...umm, nearsighted...to raise your issue publicly like you did just prior to this type of discussion, but ultimately your choice to shoot yourself in the foot.

 

 

 

As for the burrito, sorry but you're coming across as incredibly self-involved and self-centered the more examples you provide! The company president calling must be about you and what you need...? Her buying a couple of other people a burrito must be about you...? Come on! I usually take one or two people out to lunch, not everyone who works for me! Who I take is either based on something I know I'll be asking for in the near future or pretty random. And rest assured that if I'm going to deep-six a direct report due to poor "cultural fit" because they are more of a self-centered nuisance and hindrance to me and the business as a whole than a help, I don't resort to pettiness like not buying the person a burrito. I go overboard to make sure I seem fair in my dealings with the individual and focus instead on their performance deficiencies over time, their ability to work with others, and documenting those issues. (...Your performance review isn't finalized yet is it?)

 

Again, pretend like the incident never happened, hope it blows over,...and try to stop shooting yourself in the foot.

 

 

 

I should have provided more information about the stupid burrito. My boss often buys lunch for everyone and has never singled anyone out before. This is trivial and I was just angry when I was ranting about it.

 

The presidents phone call was about the reviews. As I had suspected and my boss started giving the reviews this afternoon. I'm not self-centered because I asked a question at an inopportune time. I'm impulsive and sometimes things slip out of my mouth, I was just trying to ask a general question and it somehow triggered my boss. She was overly nice to me for the remainder of the day (post burrito). She knew she shouldn't have yelled at me for asking a question. Everything is solved and I explained to her later in the day that I only was concerned about having all my insurance paperwork filled out in a timely fashion, to avoid having any complications.

[angel.eyes]

Hi Rubia! I know you meant no harm when you asked. You were worried about how much to expect while you're out, which is completely understandable. Unfortunately, you did it publicly. Next time just be a little more diplomatic in your approach, especially when you are relatively new. (You mentioned that you weren't familiar with the process, which suggests you've been there less than a year.)

 

FYI, my post that you quoted was specific to the post just before mine.

 

I'm glad you got your review. Hope you have a speedy recovery post-surgery!

 

Haha I wasn't showing my boss up or trying to critique her, I was genuinely asking her when the reviews (not just mine, they company does them all at the same time) were going to be given. I should have phrased it like "will the review be done before I take my break for surgery because I have some paperwork to be filled out in a timely manner"

 

People make mistakes in timing and phrasing. I am sure as sh*t not going to be fired over asking a question and having my boss snap at me. And the rest of the day was fine, we both got over it. And my boss never shuts her door and hardly ever talks with the president of the company so I knew it was about reviews, and it was. (She started giving the reviews at around 5:00 today)

[angel.eyes]

I'm impulsive and sometimes things slip out of my mouth, I was just trying to ask a general question and it somehow triggered my boss. She was overly nice to me for the remainder of the day (post burrito). She knew she shouldn't have yelled at me for asking a question. Everything is solved and I explained to her later in the day that I only was concerned about having all my insurance paperwork filled out in a timely fashion, to avoid having any complications.

 

I'm glad things have normalized on the surface.

 

Learn to be more circumspect moving forward. Having a habit of blurting out whatever is not a good trait when it comes to your career.

[bluefeather]

Post burrito! I love it! I'm glad she got the message.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Just be careful OP. Sometimes things normalize on the surface but you don't want lingerng dislike or resentment to stay underneath. I have learned that relationships with people and especially your superiors are actually more important for career success than the quality of your work. Unless you are some irreplacable genious like Dr. House but most of us are not

Edited February 16, 2017 by Eternal Sunshine

[Taramere]

I'd let the "snapping at me" thing go. People get irritated and snappy....and more often than not it's just a case of catching them at the wrong time.

 

I'd be pissed off about the burritos, though.