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GF cheated on me with a guy friend and still wants to hang out with him

Mugami

By Mugami,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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Mugami

Mugami

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My girlfriend cheated on me with her friend, which I have accepted and am trying to move past because I really love her and want to move on with my life with her. I have been with her for nearly a year and this started a couple months after we got together (just found out after Christmas). Both of them confronted me and he basically forced her to tell me that they were doing it. We ended up making a deal which allows her to still hang out and stuff but only in public places, but I'm kind of regretting that decision because every time I think of her with him I get really paranoid and stressed that they will do it again. But no matter how much I tell her that it bothers me, she still wants to talk/hang out with him because he was there for her at a point in her life when she really needed someone and she feels that she owes him, and she is also afraid to break contact with him because he has threatened to beat me bloody if she stops talking to him. She assures me that the cheating won't happen again because she only wants me now. I want to salvage it if I can, but what do you all think I should do?

Thanks for any input.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

Posted
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Let her hang out with him all she wants. Meanwhile you go off an get a different GF who isn't a cheater who has some sense.

 

 

She didn't even have the courtesy to tell you. The guy forced the disclosure. Why on earth did you agree to anything after that? This woman has zero integrity.

 

 

Stop being a doormat & walk away.

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lolablue17

lolablue17

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Here's a solution in which no one gets beaten, no one will feel guilt for not hanging out with guy she owes for being there for her...

 

Dump her today!

 

From now on she can be there for him in return, she can do things because "she owes him", and she can prevent you from being beaten by the man who bought a possession on her whole future life by being there for her.

 

Of course you dump her not because of all this, but because she cheated and mainly because she considers your as (and maybe right) so extremely stupid to believe the lies and the crap she's feeding you. She's lying to you in the face and making no effort to at least invent a smarter lie for her desire to hanging out with him.

Edited by lolablue17
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aliveagain

aliveagain

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Friend, if they cheat on you before you marry them they will cheat on you after you marry them. Why waste anymore time on a relationship that is already doomed for failure? This is as good as it gets with her, infidelity trumps trust, it's all downhill from here. Set her free to chase all the men she wants, she is just not good enough for you.

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smackie9

smackie9

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Really??? Are you that desperate? Sorry but no one like her deserves a second chance...and to let her keep hanging out with the guy?? stop being a doormat, she's just using you for whatever. Have some self worth and dump her.

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LostOnes05

LostOnes05

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What you should have done was thank the other guy for making her tell the truth and walked away entirely. Life is too short to worry with a woman like that. Never hurt yourself mentally, physically, or emotionally to stay with someone. Just not worth it.

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loversquarrel

loversquarrel

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Get out now. It's been just a year??? That's all it took, less than a year to cheat on you???? Come on dude, now's the time to get out, you will pay dearly down the road if you don't. There is so much better to be had out there than this.

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goldway90

goldway90

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We ended up making a deal which allows her to still hang out and stuff but only in public places

 

You can't be serious!!! just dump her already she doesn't love or give a damn about you. Fighting losing battle is pointless stop being a white knight and have some self respect.

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Space Ritual

Space Ritual

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My girlfriend cheated on me with her friend, which I have accepted and am trying to move past because I really love her and want to move on with my life with her. I have been with her for nearly a year and this started a couple months after we got together (just found out after Christmas). Both of them confronted me and he basically forced her to tell me that they were doing it. We ended up making a deal which allows her to still hang out and stuff but only in public places, but I'm kind of regretting that decision because every time I think of her with him I get really paranoid and stressed that they will do it again. But no matter how much I tell her that it bothers me, she still wants to talk/hang out with him because he was there for her at a point in her life when she really needed someone and she feels that she owes him, and she is also afraid to break contact with him because he has threatened to beat me bloody if she stops talking to him. She assures me that the cheating won't happen again because she only wants me now. I want to salvage it if I can, but what do you all think I should do?

Thanks for any input.

 

Get yourself a new girlfriend. She is lying blue streak to you. One thing is a constant in these situations, and that is all cheaters are liars.

 

They are banging each other right under your nose. Pull your head out of the sand and dump her or you'll regret it.

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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Your relationship is already over.

 

You can hang on until she dumps you for him, because that's what's going to happen, but I wouldn't recommend it.

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Try

Try

Posted
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I have been with her for nearly a year and this started a couple months after we got together (just found out after Christmas). Both of them confronted me and he basically forced her to tell me that they were doing it. We ended up making a deal which allows her to still hang out and stuff but only in public places
he has threatened to beat me bloody if she stops talking to him.
So the other man (OM) did the following:

 

1) He forced her to tell you that they "were doing it" for most of your relationship with her, because he wanted you to know. He feels no remorse for it.

2) He got you to agree to allow him to continue seeing her, even though you did not want to. He has no respect for you and does not care what you think about it.

3) He threatened to beat you "bloody if she stops talking to him". In his mind you have no say so in this.

 

When it comes to your relationship with your girlfriend, he wants both you and your GF to know that he is in charge, and that he sets the rules. The fact that she is seeing someone that has threatened you with physical violence, is unacceptable. You need to have her end all contact with the OM or you will end all contact with her. If you are afraid to do this because of a fear of the OM, then just break if off with her and do not look back. Frankly, based on what you have told us about her, it just may not be worth fighting with the OM over her.

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Art.at.Heart

Art.at.Heart

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So the other man (OM) did the following:

 

1) He forced her to tell you that they "were doing it" for most of your relationship with her, because he wanted you to know. He feels no remorse for it.

2) He got you to agree to allow him to continue seeing her, even though you did not want to. He has no respect for you and does not care what you think about it.

3) He threatened to beat you "bloody if she stops talking to him". In his mind you have no say so in this.

 

When it comes to your relationship with your girlfriend, he wants both you and your GF to know that he is in charge, and that he sets the rules. The fact that she is seeing someone that has threatened you with physical violence, is unacceptable. You need to have her end all contact with the OM or you will end all contact with her. If you are afraid to do this because of a fear of the OM, then just break if off with her and do not look back. Frankly, based on what you have told us about her, it just may not be worth fighting with the OM over her.

Am I the only one that thought that was most likely a lie his gf made up?

 

OP: as for how you can salvage this? I would say at this point you just can't. It was already foolish enough to continue dating her in the first place after you found all of this out. But now? Now you have already agreed to this ridiculous condition and she's just not going to take you seriously if you ever try to put your foot down and demand she stop talking to this other guy. It's over. And if you don't end it then she will once she's gotten whatever it is she's staying with you for.

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Joga_31

Joga_31

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My girlfriend cheated on me with her friend, which I have accepted and am trying to move past because I really love her and want to move on with my life with her. I have been with her for nearly a year and this started a couple months after we got together (just found out after Christmas). Both of them confronted me and he basically forced her to tell me that they were doing it. We ended up making a deal which allows her to still hang out and stuff but only in public places, but I'm kind of regretting that decision because every time I think of her with him I get really paranoid and stressed that they will do it again. But no matter how much I tell her that it bothers me, she still wants to talk/hang out with him because he was there for her at a point in her life when she really needed someone and she feels that she owes him, and she is also afraid to break contact with him because he has threatened to beat me bloody if she stops talking to him. She assures me that the cheating won't happen again because she only wants me now. I want to salvage it if I can, but what do you all think I should do?

Thanks for any input.

 

get the away from her and start focusing on yourself. Heal then after healing get another woman who won't be as disrespectful no one deserves to be cheated on.

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Joga_31

Joga_31

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Really??? Are you that desperate? Sorry but no one like her deserves a second chance...and to let her keep hanging out with the guy?? stop being a doormat, she's just using you for whatever. Have some self worth and dump her.

 

I agree with this

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RecentChange

RecentChange

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You may love her, but she does not love you.

 

Love is an action not a word. Her actions clearly show she does not love you.

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4x4storm

4x4storm

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My jaw dropped reading this I've never read anything like this before on this forum!! This guy that slept with your girlfriend is literally running the relationship you need to leave now without even thinking.

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Darren Steez

Darren Steez

Posted
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My girlfriend cheated on me with her friend, which I have accepted and am trying to move past because I really love her and want to move on with my life with her. I have been with her for nearly a year and this started a couple months after we got together (just found out after Christmas). Both of them confronted me and he basically forced her to tell me that they were doing it. We ended up making a deal which allows her to still hang out and stuff but only in public places, but I'm kind of regretting that decision because every time I think of her with him I get really paranoid and stressed that they will do it again. But no matter how much I tell her that it bothers me, she still wants to talk/hang out with him because he was there for her at a point in her life when she really needed someone and she feels that she owes him, and she is also afraid to break contact with him because he has threatened to beat me bloody if she stops talking to him. She assures me that the cheating won't happen again because she only wants me now. I want to salvage it if I can, but what do you all think I should do?

Thanks for any input.

 

Which one is it? She wants to hang out and have sex with him because he was there for him or because he threatened you? Either way she's not really protecting or being there for you now is she?

 

Did you also work out a deal with him so he could hang out with your girlfriend?

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Techmonkey

Techmonkey

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There's no upside to this situation. If she had admitted and stopped all contact with him immediately, it might have been worth reconciliation. By not telling you and insisting on being around him, she is blatantly disrespecting you and your relationship. At some point when you're with someone with some integrity, you look bad on this and be glad you left.

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bubbaganoosh

bubbaganoosh

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My girlfriend cheated on me with her friend, which I have accepted and am trying to move past because I really love her and want to move on with my life with her.

 

Rewrite this. I want to move on with my life with them. If your serious about her and this is the one, then you better have room for this guy in your relationship with her because he's made it clear that he isn't going anywhere.

 

For Gods sake man move on as quick as possible.

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mercy222

mercy222

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My girlfriend cheated on me with her friend, which I have accepted and am trying to move past because I really love her and want to move on with my life with her. I have been with her for nearly a year and this started a couple months after we got together (just found out after Christmas). Both of them confronted me and he basically forced her to tell me that they were doing it. We ended up making a deal which allows her to still hang out and stuff but only in public places, but I'm kind of regretting that decision because every time I think of her with him I get really paranoid and stressed that they will do it again. But no matter how much I tell her that it bothers me, she still wants to talk/hang out with him because he was there for her at a point in her life when she really needed someone and she feels that she owes him, and she is also afraid to break contact with him because he has threatened to beat me bloody if she stops talking to him. She assures me that the cheating won't happen again because she only wants me now. I want to salvage it if I can, but what do you all think I should do?

Thanks for any input.

 

Respect is paramount in a relationship also, if something makes us stumble, we should walk away from it, far, far away!!! It's not healthy to be associated with people that manipulate and control us threatening with violence like her ex does. I read a book years ago called 'Boundaries' by Cloud that help me freed from all those kind of controlling relationships. You and your girlfriend will benefit greatly by reading this book. Good luck to both.

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gorf

gorf

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Posted (edited)
My girlfriend cheated on me with her friend, which I have accepted and am trying to move past because I really love her and want to move on with my life with her. I have been with her for nearly a year and this started a couple months after we got together (just found out after Christmas). Both of them confronted me and he basically forced her to tell me that they were doing it. We ended up making a deal which allows her to still hang out and stuff but only in public places, but I'm kind of regretting that decision because every time I think of her with him I get really paranoid and stressed that they will do it again. But no matter how much I tell her that it bothers me, she still wants to talk/hang out with him because he was there for her at a point in her life when she really needed someone and she feels that she owes him, and she is also afraid to break contact with him because he has threatened to beat me bloody if she stops talking to him. She assures me that the cheating won't happen again because she only wants me now. I want to salvage it if I can, but what do you all think I should do?

Thanks for any input.

 

Shes already cheating.

 

She got back with him sexually, right after meeting you by the way..

 

She has no regard for you, showing it by continuing to see the quy she cheated with.

 

The problem is where you accepted the cheating instead of dumping her like you should have. And even worse, made a deal with her???? So she could continue to see the guy who has been with her sexually, seen her naked, built apparently a connection with that you are not fufilling.

 

He is beyond a backup, he is just her second boyfriend now. He has a place in her life, his opinion aparently strongly matters to her instead of yours, and now he is bullying you via her if you tell him to cut contact. What are you gong to do? Beat him up and say"my girl"? She doesnt want you to, first off. Think about that. How can you believe anything she says, really? And honestly, are you really asking what to do, or are you really here to have one person out of many tell you to keep riding. Get rid of her and have some respect for yourself, this ship sank long ago.

Edited by gorf
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sandylee1

sandylee1

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I can't imagine why you want a life with a lying cheating GF. It looks like you're getting cuckolded right now and you really need to get rid of her.

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