Nathan234 Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Where to begin, I'm not really a fan of seeking help online, but there is no one I'd talk to. I really need to vent. Everything started a little more than a year ago, we've had a one night stand few years ago. At first, I've had no intention of falling for her, not even getting to know her. My marriage was good but a little boring, especially in the bedroom. My wife got pregnant in March last year, me and the other woman (let's call her X) have been talking casually, not hard feelings. We just started talking more and more and I've started to getting to know her and now she's as important to me as my wife. And trust me, I know her a few years but I've never was interested of getting to know her better, it was good as it was. I haven't planned this, neither did she. It was just a little talk here and there, I was chasing her for a few years because she wasn't that interested (she didn't know I was married). When we've started talking more often, I've noticed how interesting she is, she's beautiful inside and out. We can talk for hours, we can just sit staring at each other and holding hands, the chemistry is so strong. The thing is that when I am with her, I don't think about my wife. Not at all... But when I'm back home, I'm a proper husband and dad. What do I do next, leave my wife... leave my mistress. I don't want to do any of it. I know I will have to make a decision one day, maybe even soon but I have no idea what I want to do. I know what I should do, but this is not what I want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Where is the thought about the tiny infant ? Except they your wife got pregnant. You will do what you want to but atleast think about your new baby ! Duh 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 You have a newborn baby.... I have such a hard time understanding how a man can cheat when their wife is pregnant with their child. The problems you feel with your wife will never be solved with another woman. If you really think the other woman would make you happier than your wife and newborn baby, then divorce your wife and allow her to find someone who will treat her with the love and respect that a wife and mother deserves to be treated. If you chose to stay with your wife and honor your commitment to your family, then you need to end all communication with the other woman. It's as simple as that, really. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 You say you're a proper husband - but do you love your wife? If so, then she should be your choice, along with your child. If not, then the right thing to do is divorce her, and go on from there. Currently, you are infatuated with the other woman. That will very likely wear off. In polyamorous circles, it's also called NRE - new relationship energy. It fades - then where will you be, and how will you feel? Probably guilt over leaving your family, and dismay at having left them for someone who is no longer as appealing. Lies, deception - cheating - are not a good foundation for either relationship. But, of course, it could be real, these feelings of yours. However, unless all three of you are poly or open to it, then you do have to make a choice, and the sooner the better. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Oh, it is definitely infatuation. Relationships are always exciting in the beginning, even more so when you are in another relationship and dealing with the responsibilities and stresses of married life as new parents. This other woman is new, and different, and fun, and exciting... And you are falling for this, as men tend to do over and over again... Perhaps it's real love, but chances are more likely that the "new love" that feels so good right now will also become boring, given time and life stress... Nothing will take the shine off the new relationship faster than divorce, financial responsibilities of spousal and child support, and dealing with an ex-wife. Is it worth the sacrifice - only you can decide. Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 You write you dont know what you want, but later you say you know what you should do but that is not what you want, so you actually know what YOU want, but is scared what other people think, but that doesnt matter the only One you have to stay true to is yourself, maybe take Reading a good resume about a book called no more mr Nice guy..by the way you Call a woman you love a mistress?? And you say you love your wife yet fall in love with\think about another woman, those things Are contradictory to the least, only way for you is to begin being honest and true to yourself Be a fearless man:o right Now you Are not true to anyone, neither yourself, the woman you like or your wife:o Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 The first thing I'd suggest is being honest. With yourself and then your wife. It's not really a fair comparison if your wife doesn't know she competing but the mistress does. Also, considered counseling? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 As stated above, you have a new born. Seriously dude, wake up. Here's the thing, if your mistress cut off sex, would you still be interested in her? Have you noticed your infatuation blew up once she offered Booty. Hmm, just saying. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 So....your problem is that you caught feelings for a OW & NOT that you chase OW who are a challenge & randomly have one-night-stands AND think nothing of it??? Why on earth did you get married if you want to be a play-boy? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Where to begin, I'm not really a fan of seeking help online, but there is no one I'd talk to. I really need to vent. Everything started a little more than a year ago, we've had a one night stand few years ago. At first, I've had no intention of falling for her, not even getting to know her. My marriage was good but a little boring, especially in the bedroom. My wife got pregnant in March last year, me and the other woman (let's call her X) have been talking casually, not hard feelings. We just started talking more and more and I've started to getting to know her and now she's as important to me as my wife. And trust me, I know her a few years but I've never was interested of getting to know her better, it was good as it was. I haven't planned this, neither did she. It was just a little talk here and there, I was chasing her for a few years because she wasn't that interested (she didn't know I was married). When we've started talking more often, I've noticed how interesting she is, she's beautiful inside and out. We can talk for hours, we can just sit staring at each other and holding hands, the chemistry is so strong. The thing is that when I am with her, I don't think about my wife. Not at all... But when I'm back home, I'm a proper husband and dad. What do I do next, leave my wife... leave my mistress. I don't want to do any of it. I know I will have to make a decision one day, maybe even soon but I have no idea what I want to do. I know what I should do, but this is not what I want. My advice would be to divorce your wife and go be with your mistress. It's obvious you cheat on your wife when you feel bored and with a new born it will be boring, boring like bonding with your child and your wife who is not fun enough while she carried your baby and cares for your baby. There's a special place for men who cheat on their pregnant wife. I think your mistress and you have more in common than you do with your boring wife and baby. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Silveron Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Grass is greener on the other side, until you step in that first pile of dogsh*t. Let's say you let your wife go and be with this mistress. You will go through a ton of stress with the divorce and your child/children and then on top have to deal with your mistresses' bad habits and family. Every relationship starts with the honeymoon phase, just like you had with your wife. The thrill and newness will wear off and you will start to think back about the great times you had with your wife. However, you won't be able to go back in time. The mistress will either seek this thrill with someone else or probably become controlling because she knows what you are capable of doing. Your wife has been living in a lie. You have and continue to be self-serving. Your wife has only ONE life. By you not telling her, you are not allowing her to make her own decisions. If you think your children won't pick up on this, you are sadly mistaken. They learn by example and you always need to put themselves first. You need to ask WHY you are doing this? Be honest with yourself, dig to the root of this weed and destroy it. Sounds like you have gotten so comfortable with your wife that you take her for granted. Not once in your post did you mention your wife's feelings. Not once did you mention about how you want your child to grow up with morals, yet you talk about how good of a husband and father you are? Get back to reality. Realize you have a commitment. A commitment to your spouse and child and it starts by you telling her what is going on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Book Summary: No More Mr. Nice Guy | Menprovement we are "all" women and men raised to be "nice guys" by society, maybe so that nothing changes, but time for change:) as true as it is we all have to be autentic and follow our hearts if we will ever be able to be of benefit to another human being, and ourselves, so Dont ever do what is expected from you but do what you want and feel is right for your wellbeing----- take the fight that may come with some people:cool: you will only be able to be an attentive father/mother if you are attentive to yourself and your needs first, drop the illusions, there is no such thing as commitment if that means sacrificing yourself, **** it all and know that the people who cares about you want you to be happy and will be there for you no matter what- Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Book Summary: No More Mr. Nice Guy | Menprovement we are "all" women and men raised to be "nice guys" by society, maybe so that nothing changes, but time for change:) as true as it is we all have to be autentic and follow our hearts if we will ever be able to be of benefit to another human being, and ourselves, so Dont ever do what is expected from you but do what you want and feel is right for your wellbeing----- take the fight that may come with some people:cool: you will only be able to be an attentive father/mother if you are attentive to yourself and your needs first, drop the illusions, there is no such thing as commitment if that means sacrificing yourself, **** it all and know that the people who cares about you want you to be happy and will be there for you no matter what- In THIS context it sounds like a bible for sociopaths!! Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 What have you got against people being authentic and honest? a sociopath if such a thing even exists other than a word, i think would exactly be somebody wanting to set the rules and not letting other people live their own lives according to their own needs and wants, to the benefit of everybody:cool: Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 So....your problem is that you caught feelings for a OW & NOT that you chase OW who are a challenge & randomly have one-night-stands AND think nothing of it??? Why on earth did you get married if you want to be a play-boy? Exactly my thoughts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 In THIS context it sounds like a bible for sociopaths!! Nah. It's just a long drawn out way of saying "if mama ain't happy, ain't no body happy". Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Nah. It's just a long drawn out way of saying "if mama ain't happy, ain't no body happy". The book? Yes! In this context.... Forget about a new born baby...so what if it got killed by the STD he gave its Mum while pregnant...makes him 'happy' so 'Go for it!'. Have as many ONS as you want as long as it makes YOU happy! Happy, happy, happy! Yes we should all be happy & do whatever we want! What if "Mama" wants to have sex with half the town to be happy? I agree Goody...just not in this context! (This one fells like a boredom read ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 You seem to get i all out of proportion or How to say, its like you dont Really really get to the root of things, nobody tells him to Be unfaithful because that is not him being true to himself\autentic that is him bringing more suffering to himself:( and the other people, but just because He has made a woman pregnant that He doesnt love and\or who doesnt love him doesnt mean that the solution is for him\her to stay together and pretend everything is allright, because it isnt and the child, born or unborn, Can feel it:( Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 He has made a woman pregnant that He doesnt love and\or who doesnt love him doesnt mean that the solution is for him\her to stay together and pretend everything is allright, because it isnt and the child, born or unborn, Can feel it:( Did you miss this part of the OP's thread title? I love my wife... Mr> Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 What do I do next, leave my wife... leave my mistress. I don't want to do any of it. I know I will have to make a decision one day, maybe even soon but I have no idea what I want to do. I know what I should do, but this is not what I want. Since you seem determined to engage in activities like these: we've had a one night stand few years ago I was chasing her for a few years because she wasn't that interested (she didn't know I was married) You're going to have drama, chaos and destruction as a part of any relationship with anybody, wife or mistress included. So it's not "who" but how you're going to live your life that will have the most impact from here on. As they say in the bar business - if you're going to have a dance, sooner or later you'll have to pay the band... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 You seem to get i all out of proportion or How to say, its like you dont Really really get to the root of things, nobody tells him to Be unfaithful because that is not him being true to himself\autentic that is him bringing more suffering to himself:( and the other people, but just because He has made a woman pregnant that He doesnt love and\or who doesnt love him doesnt mean that the solution is for him\her to stay together and pretend everything is allright, because it isnt and the child, born or unborn, Can feel it:( Quote (Post9) "Why on earth did you get married if you want to be a play-boy?" What don't I get? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KatieLaw Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 She may be beautiful on the outside, but inside? She's having an affair with a married man who has a baby. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Ok i give up and am Now the One to leave a bad relationship;) Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 Nathan , Tell your wife and let her make the decision for you. If you don't have the balls to do that, then you don't REALLY want to leave your marriage and you should dump your mistress and start having some decency and integrity for the sake of your child. You're selfish. You want both. That's not honorable. You brought A child into this world knowing you'd run around on his mother . This child doesn't stand a chance. Why would you bring a child into a family knowing that you would shatter that security for them? Your kid didn't ask for this and is going to have to deal with the consequences of YOUR selfishness for their rest of their life. Stellar dad, you are not. You need to grow up. Get some counseling. Don't be a crybaby about the "love" and "connection" and "we can talk for hours" ****. Of course you can talk for hours---BECAUSE YOU DONT HAVE TO DEAL WITH REAL LIFE WHEN YOURE SNEAKING AROUND. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted February 16, 2017 Share Posted February 16, 2017 you're going to be a dad, so I will answer in terms you may understand. Imagine your son or daughter comes to you as an adult. They are in absolute agony because they found out their husband or wife has been cheating. How would you feel? What would you do? I ask this because this because you are cheating on your wife, and putting her through that same hell because it feels good to you. You are asking your wife and future child to pay the price for your affair. How do you feel abot that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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