What am I doing wrong...?

[Matt17]

I get looks from girls very often, but the thing is girls will rarely approach me or start a conversation with me. They will just glance or stare at me sometimes, even the girls with boyfriends. I'd say I'm pretty good looking. I always make sure to dress nice, get a haircut regularly, and I'm working out at the gym so I've got a nice body.

I'll give you an example. There's two girls in my class that I know are interested in me. One of them will stare at me and let me catch her doing it, and we'll look at each other for up to 10 seconds until she looks away. This has been going on for a year now, and we've still barely talked. The other girl will glance at me every single day, turn around in class several times to look at me if I'm sitting behind her. She'll mention my name when she's talking with her friends when I'm sitting close to them (which is just weird because we have barely talked with each other). Despite this, none of them has made an effort to start a conversation with me outside class.

 

It feels like I'm doing something wrong. I see all other guys talking to girls, doesn't matter if they're ugly or good-looking. I'm a teenager by the way.

[smackie9]

Ya you ARE doing something wrong, YOU are not approaching them....man up bro! Girls want bold and confident. The want the guy to make the first move in everything...right down to asking them out to getting them into bed.

[d0nnivain]

The double standard exists. You are the guy. As such most girls, especially young ones believe it is incumbent upon you -- The Male -- to take the initiative.

 

 

Next time you catch a girl making eye contact with you, say Hi. That's it. Just Hi. See how she reacts. If she says anything, that is your opening. Go for it!

[Darren Steez]

Eye contact doesn't mean anything, she could just be looking because you happen to be in her view area or maybe just curious because as you say you're good looking but..

 

Why would they go up to you? Go and talk to them! That's the whole point, approach, start a conversation, that's life!

[smackie9]

If YOU see a girl that you are attracted to, just go up to her and say hi. You don't need "signals" or eye contact to make contact. Confidence wins them over.

[Matt17]

Ya you ARE doing something wrong, YOU are not approaching them....man up bro! Girls want bold and confident. The want the guy to make the first move in everything...right down to asking them out to getting them into bed.

Is every girl really like that..? Why would a girl keep staring at a guy for a year and not approach him.. it's ridiculous.

Eye contact doesn't mean anything, she could just be looking because you happen to be in her view area or maybe just curious because as you say you're good looking but..

 

Why would they go up to you? Go and talk to them! That's the whole point, approach, start a conversation, that's life!

I'm not sure if I agree that eye contact doesn't mean anything. Like I said there's a girl who has been staring at me for a year, and she'll let me catch her looking at me and we'll have eye contact for up to 10 seconds. That surely must mean something. And yeah I know that I could just be in someone's view area but that wasn't the case here or in the other example.

 

I appreciate the feedback given from everyone in this thread by the way.

[VeveCakes]

Yeah it means you wasted a year analyzing someone who looks in your direction. Surely after a year if she was that interested she would find a way to talk to you. Not like you have made ANY effort.

[bluefeather]

Just go up to them and ask them why they haven't tried to talk to you yet.

 

Why did you put this in the cheating section? Are you already in a relationship?

[Orlan]

High school kids are stuck in double standards. Girls need you to make the first, second, tenth move. When I was in high school there was a girl who liked me from grade 9-12. She always stared at me and I did talk to her. She would never initiate conversation and wanted me to make all the moves. She was also very shy and I'd have to make the same move over and over to get her to go along with it. Nothing ever came of it, but we met up years later and she said she was always into me.

[Robert]

Why did you put this in the cheating section? Are you already in a relationship?

 

thread moved to In Search Of ~6

[Matt17]

Yeah it means you wasted a year analyzing someone who looks in your direction. Surely after a year if she was that interested she would find a way to talk to you. Not like you have made ANY effort.

Haven't really spent any time analyzing someone's behaviour. Thing is I can't help but notice when someone's constantly staring at me.

High school kids are stuck in double standards. Girls need you to make the first, second, tenth move. When I was in high school there was a girl who liked me from grade 9-12. She always stared at me and I did talk to her. She would never initiate conversation and wanted me to make all the moves. She was also very shy and I'd have to make the same move over and over to get her to go along with it. Nothing ever came of it, but we met up years later and she said she was always into me.

Yeah, seems like almost all girls wants you to make the first move.

[preraph]

Yeah, you're doing something wrong. What on earth makes you think you should wait until a girl talks to you before you talk to them? That's pretty stuck up. You're the man. You're the one who needs to initiate talk and ask a girl out. Did your parents not teach you any of this?

 

If you are interested in that girl who talks about you, say "hi" next time you see her and not in a low sneaky way, but a nice smile and "hi." Then she will probably start pausing to give you a chance to talk to her. Just go talk to her. Just say something about a class or a teacher or an event coming up. This is not rocket science.

[VeveCakes]

Haven't really spent any time analyzing someone's behaviour. Thing is I can't help but notice when someone's constantly staring at me.

 

Yeah, seems like almost all girls wants you to make the first move.

 

You have analyzed her in the first post. You think she is "clearly interested" based on her staring at you.

 

You will have to make the first move.

[Matt17]

Yeah, you're doing something wrong. What on earth makes you think you should wait until a girl talks to you before you talk to them? That's pretty stuck up. You're the man. You're the one who needs to initiate talk and ask a girl out. Did your parents not teach you any of this?

 

If you are interested in that girl who talks about you, say "hi" next time you see her and not in a low sneaky way, but a nice smile and "hi." Then she will probably start pausing to give you a chance to talk to her. Just go talk to her. Just say something about a class or a teacher or an event coming up. This is not rocket science.

Well, they're staring at me. I'm rarely staring at the girls who stare at me. In my opinion it's kind of rude to just stare at someone without saying anything.

You have analyzed her in the first post. You think she is "clearly interested" based on her staring at you.

 

You will have to make the first move.

I don't /think/ she's interested. I know that she is interested because her close friend has told me she is. However she was just an example... this thread is not about her.

Edited February 17, 2017 by Matt17

[CptInsano]

If YOU see a girl that you are attracted to, just go up to her and say hi. You don't need "signals" or eye contact to make contact. Confidence wins them over.

 

Actually, if the OP is as good looking as he describes himself, a decent number of women would talk to him if he smiled at them instead of analyzing their stares.

[Cookiesandough]

It sounds like gender reversal of what a lot of girls say "I'm so good looking. Why aren't guys approaching me??" but funnier given that men are socialized to do the approaching. Very few people are going to go out of their way to talk to someone who seems is closed off/not receptive to talking, even if you are good looking.

[preraph]

Well, they're staring at me. I'm rarely staring at the girls who stare at me. In my opinion it's kind of rude to just stare at someone without saying anything.

 

I don't /think/ she's interested. I know that she is interested because her close friend has told me she is. However she was just an example... this thread is not about her.

 

They're not staring at you meanly. They're staring at you to be friendly and give you an opening to say "Hi, I'm ___." So they're not rude. You are.

[Matt17]

They're not staring at you meanly. They're staring at you to be friendly and give you an opening to say "Hi, I'm ___." So they're not rude. You are.

Just because I don't approach them or return their eye contact doesn't mean I'm being rude to them.

[preraph]

Well, then what would you call it? You are obviously interested in some of them and yet you are saying you don't look at them. So if you don't look at them, how do you know they're staring at you? They're trying to be friendly and you're snubbing them or acting like you don't care to them, but you DO care because you're on here stewing about it.

 

 

Stop making this difficult. It's a simple situation. Say hi and break the ice.

[Ieris]

@Matt17 ~ Are you interested in any of them or are you just curious as to why they stare? If you are interested maybe just smile or wave at them and see what happens because it must be so awkward having all these staring contests with them...

 

Some people stare because they are interested, but some just stare because they are weird or maybe they a have lazy eye or something. I agree its rude to stare so it's natural to look at them when you constantly catch them staring at you.

[Matt17]

Well, then what would you call it? You are obviously interested in some of them and yet you are saying you don't look at them. So if you don't look at them, how do you know they're staring at you? They're trying to be friendly and you're snubbing them or acting like you don't care to them, but you DO care because you're on here stewing about it.

 

 

Stop making this difficult. It's a simple situation. Say hi and break the ice.

I'm not sure what makes you come to the conclusion that I'm interested in some of them. I made this thread as I was curious to why so many girls would stare at me, but very few of them would start a conversation or approach me.

I know they're staring at me because I can easily see it in my peripheral vision. To be honest, I don't see how their behaviour can be seen as friendly - really what's so friendly about staring at someone?

@Matt17 ~ Are you interested in any of them or are you just curious as to why they stare? If you are interested maybe just smile or wave at them and see what happens because it must be so awkward having all these staring contests with them...

 

Some people stare because they are interested, but some just stare because they are weird or maybe they a have lazy eye or something. I agree its rude to stare so it's natural to look at them when you constantly catch them staring at you.

I'm curious to why they behave like this. Anyway, that's some good advice there, I'll smile next time one of the girls decides to give me the prolonged stare and see what happens.

[smackie9]

The stare or eye contact is what girls do to "invite" a man to approach them. Girls want to feel they are valued by how much effort the man is willing to put into pursuing them. It's our genetic code.

BUT

women are very competitive just like guys are when it comes pursuing very attractive people. People don't waste their time staring, they will hop right to it.

 

You are attractive enough to get stares, but not all that to have them coming at you before anyone else does.

 

So my question is....do you have zero confidence in yourself to approach women? or are you THAT full of yourself that girls should be clamoring for your attention?

[Matt17]

The stare or eye contact is what girls do to "invite" a man to approach them. Girls want to feel they are valued by how much effort the man is willing to put into pursuing them. It's our genetic code.

Is it still an invite when a girl you see quite often gives you the prolonged stare several times?

BUT

women are very competitive just like guys are when it comes pursuing very attractive people. People don't waste their time staring, they will hop right to it.

 

You are attractive enough to get stares, but not all that to have them coming at you before anyone else does.

 

So my question is....do you have zero confidence in yourself to approach women? or are you THAT full of yourself that girls should be clamoring for your attention?

Well, I have been approached by girls although it happens very rarely. I guess my problem is that I'm young and inexperienced hence why I came here to ask for advice. I don't think I'm necessarily afraid of approaching girls, I just think it's really pathetic that there are girls who have been staring at me for a year, and still have barely made any efforts to talk to me outside class.