Coping and NC - Anyone ever felt this?

[marie25]

I am like a week into NC (more or less, my ex threw breadcrumbs and I replied, but then realized my mistake and asked him to please not message me while I am moving on).

 

I was wondering if anyone has ever felt this way -

Today I opened my email to shockingly great news. I got an interview to a very very prestigious internship offer for the summer. I was so happy initially I wanted to dance.

 

But minutes after, dread seeped into me and I nearly had a panic attack. I think it is because it is an offer I cannot refuse - but also puts me across the country from my ex - making reconciliation a near impossible and unlikely-to-ever-happen task. (FYI - I am currently hours away but within the same state as my ex - we were LD for just the last few months of our 2 year relationship for my school - and the summer was my opportunity to return to my home town and in my fantasies, reconcile with my ex.)

 

I guess just that empty feeling that my ex and I will likely never reconcile - someone who was so important to me, and someone who was the first person I wanted to tell this news to - is now just another stranger. He felt like family to me, we lived together and went through so much together. I almost feel like I am not used to embarking on large changes in my life (like going across the country alone) without his support.

 

Any words of wisdom that will help me through this? I am definitely not going to break NC or anything like that, and I know innately I will be fine. But I am going through a lot now and need some support from the LS community.

[Ilovelifeforwhatcome]

I am like a week into NC (more or less, my ex threw breadcrumbs and I replied, but then realized my mistake and asked him to please not message me while I am moving on).

 

I was wondering if anyone has ever felt this way -

Today I opened my email to shockingly great news. I got an interview to a very very prestigious internship offer for the summer. I was so happy initially I wanted to dance.

 

But minutes after, dread seeped into me and I nearly had a panic attack. I think it is because it is an offer I cannot refuse - but also puts me across the country from my ex - making reconciliation a near impossible and unlikely-to-ever-happen task. (FYI - I am currently hours away but within the same state as my ex - we were LD for just the last few months of our 2 year relationship for my school - and the summer was my opportunity to return to my home town and in my fantasies, reconcile with my ex.)

 

I guess just that empty feeling that my ex and I will likely never reconcile - someone who was so important to me, and someone who was the first person I wanted to tell this news to - is now just another stranger. He felt like family to me, we lived together and went through so much together. I almost feel like I am not used to embarking on large changes in my life (like going across the country alone) without his support.

 

Any words of wisdom that will help me through this? I am definitely not going to break NC or anything like that, and I know innately I will be fine. But I am going through a lot now and need some support from the LS community.

 

Very much so has this happened to me before. I was devastated when I broke up w/my 1st love and when I got the job I had wanted for a long time, I would have wanted to share that w/him. More recently my LD bf and I broke it off, boy I miss telling him random funny stuff that happens to me. We have been NC for almost a week and its difficult. Understand there are people out there who are feeling the exact same way, you aren't alone.

[marie25]

Very much so has this happened to me before. I was devastated when I broke up w/my 1st love and when I got the job I had wanted for a long time, I would have wanted to share that w/him. More recently my LD bf and I broke it off, boy I miss telling him random funny stuff that happens to me. We have been NC for almost a week and its difficult. Understand there are people out there who are feeling the exact same way, you aren't alone.

 

Thank you so much for sharing. I think I am in a very sensitive and vulnerable state (and also my time of the month ) - it's just one of *those* days. He was also my first love so this is very difficult. Every piece of advice or sharing of personal experiences helps me!

[Ilovelifeforwhatcome]

Thank you so much for sharing. I think I am in a very sensitive and vulnerable state (and also my time of the month ) - it's just one of *those* days. He was also my first love so this is very difficult. Every piece of advice or sharing of personal experiences helps me!

 

You poor thing, I always have the feeling of wanting crawl out of my own skin. It really hurts, though I wasn't w/this guy as long as my 1st love, I felt very strong feelings for him, something I thought I wouldn't feel for a long time. You have your on and off days, sometimes I just randomly start crying. Stay strong.

[kel224]

I understand how you're feeling. My ex-gf broke up/left for another guy after 3 years. I think everyone, especially early on after starting no contact, has those hopes for reconciling. In my situation, we're both in grad school working on our PhDs. She'll probably finish in the next 1-2 years, and me the next 3. Afterwards, it's almost guaranteed we'll be moving across the country to launch our careers. Good chance she'll go west coast, and I'll go east coast.

 

 

Especially early on, I had thoughts like "maybe her new relationship won't last more than a year or so, and then that might give us time to be in each other's lives before we leave this town". There was a lot of anxiety about whether they'll break up in time for her to consider giving us a second chance. And I also struggle with that feeling of emptiness realizing that someone who meant the world to me is not only a stranger now, but an enemy given the way things ended.

 

I'm 4 months out from the breakup, and like 3.5 months into no contact/moving out of our shared apt. So I've healed a lot. These thoughts still cross my mind (not nearly as frequently), but the feelings with it have matured and scabbed over. There's not that deep yearning and anxiety anymore. Most importantly, I've had time to process why our relationship failed. Time to grow, get in shape. I've spent a lot of time assessing why that relationship wasn't right for either of us. All the dynamics I just couldn't see from inside the relationship. And because of the effort I've been putting in, I feel healthier than I have in years and confident that I'll be OK and find another love eventually that makes all of this worth it.

 

I believe my point is that I understand the feels, and it sucks. But if you take this job and move across the country, I'm confident it will speed your healing up. And those feelings will fade. It seems like you understand that you have to do what is best for your future. And I'd say a fresh start in a new place is an amazing chance to rebuild your life into something much better.

 

Best of luck, you're not alone!

[emagyne]

I can understand where you coming from. I just broke up with a guy who I thought was my forever and I was going to actually relocate with him and his new job. I have been wanting to get away from where I am now, the lack of decent jobs, the people and the lack of men here. It was like for once all my dreams was coming true. Then this. So it's like I am back at square one, stuck in this life and without this dream guy it seemed I made up. Honestly there is nothing on the lines of the best advice. All I can tell you is take one day at a time. Hug yourself, love yourself. Right now I've been hurt on some new level type stuff. I can't even explain. Last night I sat in a chair staring at my ring finger in disbelief listening to Samantha James- Again and Again with this sinking feeling and finding it hard to even breathe thru it. We will get thru it, somehow. Hope the new job and all works out for you and good luck. Life does go on.

[spiderowl]

I think we all have such a strong desire to share - part of human nature I guess - that when something happens or we think of something interesting we want to share it. Often that involves our intimate partner, or thinking of an ex. It is an urge to share that is hard to deny and we know we are denying when we try to ignore it. We also usually know it is for the best if the ex broke up with us.

 

You are grieving the loss of your ex and the future the two of you could have had. Unfortunately, he did not opt for that future so it is a false dream. I am sorry you are having to try to cope with the loss of your dreams. It hurts a great deal.

 

Congratulations on the interview though, you may have an opportunity there that will take you on to a better and more fulfilled life. I can understand your dilemma but maybe you should go to the interview, aim to get it, and then make decisions afterwards. It is hard to make decisions in a state of uncertainty and lack of closure, but you must put your future first even if you still feel emotionally tied to the past at the moment. I hope that makes sense.