Author Misconstrued Posted April 5, 2017 Author Share Posted April 5, 2017 How do you know that, what clear evidence do you have for that? Well, it's been almost two months and I have plenty of evidence as well as a confession from the horses mouth. So there's that. I haven't been online for quite a while, but I have a lot to write about. I'm just not sure where to start. I suppose I should start off with the fact I confronted my ex about his affair and the pregnancy with my best-friend. It didn't go so well, I did what people suggested here and gathered evidence, what little evidence I could gather and luckily he admitted to having an affair with my friend. Things escalated quickly when I told him he disgusted me and as I started to walk out of the apartment, he grabbed me and asked me where I was going to which I replied I was going to confront her and her Husband to tell him everything his wife has been up to. It's difficult for me to talk about this because I haven't left my parents house since it happened and I've been reclusive. My ex locked me in his apartment and began to assault me, when he grabbed my arm, I threw him off and pushed him and told him to get his filthy hands off me to which he grabbed me again, yelled at me that I wasn't going anywhere and pulled me into the hall-way and grabbed me into his bedroom to where he shoved me on the bed and got on top of me. I yelled at him to ask what he was doing and he began to put his hands around my neck and kissed me while he choked me. I am so thankful for the neighbors, because one of them heard everything as the walls are paper thin and he knocked on the door. My ex stopped what he was doing and ran to peek through the keyhole. I got up and yelled at the top of my lungs asking for help and fortunately, the neighbor heard me and told C to open up the door before he kicked it in and he did open the door, as soon as I saw it opening I ran out, ran past the neighbor, got in my car and drove home as fast as I could. I haven't done anything else about this, I haven't went to the police. I haven't spoken to my best friend or anyone for that matter. My parents know about it but my Father is too old to do anything and I begged him not to. They both tried to confront my ex about it but he's not been seen by people since it happened, I think he's hiding at his friends house. I'm not sure what to do anymore all I want is to move on and be happy in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
magnesium Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 (edited) Jesus, I'm glad you are alive, or at least not physically hurt. Your life was in danger at that moment. This might hurt, but let it sink in...what if the neighbour didn't hear anything? Your crazy ex is f**king dangerous. I'd get the police involved; how much harm against you does this guy think he can get away with? First the affair, and now assault? Edited April 5, 2017 by magnesium 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercat Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 I'm so very sorry this happened to you. Please tell me you took pictures of any injuries... I hate to do this..but considering the fact that there is an innocent baby involved, I feel like you should tell your ex friend what happened. Feel free to tell her what a foul piece of garbage she is at the same time, but it's not the baby's fault that it has pigs for parents.. Tell her husband as well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 Well, it's been almost two months and I have plenty of evidence as well as a confession from the horses mouth. So there's that. I haven't been online for quite a while, but I have a lot to write about. I'm just not sure where to start. I suppose I should start off with the fact I confronted my ex about his affair and the pregnancy with my best-friend. It didn't go so well, I did what people suggested here and gathered evidence, what little evidence I could gather and luckily he admitted to having an affair with my friend. Things escalated quickly when I told him he disgusted me and as I started to walk out of the apartment, he grabbed me and asked me where I was going to which I replied I was going to confront her and her Husband to tell him everything his wife has been up to. It's difficult for me to talk about this because I haven't left my parents house since it happened and I've been reclusive. My ex locked me in his apartment and began to assault me, when he grabbed my arm, I threw him off and pushed him and told him to get his filthy hands off me to which he grabbed me again, yelled at me that I wasn't going anywhere and pulled me into the hall-way and grabbed me into his bedroom to where he shoved me on the bed and got on top of me. I yelled at him to ask what he was doing and he began to put his hands around my neck and kissed me while he choked me. I am so thankful for the neighbors, because one of them heard everything as the walls are paper thin and he knocked on the door. My ex stopped what he was doing and ran to peek through the keyhole. I got up and yelled at the top of my lungs asking for help and fortunately, the neighbor heard me and told C to open up the door before he kicked it in and he did open the door, as soon as I saw it opening I ran out, ran past the neighbor, got in my car and drove home as fast as I could. I haven't done anything else about this, I haven't went to the police. I haven't spoken to my best friend or anyone for that matter. My parents know about it but my Father is too old to do anything and I begged him not to. They both tried to confront my ex about it but he's not been seen by people since it happened, I think he's hiding at his friends house. I'm not sure what to do anymore all I want is to move on and be happy in my life. This is insanity....why would a MAN detain a person against their will??? I am seriously SICKENED by some of the stuff I read here. First, this DUDE is TRASH so get away from him and put him out of your mind. Do not shed one tear or waste one second of your life worrying about a guy like this. Do not be a victim. IT IS OVER and you must let it go. Second, your "best friend" is NOT your friend in all reality. I feel bad for her husband and he has a right to know especially with the pregnancy. You really do need to be CERTAIN of this affair before you drop a bomb like that. Link to post Share on other sites
WorstFeelingEver Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 You need to go to the police immediately and press charges on him, show them any bruises or red lines on your neck from him. You NEED to this now, before too much time passes. Also, you have the ex's neighbor, as evidence to back you up as you were yelling at top of your lungs, as your ex had you locked up in his apartment & was assaulting you. Do this NOW, do NOT hesitate. do NOT go to your ex apartment alone again. Good luck to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misconstrued Posted April 5, 2017 Author Share Posted April 5, 2017 I'm afraid to go to the police, this happened a couple weeks ago and I haven't told anyone or done anything about it. My parents know and they too advised me to go to the police but I wasn't ready and I am afraid if I do ,what will happen? Will he just be warned? Will it p*ss him off? Will he want to hurt me again? I don't understand any of this, he's not the person I used to know. He would never have hurt me before and he looks like a totally different person. I can't believe this happened and how much of a mess everything is, I thought it would be getting better, not worse. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 I'm afraid to go to the police, this happened a couple weeks ago and I haven't told anyone or done anything about it. My parents know and they too advised me to go to the police but I wasn't ready and I am afraid if I do ,what will happen? Will he just be warned? Will it p*ss him off? Will he want to hurt me again? I don't understand any of this, he's not the person I used to know. He would never have hurt me before and he looks like a totally different person. I can't believe this happened and how much of a mess everything is, I thought it would be getting better, not worse. Let the police handle it. Press assault charges! Never live in fear! He's likely done it to another gal - you need this to be public knowledge to help others in the future. Speak up! no more victim! Have a voice and speak your truth! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 I'm afraid to go to the police, this happened a couple weeks ago and I haven't told anyone or done anything about it. My parents know and they too advised me to go to the police but I wasn't ready and I am afraid if I do ,what will happen? Will he just be warned? Will it p*ss him off? Will he want to hurt me again? I don't understand any of this, he's not the person I used to know. He would never have hurt me before and he looks like a totally different person. I can't believe this happened and how much of a mess everything is, I thought it would be getting better, not worse. Go to the police, don't be afraid. He'll be charged with assault and there will be consequences. This is his own fault and may be a wake-up call to him. If he gets away with it, who knows how much worse it will be next time someone pisses him off. He needs to be held accountable for this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 5, 2017 Share Posted April 5, 2017 Wow. Just wow. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercat Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 I'm afraid to go to the police, this happened a couple weeks ago and I haven't told anyone or done anything about it. My parents know and they too advised me to go to the police but I wasn't ready and I am afraid if I do ,what will happen? Will he just be warned? Will it p*ss him off? Will he want to hurt me again? I don't understand any of this, he's not the person I used to know. He would never have hurt me before and he looks like a totally different person. I can't believe this happened and how much of a mess everything is, I thought it would be getting better, not worse. Why are you afraid to go to the police? The longer you wait, the less chance you'll have of getting anything done. It's honestly probably too late to press charges but at least if you tell them now, they'll have to start a file on the incident. Who cares what kind of person he is anymore? The point of the matter is that the person he is now is dangerous. Be vigilant, don't be alone if you don't have to be, carry pepper spray. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
curiouslysearching Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 Why are you afraid to go to the police? The longer you wait, the less chance you'll have of getting anything done. It's honestly probably too late to press charges but at least if you tell them now, they'll have to start a file on the incident. Who cares what kind of person he is anymore? The point of the matter is that the person he is now is dangerous. Be vigilant, don't be alone if you don't have to be, carry pepper spray. it is heart breaking to think of a man treating a woman like that.....he is not much of a man to do what he did to her.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 I'm afraid to go to the police, this happened a couple weeks ago and I haven't told anyone or done anything about it. My parents know and they too advised me to go to the police but I wasn't ready and I am afraid if I do ,what will happen? Will he just be warned? Will it p*ss him off? Will he want to hurt me again? I don't understand any of this, he's not the person I used to know. He would never have hurt me before and he looks like a totally different person. I can't believe this happened and how much of a mess everything is, I thought it would be getting better, not worse. Go, it doesn't matter if it happened a couple of weeks ago. Ask the neighbour who helped you get out to write down his version of what happened. the more proof, the better. File a restraining order against him too! Stay safe and be strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misconstrued Posted April 6, 2017 Author Share Posted April 6, 2017 It's quite easy for people to advise me to go to the police, press charges, but they aren't in my shoes. It's not easy at all. It's heart-breaking because I share a history with this man -- I was engaged to this man. I knew this mans family, his friends, I shared a bed with him, a home, I built a life with him and created a plan with him to go through my life being with him by my side as a unit, as a family. I planned to have this mans babies. He was my world, my future, the piece of my heart that I was missing.... and that same man... put his hands around my neck to choke me. The police can only do so much, and what I want is not enough for them to do. The man I loved who I spent seconds, minutes and hours of each day getting to know and loving him unconditionally, was able to think about harming me, he put his hands around my throat and used his strength to grip my neck tight, to squeeze with both hands as hard as he could while I looked into his eyes, the eyes of a person I adored, loved, cherished........ and in that moment he could have killed me. It felt like he wanted to kill me. Did he? Would he have killed me if the neighbor didn't bother to help me? That frightens me. That has kept me up at night, stopped me from sleeping because I'm terrified of the dreams I may have again about it. It's tore my heart and destroyed me inside. None of this is easy, and as for the police, at this point I could care less about pressing charges because it's already done damage to me and pressing charges can't take that back but can only make things worse, I imagine. I'm terrified to do anything. I just want to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 6, 2017 Share Posted April 6, 2017 He did all of that to you to protect her? What did she say when you told her you knew that she betrayed you? Link to post Share on other sites
Fdb Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 It's quite easy for people to advise me to go to the police, press charges, but they aren't in my shoes. It's not easy at all. It's heart-breaking because I share a history with this man -- I was engaged to this man. I knew this mans family, his friends, I shared a bed with him, a home, I built a life with him and created a plan with him to go through my life being with him by my side as a unit, as a family. I planned to have this mans babies. He was my world, my future, the piece of my heart that I was missing.... ---can agree more what you wrote there. Cut the tie, and walk out from the past, is the only way that we can be possibly happy again Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercat Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 It's quite easy for people to advise me to go to the police, press charges, but they aren't in my shoes. It's not easy at all. It's heart-breaking because I share a history with this man -- I was engaged to this man. I knew this mans family, his friends, I shared a bed with him, a home, I built a life with him and created a plan with him to go through my life being with him by my side as a unit, as a family. I planned to have this mans babies. He was my world, my future, the piece of my heart that I was missing.... and that same man... put his hands around my neck to choke me. The police can only do so much, and what I want is not enough for them to do. The man I loved who I spent seconds, minutes and hours of each day getting to know and loving him unconditionally, was able to think about harming me, he put his hands around my throat and used his strength to grip my neck tight, to squeeze with both hands as hard as he could while I looked into his eyes, the eyes of a person I adored, loved, cherished........ and in that moment he could have killed me. It felt like he wanted to kill me. Did he? Would he have killed me if the neighbor didn't bother to help me? That frightens me. That has kept me up at night, stopped me from sleeping because I'm terrified of the dreams I may have again about it. It's tore my heart and destroyed me inside. None of this is easy, and as for the police, at this point I could care less about pressing charges because it's already done damage to me and pressing charges can't take that back but can only make things worse, I imagine. I'm terrified to do anything. I just want to be happy. The man who choked you and detained you in his apartment is not the man you were engaged to. Not even close. It sounds to me like he absolutely would have killed you if his neighbor hadn't intervened. You need to stop thinking with your heart and think with your head. He tried, and failed, to kill you. You know that. He knows that. You are now a witness to his possible attempted murder, which means it's definitely possible that he will try again, and he might not fail next time. I know I sound dramatic but I'm trying to scare some sense into you. You are not safe. Link to post Share on other sites
magnesium Posted April 7, 2017 Share Posted April 7, 2017 It's quite easy for people to advise me to go to the police, press charges, but they aren't in my shoes. It's not easy at all. It's heart-breaking because I share a history with this man -- I was engaged to this man. I knew this mans family, his friends, I shared a bed with him, a home, I built a life with him and created a plan with him to go through my life being with him by my side as a unit, as a family. I planned to have this mans babies. He was my world, my future, the piece of my heart that I was missing.... and that same man... put his hands around my neck to choke me. The police can only do so much, and what I want is not enough for them to do. The man I loved who I spent seconds, minutes and hours of each day getting to know and loving him unconditionally, was able to think about harming me, he put his hands around my throat and used his strength to grip my neck tight, to squeeze with both hands as hard as he could while I looked into his eyes, the eyes of a person I adored, loved, cherished........ and in that moment he could have killed me. It felt like he wanted to kill me. Did he? Would he have killed me if the neighbor didn't bother to help me? That frightens me. That has kept me up at night, stopped me from sleeping because I'm terrified of the dreams I may have again about it. It's tore my heart and destroyed me inside. None of this is easy, and as for the police, at this point I could care less about pressing charges because it's already done damage to me and pressing charges can't take that back but can only make things worse, I imagine. I'm terrified to do anything. I just want to be happy. An alternative I would like to suggest is that you find a therapist familiar with trauma. You have suffered a massive betrayal of trust from the people who are closest to you, and in addition to that you were physically assaulted. These types of sudden events and insidious on-going traumatic events can cause PTSD or complex PTSD, respectively. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 The man you knew and loved doesn't exist anymore. The violence and assholism has taken over. I'm sure this isn't easy and it breaks your heart but you can't let him get away with this. Press charges and please, get counseling so you don't end up with PTSD. He assaulted you, someone you loved, trusted and was vulnerable with took total advantage of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Momof3littleones Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 I'm sorry. No one knows how you can feel because it's not something you know until you've had it happen to you. I just don't like him walking away from this situation without facing any consequences for his actions. I agree to see a therapist, and then you need to mourn the loss of the person you knew because he is not that person anymore. I hope you can get some help and get support from people around you, whether family or friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
viatori patuit Posted April 8, 2017 Share Posted April 8, 2017 I suppose I do not understand the emotions you portray. I certainly cannot fathom that type of behavior, and I am a man. I can say that left untreated he will do it again. The next girl might not have a kindly neighbor to save them. Call the cops and warn your ex friend. The guy is unstable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted April 9, 2017 Share Posted April 9, 2017 If he gets away with this, without consequences, he may think he can do it again. To your or his next woman. And maybe then there won't be a neighbor around to help. He could kill someone. You have the neighbor as a witness. It hurts but it's not about you. It's about the next person after you that he could kill. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misconstrued Posted April 10, 2017 Author Share Posted April 10, 2017 How will I know if/when I'm ready to go to the police? I have been sleeping all day and staying up all night because night time is the worst for me, when I lay down to put my head on a pillow, I cry and cry and cry until I can't bear to be in my bed. So then I get up and do things at night, I exhaust myself by the time the sun comes up. When I'm exhausted and can't do anything anymore, I sit on my bed and look out the window to think. I think of all the terrible things that has happened, I think about what I should do, and then what happened to me on that day gets put on repeat. I get up and close my curtains and put on the t.v as loud as I can to try drain out my thoughts and try to appear interested in what is happening on the t.v -- then when I've cried enough tears I'll fall asleep and dream about it. Unless I take sleeping pills, then I hit my pillow hard enough not to dream of anything, which is always a luxury. I look absolutely horrible and for the first time ever I don't care. I have dark circles around my eyes, my hair has not been washed for over two weeks now, I've just stopping caring. I'm going to speak to my parents more about going to the police, I can't do this alone. Link to post Share on other sites
ImComplicated Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 Reading this has made me understand why victims of DV sometimes wait a while to file a report with the police. I get it, the feeling of being completely betrayed and turned on in such a violent way, by the person who, until a very short time ago, was your love, your protector and the person you used to turn to for comfort...and for it to happen that fast, it's devastating, I imagine. And just the thought that you're that disposable to him, that he wasn't even attacking you because he was angry you were leaving, but bc he was afraid you were gonna mess up his affair with your BFF, by telling her husband, that might by the most hurtful part of all of it. If I were in OP's shoes, I'd probably need some time to process all of this, first, too, before worrying about the practicalities of everything like filing police reports, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 please talk to your parents to get some help. I know when a young man was stalking one of my daughters, I started going every where I could with her to keep her safe. have you parents help you with trauma that you are going thru. get the help from a therapist. And the police can help. They caught the guy that did road rage to my wife. Parents do want to help their kids. I have and continue to help my kids. you will never know how much your parents care for you until you have kids of your own. Link to post Share on other sites
jdolecek70 Posted April 10, 2017 Share Posted April 10, 2017 I'm so sorry your going through this, I too am going thru some major issues....I wish there was something I could do to make it all better for you I don't understand horrible people like this. Unlike me you will get through this...just pleae be true to yourself and whatever you do, do it for you Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts