Lies after lies. He cheated with my best friend.

[chevchelios]

I feel for you.. a lot. But the greatest thing about noticing danger before you are in danger is that you can actually avoid confronting it. Had you been married then you would be more devastated and scarred for life. Some people deserve being jerks for the rest if their lives but you on the other hand have a chance to move on with your life hurting on not.

Be grateful you dodged a bullet. Find your own path and discover your own Happiness. You gon be ayt:)

[aileD]

Sweetie, you have PTSD.

 

Are you seeing a therapist yet? You should start. It will help you with the staying up all night, the reliving, the dreams, etc. you had a traumatic experience.

 

It's ok to not feel strong. Go to your parents, let them help you. Can you stay with them?

 

Please start seeking therapy right away, PTSD can be very debilitating.

 

I'm rooting for you. Xo

[FrancoStacy]

Since splitting from my ex-fiance, some things have came out to light about my ex - the lies he's told.

 

On Monday morning as I got up to get prepared to go to work, I stopped by the shops (shops that I do not normally go to and a good bit of distance from my home - so I don't bump into my ex) to pick up something to eat before traveling. As I was just about to enter the shop, I saw my ex's car pull up in a parking space close-by. I didn't know what to do, so I stood behind some tall sign the shop had up which just about covered me so he couldn't see me. But it wasn't him that got out the car - it was one of my best friends - driving his car.

 

Since I saw her I've done a lot of investigating into why she was driving his car and these past couple of days I have found out the reason my ex did not want a relationship with me is because he wants a relationship with my best friend. They have been having an affair since October.

 

He doesn't know I know yet and neither does she. Although, I have not seen him at all and do not wish to, but I sure enough want to see her.

 

I have not been eating or sleeping right since finding this out. It was difficult enough to accept he was dumping me, but this has absolutely broken me. I don't know what to do about it, or if I should even do anything. I've been having dreams about them both and throwing up, unable to concentrate at work, just overall feeling incredibly crappy.

 

My heart is absolutely devastated.

 

Totally agree with Mr Lucky, you dodged a bullet. While you heart is broken, consider it also a blessing that you found out before you were married, before you had children and before you gathered things together like cars and houses and more memories.

 

I consider him still lower than your friend. Friends come and go and I have found are your friend as long as it benefits them in some kind of way...even if the benefit is well hidden, its still a self serving relationship where they are getting more out of it than they give. So she found a reason to sacrifice your friendship, she will find another friend and so will you.

 

Him on the other hand, you were about to enter into a different level of trust and intimacy that can only be achieved through a special kind of love and committment. Shame on him for breaking that bond.

 

I would keep my silence just to see how deep a hole they dig. I guess I am devious that way.

[FrancoStacy]

It's quite easy for people to advise me to go to the police, press charges, but they aren't in my shoes. It's not easy at all. It's heart-breaking because I share a history with this man -- I was engaged to this man. I knew this mans family, his friends, I shared a bed with him, a home, I built a life with him and created a plan with him to go through my life being with him by my side as a unit, as a family. I planned to have this mans babies. He was my world, my future, the piece of my heart that I was missing....

 

and that same man... put his hands around my neck to choke me. The police can only do so much, and what I want is not enough for them to do. The man I loved who I spent seconds, minutes and hours of each day getting to know and loving him unconditionally, was able to think about harming me, he put his hands around my throat and used his strength to grip my neck tight, to squeeze with both hands as hard as he could while I looked into his eyes, the eyes of a person I adored, loved, cherished........ and in that moment he could have killed me. It felt like he wanted to kill me. Did he? Would he have killed me if the neighbor didn't bother to help me?

 

That frightens me. That has kept me up at night, stopped me from sleeping because I'm terrified of the dreams I may have again about it. It's tore my heart and destroyed me inside. None of this is easy, and as for the police, at this point I could care less about pressing charges because it's already done damage to me and pressing charges can't take that back but can only make things worse, I imagine. I'm terrified to do anything.

 

I just want to be happy.

 

Sorry, I hadn't read all your post and saw people telling you to go the police so I read more.

I agree, its not as easy as everyone is telling you. This is all so strange because the person you loved and trusted is like a person from another planet invaded his body. Your emotions are involved and the advice everyone is giving you is from a place where they aren't attached. Also I don't think there will be much the police can do because by law he is innocent until proven guilty and if you dont have marks on your body or a history of violence between he two of you it will be a difficult road even with the neighbor. All he can say is he heard you screaming unless he saw marks on your or your x admitted something to him. Your x will say it was an argument, but I still think a report should be filed. They will at least talk to him and plus your complaint will be on record in case you need that background on record.

 

I was with my wife for over 20 years. We had 4 children and beautiful home and we were best friends. She use to tell me that the thought of her being with another man made her physically sick. We had a wonderful marriage and then something changed in her.

 

We barely fought...once we separated we were like cats and dogs. We fought. She had a couple boyfriends. One time I told her I can forgive the affairs just come back home. It seemed to enrage her that I said that. She started calling me every name in the book and I could see such rage in her eyes. I said to her, "you hate me dont you" She said she hated me more than anyone in the world. I said you want to hurt me...I feel it. She told me she wanted to beat my head in. I said punch me! Go ahead, mabye it will make you feel better. She doubled up both fists and punched me as hard as she could in the face. I said, is that all you got? Do it again. She then hit me three more times. Afterwards...I asked "did that make you feel better?"

She then hocked up the biggest spit wad and spit it directly into my face! i remember looking down and seeing her spit dangling off the end of my nose. I took my hand and wiped it off and just looked at her. she said I F-in hate you. She got in our van and drove off throwing rocks on me.

 

Looking back....It was wrong of me to allow that. But in those battles, everything just gets so twisted and sick. What happened to you is sick...not excusing it or excusing what he did. It could be a sign of things to come or it could be an isolated event he is sorry and ashamed of. But none of us...INCLUDING you, know for sure. I would at least report it. I would not go anywhere alone with him under any circumstance.

 

Now that he has done this to you, has it changed your feelings you had for him?

Edited April 13, 2017 by FrancoStacy

[smi11ie]

Just tell the her husband. Report the incident to the police . Get a restraining order. 3 simple little things that will be good for you.

 

She is not your friend anymore, she traded that for your ex. He is an idiot.

Edited April 13, 2017 by smi11ie

[stillafool]

Why haven't you told her that you know what she's done? I wouldn't have told him that I was going to tell her husband. He knew her husband would beat him down or worst. She needs to give you an explanation as to why she betrayed you but you seem to have let her off the hook.

 

Do you work?

[mrs rubble]

How will I know if/when I'm ready to go to the police?

 

I have been sleeping all day and staying up all night because night time is the worst for me, when I lay down to put my head on a pillow, I cry and cry and cry until I can't bear to be in my bed. So then I get up and do things at night, I exhaust myself by the time the sun comes up. When I'm exhausted and can't do anything anymore, I sit on my bed and look out the window to think. I think of all the terrible things that has happened, I think about what I should do, and then what happened to me on that day gets put on repeat. I get up and close my curtains and put on the t.v as loud as I can to try drain out my thoughts and try to appear interested in what is happening on the t.v -- then when I've cried enough tears I'll fall asleep and dream about it. Unless I take sleeping pills, then I hit my pillow hard enough not to dream of anything, which is always a luxury.

 

I look absolutely horrible and for the first time ever I don't care. I have dark circles around my eyes, my hair has not been washed for over two weeks now, I've just stopping caring. I'm going to speak to my parents more about going to the police, I can't do this alone.

 

I was one of the people advising you to go to the police, I say this out of experience. I had an ex boyfriend arrested for assault, he knocked me unconscious and split my head open. My ex husband was also arrested for assaulting my son. So I understand all the emotions involved.

Having my ex's arrested meant that we (the victims) get better access to counselling and the courts ordered them anger management courses.

If you want to move on and heal you need to get some counselling, be brave and open up to your family, ask for their support.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

[Misconstrued]

People who are telling me to "Just tell her husband" -- that is the least of my worries. Her Husband will find out, you can't keep secrets like that and right now I could honestly care less.

 

Stillafool, your post infuriated me because of the words you chose to use, "letting her off the hook", do you honestly think I am concerned about that at the moment? Yes, I worked, I haven't been able to go to work for reasons I've cited in these posts, I don't know why me working is relative to any of this, though? None of those are a concern for me. What my ex friend has done is nothing compared to what HE has done. I am infuriated because your post brought me to tears and made me feel like it was my fault, like I brought it on myself by confronting my ex. I'm a kind hearted person even in the worst situations, I was giving him a chance to come clean and I shouldn't have to sit here explaining myself. Don't you think I wish I did it differently? Don't you think I wish I could rewind back time and go back to that moment to undo all of it and go straight to her Husband to tell her so then I could've avoided being choked by someone I loved?

 

I have nightmares about being sexually assaulted, murdered, I relive that moment each day every time I close my eyes, and every time I open them I relive with the pain, the grief, the sickening pit in my stomach. It's a cycle I am reliving each day, so no, I am not letting her "off the hook" because I don't give a damn about her or getting revenge on her.

 

As for everyone else, thank you so much for being supportive and generally being kind with your words.

 

I was going to do an update on my situation but after reading this, I can't. Maybe I'm over-reacting, taking things personally but I'm not in a good place right now and I have so much anger, shame and heart-break. The only reason I keep coming back here is because I'm trying to vent about it when it gets too much and I'm hoping, praying that there are women out there who can read this and not make the same mistake I did and that's by not going to the police. I will update when I'm strong enough.

[EZNona]

People who are telling me to "Just tell her husband" -- that is the least of my worries. Her Husband will find out, you can't keep secrets like that and right now I could honestly care less.

 

Stillafool, your post infuriated me because of the words you chose to use, "letting her off the hook", do you honestly think I am concerned about that at the moment? Yes, I worked, I haven't been able to go to work for reasons I've cited in these posts, I don't know why me working is relative to any of this, though? None of those are a concern for me. What my ex friend has done is nothing compared to what HE has done. I am infuriated because your post brought me to tears and made me feel like it was my fault, like I brought it on myself by confronting my ex. I'm a kind hearted person even in the worst situations, I was giving him a chance to come clean and I shouldn't have to sit here explaining myself. Don't you think I wish I did it differently? Don't you think I wish I could rewind back time and go back to that moment to undo all of it and go straight to her Husband to tell her so then I could've avoided being choked by someone I loved?

 

I have nightmares about being sexually assaulted, murdered, I relive that moment each day every time I close my eyes, and every time I open them I relive with the pain, the grief, the sickening pit in my stomach. It's a cycle I am reliving each day, so no, I am not letting her "off the hook" because I don't give a damn about her or getting revenge on her.

 

As for everyone else, thank you so much for being supportive and generally being kind with your words.

 

I was going to do an update on my situation but after reading this, I can't. Maybe I'm over-reacting, taking things personally but I'm not in a good place right now and I have so much anger, shame and heart-break. The only reason I keep coming back here is because I'm trying to vent about it when it gets too much and I'm hoping, praying that there are women out there who can read this and not make the same mistake I did and that's by not going to the police. I will update when I'm strong enough.

 

 

Omg...I wish I knew you in person so that I could give you big hug. You really need some love and support right now. You are clearly in shock and it almost feels like you feel shame in what has happened. I think all the betrayal that has happened has shook you to your core and you don't know how to escape it and climb your way out.

 

I think you would benefit from some type of counseling or support group therapy. Please don't blame yourself in any of this. You are the victim of the cruelty from your fiance and supposed close friend. I pray that one day you can make some steps forward out of this victim hell you're stuck in...You don't have to stay a victim forever. You can build yourself a much better life without those toxic people around you.

 

I wonder if a temporary relocation may benefit. You need a change of scenery. Maybe stay with friends or family in another city for awhile. See different faces and environment. But you definitely would benefit from having someone to talk to face to face like a therapist or support group. I'll be praying for you that you may begin to start to heal from these horrible circumstances. I'm so sorry this happened to you!

[EmilyJane]

It's quite easy for people to advise me to go to the police, press charges, but they aren't in my shoes. It's not easy at all. It's heart-breaking because I share a history with this man -- I was engaged to this man. I knew this mans family, his friends, I shared a bed with him, a home, I built a life with him and created a plan with him to go through my life being with him by my side as a unit, as a family. I planned to have this mans babies. He was my world, my future, the piece of my heart that I was missing....

 

and that same man... put his hands around my neck to choke me. The police can only do so much, and what I want is not enough for them to do. The man I loved who I spent seconds, minutes and hours of each day getting to know and loving him unconditionally, was able to think about harming me, he put his hands around my throat and used his strength to grip my neck tight, to squeeze with both hands as hard as he could while I looked into his eyes, the eyes of a person I adored, loved, cherished........ and in that moment he could have killed me. It felt like he wanted to kill me. Did he? Would he have killed me if the neighbor didn't bother to help me?

 

That frightens me. That has kept me up at night, stopped me from sleeping because I'm terrified of the dreams I may have again about it. It's tore my heart and destroyed me inside. None of this is easy, and as for the police, at this point I could care less about pressing charges because it's already done damage to me and pressing charges can't take that back but can only make things worse, I imagine. I'm terrified to do anything.

 

I just want to be happy.

 

I have been in your shoes in some respects.

Alone. Broken-hearted because of my ex but also terrified of him and afraid to leave the house. Traumatised and scared. Frozen.

 

You don't actually need to go to the police directly.

 

But as one woman in desperate times to another you really need to do something to protect yourself.

 

The better way is to call the national domestic violence hotline. Tell them everything. They will help you with counselling for the trauma and can also do things like take out interim domestic violence orders on him (this is the name for things in Australia but the same things exist in all western countries with different terminology). This does not involve the police unless Douchey McF***face (this is your ex's name in my head) violates the terms on the orders.

 

It's basically leveraging him to leave you the f*** alone or be brought up on criminal charges.

 

They can also action the police to put an urgent response on your address.

 

Authorities nowadays take protecting women extremely seriously.

 

If you tell me your country I will tell you the number to call.

 

It does not matter if it happened weeks ago you are traumatised so it still feels current. The hotline will help you sort your head out and help you safety plan.

 

You have developed post traumatic stress symptoms. I can recognise it. I've been there. It is completely normal response to the circumstance and I am living proof it's easily treated and resolvable if you get your ass in counselling like now. Again tell the hotline.

 

You might have been victimised but you absolutely do not need to be a victim.

 

Time to nut up woman and be proactive.

Edited April 15, 2017 by EmilyJane

[stillafool]

People who are telling me to "Just tell her husband" -- that is the least of my worries. Her Husband will find out, you can't keep secrets like that and right now I could honestly care less.

 

Stillafool, your post infuriated me because of the words you chose to use, "letting her off the hook", do you honestly think I am concerned about that at the moment? Yes, I worked, I haven't been able to go to work for reasons I've cited in these posts, I don't know why me working is relative to any of this, though? None of those are a concern for me. What my ex friend has done is nothing compared to what HE has done. I am infuriated because your post brought me to tears and made me feel like it was my fault, like I brought it on myself by confronting my ex. I'm a kind hearted person even in the worst situations, I was giving him a chance to come clean and I shouldn't have to sit here explaining myself. Don't you think I wish I did it differently? Don't you think I wish I could rewind back time and go back to that moment to undo all of it and go straight to her Husband to tell her so then I could've avoided being choked by someone I loved?

 

I have nightmares about being sexually assaulted, murdered, I relive that moment each day every time I close my eyes, and every time I open them I relive with the pain, the grief, the sickening pit in my stomach. It's a cycle I am reliving each day, so no, I am not letting her "off the hook" because I don't give a damn about her or getting revenge on her.

 

As for everyone else, thank you so much for being supportive and generally being kind with your words.

 

I was going to do an update on my situation but after reading this, I can't. Maybe I'm over-reacting, taking things personally but I'm not in a good place right now and I have so much anger, shame and heart-break. The only reason I keep coming back here is because I'm trying to vent about it when it gets too much and I'm hoping, praying that there are women out there who can read this and not make the same mistake I did and that's by not going to the police. I will update when I'm strong enough.

 

My goodness I just asked you 2 questions. Sorry that you are hurt but if it was my best friend who betrayed me you can bet I would waste no time asking her about it. I think that is somewhat normal for most people. I asked if you worked because you have been home in bed and I was just curious. Work has always helped me to keep my mind busy when I went through a break up. You have nothing to be ashamed of as you didn't create this mess. You best friend and bf did. Again I apologize for asking questions but when you come to a public forum you may not always get the responses you want.

[Misconstrued]

Hi everyone.

 

I had to get a restraining order out on my ex, not because of the incident that happened but because some events have unfolded since then. I had not really been bothered charging my phone since the incident so I had not been on it....until 3 days ago. I turned on my phone and there was numerous text messages from a number I did not recognize. Threatening me, blackmailing me, daring me to "tell" people.

 

Has anyone at all been in a situation like this, how did you deal with these emotions? How did you get your life back on track? I can't seem to go outside, I get high-anxiety over it and break down when I put on my jacket and try to open the door to go outside.

[stillafool]

I bet your best friend is the one behind all of these threats. She is the one who has the most to lose.

[Miss Clavel]

have you told your ex bff about the attack?

 

if he was that enraged towards you i can only imagine what he's capable of doing to her and the baby.

[EZNona]

Hi everyone.

 

I had to get a restraining order out on my ex, not because of the incident that happened but because some events have unfolded since then. I had not really been bothered charging my phone since the incident so I had not been on it....until 3 days ago. I turned on my phone and there was numerous text messages from a number I did not recognize. Threatening me, blackmailing me, daring me to "tell" people.

 

Has anyone at all been in a situation like this, how did you deal with these emotions? How did you get your life back on track? I can't seem to go outside, I get high-anxiety over it and break down when I put on my jacket and try to open the door to go outside.

 

I think you may benefit from a therapist that specializes in dealing with and overcoming trauma. You also need a support system around you....friends or even a support group. Sometimes it's easier to overcome emotional challenges with the help and strength of others. You do not have to deal with this alone.

 

Do you have any brothers or male friends that can set him straight? He is preying on your vulnerabilities and his perceived emotional 'weakness' of you. So so so glad you never married this psycho creep!

[Misconstrued]

UPDATE

 

I took time to myself to think about how to handle everything that has happened. This past week I've gone through several different emotions and the one that sticks with me most is determination.

 

I wrote a letter out to my ex-friend explaining everything in great detail about my ex attacking me, explaining that I know about their affair, and I gave her an ultimatum -- I wrote in the letter that she will have until Sunday to tell her Husband everything she has done or I will be telling him myself. I made it sound like I would be telling him face-to-face but that isn't my plan. I wrote a letter out for her Husband as well, including some rather concrete evidence and I plan on having my parents post both of them through their letter box when I know they will be at work.

 

The thing is, I'm not giving her the chance to tell him at all because this could go either a couple of ways. He will either read his letter at the same time she reads hers (hopefully. That would be my ideal way) but I know both of them and have been in their house plenty of times to know she gets the mail, keeps it all in her kitchen without looking through it, then once her Husband gets home she gives the mail out over dinner but her Husband takes years to get through his, so she will definitely read hers first and maybe he will read his that same day. If not, she will confess or not. If she doesn't, I know she will try to contact me. If she does, I know her Husband will go looking for him but I have no idea what he will do to her, if he will stay or not. Perhaps she might even contact my ex and I have considered that option so I won't be here at the weekend. My parents and I are going to pack our bags and have a weekend away. They don't know what I've done exactly, they just know I wrote letters out to them. My parents are not scared but I know my Father won't leave if I told him what's being done.

 

So, on Friday the letters will be hand-posted. She will think she's getting until Sunday to tell her Husband, but really she isn't. My parents and I will be off spending some time together and I desperately need it while whatever happens happens. I told a friend recently about everything and she has been very supportive, however, she is a mutual friend I share with my ex-friend and she doesn't know what to do and wants to be here for "both of us", but she promised to tell me exactly what goes on this weekend and what my ex-friend and her Husband do.

 

After all of this happens, I am hoping and praying my ex flees and moves away because he's such a coward when it comes to things like this. If he tries to hurt me again, I will do everything in my power to protect myself at any cost.

 

Please pray for me.

[ImComplicated]

Good for you, hun! It sounds like those threatening follow-up texts from your ex lit a fire in you, made you want to fight back. Keep us posted

 

I just hope your mutual friend doesn't tip off your ex-bff to go through her husband's mail.

 

UPDATE

 

I took time to myself to think about how to handle everything that has happened. This past week I've gone through several different emotions and the one that sticks with me most is determination.

 

I wrote a letter out to my ex-friend explaining everything in great detail about my ex attacking me, explaining that I know about their affair, and I gave her an ultimatum -- I wrote in the letter that she will have until Sunday to tell her Husband everything she has done or I will be telling him myself. I made it sound like I would be telling him face-to-face but that isn't my plan. I wrote a letter out for her Husband as well, including some rather concrete evidence and I plan on having my parents post both of them through their letter box when I know they will be at work.

 

The thing is, I'm not giving her the chance to tell him at all because this could go either a couple of ways. He will either read his letter at the same time she reads hers (hopefully. That would be my ideal way) but I know both of them and have been in their house plenty of times to know she gets the mail, keeps it all in her kitchen without looking through it, then once her Husband gets home she gives the mail out over dinner but her Husband takes years to get through his, so she will definitely read hers first and maybe he will read his that same day. If not, she will confess or not. If she doesn't, I know she will try to contact me. If she does, I know her Husband will go looking for him but I have no idea what he will do to her, if he will stay or not. Perhaps she might even contact my ex and I have considered that option so I won't be here at the weekend. My parents and I are going to pack our bags and have a weekend away. They don't know what I've done exactly, they just know I wrote letters out to them. My parents are not scared but I know my Father won't leave if I told him what's being done.

 

So, on Friday the letters will be hand-posted. She will think she's getting until Sunday to tell her Husband, but really she isn't. My parents and I will be off spending some time together and I desperately need it while whatever happens happens. I told a friend recently about everything and she has been very supportive, however, she is a mutual friend I share with my ex-friend and she doesn't know what to do and wants to be here for "both of us", but she promised to tell me exactly what goes on this weekend and what my ex-friend and her Husband do.

 

After all of this happens, I am hoping and praying my ex flees and moves away because he's such a coward when it comes to things like this. If he tries to hurt me again, I will do everything in my power to protect myself at any cost.

 

Please pray for me.

[deadsoul]

This is a good update. I'm so glad you are at the determination phase. I'm rooting for you. Please keep us posted.

 

UPDATE

 

I took time to myself to think about how to handle everything that has happened. This past week I've gone through several different emotions and the one that sticks with me most is determination.

 

I wrote a letter out to my ex-friend explaining everything in great detail about my ex attacking me, explaining that I know about their affair, and I gave her an ultimatum -- I wrote in the letter that she will have until Sunday to tell her Husband everything she has done or I will be telling him myself. I made it sound like I would be telling him face-to-face but that isn't my plan. I wrote a letter out for her Husband as well, including some rather concrete evidence and I plan on having my parents post both of them through their letter box when I know they will be at work.

 

The thing is, I'm not giving her the chance to tell him at all because this could go either a couple of ways. He will either read his letter at the same time she reads hers (hopefully. That would be my ideal way) but I know both of them and have been in their house plenty of times to know she gets the mail, keeps it all in her kitchen without looking through it, then once her Husband gets home she gives the mail out over dinner but her Husband takes years to get through his, so she will definitely read hers first and maybe he will read his that same day. If not, she will confess or not. If she doesn't, I know she will try to contact me. If she does, I know her Husband will go looking for him but I have no idea what he will do to her, if he will stay or not. Perhaps she might even contact my ex and I have considered that option so I won't be here at the weekend. My parents and I are going to pack our bags and have a weekend away. They don't know what I've done exactly, they just know I wrote letters out to them. My parents are not scared but I know my Father won't leave if I told him what's being done.

 

So, on Friday the letters will be hand-posted. She will think she's getting until Sunday to tell her Husband, but really she isn't. My parents and I will be off spending some time together and I desperately need it while whatever happens happens. I told a friend recently about everything and she has been very supportive, however, she is a mutual friend I share with my ex-friend and she doesn't know what to do and wants to be here for "both of us", but she promised to tell me exactly what goes on this weekend and what my ex-friend and her Husband do.

 

After all of this happens, I am hoping and praying my ex flees and moves away because he's such a coward when it comes to things like this. If he tries to hurt me again, I will do everything in my power to protect myself at any cost.

 

Please pray for me.

[EZNona]

Excellent update! Sounds like you are coming out of the clouds and back into the sun. Shows you are strong and very much so a fighter! I have no doubt you will recover from this mess your ex and ex-friend has caused you. I'll definitely be praying for you that you find some peace and continue your strength through this storm.

 

Be well!

[Misconstrued]

Hey everyone.

 

New update. I extended the mini break/holiday with my parents and just got back home late yesterday. I had no reception where we went so I've literally had no idea whats been going on while I've been away. However, when I got home I had a catch-up with a friend who has told me my ex-best-friends husband knows and he has gone AWOL after trashing my ex's apartment. I suspect he is looking for him. Apparently, my ex-best-friend is going crazy because he's not answering her calls, texts and she doesn't know where he is.

 

When I finally got reception on my phone, I did receive a text from an unknown number which I believe is her husband, he was asking me to meet up with him because he wanted to speak about this and obviously I didn't respond because I couldn't, so by the time I did respond, I don't know if he still wants to but he hasn't responded back to my text yet. We will see what happens.

 

As for me personally, I have no idea whats going on with myself. I'm either thinking about him choking me and them my brain switches to sweet, special moments we had and I think, "was that real?". Needless to say, I am confused about who he actually was and if everything we shared was a lie. I am better than where I was though, I think it's because I haven't had any contact with my ex, I'm starting to feel better about the situation. Of course I am still hurting, I still get nightmares and horrible moments, but I am getting better.

 

I hope.

[ImComplicated]

no, it wasn't all a lie. all of that - the good and the bad - was and is him. his feelings towards you changed and with that, your place in his life changed. you went from being his girlfriend and love to fiancee to an ex he was no longer in love with, who (from his POV) was threatening to ruin the relationship with his new love.

 

how people treat you (not YOU specifically, but in general) mainly comes down to how they feel about you and your place/potential place in their life.

 

you'd never seen that side of him before because he'd never viewed you as a threat the way he did that day.

 

Hey everyone.

 

New update. I extended the mini break/holiday with my parents and just got back home late yesterday. I had no reception where we went so I've literally had no idea whats been going on while I've been away. However, when I got home I had a catch-up with a friend who has told me my ex-best-friends husband knows and he has gone AWOL after trashing my ex's apartment. I suspect he is looking for him. Apparently, my ex-best-friend is going crazy because he's not answering her calls, texts and she doesn't know where he is.

 

When I finally got reception on my phone, I did receive a text from an unknown number which I believe is her husband, he was asking me to meet up with him because he wanted to speak about this and obviously I didn't respond because I couldn't, so by the time I did respond, I don't know if he still wants to but he hasn't responded back to my text yet. We will see what happens.

 

As for me personally, I have no idea whats going on with myself. I'm either thinking about him choking me and them my brain switches to sweet, special moments we had and I think, "was that real?". Needless to say, I am confused about who he actually was and if everything we shared was a lie. I am better than where I was though, I think it's because I haven't had any contact with my ex, I'm starting to feel better about the situation. Of course I am still hurting, I still get nightmares and horrible moments, but I am getting better.

 

I hope.

[Misconstrued]

Hi everyone.

 

It's been a while since I wrote anything. I'm going to continue writing until I cannot anymore because I want to be of help to anyone who goes through this. I'm writing today because I went to speak to a therapist who has been helping me these past couple of weeks and I have found it really helpful.

 

I'm still not over what has happened but I've started going to the gym, getting out to do some shopping and taking baby steps towards a better life for myself. I applied for a new job which I have an interview for so wish me luck that it goes well!

 

I'll update soon about what has gone on with my ex-friend and my ex but right now my focus is on my life and getting it together.

[FastHands]

Good for you! Happy things are getting better.

[Misconstrued]

** UPDATE**

 

Oh my! It's been quite a while since I've updated or even logged into this website and a lot has gone on.

 

I'll start with what brings me back here.

 

Since November I started dating someone who was incredibly sweet, generous and different than anyone I've ever met. However, it was a bit quick and I was hesitant to start anything given my circumstances with my ex and just the simple fact I wasn't long out of a very horrific relationship. I asked my new partner if we could take things very slow. They agreed. I even opened up about what had gone on, the fact I've been going to therapy etc - he was understanding and an incredible friend to me first before a partner. It's why I fell in love so quickly with him.

 

However, over the past three weeks or so it has been rocky as his patience has been running out. For example, he wanted me to move in with him, he wants us to have sex, he wants us to do a lot of things that I'm just not ready for. I feel so insecure, uncomfortable and all over the place with myself at the moment and we've had arguments about this where I've had to explain to myself all of this. I have a lot going on in my life and I feel like I'm not in the right place to give him what he wants, which I explained to him before and he said he understood and would wait a million years for me.

 

But, he failed to show me that tonight. He dumped me. After an argument we had which revolved around me moving in with him - he dumped me and said that I would "never be ready for anything" with him. I finally had enough and snapped back for the first time after these three weeks. He ended things with saying "I hope you find what you're looking for".

 

I'm honestly at such a loss for words. I feel so stupid? Mostly because I knew better. I was so hesitant getting into a relationship with him in the beginning because I was petrified, and I knew I needed to focus on myself. But he was persistent, loving and caring and different. He was also a great support for me for a good few months - the only other issue was he had a son, a very young son at the age of 3. He's a single Father and wanted me to be part of his sons life. But I am such a mess I know I can't handle that responsibility right now and I thought he understood that bu he obviously just realized that tonight - that it's going to take me a long time to feel okay again.

 

Anyway, he made his decision tonight and I'm trying to come to terms with it.

 

Just venting, as usual.

[Mr. Lucky]

he wants us to have sex

 

I'd think most guys would feel 5 months in a long time to wait.

 

He was also a great support for me for a good few months - the only other issue was he had a son, a very young son at the age of 3. He's a single Father and wanted me to be part of his sons life. But I am such a mess I know I can't handle that responsibility right now and I thought he understood that but he obviously just realized that tonight - that it's going to take me a long time to feel okay again.

 

Sounds like you both made a difficult - but correct - decision. With a child involved, a live-in relationship obviously places different demands on you. If you're not ready, doesn't make sense to put yourself - and them - in an untenable situation.

 

Hope you continue making progress towards the life you want...

 

Mr. Lucky