road Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 ** UPDATE** Oh my! It's been quite a while since I've updated or even logged into this website and a lot has gone on. I'll start with what brings me back here. Since November I started dating someone who was incredibly sweet, generous and different than anyone I've ever met. However, it was a bit quick and I was hesitant to start anything given my circumstances with my ex and just the simple fact I wasn't long out of a very horrific relationship. I asked my new partner if we could take things very slow. They agreed. I even opened up about what had gone on, the fact I've been going to therapy etc - he was understanding and an incredible friend to me first before a partner. It's why I fell in love so quickly with him. However, over the past three weeks or so it has been rocky as his patience has been running out. For example, he wanted me to move in with him, he wants us to have sex, he wants us to do a lot of things that I'm just not ready for. I feel so insecure, uncomfortable and all over the place with myself at the moment and we've had arguments about this where I've had to explain to myself all of this. I have a lot going on in my life and I feel like I'm not in the right place to give him what he wants, which I explained to him before and he said he understood and would wait a million years for me. But, he failed to show me that tonight. He dumped me. After an argument we had which revolved around me moving in with him - he dumped me and said that I would "never be ready for anything" with him. I finally had enough and snapped back for the first time after these three weeks. He ended things with saying "I hope you find what you're looking for". I'm honestly at such a loss for words. I feel so stupid? Mostly because I knew better. I was so hesitant getting into a relationship with him in the beginning because I was petrified, and I knew I needed to focus on myself. But he was persistent, loving and caring and different. He was also a great support for me for a good few months - the only other issue was he had a son, a very young son at the age of 3. He's a single Father and wanted me to be part of his sons life. But I am such a mess I know I can't handle that responsibility right now and I thought he understood that bu he obviously just realized that tonight - that it's going to take me a long time to feel okay again. Anyway, he made his decision tonight and I'm trying to come to terms with it. Just venting, as usual. Why do you think it is said that one should not date for at least a year after breaking up with a long term relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Misconstrued Posted March 18, 2018 Author Share Posted March 18, 2018 Why do you think it is said that one should not date for at least a year after breaking up with a long term relationship? Firstly, that is a personal choice for people if they want to date after a few days, weeks, months, years, it's up to them. Secondly, I was not looking to "date" anyone. This person was a great friend who offered a wonderful friendship and support, it happened naturally. I wasn't looking for anything. After being assaulted by my ex and treated like dirt, frightened for my life, I don't blame myself for getting close to someone who finally showed me kindness, consideration, support and who was there for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 did your ex bff have the baby? did she get divorced? did you report him to the police? Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 19, 2018 Share Posted March 19, 2018 Firstly, that is a personal choice for people if they want to date after a few days, weeks, months, years, it's up to them. Secondly, I was not looking to "date" anyone. This person was a great friend who offered a wonderful friendship and support, it happened naturally. I wasn't looking for anything. After being assaulted by my ex and treated like dirt, frightened for my life, I don't blame myself for getting close to someone who finally showed me kindness, consideration, support and who was there for me. Free to chose never makes it the right decision. Standard IC advice is to wait to heal from the end of the old relationship before dating and starting a new one. Yes this new relationship was so good that it crashed and burned and your new man is gone. What went down was because you were not ready to date. You just used a man to self medicate yourself. You let this man believe that you would be ready to commit when you were not ready to, and would not be able to commit. Link to post Share on other sites
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