Can't but find comfort in false hope

[Dingle]

My ex-girlfriend of four years left for college in 2016. I stayed close to home to go to community college and transfer out in two years. She didn't move too far, 45 minutes away, but it was a completely different atmosphere. Without going into unnecessary detail she did a complete 180 on me. She went from being completely obsessed with me in early September to saying she left me for someone better/was so much happier without me/didn't want to be a part of my life anymore in mid-late October. We haven't talked since then. It was a really tough breakup.

Since then life has only gotten better for me, but one thing I still have a lot of trouble dealing with is false hope. I feel like her decision was a completely impulsive one mostly based off outside influences and a vulnerable emotional state. Due to the way she ignored me and deceived me at the end of our time together, and some words that her mother said to me after our breakup, I think I have had a hard time believing that this is actually the end. I often wonder if things worked out with this new guy or not. Early December her mom texted me to say that her daughter had never actually cheated and "still hasn't" and only said those things out of anger. Her mom recently talked to my mom and I heard that she didn't do well at all her first semester (she is now on academic warning) and I took comfort in hearing this. I feel like I cannot detach myself from this girl emotionally. I take comfort in believing that she is making a mistake, rather than accepting the breakup for what it is and moving on. This girl and the relationship that we had are not healthy for me. I want to leave them in the past and move on.

How do you come to terms with a breakup and accept that part of your life as being over? How do I stop using the false hope of her realizing she is in the wrong to propel my progress?

Edited February 17, 2017 by Dingle

[diddy]

well,you have no choice but to come to terms with it cos it has already happened ,accepting it is hard ,u may never accept it,but u can either rebound, find something more interesting than her ,that will keep your mind from dwelling.

you live life as you have everyday ,if the false hope helps there is nothing wrong with that as long as you feel better but just dont hope that she will come back,thats not good for ur soul.

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry your 1st love did this to you in such a brutal way.

 

 

You come to terms with it over time. You recognize that college changes people that they grow up & sometimes that means leaving all parts of high school behind.

 

 

Glad you're doing well in school yourself. Throw yourself into those challenges to help heal.

[JediLin]

@Dingle – I understand your feeling of confusion and hopelessness. I know I’ve been in your shoes before. I believe love is a choice and not just a feeling. We just have to accept the fact that we cannot fix certain situations or anyone else. Just keep moving forward. Our feelings are just temporary and feelings are not the truth. A person cannot make us happy, because they are not perfect. What are your goals? Any short term and long term?

[Ieris]

How do you come to terms with a breakup and accept that part of your life as being over?

 

When you have something better to look forward to, you will stop looking backwards. However, before you move on I think there are lessons to be learnt during breakups so take your time with this process as it is a good time to learn more about yourself. You made a poor choice last time, so what did you learn? How can you use those lessons to sharpen your judgement so that you make better choices for yourself in the future?