Am I reading too much into this?

[Techmonkey]

. The real issue is that you accepted a sexless relationship and lies from her. Had you set sex and honesty as firm requirements right from the beginning, you would be in a better relationship situation right now, either with her or someone else.

 

Again. True. I've tried to discuss it with her and done couples counseling. She strongly feels that the idea that men "need" sex is just an excuse that feeds into the idea that women "owe men sex". I've played the game of withdrawing all affection and advances to see what would happen. She doesn't approach or initiate. She even admits that tokens of affection (hugging, kissing, etc.) are an effort on her part. It's just not who she is, and while sex is a sore issue with her past boyfriends she feels that affection is largely sappy, "high school", and unnecessary. Since (to me) affection lays out a base level of comfortable and routine physical and emotional contact that makes sexual advances much less awkward, I'm hesitant to even approach her most of the time. Either because she'll not be in the mood or if we do have sex, it's constantly in the forefront of my mind that it's only because I insist.

 

This thread has been a good thing for me. Getting feedback from non-invested parties and seeing it in written form makes it easier to get a feel for the scope of how "not optimal" this situation is.

[Techmonkey]

Tech, having "Borderline tendencies" is the human condition. We all exhibit BPD traits to some degree. Perhaps your therapist meant that yours are stronger than average but nonetheless well below the diagnostic threshold. Significantly, the risk factors I quoted above are not for BPD tendencies but, rather, for full-blown, lifetime BPD.

 

I'm currently in counseling. I may be full blown, but haven't been diagnosed. for sure I'm very insecure and emotionally unstable for my age. There's a marked difference from when I left my very enabling and codependent relationship of 18 years and me now 18 months later, but I'm still nowhere near where a 46 year old man should be. I think angel.eyes is very right about taking time out to work on myself and becoming more adult before any more relationships.

[lolablue17]

Again. True. I've tried to discuss it with her and done couples counseling. She strongly feels that the idea that men "need" sex is just an excuse that feeds into the idea that women "owe men sex". I've played the game of withdrawing all affection and advances to see what would happen. She doesn't approach or initiate. She even admits that tokens of affection (hugging, kissing, etc.) are an effort on her part. It's just not who she is, and while sex is a sore issue with her past boyfriends she feels that affection is largely sappy, "high school", and unnecessary. Since (to me) affection lays out a base level of comfortable and routine physical and emotional contact that makes sexual advances much less awkward, I'm hesitant to even approach her most of the time. Either because she'll not be in the mood or if we do have sex, it's constantly in the forefront of my mind that it's only because I insist.

 

This thread has been a good thing for me. Getting feedback from non-invested parties and seeing it in written form makes it easier to get a feel for the scope of how "not optimal" this situation is.

 

Ho, wow... It seems that her Ex is a minor problem regarding to what you describe here. It looks like no one is the bad guy here, only a major compatibility issue, which exist by the way among 50% of the couples, I guess.

 

What bothers me, is that while she's against the idea of "men want sex and women give sex", she acts just according to this headline. She she never initiate sex, she doesn't like tokens of affection, (some time these tokens are half way to sex and makes things easier).

 

When someone says words that don't match to her other words, it's a good hint that she's feeding you crap. I don't know...

[Darren Steez]

 

Relationship-wise I'm a fairly needy person.

 

So really you're getting nothing?

 

She's pretty.. and?

 

She gives you duty sex but is willing to lay down and cuddle with an ex?

 

That top part where you say you're needy, that you definitely are but much in the vain of you're needy because this woman is withholding the type of affection that is normal in a relationship, plus the fact she's in communication with orbiters that are ready to bang her means you're not always sure of where you stand and she's testing your trust so of course you need reassurances, you're just wondering what the heck is going on?

 

There's no doubt that living alone for a while to figure myself out and indulge in hobbies would be very healthy and normalizing.

 

Dude that would be like the best holiday you could ever give yourself...plus and I don't mean to be crude, you could also go out and pick up women and have sex with them..because it's normal and it's what people do.

 

Go ahead and dare yourself to be a man and live like one. Put yourself first and dump this woman.

[Techmonkey]

So really you're getting nothing?

 

She's pretty.. and?

 

She gives you duty sex but is willing to lay down and cuddle with an ex?

 

That top part where you say you're needy, that you definitely are but much in the vain of you're needy because this woman is withholding the type of affection that is normal in a relationship, plus the fact she's in communication with orbiters that are ready to bang her means you're not always sure of where you stand and she's testing your trust so of course you need reassurances, you're just wondering what the heck is going on?

 

 

 

Dude that would be like the best holiday you could ever give yourself...plus and I don't mean to be crude, you could also go out and pick up women and have sex with them..because it's normal and it's what people do.

 

Go ahead and dare yourself to be a man and live like one. Put yourself first and dump this woman.

 

The cuddle thing happened at the beginning of the relationship and she stopped seeing him for the most part. Three or four times in the past year. It was frustrating though. She really had to go away and think about it before she could even grasp why it should be an issue if I trust her. She really felt I was being unreasonable. She also had a male friend come from Texas back in the beginning and I came home unexpectedly. They were both sleeping in the same bed. I confronted her and she said they've always done that and it's never sexual. Again, she couldn't comprehend why I was angry and felt I was being needy and insecure. As for the rest... Yeah. Being very emotionally available with someone who seems to resent your presence most of the time breeds insecurity and questions. Both of those things annoy her.

 

Part of that might just be incompatibilities, but part of me thinks she just doesn't comprehend boundaries. I'd have to think it's a small percentage of couples that say "Anything goes. Just don't **** someone.". Maybe that's a very mature and trusting form of relationship, or maybe it's a perfect relationship for a selfish person.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Venting here has really gotten me thinking how much more peaceful (albeit lonely until I get used to it) living on my own would be. I pay all the bills, so I'm not worried about living on my own. It would be significantly cheaper.

 

Don't underestimate the importance of having peace of mind. It sounds like there would be significant benefits to moving on. I hope you give this some serious consideration.

 

Another side note: Just saw "Gone with the Wind" for the first time last week. I regret waiting so long.

 

It's an acquired taste, but I have loved it for years. I'm glad you liked it!

[Leodan]

Getting out of a relationship with someone you love is easier said than done, however, there are too many red flags.

 

She's not respecting your boundaries.

She's spending alone time with someone she was sexually active with.

It sounds like she hasn't really mentioned you to him.

You have incompatible views on what trust "should" be.

 

If you're not comfortable enough to let this go, be assertive about your boundaries. If she continues to disrespect you by continuing behavior that makes you uncomfortable, go to a buddy's house to spend a week away from her, and don't text or call. If she really cares about you, she'll make an effort to make things right.

[road]

You both are not compatible if this is how you both feel about this issue.

 

You cannot change who she is, but you can change GFs. I know you don't want to hear this, but is there any other way?? unless you put up with it and leave her alone...let her carry on with it.

 

I vote to dump her because you and her do not have the same values and she has mental issues that exasperate things.

[Darren Steez]

hmm same person?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/614124-did-you-stay-stray

[Techmonkey]

I vote to dump her because you and her do not have the same values and she has mental issues that exasperate things.

 

That's the other aspect of it. In addition to the baseline feeling of neglect when things are "good", She is frequently in a deep depression where she hates everything and is difficult to deal with. So she becomes even more withdrawn and resentful. If I'm uncomfortable or upset then I'm "not letting her express her depression".

 

Either way, a relationship that cycles between "I tolerate you." and "I resent you." is both demoralizing and a TON of unnecessary stress. I never know what mood she'll be in or how quickly it'll change. It only takes one seemingly insignificant thing to turn the tides.

[Techmonkey]

hmm same person?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/614124-did-you-stay-stray

 

 

Not understanding the connection. As in she has the same attitude my GF might?

[Life lessons]

I have a history in my current relationship of being very insecure and paranoid. Of always reading into things. Part of that is me. Part of that is living with someone who is mentally ill (bipolar). Most of her friends are men. Many of them she's been sexually involved with. We are monogamous. She goes out of her way to show that I should trust her and is always honest with me. That said, I'm irritated about our current disagreement and could use some level insight to if I'm being paranoid and unreasonable.

 

One of her guy friends ("J") who she was sexually involved with just before she and I got together has been a thorn in my side. She doesn't really hang out with him anymore because of my insecurities about him, but the last time she stayed out with him she wound up curled up in bed with him napping. Later on her texted her that he "missed her butt" even though he knew she was living with me.

 

She's always honest with me to a fault. I only know the above because she told me. And we had a similar thing happen this Valentine's day. I came home at the end of the day and she told me that "J" had asked her if she wanted she wanted to hang out and she declined. I got upset at the audacity of this. Started asking questions and got the following responses:

 

- Neither of them care at all about Vday. Her last boyfriend and her agreed never to do anything that day. How could he know things were any different.

 

- He may not even know she was in a relationship. (We've lived together two years)

 

- My traditional views of a sappy manufactured holiday are the root cause.

 

- Why we she have even told me if something dubious was happening. I never would have even known.

 

I settled on asking what her reply was and she said that she was making a dinner with me. I specifically asked her if she made it clear that she had a boyfriend that she lived with. She said "Yes". The topic came up again a couple of days later because it really annoyed me and struck me as disrespectful, not to mention the "he might not even know I have a boyfriend" thing when she speaks to him at least a couple of times per month and she and I have been living together almost two years. I asked her directly if she made it clear that I was in her life. She said "Yes."

 

I did something I never do. I decided to put my fears to rest and go into her phone to look at the conversation. She had given me the passcode months ago and told me to look if I ever doubted her. It was there. He did ask her if she wanted to hang out. Her reply was not indicative of having a committed relationship. It was:

 

"Things have been really sucky lately. I'm just going to stay home and make dinner"

 

His response. "Oh. That's too bad. Wish you were here."

 

I confronted her with it and she says she thought she had made it clear to him. She said it's all mundane anyhow. No one is trying to woo anyone. He asked a question and she just gave a short answer and moved on. Again, the real issue is my sappy traditional views. She doesn't believe in having to mention relationships unless clear boundaries are being crossed. She didn't have to tell me anything in the first place.

 

I think it's perfectly reasonable to say, "We've had repeated issues with this person*, and I don't feel comfortable with you being friends with him. I can't stop you or give you ultimatums, but I want you to know that I would feel a lot better if he wasn't someone you were hanging out with." She feels it's manipulative because it still ends up with the same results as an ultimatum.

 

I'd love to get some mature and level views on this.

 

* Issues I have with this guy:

 

1. When they did hang out, it was primarily staying out until early morning singing karaoke.

2. The last time she went out with him (at the beginning of our relationship) she didn't go to karaoke, but instead curled up in bed with him talking and napping. I only know this because she told me.

3. He knew she was in a relationship about a year ago and still texted her "I miss your butt." I only know this because she told me.

4. When she was having sex with him, she wanted more but he didn't want a relationship.

5. When she went through her worst depression after getting dumped, he was the only person checking in on her to make sure she was eating, sleeping, bathing. She still gets mildly verklempt when she talks about how he cared for her.

 

These set the tone for me to be very wary of him and his mention usually resulted in disagreements. Perhaps I should just let things go. I think the big issue here is that we disagree on boundaries. She is always (I hope) honest with me but doesn't agree with the traditional boundaries imposed by romantic relationships. As long as there is no sexual or emotional cheating happening, there should not be an issue. Trust should be implicit regardless of the situation. In her previous relationship, her boyfriend didn't really care what she did. So staying out all night and curling up in bed to watch movies was okay. I don't think that's okay and that's been an ongoing issue labeled under "paranoia and mistrust". She has other guy friends she's had this sort of relationship with as well. She just goes with the flow in terms of what's acceptable as long as it doesn't violate the core rules of fidelity.

 

I have not read the other responses but from my take I honestly don't believe exes should be friends....especially after they've had sexual relations and are in a relationship with someone else. I would talk to your gf and let her know that this others you...and rightfully so. I would be livid if my gf/bf fell asleep next to an ex. She should respect you more!!! Nothing good is going to come from them staying friends and her involved in a relationship with you. Some may believe it's okay to be friends with an ex....I'm not one of those! You share too much with an ex and I don't think it's ever a good idea to remain friends and hang out with one another when you're in a committed relationship. Not to mention, it looks like he wants more and she hasn't made it clear....via text....that she's committed to you! She's disrespecting you!!

Edited February 19, 2017 by Life lessons
Misspelling

[angel.eyes]

There is such inconsistency, it's mind-blowing the more you share!

 

She won't touch you and refuses to show you affection because she feels that's "sappy" and "high school." Yet she chooses to spend her night cuddling with her ex?

 

According to you, she's totally honest with you and informs you of her activities with other men. Yet, you come home unexpectedly and surprise her in bed with some male friend who's visiting her from Texas!

 

You somehow think she's really a lesbian, yet she's constantly choosing to put herself in inappropriate situations (i.e. beds!) with the male friends/exes in her life. And let's not forget she's in a relationship with you...a guy?

 

What about this "relationship" works for you? What about it is so irresistible that you're willing to soldier through and choke down the crap sandwiches that are regularly on offer? Something keeps you hanging on despite intolerable behavior and treatment from the outset of your arrangement with this woman? What is that positive? What need of yours does she fill?

 

Out of curiosity, how did you come to live together? How long were you dating before you moved in together?

[Techmonkey]

I have not read the other responses but from my take I honestly don't believe exes should be friends....especially after they've had sexual relations and are in a relationship with someone else. I would talk to your gf and let her know that this others you...and rightfully so. I would be livid if my gf/bf fell asleep next to an ex. She should respect you more!!! Nothing good is going to come from them staying friends and her involved in a relationship with you. Some may believe it's okay to be friends with an ex....I'm not one of those! You share too much with an ex and I don't think it's ever a good idea to remain friends and hang out with one another when you're in a committed relationship. Not to mention, it looks like he wants more and she hasn't made it clear....via text....that she's committed to you! She's disrespecting you!!

 

This has been an ongoing issue. Many of her friends are guys she's been at least casually sexual with. She says she's never had opposition to this in her past relationships and a true sign of maturity and security is implicit trust regardless of the situation. She pretty much stopped hanging out with her friends because I wasn't comfortable with her curling up on a couch with ex-lovers. She feels this is unreasonable, cutting her off from people she cares about, and controlling. I've spent most of this relationship feeling like I'm some insecure child because I don't want her staying out all night with the last guy she was ****ing before we got together. I'm glad this thread is opening my eyes that she and I have different views and just aren't compatible. She just wants a partner that won't hold her back from anything she wants to do and will be around if she wants to do something (and pay the bills, cook, clean), while I have more traditional (in her words "anachronistic June Cleaver") expectations because I think a live-in girlfriend shouldn't be touchy feely with exes, should be affectionate and express sexual interest on a fairly regular basis, and should be around more often than not. Go see your friends a few times a week, but come home to me every night. Let me know you love me in some small way. Let me know you're drawn to me in some way. Not every single day, but regularly. If I fully withdrew physically and emotionally she wouldn't follow. She simply isn't wired that way. I'm a dog and she's a cat. I simply can't keep dumping my time, money, and emotions down a black hole.

 

Since I started this thread I've been analyzing our interactions more and it simply hurts and makes me angry. I don't think she's consciously using me, but she's both using me and resenting me at the same time. It's a really ****ty situation. I don't think she's ever cheated on me, but I'm quite sure if someone more opportune came along that could care for her and cater to her free spirit, she'd probably jump trains pretty quick. She wants to be independent but needs other people to survive. Historically she hasn't been able to hold down a job for the log term. She has a huge problem with structure and uses up her sick days pretty quickly. She simply can't take care of herself in the long run.

[BluesPower]

OK, enough. I was not going to say anything on this thread because you get getting good advice and you seem to be understanding what is happening.

 

But I just cannot stop myself.

 

Dude, your GF has without a doubt had sex with some of her Ex's on more than on occasion. You have got to be kidding that you don't think that she has been cheating on you.

 

Next, she has, from the very beginning been using you in every way. She found a guy to pay her bills, keep a roof over her head, did not require much duty sex from her, allows her to run around screwing her Ex's and who knows who else, and he believes all of the BS that she feeds him about her attitudes with Ex's, and her Zero respect or appreciation for you.

 

Listen, you are a man that has really allowed his self worth to go in the toilet. If you had not, there is no way that you would have allowed yourself to get here.

 

Further, you suffer deeply with "White Knight Syndrome". Google it if you don't know what that is. I use to be like this as well, but I am pretty much over it.

 

You have got to get this woman out of your life YESTERDAY. She is literally sucking the life out of you. And what is worse, is that you are a grown A** man and you are allowing this in your life.

 

Please listen to what I am telling you, you have to get out...

[Techmonkey]

 

You somehow think she's really a lesbian, yet she's constantly choosing to put herself in inappropriate situations (i.e. beds!) with the male friends/exes in her life. And let's not forget she's in a relationship with you...a guy?

 

What about this "relationship" works for you? What about it is so irresistible that you're willing to soldier through and choke down the crap sandwiches that are regularly on offer? Something keeps you hanging on despite intolerable behavior and treatment from the outset of your arrangement with this woman? What is that positive? What need of yours does she fill?

 

Out of curiosity, how did you come to live together? How long were you dating before you moved in together?

 

I wonder about the lesbian part because she had sex with a fellow student and a teach (both women) while at college and loved it. She's "Strongly attracted to women sexually" but never pursued it because "it not a big deal.". Between relationships she says she was masturbating heavily to lesbian porn and set up a dating profile to find women. In the fist couple of weeks we were having sex, if she got drunk she's say things after we had sex like "You fell into my bed when I was hoping for a cute little candy raver girl." or "I really think I'd like a girlfriend too." Since then if I bring it up she tells me that I shouldn't listen to what she says when she's drunk and that she could never date a woman because of the inherent drama no matter what level of sexual attraction. Add in that she's pretty quickly lot sexual interests in her previous boyfriends and it seems reasonable to question.

 

Most of what I've gotten out of this relationship is stress. It's been pretty terrible since after the first six months. I don't get anything I'd traditionally need and come home to a tense household every night.

 

How we came to live together is pretty ****ed up. We'd known each other through our common friends casually for about a decade. Maybe seeing each other once or twice a year. Otherwise a Facebook friend. She came to work for me to help me out as a work out of the house I.T. guy because she'd simply quit her previous job after her former boyfriend kicked her out. For completely unrelated reasons I left my wife. When she heard she came over, had too much to drink, and got sexually aggressive. I didn't really resist. I got sucked in to the new relationship feel after being in a dead relationship for a long long time. I was totally high on it. I was looking for apartments since I left my house. A couple of weeks into our little adventure her roommate says she's selling her place and my girlfriend needs a place to live. I said no for a couple of weeks but eventually caved and agreed to move in together. A totally stupid, reckless, and absurd thing to agree to do. Signing our lease a second year even more so since we were both very unhappy at that point.

[Techmonkey]

OK, enough. I was not going to say anything on this thread because you get getting good advice and you seem to be understanding what is happening.

 

But I just cannot stop myself.

 

Dude, your GF has without a doubt had sex with some of her Ex's on more than on occasion. You have got to be kidding that you don't think that she has been cheating on you.

 

Next, she has, from the very beginning been using you in every way. She found a guy to pay her bills, keep a roof over her head, did not require much duty sex from her, allows her to run around screwing her Ex's and who knows who else, and he believes all of the BS that she feeds him about her attitudes with Ex's, and her Zero respect or appreciation for you.

 

Listen, you are a man that has really allowed his self worth to go in the toilet. If you had not, there is no way that you would have allowed yourself to get here.

 

Further, you suffer deeply with "White Knight Syndrome". Google it if you don't know what that is. I use to be like this as well, but I am pretty much over it.

 

You have got to get this woman out of your life YESTERDAY. She is literally sucking the life out of you. And what is worse, is that you are a grown A** man and you are allowing this in your life.

 

Please listen to what I am telling you, you have to get out...

 

You've got some solid pints. I do totally suffer from white knight. The cheating, I don't know. Because of my insecurities she's cut herself off from all her friends and never goes anywhere. She's home every day. Not healthy at all, but she thinks no matter what I say I'll get upset if she doesn't avoid her friends. It's a bad situation for her too, though largely self imposed because I only have issues with these specific guy friends.

[BluesPower]

No buddy, you are wrong...

 

It is a great situation for her. She has you to take care of you, and she does not even have to F*** you very much.

 

She is not really getting help for her depression because she has you to provide her with a comfortable life style while she wallows in herself. If you kick her out she will have to wake up, she will have to keep a job, she will have to work on herself.

 

Dude, I have lived this for 27 years, I know what I am talking about. And the fact that you actually believe that she was just cuddling with her Ex's is just silly. Adults, ever sick ones, do not do that. Maybe she is not cheating right now, but she has without a doubt, and she will never tell you to truth, ever.

 

There is nothing that you can do to fix her in any way. You have to save yourself and get some therapy to get this type of stuff out of your life.

[smackie9]

This is not your problem to fix, it's hers and her family's.

 

The relationship has run it's course, get out now.

[Life lessons]

This has been an ongoing issue. Many of her friends are guys she's been at least casually sexual with. She says she's never had opposition to this in her past relationships and a true sign of maturity and security is implicit trust regardless of the situation. She pretty much stopped hanging out with her friends because I wasn't comfortable with her curling up on a couch with ex-lovers. She feels this is unreasonable, cutting her off from people she cares about, and controlling. I've spent most of this relationship feeling like I'm some insecure child because I don't want her staying out all night with the last guy she was ****ing before we got together. I'm glad this thread is opening my eyes that she and I have different views and just aren't compatible. She just wants a partner that won't hold her back from anything she wants to do and will be around if she wants to do something (and pay the bills, cook, clean), while I have more traditional (in her words "anachronistic June Cleaver") expectations because I think a live-in girlfriend shouldn't be touchy feely with exes, should be affectionate and express sexual interest on a fairly regular basis, and should be around more often than not. Go see your friends a few times a week, but come home to me every night. Let me know you love me in some small way. Let me know you're drawn to me in some way. Not every single day, but regularly. If I fully withdrew physically and emotionally she wouldn't follow. She simply isn't wired that way. I'm a dog and she's a cat. I simply can't keep dumping my time, money, and emotions down a black hole.

 

Since I started this thread I've been analyzing our interactions more and it simply hurts and makes me angry. I don't think she's consciously using me, but she's both using me and resenting me at the same time. It's a really ****ty situation. I don't think she's ever cheated on me, but I'm quite sure if someone more opportune came along that could care for her and cater to her free spirit, she'd probably jump trains pretty quick. She wants to be independent but needs other people to survive. Historically she hasn't been able to hold down a job for the log term. She has a huge problem with structure and uses up her sick days pretty quickly. She simply can't take care of herself in the long run.

 

She's playing you for a fool!! She seems to be using you! It's never okay to cuddle with a male friend...especially an ex. Don't take her word that nothing happened. They're both laughing at you...I'm sure if this! It's not your place to take care of her. Especially considering how she thinks acting like she is is okay. It's not. Let one of the other boyfriends take care of her. She will miss you for certain because you are letting her live a lifestyle most other men would not!

[Space Ritual]

She says she's never had opposition to this in her past relationships and a true sign of maturity and security is implicit trust regardless of the situation.

 

That is all you need to know right there.

 

If I have a gun, and clown mask, gloves, a bag, and am parked outside a bank with you in the car with me,would you consider it a true sign of maturity if I leaned over to you and told you I was not even thinking about going inside and knocking it over? And then I tell you that you need to just trust me and then kick you out of the car at gunpoint?

 

If my GF even hinted at something like that she would be instantly single and free to use that line on the next poor soul she got into a relationship with.

 

Seriously OP, this stuff will drive you nuts. Extricate yourself from this toxicity

.

[Life lessons]

That is all you need to know right there.

 

If I have a gun, and clown mask, gloves, a bag, and am parked outside a bank with you in the car with me,would you consider it a true sign of maturity if I leaned over to you and told you I was not even thinking about going inside and knocking it over? And then I tell you that you need to just trust me and then kick you out of the car at gunpoint?

 

If my GF even hinted at something like that she would be instantly single and free to use that line on the next poor soul she got into a relationship with.

 

Seriously OP, this stuff will drive you nuts. Extricate yourself from this toxicity

.

 

 

Exactly! I hope the op sees this isn't normal relationship behavior! It wouldn't fly with most.

[Techmonkey]

Exactly! I hope the op sees this isn't normal relationship behavior! It wouldn't fly with most.

 

I totally get where Space Ritual is coming from. I think selfishness and mental illness are two things here that are much higher than I would experience with most people. Today is a good example. All it takes is the wrong word and her mood goes to ****. She's still in bed at noon. She's ****ty and resentful. When I bring up how I constantly feel like she's resentful towards me, is only here because she doesn't know what else to do, and feels our relationship is, at best, meaningless, her response is "You're making this about "YOU" again. I do feel that way, but that's how I feel about everything. Either you can bear the burden of my depression or you can't.".

 

I pay the bills, I do the cooking and cleaning, I pour my emotions into someone who is just incapable of giving anything back physically or emotionally. She's angry at the world because she graduated from a top school and got nothing for it*. She really and truly feels that if she can't live a life of exceptional greatness, that it's all pointless and she doesn't want to live at all.

 

I'm just thinking about how significantly her depression, detachment, and ****ty world views have tainted my life for the past two years. I'm painfully aware this is not normal.

 

Really though... Who graduates with a degree in Germanic languages (regardless of the school) and think the job world will be their oyster.

[Space Ritual]

Really though... Who graduates with a degree in Germanic languages (regardless of the school) and think the job world will be their oyster.

 

Slight Thread Jack here

 

 

LOL. I can relate. I have a Bachelors in German History and a Masters in Holocaust Studies. Most people bristle and clench up when I tell them that because they automatically think either I am very morose or supportive of the policies that caused it.

 

I got those degrees because I wanted answers to my own questions asked of my father, who was in the Wehrmacht on the Eastern Front during WW2. He would never really answer my "What did you do in the war,Daddy" questions and obviously he had reason not to.

 

Germanic Language degrees are even more worthless than mine.

 

But I digress.

 

The degrees I have are ok if I wanted to become a teacher but I am a felon so that was impossible. In essence the degrees were more about answering my questions than obtaining any useful employment with them.

 

But to your situation at hand.

 

I am sorry that there seems to be an impasse in your relationship. I think you know yourself that it has gone about as far as it is going to go.

 

The "You make it all about you" comment is particular stinging when you pay all the bills and do everything. It shows your GF does not appreciate you at all. Mental illness or not, your Girlfriend can distinguish between right and wrong, and seems more happy to play this illness card against you in order to keep a roof over her head.

 

I think perhaps you may need to just bite the bullet on this one and release her to her destiny. At this rate you are going to end up hating her guts and kicking her out or worse. I know this is a really tough decision but don't take my word for it.

 

I urge you to google "No More Mister Nice Guy pdf. It is available for free and is no only is a fast read, it also may ring more true than you think. You may see a lot of yourself in that short book.

I certainly saw myself in it and reading t changed my life. It has changed the lives of other men as well.

 

So gve hat a shot this week if you can.

[Space Ritual]

It's an acquired taste' date=' but I have loved it for years. I'm glad you liked it![/quote']

 

Although I enjoyed the book and have read it more than once, I have to admit I would not have been as mesmerized by the movie had it not been for Vivien Leigh. In my opinion she was the beautiful woman that ever graced the earth