Author Techmonkey Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Well. Looks like it's done. I got annoyed by her ****ty attitude and basically told her that if she feels mostly resentful of me and that our relationship is something she never wanted in the first place that she should go. I said that if she wanted to stay we'd have to work on the affection and sex. That's all I'd ask. Her response was "I can't do that. That's not who I am. I can't and won't feed into your sappy needy romantic tendencies." So she's packing the car to go back to our apartment (we've been house sitting). I'm feeling pretty devastated right now. That's all I asked was the equivalent of "Show me you love me more often." and she couldn't even do that. Guess that should put things into perspective for me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Well. Looks like it's done. I got annoyed by her ****ty attitude and basically told her that if she feels mostly resentful of me and that our relationship is something she never wanted in the first place that she should go. I said that if she wanted to stay we'd have to work on the affection and sex. That's all I'd ask. Her response was "I can't do that. That's not who I am. I can't and won't feed into your sappy needy romantic tendencies." So she's packing the car to go back to our apartment (we've been house sitting). I'm feeling pretty devastated right now. That's all I asked was the equivalent of "Show me you love me more often." and she couldn't even do that. Guess that should put things into perspective for me. I'm so sorry your hurting, but this is not the woman for you. Can you see that now? Your request was not unreasonable. The right woman will give you that without even asking! Although I enjoyed the book and have read it more than once, I have to admit I would not have been as mesmerized by the movie had it not been for Vivien Leigh. In my opinion she was the beautiful woman that ever graced the earth She was perfectly cast! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Well. Looks like it's done. I got annoyed by her ****ty attitude and basically told her that if she feels mostly resentful of me and that our relationship is something she never wanted in the first place that she should go. I said that if she wanted to stay we'd have to work on the affection and sex. That's all I'd ask. Her response was "I can't do that. That's not who I am. I can't and won't feed into your sappy needy romantic tendencies." So she's packing the car to go back to our apartment (we've been house sitting). I'm feeling pretty devastated right now. That's all I asked was the equivalent of "Show me you love me more often." and she couldn't even do that. Guess that should put things into perspective for me. Well, look at it this way: There would have been another point down the line where she got a little too comfy yet again with someone from her past or even a new guy that you would have problem with. She would tell you that you are too controlling, have too much difference of opinion on what constitutes a relationship, blamed it all on you and cheated or eventually she would have sought out somewhere else to shack up. You were delaying the inevitable. I would expect something along the lines of a meltdown on her part in the next month or so and rewrite the entire relationship to where according to her you were abusive,and she will go out of her way to smear you to any mutual friends if she can. So just be prepared to have to set the record straight. I expect she will pull some dramatics. If she has mental peaks and valleys like you describe, bet on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Techmonkey Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Well, look at it this way: I would expect something along the lines of a meltdown on her part in the next month or so and rewrite the entire relationship to where according to her you were abusive,and she will go out of her way to smear you to any mutual friends if she can. So just be prepared to have to set the record straight. I expect she will pull some dramatics. If she has mental peaks and valleys like you describe, bet on it. Hopefully not. I think she'll just move on. She's already told her friends multiple times that she feels I'm manipulative and controlling with my insecurities. So it would be no new news to her friends. I lost my closest friends in part due to this relationship so nothing will be haunting me as I'm pretty much building a social network from scratch. Makes it more difficult now (being both socially isolated and breaking up), but being alone is going to be a time of healing. So it'll get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Read No More Mr. Nice Guy pdf on Google. I highly recommend it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Techmonkey Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Read No More Mr. Nice Guy pdf on Google. I highly recommend it Just grabbed it from 7chan. Thanks! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Techmonkey Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 I'm so sorry your hurting, but this is not the woman for you. Can you see that now? Your request was not unreasonable. The right woman will give you that without even asking! I appreciate the comforting words. I do see it. Part of me wants to keep trying, but honestly it'll just make it more and more miserable for both of us as we go. Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 so, what happens when you are finished house sitting and need to return to your apartment? Should you be concerned about your belongings at your apartment? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Techmonkey Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 so, what happens when you are finished house sitting and need to return to your apartment? Should you be concerned about your belongings at your apartment? I'm not too concerned about her breaking stuff. She's been wanting to go for a while. I think she's relieved it's over. However, I'm still irked that she expected me to stay with my parents because if she has to go home to her mom, in the suburbs and far from her friends, she'll "kill herself". Ending her life is something that comes up frequently in our disagreements. She also works with me, helping me take care of I.T. for various small companies. She's been miserable with it and "working on her resume for months" but never actually updated it yet. So not only does she expect to stay at the apartment, but I have to pay the bills and give her work so she can pay personal bills. She has about $40K in debt and also owes loans to an ex-boyfriend. I just have to soldier through the next few months. When the lease is up, it's over. Last time we discussed (rather heatedly) splitting and discussing her leaving, she told me point blank that she would tell the police I hit her if I tried to force her out. I wrote that off as her being a drunk *******, but I don't want to bet on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 I appreciate the comforting words. I do see it. Part of me wants to keep trying, but honestly it'll just make it more and more miserable for both of us as we go. You're very welcome. I know the thought of starting over again can be quite overwhelming. It may take some time to build up solid friendships again. Just remember that you are not alone, and that there will always be someone here to talk to when you need it. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 I'm not too concerned about her breaking stuff. She's been wanting to go for a while. I think she's relieved it's over. However, I'm still irked that she expected me to stay with my parents because if she has to go home to her mom, in the suburbs and far from her friends, she'll "kill herself". Ending her life is something that comes up frequently in our disagreements. She also works with me, helping me take care of I.T. for various small companies. She's been miserable with it and "working on her resume for months" but never actually updated it yet. So not only does she expect to stay at the apartment, but I have to pay the bills and give her work so she can pay personal bills. She has about $40K in debt and also owes loans to an ex-boyfriend. I just have to soldier through the next few months. When the lease is up, it's over. Last time we discussed (rather heatedly) splitting and discussing her leaving, she told me point blank that she would tell the police I hit her if I tried to force her out. I wrote that off as her being a drunk *******, but I don't want to bet on it. Is she too good to take the Metra? that part about the cops is something you need to take heed of. If I were you I'd carry a VAR in my pocket any time I was near her just in case she has any inking about putting a DV charge on you. Just so you know in Illinois even if she makes any type of claim that goes unfounded that even investigating one has been known to find i way into public record, even though it is no supposed to. I have been in the corrections system in Illinois twice so I am putting on my Jailhouse Lawyer hat and urge you to protect yourself if you have to be in her proximity. The last thing you want is a little spat to wind you up at 26th and California. That is not a good place, trust me. lol Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Since she's threatened to accuse you falsely of domestic violence, move your stuff out of the apartment, speak with your landlord about the fact that the relationship has ended and explain your dilemma with her threats. Hopefully he or she will be somewhat understanding. Then stop paying rent. Let the landlord deal with evicting her butt out of a place she's never paid for. The sooner you disengage completely from a shared life with her, the better for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Techmonkey Posted April 18, 2017 Author Share Posted April 18, 2017 So as a followup on this.... I went back and things staggered along for another month. One night she drank too much and started arguing with me over nothing. Then she snapped and kept repeatedly hitting me in the head, while telling me how ugly, fat, balding, and what a worthless piece of **** I am. Additionally she shut me out of my clients and said she was taking them because they deserve better. I left on the spot and had an apartment two weeks later. She feels I "abandoned" her despite the consistent pattern of her drinking too much and getting meaner. I miss her, but that whole relationship was nothing but stress. Living with someone who would constantly drone on about how nothing matters and how they don't want to exist sucks. Someone who constantly threatens suicide. She was emotionally and physically unavailable after a few months out of two years. Even when we were having sex every 2-3 months, she'd tell me it was just for my benefit. She had no interest. Every night she'd drink. She wouldn't do anything to take care of herself and what she did do always had to be elaborate and grandiose because she is a fancy University of Chicago girl. Her friends think I'm the devil and anything she did was just a reaction to my controlling and insecure nature. Sadly... I still miss her, but I'm moving on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 Glad you moved on. All the U of C people I know are pompous asses who are typical pseudo academics with no experience in the real world of inexact outcomes. Leave her in the backseat mirror 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted April 18, 2017 Share Posted April 18, 2017 I think you took the right decision. It's goo that you had the courage to do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Techmonkey Posted April 18, 2017 Author Share Posted April 18, 2017 Glad you moved on. All the U of C people I know are pompous asses who are typical pseudo academics with no experience in the real world of inexact outcomes. Leave her in the backseat mirror Yeah. Glad not to be around her and her ilk anymore. I only have an associates from DeVry. They were all ultra-smarties who knew lots of useless ****, but were great at trivia. She was a real gem too. A degree in Germanic languages and lamenting the world wasn't beating down her door with opportunities. Then again her plan was "I'm smarter and prettier than most people. I can easily get hired for something that pays well.". ****ing narcissist. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Techmonkey Posted April 18, 2017 Author Share Posted April 18, 2017 I think you took the right decision. It's goo that you had the courage to do it. Thanks. Appreciate the positive words. Link to post Share on other sites
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