Called off the wedding

[lolablue17]

I'm sorry for my ignorance. I've known countries with outrageous primitives laws, almost always against the women side. But I find it hard to believe that there is a unique country in our planet, in which people cannot hold a real 100% possession of their property.

 

1. The first law the op mentioned is ridiculous - If you allow your gf to be living for 3 years in your house, she gets automatically 50% of the house. It's bizarre, it's a comedy, it's just unreal.

 

2. The second law, that if you marry a woman, she automatically get a hold of ALL the possession you own, real estates, assets, even if it's fortune which Accumulated by your family for hundreds of years - Pooph, the marriage certificate itself gives automatically the woman all of it. It's not a comedy, it's a bad comedy.

 

3. The law does not allow people to sign a prenup. Funny, unreliable, unacceptable.

 

You don't want to share with us details about your country, but let me guess - It could be LA LA Land, Never Land, Atlantis, or China 40 years ago.

Edited March 28, 2017 by lolablue17

[Whodatdog]

Sadly, people dont understand that a marriage contract is not a love contract. Its not. Its a financial contract. Pure and simple. Which is why so many people will not get married anymore. People whine that its about love, that the person should be willing to share all their assets with their new spouse. Its always the person who has nothing to lose that says that.

 

Many many relationships dont end up in marriage, that have lasted for decades.

Its delusional to think financials dont come into play when considering marriage. Love is grand and all that, but when love is gone, all that is left is "divvy up the loot".

[Robert]

The threadstarter has been MIA for over a month so we'll close this up for now. If they return and would like us to open the thread back up, please use the "Alert Us" button.

 

Thank you,

~6

 

<thread reopened per thread starter request ~W>

Edited May 11, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[parsnips]

Just a quick update. Basically I gave my other half the benefit of the doubt after he called off the wedding. He talked me 'round and we continued on as we were before he dropped the bombshell that he couldn't marry me for legal reasons. Anyhow, just a few weeks ago I bumped into an old friend I hadn't seen for years. We got chatting and I mentioned my other half. I won't go around the houses, but basically she put two and two together from details I mentioned and it turned out that a friend of a friend of hers had been in a relationship with my guy for the same length of time as me. He was in a relationship with the two of us at the same time. Neither of us knew about the other. Needless to say I was absolutely in shock. My friend put me in touch with the other woman and we met and had a long chat. She had no clue that I existed either. All the holidays and trips that he took alone were with her. He brought her to Rome, Vegas, Spain, Florence and on weekends away during the five years we were together. When he went away with me, he told her he was going away by himself also.

 

The entire miserable chapter has been a huge eye opener. I just wasn't buying his reason for not wanting to get married, ie, property and wills etc, but I honestly did not expect there to be another woman. Somewhere along the line over the five years we were together I will admit to the odd niggling doubt that he may be going away with another woman. But we spent so much time together that I doubted he had the time to fit another woman in. How wrong I was. He dumped her when I confronted him and begged me for another chance. The usual bull**** about how it was me he loved and not her, she meant nothing etc etc. It was way too late for all that. The damage has well and truly been done. He knows I would not want to give a man who deceived me over and over for five years the time of day. I let him clear out his stuff from my house, blocked him on social media and changed my cell number. I've never felt so empowered in my life where he is concerned :-)

[BettyDraper]

Just a quick update. Basically I gave my other half the benefit of the doubt after he called off the wedding. He talked me 'round and we continued on as we were before he dropped the bombshell that he couldn't marry me for legal reasons. Anyhow, just a few weeks ago I bumped into an old friend I hadn't seen for years. We got chatting and I mentioned my other half. I won't go around the houses, but basically she put two and two together from details I mentioned and it turned out that a friend of a friend of hers had been in a relationship with my guy for the same length of time as me. He was in a relationship with the two of us at the same time. Neither of us knew about the other. Needless to say I was absolutely in shock. My friend put me in touch with the other woman and we met and had a long chat. She had no clue that I existed either. All the holidays and trips that he took alone were with her. He brought her to Rome, Vegas, Spain, Florence and on weekends away during the five years we were together. When he went away with me, he told her he was going away by himself also.

 

The entire miserable chapter has been a huge eye opener. I just wasn't buying his reason for not wanting to get married, ie, property and wills etc, but I honestly did not expect there to be another woman. Somewhere along the line over the five years we were together I will admit to the odd niggling doubt that he may be going away with another woman. But we spent so much time together that I doubted he had the time to fit another woman in. How wrong I was. He dumped her when I confronted him and begged me for another chance. The usual bull**** about how it was me he loved and not her, she meant nothing etc etc. It was way too late for all that. The damage has well and truly been done. He knows I would not want to give a man who deceived me over and over for five years the time of day. I let him clear out his stuff from my house, blocked him on social media and changed my cell number. I've never felt so empowered in my life where he is concerned :-)

 

I'm glad that you had enough strength to walk away and I'm also happy that you found out the truth. You truly dodged a bullet and you deserve to feel empowered. Your ex was a pig and he doesn't deserve you.

[PegNosePete]

Oh dear, sorry to her that parsnips. But I guess at least now the mystery of his unreasonable inheritance expectations is explained. He didn't want you to inherit anything because if you did, then you'd no doubt find out about the other woman, and vice versa.

 

Well done for sending him packing. The usual bull, is right. He probably told her exactly the same thing, and she probably sent him packing too.

 

The support forums here are great if you need help dealing with the breakup, either emotionally or practically Good luck.

[Ronni_W]

parsnips,

I'm so sorry to hear that. On the other hand, I really love how you're feeling:

I've never felt so empowered in my life where he is concerned :-)

Sending hugs and lots of Comfort and Strength your way.

[Miss Spider]

I'm so sorry

[Miss Peach]

I'm so sorry to hear that OP.

 

That happened to me several years ago. I wasn't engaged so not in nearly as deep as you but I never understood why he did what he did so suddenly until I became friends with the OW through serendipity and we figured it out over discussing exes one night. Then everything made sense for both of us.

[mached]

Thanks for all the replies guys.

I have visited my own Solicitor to see if there is a way I can sign away any rights to his property and basically under my country's constitution, there isn't. There is a lobby group trying to change that law I believe, but for the moment as things stand, if I die, he inherits my house (yes I do own my own house, so not quite the opportunist some of the guys have hinted at on here thank you) and vice versa. I loved the guy and was prepared to marry him regardless of all that. Clearly he wasn't. I agree wholeheartedly and did laugh at somebody calling him a "mommas boy", because tbh, I have always thought that to a degree anyway. There are huge question marks hanging over our relationship now. We are going to see a Counsellor, but I have to wonder if there is any point. I only have his word for it that it is the property issue thats caused him to call the wedding off. I've asked him if there is another reason, which he's denied. Incidentally, he had a major illness last year and required a ten hour operation to remove a tumour, followed by radiotherapy. I stood by him throughout the op and nursed him in my home for a few weeks afterwards. Neither his mum or his family came near us once, not even to the hospital. They were more than happy for somebody else to be there for him. Which makes the revelation that he won't marry me because they won't get his houses totally baffling. I'm kind of done with racking my brains over it. I think he's happy enough to have me as a girlfriend to go out with and happy to have his own house to disappear back off to every few days. Not really how I pictured things would pan out. To add insult to injury he dropped the bombshell that he's booked a trip to the US on his own at the end of April. I think the writings on the wall really.

 

 

 

I'm a guy. Kick his ass to the curb please.