Silent treatment from MM!

[Serendipity55]

Daisychain - how are you doing today? Hope you're OK.

[BTDT2012]

Today I am in action stage; I am so scared of when I go no contact how I will cope. I know it will be for the best-but the heartbreak I am going to have to endure is scaring me.

 

At the moment I suffer a lot about the affair in silence as no one knows. It doesn't help that mm also silences me too. I know that letting him go for my own sanity is what I have to do. I just worry how I will function, he has been in my life for many years.

 

He told me many years ago that he will never leave his wife; by then I was in deep with him and accepted this. Many will ask why I didn't tell him goodbye and finish it there and then... but the truth is I don't know why?

 

Why do I fear finishing it so much? Is it the change I am fearing? Or finding my self worth (it can't be gone completely) knowing I deserve better.

 

Is this natural to think and be fearful prior to no contact?

X

 

Never, ever let another person be your life, your reason for living. Don't you want and deserve more than being a permanent sidechick? Come out of the shadows, and live in the truth. This a beginning, not an ending.

[sandylee1]

Another one here agreeing that Elaine nailed it.

 

A good OW accepts that she is sloted in when he has time

She makes no demands

Has no expectations

Provides sex as and when required

Doesn't nag or moan

Doesn't pi&s MM off

When you sign up to be an OW, you're disrespecting yourself, so why we would he not do the same.

And does as she's told. ...

 

You know he's not leaving his wife, so was your plan to be a lifetime mistress?

 

His view could be that he's told you he's not leaving her and because you're so desperate /so in love, you stay with him wasting your life.

 

If was an MM, I'd think a single woman had no other relationship options, so I could treat her anyhow I wanted. If she would struggle to find a man for whatever reason, then I could take advantage of that.

 

You're allowing him to treat you this way and I can't see it stopping till he's had enough of you. ..because your posts tell me you aren't done with him yet. He'll click and you'll run.

 

He who cares the least has the most power.

 

Never make another living being your everything. It's very unhealthy and it's not sensible.

[whichwayisup]

Of course -he contacted me about a hour ago.

 

I asked "are you annoyed with me? I played right into his hands as you all predicted. He replied "what do you think?" I said "I needed to seriously talk to him about it" (it was a perfect opportunity to tell him that it is over) I think the argument started because I told him how his behaviour was upsetting me... now it's about me upsetting him????

 

He replied;

"I don't want to talk about it"

 

Really??? What is that all about! I am left feeling shocked. This all started because he originally hurt me. It's like he silenced me in one sentence. He might as well put a bit of tape over my mouth.

 

Turns out he went out last night and he did intentionality "silence" me. I have seen a side of him that makes me very shocked. He purposely ignored me to punish me (as many of you said)

 

I am even more confused now about his actions

I know what I have to do. I need to process a action plan.

 

What you have with your MM isn't love. It's unhealthy, toxic, rude, disrespectful, dishonest and ON the expense of his wife. This guy feels he can treat you like crap and know you'll accept it because he knows how to manipulate you and keep you interested JUST enough when he feels like being nice.

 

Dump his ass and never look back. He isn't worthy of any of your tears.

[Cocochai]

Affairs only really work well for women when they treat the MM like a FWB and keep him in that box.

As soon as feelings get involved, she becomes very weak and vulnerable. Many men can separate sex and love and some women can too but it seems to me that many women are in affairs for "love" and that one sided "love" is a disaster for them.

He, then holds most of the cards and she is left with the low numbers whilst he holds the aces, the kings, the queens & the jacks... He will therefore always win.

It is strange because actually he has the most to lose in reality, but because telling the wife is seen as low and despicable move by an OW and because she loves him and because she is often pretty vulnerable before she got involved with a MM in the first place, then he is the one who usually calls the shots.

 

 

Wow! I haven't been on here in years but I wanted to say the last time I was on here was prob 2013... My affair w/ the MM last over 5 years. Now there was a time we communicated daily but emotionally got involved that we both cut it off only to find ourselves back where it all started until I pretty much put MM in the FWB category.

 

I used him to my advantage while going out on dates but wouldn't sleep with a guy unless I knew it had potential for a relationship.

 

I found a guy who had potential and I let the MM know, that if it got serious in a relationship I had end it with him. I could tell he was ego bruised and even told me I'm a good person and doesn't want to see me get hurt. Even went as far as wanting me to introduce him as a cousin.

 

Well the potential guy didn't work out and MM and I resumed. Well for whatever reason, MM got upset with me because I couldn't see him one weekend And lashed out saying I don't have time for him and I'm probably talking to that guy or someone new and decided he was done with "no hard feeling".

 

I was furious at him accusing me but I also saw he was ignoring me as well. It hurt and confused me but my emotions are not what they use to be for this MM so I'm still living my life. He's so spoiled that he can't even control his anger.

 

I will simply ignore him if he reaches out... Narcissistic people hate that!!

[RewindRomancer]

Is this natural to think and be fearful prior to no contact?

X

 

 

 

omigosh , yes! When I cut MM off and went NC I had full-blown panic attacks! Because of his profession, he has many social media accounts and contact phone numbers. When I'd start shutting everything down, I'd feel terrified I might really, really never hear from again....

 

 

So. I always left one tiny obscure connection open. He always found it....and came back. And the cycle started all over again.

 

 

So. Don't do that, OK?