'Fake nice' or 'scared to get involved'?

[aaforever]

I'm confused.

 

A little background:

 

She works at the coffee stand by my job. I see her probably twice a week. Shes one of those outgoing, chat it up with everybody type. Very pleasant. She always asks me what Im doing for the weekend, she always responds with 'I like to just stay in and clean'. It seems like a good opportunity to ask her out but I once overheard her say to her coworker that she was engaged to someone once and that she never wants to be tied down to one person for her whole life. I was also in a very long relationship before so I kind of understand her sentiments, but I am still open to dating once in a great while. As a result, I held off on asking her out assuming she probably wouldn't want to get involved anyone... until yesterday.

 

I mentioned to her I had planned a ski trip and was taking a long road trip through a beautiful part of the country and stopping in a few cities along the way.

 

She lit up and said, 'I always wanted to do this, I want to go'.

I said jokingly, 'Well I do need a travel buddy. We'll see, you have to start being really nice to me for me to consider you.'

She said, 'Im always nice to you!!'

Her co-worker said, 'Are you sure you can handle her? Shes a handful!'

We laughed, it got busy and I said Ill see you guys later and left.

 

The next day (yesterday) she said 'Any plans for the weekend?'

I said, 'No. You?'

She said, 'Same just cleaning and stuff.'

I said, 'You always say that! I think I need to get you out of the house! You wanna do something this weekend?'

She said 'Yea whatcha want to do?'

I said, 'Hmm well you don't drink (she told me her family has issues with it so she doesnt like being around it) You have a lot of energy why don't we go race go karts or something silly?..

She lit up and said 'Oh my god my Uncle used to have a track back home they use to race all the time. They have to be fast though I like to go fast.'

I said, 'Well theres a few places out here, I'll do some research.'

I hand her my phone, she puts in her number, I said 'cool I'll call you...'

 

Few hours later I text her the two spots I found and asked her which one looks best?

 

No response.

 

I didnt hear from her until the next morning where she responds with,

"Hey sorry I should have warned you Im horrible with my phone! I never really use it '

 

I said, 'Its cool. Are you still interested in doing something this weekend?'

 

3 hours later she responds...

"I dont know if Ill have time honestly! Im gonna be dog sitting for the next two days and me and my roommate are gonna try to go to a market!"

 

Normally I'd just say 'Ok'. and get on with my life but I'm not quite sure if she's...

 

A) Just one of those fake nice, overly excited to see everyone types and just gave me her number because she has a hard time saying no to people and does this to everyone

B) She likes me but is scared to get involved with guys so she stays to herself and makes excuses.

 

Because if she's 'B' I think she may be worth pursuing, but just don't know how. What should my approach to this be or is it even worth my time?

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Personally, I would back off. If she is genuinely interested then she is going to have to make some effort, because right now she has kinda given you the brush off.

 

She may just need some time to think about it, but I think you have done all you can (or should do) to show that you are interested.

[goldway90]

She lit up and said, 'I always wanted to do this, I want to go'.

I said jokingly, 'Well I do need a travel buddy. We'll see, you have to start being really nice to me for me to consider you.'

 

Why man! you didn't have to say that. She gave you an opening so ask her out but you failed the test.

 

I said, 'You always say that! I think I need to get you out of the house! You wanna do something this weekend?'

She said 'Yea whatcha want to do?'

I said, 'Hmm well you don't drink (she told me her family has issues with it so she doesnt like being around it) You have a lot of energy why don't we go race go karts or something silly?..

 

Oh man stop doing that! She asked you out right there, meanwhile you're talking nonsense. Being indecisive turns the woman off. When she says "Whatcha want to do" you make a date right there.

 

You turned her off by being indecisive even though you had 2 chances to make a date on spot ; in her mind you didn't have the balls. Women love a confident guy so next time make a date don't chit chat with her.

[aaforever]

@goldway90 I was definitely indecisive. I think I got caught up in the whole 'I don't want to be tied down to one person my entire life' and the whole 'i just stay home and clean thing. I think I psyched myself out thinking she was closing the world off and there's no way she'd agree to a definitive date request based on that. So I tried to approach it more casually in away to not make it seem like a date rather more like just hanging out. Normally Im very straight forward.

Edited February 18, 2017 by aaforever

[TheAntiHero]

So, she says one thing and does another; love the consistency.

 

She's probably shopping around if you know what I mean.

 

I don't really buy the "I'm not really good with phones", haha, what a crock of crap.

[goldway90]

@goldway90 I was definitely indecisive. I think I got caught up in the whole 'I don't want to be tied down to one person my entire life' and the whole 'i just stay home and clean thing. I think I psyched myself out thinking she was closing the world off and there's no way she'd agree to a definitive date request based on that. So I tried to approach it more casually in away to not make it seem like a date rather more like just hanging out. Normally Im very straight forward.

 

"They have to be fast though I like to go fast."

 

She's flirting right here the things women sometimes say a lot of thing to test you, it's your job to prove your worth and pass those tests.

 

Stay true to yourself being straight forward and remember it's totally okay to get rejected.

[aaforever]

Well as of right now I haven't responded... Im wondering if I should make an attempt at turning her back on to me or just assume it's dead in the water, reply with 'Ok.' and move on...

[goldway90]

No need to text her, just keep interacting with her in person and when the opportunity rises, ask her out. Be straight forward and confident.

[preraph]

I think it's possible, since she keeps saying she's "busy" doing all these ordinary daily things like going to the store and cleaning and that she said she likes to stay in, that maybe she has some anxiety about going out in general. But she sounds very outgoing personality-wise, but she also sounds like she may be all talk and that in reality, you can't get her out of the house. I think now the ball is in her court since she bailed on you for no good reason. Now, I will say dog-sitting can require you to be at home supervising depending on the situation. Still, the ball is in her court, so give her a week and see if she brings up going out again or if she is happy if you just let it drop.

[todreaminblue]

Well as of right now I haven't responded... Im wondering if I should make an attempt at turning her back on to me or just assume it's dead in the water, reply with 'Ok.' and move on...

 

 

you give up quite easily.......indecisive .....give up easily...do you really like her..if you do go for it..no matter what fear you feel....if you dont like her then give up...but if you really want a date with her....let her see your decisive side...she has energy she goes fast .....dont be passive she is outgoing she would like guys who take the lead.........dont be insecure...ask her on date not a hang out......everyone who has break up from a long long term relationship tends to say nah never again...that is...until the right guy shows up ..be secure in who you are and what you have to offer........so make your move ....and dont be passive.just be thoughtful ...if she seems skittish...i can be like that too....but if a man steps up and asks me on date....no ambiguity...i respect that and i actually feel safer with a guy who isnt too hung back on taking the lead........she might be the same....deb

Edited February 18, 2017 by todreaminblue

[aaforever]

Thank you everyone. I think I will wait to see her in person again before I say anything to her. I'll try again and be more assertive with her. I do really like her, secretly I actually would love for her to go on the trip with me that I mentioned to her but I too have reservations about who I get involved with. I wanted to spend time with her first to make sure we were compatible, if we clicked I was going to ask her to come since she showed interest. All in all, if she flakes the next time I ask her out, I'll assume it's dead and move on. If not, I'll take it from there.

[aaforever]

UPDATE:

 

Caught her today when she was closing up. The other worker rang me up and I saw her working in the back.

 

Me: "Hey speed racer."

She looks back.

Her: Hey!

The clerk laughs and says 'Why is she speed racer? lol"

Me: Cause she was supposed to go racing with me but left me in the dust!'

The clerk said to her: 'Why didn't you go??'

Her: I had to dog sit! My friend begged me last minute it was a pain in the ass.

(She went on and on about it for a while)

I gave the clerk a look like 'You think she's lying?' and he gave me a suspect look like 'maybe'.

I moved out of the line so the guy could ring someone else up. I walked to the pick up area and she came over and gave me my coffee. I forgot how it started but we started talking about movies. She started to close up and before I left I said...

"I think we should try again. I like talking to you and you seem like you'd be fun to go out with. I'd like to get to know you.'

Her: I never make plans with anyone honestly. I'm kind of just spur of the moment really.

Me: I understand, why don't we go grab some food after you finish closing. I'm off work now.

Her: Im busy tonight.

Then she started writing in a notepad and said.. "Sorry I have to concentrate."

Me: Ok...

Her: ...I'll let you know.

 

The end. Moving on...

[Cookiesandough]

Not interested. She's lukewarm if warm is the Norris geyser basin. Sorry

[GoldSparkz]

Well at least you tried and saw it through to the very end. It's a pain in the arse having to deal with flaky people like this, but be proud that you handled it like a gentleman. Her loss!

[aaforever]

@GoldSparkz Much appreciated.